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Funny / Words of Radiance

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  • A bit of meta-humour- this book is so huge that the publisher very nearly / actually did create a new binding system just to get it to print. What's funny about this is that Brandon Sanderson had to split the Grand Finale of The Wheel of Time into 3 books to avoid this very problem; although, since Robert Jordan mused that his final book might have been over 2000 pages and WoR is pushing the limit at "only" 1088, the WoT likely would have been split up anyway.
    • Even funnier: One of the working titles? The Book of Endless Pages. Which was changed because it was just a bit too on the nose.
  • Most of the pages of Shallan's sketchbook are pictures of animals and plants with notes about their behavior and biology. However, there's also one that's mostly sketches of people walking, with a rant in the corner about how a Proper Vorin Lady walks, credited to a "Brightness Axeface." Who is drawn as a fire-breathing axehound with a grumpy old woman's head. Shallan apparently didn't like her tutors very much.
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  • Jasnah's response to finding out that Shallan is not studying in her room, but on the deck of the ship they are traveling in, drawing due to her trouble concentrating on her studies, is characteristically snarky, and also hilarious.
  • A surreal bit of Mood Whiplash after Shallan and Jasnah are attacked on the Wind's Pleasure. After seeing Jasnah and the crew killed, sinking the ship as a diversion, and washing up on the shore with none of her gear, she tries to Soulcast some driftwood into a fire and ends up arguing with a stick.
    Shallan: You want to burn.
    Stick: I am a stick.
    Shallan: Think of how much fun it would be?
    Stick: I am a stick.
    • Brandon Sanderson lampshaded this one in an April Fool's post.
  • Adolin's first official duel. He beings the duel formally, then recalls that the point is to beat everyone into line like a bunch of disobedient recruits. The crowd expects an elegant spectacle, but Adolin proceeds to unceremoniously beat the shit out of his opponent, much to the horror of the spectators.
  • Almost every example of protagonists meeting each other is hilarious due to the misunderstandings, but the first meeting of Shallan and Kaladin stands out - she claims to be a Horneater princess and steals his boots.
    Shallan: I am offend!
    Tyn: You have offended the princess!
  • When Kaladin and Shallan meet later, formally, they end up pissing each other off so much that they launch into a massive insult fight, yelling in each other's faces, in the middle of the king's palace while surrounded by dozens of the Highprinces' attendants.
    • Shallan tries to pull societal rank in him, her being a light eyes and all, and asks how he’s going to stop her. He tells her straight that he’s captain of Dalinar’s guard.
    • The entire argument is absolutely hilarious, because of how childish it ends up being.
      Kaladin: Well, forgive me for not trusting the word of a Horneater princess. Would you like some shells to chew on while my men tow you away to the dungeons?
      Shallan: The dungeons sound wonderful! At least there, I'd be away from you, idiot man!
      Kaladin: Only for a short time. I'd be by to interrogate you.
      Shallan: What? I couldn't pick a more pleasant option? Like being executed?
      Kaladin: You're assuming I could find a hangman willing to put up with your blathering long enough to fit the rope.
      Shallan: Well, if you want to kill me, you could always let your breath do the job.
      Kaladin: I should envy you. My breath needs to be up close to kill, while that face of yours can kill any man from a distance.
      Shallan: Any man? Why, it's not working on you. I guess that's proof that you're not much of a man.
      Kaladin: I misspoke. I didn't mean any man, just males of your own species - But don't worry, I'll take care not to let our chulls get close.
      Shallan: Oh? Your parents are in the area then?
      Kaladin: (getting legitimately angry) My parents have nothing to do with this.
      Shallan: Yes, that makes sense. I'd expect that they want nothing to do with you.
      Kaladin: At least my ancestors had the sense to not breed with a sponge!
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  • When Shallan approaches the meeting of Highprinces with Gaz in tow, they come across Kaladin blocking the door. Gaz immediately tries to hide, but Kaladin catches him. "Um, Kaladin. You're, ah, an officer? So things have been going well for you..."
  • In Adolin and Shallan's first date, he starts trying to tell her one of his heroic tales of derring-do...only for her to interrupt and ask how he can go to the bathroom in Plate. Even better, he doesn't notice she's deviated from the script at first, and continues talking about his exploits on the battlefield. What's even more hilarious is that it works.
    Adolin: If you must know, an old adage on the battlefield teaches that it's better to be embarrassed than dead. You can't let anything draw your attention from fighting.
    Shallan: So...
    Adolin: So yes, I, Adolin Kholin—cousin to the king, heir to the Kholin princedom—have shat myself in my Shardplate. Three times, all on purpose.
    Adolin: You are a very strange woman.
    Shallan: If I must remind you, you are the one who opened our conversation today with a joke about Sebarial's flatulence.
    • Adolin also brings up the hilarious image of this massive man in his huge, glorious Shardplate having to bend over with the backside removed so his attendants can wipe his rear like a child, since he can't reach back there to do it himself in full armor.
  • Kaladin and Zahel talking about the former getting trained by the latter. All the while, Renarin is jumping off the overhead balcony and smashing into the ground in his Shardplate, over, and over, and over....
    • Renarin's entire training regime is great. Having never used Shardplate before, most of Zahels training is just about getting used to moving in it. First Zahel has him jump off the balcony (and fall on his head) to get used to the idea that the plate will protect him. Afterwards he makes him eat a meal while wearing the plate to practice fine control with it. He gladly follows the instruction without hesitation.
  • Hoid's entire scene with Kaladin, Adolin and Shallan.
    Kaladin: You!
    Wit: Me!
    Kaladin: What are you doing here?
    Wit: Trying to find mischief. Have you been practicing with my flute?
    Kaladin: Uh...
    Wit: Don't tell me you left it in Sadeas's camp when you moved out.
    Kaladin: Well—
    Wit: I said not to tell me. You don't need to, since I already know. A shame. If you knew the history of that flute, it would make your brain flip upside-down. And by that, I mean that I would shove you off the carriage for having spied on me.
    Kaladin: Uh...
    Wit: Eloquent today, I see.
    [lots of important plot-relevant stuff, then the carriage stops and Adolin gets out]
    Adolin: You!
    Wit: Me! Ever at your service, Brightlord Kholin.
    Adolin: What did you do with my usual carriage driver?
    Wit: Nothing.
    Adolin: Wit—
    Wit: What, you're implying that I hurt the poor fellow? Does that sound like me, Adolin?
    Adolin: Well, no.
    Wit: Exactly. Besides, I'm certain he's gotten the ropes undone by now. Ah, and there's your lovely almost-but-not-quite bride.
    Shallan: You!
    Wit: Yes, yes. People certainly are good at identifying me today. Perhaps I need to wear—
    [Shallan gives Wit a big hug, rendering him speechless]
    • During said important plot-relevant stuff:
      Kaladin: Does the king know you're back?
      Wit: Nope! I'm trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred chasmfiends marching in unison, singing an ode to my magnificence.
      Kaladin: That sounds...hard.
      Wit: Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation.
      Kaladin: I have no idea what you just said.
      Wit: Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation.
    • That last bit is even more amusing because apparently Wit/Hoid has the Second Heightening, which grants an understanding of the perfect pitch.
  • The first thing Kaladin and Adolin agree on? Kaladin needs to learn how to fight a Shardbearer properly. The second thing they agree on? Shallan is a pain in the ass.
  • The majority of Lift's interlude, especially how she refers to her Surgebinding as awesomeness and how her spren is an exasperated mentor complaining about how they sent him to mentor a child instead of a wiser, older person.
    • That Lift uses her incredible powers and thieving skills to break into wealthy houses and eat their food, having no interest in their spheres or other valuables.
    • The description of the Edgedancers in the chapter 46 epigraph ends with 'also, they were the most articulate and refined of the Radiants.' Then when we meet Lift, who has lines such as "I'm so storming pure I practically belch rainbows." Her spren was clearly hoping for someone closer to the description.
    • Her final lines:
      Lift: So you're an emperor or something now.
      Gawx: Yeah. I'm still confused. It seems I performed a miracle or something.
      Lift: Good for you. Can I eat your dinner?
  • Every time Kaladin comes across Lopen in the camp, he's brought yet another cousin into Bridge Four.
    • Made even more amusing after Dawnshard, which reveals just how loose Lopan's definition of a "cousin" is...
  • There's something giggle-worthy about Renarin explaining his illness to Kaladin. He clearly doesn't expect a bridgeman bodyguard to have any medical knowledge.
    Renarin: I've a blood weakness.
    Kaladin: That's a folk description of many different conditions. What do you really have?
    Renarin: I'm epileptic. It means—
    Kaladin: Yes, yes. Is it idiopathic or symptomatic?
    Renarin: Uh...
    Kaladin: Was it caused by a specific brain injury, or is it something that just started happening for no reason?
    Renarin: I've had it since I was a kid.
    Kaladin: How bad are the seizures?
    Renarin: They're fine. It's not as bad as everyone says. It's not like I fall to the ground and froth like everyone thinks. My arm will jerk a few times, or I'll twitch uncontrollably for a few moments.
    Kaladin: You retain consciousness?
    Renarin: Yeah.
    Kaladin: Myoclonic, probably. You've been given bitterleaf to chew?
    Renarin: I...yes. I don't know if it helps. The jerking isn't the whole problem. A lot of times, when it's happening, I get really weak. Particularly along one side of my body.
    Kaladin: Huh. I suppose that could fit with the seizures. Have you ever had any persistent relaxation of the muscles, an inability to smile on one side of your face, for example?
    Renarin: No. How do you know these things? Aren't you a soldier?
    Kaladin: I know some field medicine.
    Renarin: Field medicine...for epilepsy?
  • Dalinar and Kaladin after the latter is imprisoned for calling Amaram out:
    Dalinar: If I ordered you to guard your room for a week, would you have done it?
    Kaladin: Yes.
    Dalinar: Then consider this your duty: Guard this room.
    Kaladin: I'll make sure nobody unauthorized runs off with the chamber pot, sir.
  • After Kaladin is released from prison for accusing Amaram of murder and theft, he finds out Adolin insisted on staying imprisoned for the same length of time. It's a beautiful, heartwarming moment...and then Kaladin gets a whiff of his smell.
    Kaladin: Are you wearing cologne?
    Adolin: Of course! Just because I was in prison was no reason to act like a barbarian.
  • Hoid momentarily forgets about Roshar's distinct flora and fauna:
    Wit: Perhaps a story for a child. I will tell you one, to get you in the mood. A bunny rabbit and a chick went frolicking in the grass together on a sunny day.
    Kaladin: A chicken? And a what?
    Wit: Ah, forgot myself for a moment. Sorry. Let me make it more appropriate for you. A piece of wet slime and a disgusting crab thing with seventeen legs slunk across the rocks together on an insufferably rainy day. Is that better?
    Kaladin: I suppose.
  • Kaladin begins getting trained in riding by a female stablemaster. Adolin comes by, and she begins throwing rocks at him. Apparently he has in fact offended literally every eligible female in the camps.
  • "Hey, up there! Anyone? We're down here, and we're making bad puns. Please save us from ourselves!"
  • Lopen's advice for Kaladin regarding Syl.
    The lean Herdazian fell unusually silent. "Well," he finally said, "maybe you should buy her something nice."
    "Buy something nice? For a spren?"
    "Yeah. Like... I don't know. A nice plant, maybe, or a new hat. Yes, a hat. Might be cheap. She's small. If a tailor tries to charge you full price for a hat that small, you thump him real good."
    "That's the most ridiculous piece of advice I've ever been given."
    "You should rub yourself with curry and go prancing through the camp singing Horneater lullabies."
    Kaladin looked at Lopen, incredulous. "What?"
    "See? Now the bit about the hat is only the second most ridiculous piece of advice you've ever been given, so you should try it. Women like hats. I have this cousin who makes them. I can ask her. You might not even need the actual hat. Just the spren of the hat. That'll make it even cheaper."
    "You're a very special kind of weird, Lopen."
    "Of course I am, gon. There's only one of me."
  • When Shallan reveals Pattern to the other scholars, Brightness Inadara insists that he's a Voidbringer despite Shallan repeatedly telling her he isn't. Pattern eventually decides to tell her off himself.
    Pattern: Voidbringers have no pattern. Besides, I have read of them in your lore. They speak of spindly arms like bone, and horrific faces. I should think, if you wish to find one, the mirror might be a location where you can begin your search.
  • Sebariel in the final battle, as a highstorm and an everstorm are closing in, threatening to wipe out everyone on the battlefield.
    "Dalinar!" a voice called.
    He turned to find the utterly incongruous sight of Sebarial and his mistress sitting beneath a canopy, eating dried sellafruit off a plate held by an awkward-looking soldier.
    Sebarial raised a cup of wine toward Dalinar. "Hope you don't mind," Sebarial said. "We liberated your stores. They were blowing past at the time, headed for certain doom."
    Dalinar stared at them. Palona even had a novel out and was reading.
  • The reveal of where Elkohar got stashed after an assassination attempt on him that nearly succeeded: He's been hiding out with Lopen's Ambiguously Jewish mother in the "Little Herdazia" settlement in the warcamps. Watching the king of all Alethkar get bossed around and fed like a recalcitrant child is hilarious.
  • Kaladin realizes something horrifying.
    Storming lighteyes. He...
    He was one of them now.
    Storm it!
  • Szeth gets a new sword. A rather familiar one.
    Hello, a cheerful voice said in his mind. Would you like to destroy some evil today?
  • Most of Wit's conversation with Jasnah at the end of the book.
    Jasnah: I don't have time for you. A storm is coming, a terrible storm. It will bring the Voidbringers to-
    Wit: Already here.
    Jasnah: Damnation. We need to find Urithiru and-
    Wit: Already found.
    Jasnah: (hesitates) The Knights-
    Wit: Refounded. In part by your apprentice who, I might add, is exactly seventy-seven percent more agreeable than you are. I took a poll.
    Jasnah: You're lying.
    Wit: Okay, so it was a rather informal poll. But the ugly lizard-crab-thing gave you really poor marks for—
    Jasnah: About the other things.
    Wit: I don't tell those kinds of lies, Jasnah. You know that. It's what you find so annoying about me.
    • She really doesn't know how to deal with him.
      "Tell me what you know, Wit."
      "I once spent the better part of a year inside of a large stomach, being digested."
      She frowned at him.
      "That is a thing that I know. You really should be more specific in your threats." He looked down as she twisted her Shardblade, rotating the tip, still pointed at him. "I'd be surprised if that little knife of yours poses me any real threat, Kholin. You can keep waving it about if you want, though. Perhaps it makes you feel more important."
  • The fact that, in the face of Sadeas and his endless scheming and treachery, Adolin just decides he's through with his bullshit and stabs Sadeas in the face.


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