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Quotes / Hollywood Tactics

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Trombley: Sergeant, I thought we would be crossing the bridge in the darkness?
Person: Mm-mm. Not retarded enough.

I know, let's do a bang-up recreation of the average Imperial Guard assault, and send thousands of poorly armed and armoured infantry charging over open ground, completely unsupported by air or vehicle support, in an attempt to numerically overwhelm a force that makes the Zerg look like a small cockroach infestation. Bloody well-done, a triumph for military strategy everywhere, commendations all round, humanity will prevail. God is it any wonder most people who watch this film support the bugs?

Rico: Alright, you know what to do!
Hauzer: A search and secure operation assisted by armour, artillery, direct-fire support weapons and orbital bombardment?
Rico: No. We run around mob-handed, shooting our guns in the air!
Starship Hooters 3: Undresser

It was ugly. No sane general would have accepted it. But Sarpedon was not a general of the Imperial Guard, who had to cope with the weaknesses and indiscipline of their men. He was a Space Marine, and so were those under his command. Tactical insanity, the willingness to fight battles that no commander of lesser men would contemplate, was the weapon of choice for the Space Marines.

"Pol Pot declared that if every Cambodian soldier killed 30 Vietnamese, the Khmer Rouge could win the war."

Modern Warfare 3's plot makes its signature turn right around the bend when Russia invades Europe. As in, all of it. Simultaneously. Now I've never invaded Europe except for that one time, but I would think that's a project you might want to stagger out a bit if you haven't forged an alliance with any galactic empires lately!

With the Republic getting their asses kicked like this, well… sorry to armchair-general here, but shouldn't there have been some kind of fighter escort to protect their landing craft? Not to mention maybe bombing these emplacements outside the shields before even deploying the landing craft to the area, instead of just leaving them intact and then taking them out on the ground? I mean, this is the kind of thing that would have made Tennyson sarcastic! "Cannon to the right of them/Cannon to the left of them/Cannon in front of them/Into a fuckload of cannons/Rode the noble dumbasses!"
SF Debris reviewing Clone Wars: Landing at Point Rain

We were prepared for a full-on tactical assault. Instead we get a volley of swastika-covered dipshits running dick-first into enemy territory. If you told me two years ago when we were starting or ending wars in the Middle East that we'd be fighting Nazi vampires, I would have kissed you full on the mouth. Now? All I feel is robbed.
Pip Berdanotte, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

Well, this has been fun. Always nice playing audience to this menagerie you call a military.

"Group up, and hit it 'til it dies!"
Suggested Strategy for Illfang and Gleam Eyes, Sword Art Online Abridged

The Mullah: Why did you retire? God did not favor him. God alone determines the results of battle.
Saladin: The results of battles are determined by God. But also by preparation, numbers, the absence of disease and the availability of water.. One cannot maintain a siege with the enemy behind. How many battles did God win for the Muslims before I came? That is, before God determined that I should come?
The Mullah: ...Few enough. But that is because we were sinful.
Saladin: It is because you were unprepared.


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