Quotes / Batter Up!

Fan Works

Bartolomeo: Seeing as we've got time... HEY BARKEEP! We're gonna be cracking a few heads in a few minutes! You got anything for the job?
Bartender: Might I suggest a Winders softball bat? Mostly oak, but the ash twist offers a most admirable stability!
Bartolomeo: Ya just gotta love bars with homey atmospheres!

— This Bites!

"Pretty Cure, Bloom Bat!" Cure Bloom came swinging at her dummy with her softball bat, beating it like crazy.

— Twinkling in the Dark

Film — Live-Action

"Over a hundred thousand baseball bats are sold in Russia every year. And about fifty baseballs. What do you think the real national sport is?"

— Akan, Hardcore Henry

"Teddy fuckin' Williams knocks it out of the park! Fenway Park on its feet for Teddy fuckin' Ballgame! He went yardo on that one, out to fuckin' Lansdowne Street!"

— Donny "The Bear Jew" Donowitz right after clubbing a Nazi to death, Inglourious Basterds

"Welcome to the Loser's Club, asshole!"

— Richie, It (2017)

"In America we say stick like this: base-ball bat. Which is very good for hitting knees and stomachs!"

— Sporty Goon, Kick-Ass

"They used to call me Crazy Joe. Well, now they can call me Batman!"

— Joe Clark, Lean on Me

"A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. What are mine? What draws my admiration? What gives me joy? Baseball!"

— Al Capone, The Untouchables, moments before beating a subordinate over the head with a baseball bat.

Literature

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've brought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me!"

— Dr. Seuss

Live-Action TV

Dalek: [in Ian Chesterton's classroom] Small hu-man fe-male sigh-ted on le-vel three!
Ace: Who are you calling "small"!? [whales the tar out of the Dalek with a baseball bat that's been upgraded into an energy mace]
Dalek: Un-der at-tack! [Ace knocks off the eyepiece] My vi-sion is im-paired!

— Doctor Who, "Remembrance of the Daleks"

Music

Got a homie, little roden head and shoulders out his hovel
No baseball in the bubble, ruh-roh
Parents thought it adorable, the players followed suit,
Inning crawling to a close, coach not amused
Coach seeing red, Coach on the diamond
Dragging twenty-seven inches of aluminum behind him
When he transverse third, the families turn nervous
The following is a transcript of "Man vs. Vermin", here we go!
Man stands out by a hole
Pest pops up to patrol
Man plays live Whack-a-Mole in a scene that would try every child as adults
Whoa! Pall-bore with a ball mitt
Thrown over the fence, Coach hit the bench
Both teams lose, good game, good game
Granny yelling "Go Cubs!", Cubs ain't playing

— Aesop Rock, "Blood Sandwich"

Video Games

"He had a baseball bat and I was tied to a chair. Pissing him off was the smart thing to do."

— Max Payne's narration as he's about to get beaten by Frankie "The Bat" Niagara

"Ey, is somebody keepin' track of my heads batted in? BOINK."

— The Scout, Team Fortress 2

"Once, the signature crack of this equipment conjured images of America's pastime. Now, it has evolved into the brutal chorus of a thugsong."

— Baseball bat weapon description, Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines

"This is the part where ya LAUGH! (WHACK) LAUGH IT UP, DUMBASS!"

— Goro Majima, Yakuza, when one of his underlings doesn't laugh when Majima gets beaned by a baseball

Webcomics

"Lime... HOME RUN!"

— Outrageous Lime, Sleepless Domain

Barbara: You should get a bat. Real handy. Lots of things you can do with a bat.
Oscar: Like...hit things?
Barbara: Lots of things you can hit with a bat.

— Wilde Life

Web Original

"For it's one, two, three strikes you're dead at the old ball game!"

— Marik, Marik Plays Bloodlines

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