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Funny / Oathbringer

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  • Palona's immediate reaction when the heroes find Sadeas dead.
  • Shallan tries to draw Urithiru, but finds the tower too tall. She decides that the first thing she'll do when Kaladin gets back is make him fly her to a nearby peak so that she can get a better view. She refers to him as "Brightlord Brooding-Eyes."
  • Pattern's attempts at being a chaperone.
    Pattern: Oh! You were talking about mating! I'm to make sure you don't accidentally mate, as mating is forbidden by human society until you have first performed appropriate rituals! Yes, yes. Mmmm. Dictates of custom require following certain patterns before you copulate. I've been studying this!
    Shallan: (Facepalm) Oh, Stormfather.
    Pattern: Very well, you two. No mating. NO MATING.
    • Becomes a Brick Joke a few pages later. Shallan and Adolin have some very romantic lines, lean in for a kiss, and...
      Pattern: No mating!
    • When Shallan first explains what a chaperone does to Pattern:
      Shallan: That is someone who watches two young people when they are together, to make certain they don't do anything inappropriate.
      Pattern: Inappropriate? Such as... dividing by zero?
  • Similarly, Syl innocently telling Kaladin that she sometimes sneaks into couples' rooms while they're tying to be intimate, to learn what they do. This leads to Kaladin's disturbed realization that Syl will likely be watching if he is ever having sex.
    He tried - unsuccessfully - to banish the image of lying in bed with a woman, Syl sitting on the headboard and shouting out encouragement and advice.
  • As a part of her attempts at intimidation in a bar, Veil places her hand on the hand a thug, and stabs them both. She then says that she just wanted his seat.
    "Oh wait," Veil said, tapping the table with her knife. "Look, I see your mark here, in blood. Ur's seat. I was wrong." She frowned. "But mine's here too. Suppose you can sit in my lap, if you want."
  • Kaladin finds the Parshmen from his town... playing cards and arguing about the rules. The sheer disconnect between what he found and the expected Voidbringers throws him, and the reader, for a loop.
    • In general, the consternation everyone is having that the Parshmen aren't rampaging and murdering everyone on sight. They're acting less like the Legions of Hell everyone was expecting (both the audience and the characters) and more like... well, like normal people who are just trying to get away from all the people that think they're trying to kill them. It's especially hilarious in a meta sense, considering how many readers were expecting vast, horrific massacres by the transformed Parshmen rather than Voidbringers playing cards and stealing boats.
      • Brought up later as something of a Brick Joke when detailing how parshmen in other countries reacted to the Everstorm. Parshmen in Alethkar decided to rebel and form an army. Parshmen in Thaylen grabbed the ships and went to sea. And Parshman in Azir... filed a class-action suit against the government, asking for all their back pay, plus damages. Better yet, the government was negotiating with them, and apparently making progress towards a new and more reasonable contract, before the Fused showed up.
  • Shallan as Veil gets very drunk on darkeyes alcohol (she didn't even know types of alcohol besides beer and wine existed). By sheer luck, she manages to get the information she needs, then she discovers that the Healing Factor of Stormlight instantly sobers her up. She leaves the people at the bar stunned that she "tricked" them.
    • Shallan's reaction to drinking said darkeyes' wine is also hilarious. All of her experience with alcohol up until this point was diluted, sweetened lighteyes' wine. The darkeyes' "wine" is more akin to straight whisky with no flavoring to it, so when she drinks it she nearly vomits in horror at how incredibly hard it is.
  • Pattern likes Adolin quite a bit.
    Pattern: Mmm. Yes, very, very nice man. Wonderfully smart too.
    Shallan: Why don't you marry him, then?
    Pattern: Is that—
    Shallan: No that's not an option.
    Pattern: Oh.
  • Mraize makes his first appearance with a face covered in nasty scars and in a Sadaes uniform... with a green "chicken" on his shoulder.
    A chicken. [...] But seriously. Who walked around with a pet chicken? They were for eating, right?
    • For context, the Bizarre Alien Biology on Roshar means that birds other than chickens (which are imported from the far west for food) don't exist. Most characters refer to any bird as a "chicken" as it's the only bird they're familiar with, and they probably have only seen them a handful of times. Mraize almost certainly has a parrot (or similar bird) his shoulder. According to Word of God it's an Aviar.
  • Soon after the first event, Shallan goes to a second bar and orders Horneater alcohol, which usually kills anyone stupid enough to drink it. With Stormlight, Shallan is able to drink it as casually as water, immediately giving her an intimidating reputation.
  • When he was young, Dalinar was apparently a far simpler man. Case in point, his description of how Gavilar's wars of conquest started.
    Dalinar: We looked at this place here, this kingdom, and we realised, "hey, all these people have stuff." And we figured... hey, maybe we should have that stuff. So we took it.
    • He also did not suffer from any false modesty.
      Ialai: Attack it! Pretend it's some thick-necked man who has been insulting your biceps.
      Dalinar: If someone insulted my biceps, I wouldn't attack him. I'd refer him to a physician, because obviously something is wrong with his eyes.
    • In the same flashback, he spends the entire time complaining that he can't find a good knife to cut some pork, to the point that he gets up and goes outside in the middle of a highstorm to check with his bodyguards to see if they know where he put his combat knife. He then ends up breaking the flimsy serving knife the servants bring to him. He spots an assassin about to attack Gavilar and deftly kills the assassin using the assassin's own knife, and then is quite pleased to realize he finally has a proper blade to cut his meal. So he pulls the knife out of the assassin's chest, rinses it off with his wine, and proceeds to eat his pork steak with it. And when he notices people staring at him, he points out he was not going to drink the wine. He's civilized, after all.
      • Achievements in Ignorance: He later finds out that Gavilar had been trying to convince their guests for that meal that the Kholins were strong enough to protect them if they made an alliance. In the wake of seeing what Dalinar did, they were quite convinced.
    • He also apparently subscribed very heavily to the Defeat Means Friendship mentality. Whether the other party wanted it or not.
      Dalinar: Well, in any case, welcome to my elites.
      Archer: What? I tried to kill you! … We're enemies!
      Dalinar: Not anymore. Looks like we're all allies now.
    • On reflection, basically the entire war of conquest he and Gavilar launched was basically an entire campaign of Defeat Means Friendship, as they went to each princedom, kicked their ass and said "Welcome to the team".
  • Sigzil (who is Azish), and Kaladin are going over camp business. Sigzil brings up a Bridgeman named Drehy who is dating another man. Kal assumes Sigzil has a problem with gay men, but Sigzil instead says "Sir, he hasn't filled out the appropriate forms for that." Sigzil has no problems with gay men, his problem is the lack of appropriate paperwork. The Azish have forms for gay people coming out of the closet because of course they do.
    • This comes up again later when the Bridgemen are discussion their discomfort with Renarian learning to read note . Drehy says it's feminine and Kaldain responds that Drehy is dating another man. The rest of squad backs Drehy up immediately, saying it's not the same:
      Lopen: Drehy likes other guys. That’s like ... he wants to be even less around women than the rest of us. It’s the opposite of feminine. He is, you could say, extra manly.
  • Lift's first words in her first meeting with Dalinar.
    Lift: Yeah. You're old.
    • She also mentions the reason why she can't trust Dalinar: His butt is too well-shaped. A trustworthy politician has a flabby, ugly butt because they don't swing their swords all day. Apparently this isn't the first time she's thought of this either, Gawx is immediately very familiar with her ideas.
  • The Stormfather is hilariously offended when Lift pops into one of his visions (and then leaves just as easily), calling it a direct insult from the Nightwatcher.
  • One of the interludes features an ardent extremely annoyed by the difficulties in finding a quiet place for her studies. She eventually finds it, and we find out what said studies are: she wants to read what could best be described as a romance novel. We even get some lines of it. When another ardent reaches her, we find out that the book has a sequel.
    • Adding to the parody, the summary of said work reads like a weird parody of Mistborn, if it focused on romance instead of action, with the sequel seemingly a parody version of the Wax and Wayne Era.
  • When Sigzil starts expressing some moral concerns about Bridge Four's behavior to Kaladin, Kal replies that he should be more respectful and try to understand what people want out of life, rather than projecting onto them what he thinks they should be doing. Sigzil starts to consider this, and the pair are approached by a female scout who is interested in joining Bridge Four and the Windrunners. Because she's an Alethi woman, Kal assumes she wants to be a scribe, but she joined the army to fight. Kal corrects himself and offers her a combat position. As soon as she leaves....
    Kaladin: Shut it, Sig.
  • Lopen training to the other potential Windrunners in Bridge Four:
    Lopen: All right. Here it is. I, the Lopen, will now fly. You may applaud as you feel is appropriate.
    (Lopen jumps in the air and Lashes himself face-first to the ground)
    Kaladin: Did you... did you just stick yourself to the ground?
    Lopen: Just part of the plan, gon! If I am to become a delicate cloud upon the sky, I must first convince the ground that I am not abandoning her. Like a worried lover, sure, she must be comforted and reassured that I will return following my dramatic and regal ascent into the sky.
    • And he either takes the act further to save face, or he is entirely serious, as whenever anyone checks in on him for most of the scene, he's actually talking to the ground!
  • Navani seeing a new type of fabrial in one of Dalinar's visions and immediately getting excited like a kid in a candy store.
  • When the team sneaks into Kholinar, Adolin takes them to the safest place in the city, the person he trusts above all others. His tailor.
  • Shallan's choice of disguise for Kaladin is hilariously ugly. Adolin's, on the other hand, is perfectly handsome.
    Kaladin: Now that's just not fair.
  • Wit makes his return, in all his witty glory:
    Wit: Yes, yes. Aim for the sun. That way if you miss, at least your arrow will fall far away, and the person it kills will likely be someone you don't know.
  • Veil, while escaping from a lighteyes' house with bundles of stolen supplies, is shot in the face with a crossbow bolt. Everyone else responds with appropriate horror, but Veil is mostly just annoyed by the whole thing.
    Veil: Bother.
    • She does seem to have some trouble thinking straight at the time, which is reasonable considering a crossbow bolt going through your brain is certainly not good for one's mental abilities. She later casually asks one of her team members to pull the bolt out, as she's been unable to get it out herself and can't heal properly until it is dealt with.
  • Navani packs a lunch for Dalinar to bring to Azir and he leaves it unattended on the table while he ruminates. By the time he looks up and decides he's hungry, Lift has, of course, eaten it.
  • The fact that Dalinar manages to wow the Azish into joining the Coalition by... presenting them with three apparently really badass essays on why it's a good idea. Jasnah's essay is apparently so well composed it is considered a masterwork of art. Dalinar deliberately treats it as a plan of attack, making comparisons to the battlefield the whole time.
  • Sebarial comments on the stakes that finally allowed a modicum of international cooperation to come to Roshar.
    Sebarial: It only took a Desolation to cause it. The world should end more often. It makes everyone so much more accommodating.
    • Which makes Navani want to throw him off Urithiru, noting that the sheer cliffs on one side means it's quite feasible.
  • Adolin's reaction to Kaladin marching up with the Wall Guard to help storm the palace.
    Adolin: Of course. He's probably their leader now or something. Storming Bridgeboy.
  • Lift expresses curiosity towards whether or not the Parsh are marbled over their entire bodies.
  • Szeth, Lift and Nightblood interacting is great:
    • Nightblood is impressed by Lift's potty mouth.
      Nightblood: Wow. That's impressive vocabulary for a child. Does she even know what that last one means?
      Szeth: [ignores him]
      Nightblood: If she does know what it means, do you think she'd tell me?
    • Another one:
      Szeth: I have failed to carry this burden.
      Lift: That’s okay. Your weird face is burden enough for one man.
      Szeth: Your words are wise
      Lift: You’re right, sword. He’s not very fun, is he?
      Nightblood: I think he’s deevy anyway.
      Szeth's narration: Szeth did not know this word, but it sent Lift chortling in a fit of amusement, which the sword mimicked.
      • Deevy is slang more or less meaning "cool". It is entirely unclear who taught it to Nightblood or when, since the only 3 people we know have held it are Szeth, Nale, and Zahel/Vasher, none of which seem likely to be up to date on slang.
  • Leyten's wise words on guard duty:
    Leyten: New recruits might get bored by guard duty, but you'll never find a veteran complaining about a nice quiet afternoon full of not being stabbed.
  • After the final battle, the first thing Shallan notices is that Kaladin somehow lost his boots.
  • The Lopen accidentally swears the Second Ideal in the middle of explaining to someone who wants to join the Windrunners what its ideals are, and is pissed because he'd been saving that for a dramatically appropriate moment.
    • He proceeds to make a rude gesture (doing so with both arms for the first time since he regrew his lost arm, as he was intentionally saving it for a special occasion) toward the sky. A gesture his Honorspren companion eagerly mimics, even growing two extra arms in the process.
    • Lopen's honorspren proceeds to make the gesture at anyone and everyone, causing Lopen to tell him not to wear it out. Just the fact that The Lopen managed to find an honorspren who is just as irreverent as he is to bond with.
  • Kaladin gives Shallan a nice pair of boots as a present for her wedding.
  • Pattern and Adolin as they prepare to face off against the Fused in Shadesmar:
    Adolin: We'll be fine. Right, guys?
    Pattern: Mmmm. I do not like being stabbed.
    Adolin: Wise words, friend. Wise words.
  • When Lift meets with Dalinar during the climatic battle, he is walking out to face Odium "armed" only with his copy of The Way of Kings.
    "Do you have a weapon?" he asked.
    "Nope. Can't read."
    "Can't..." Dalinar looked down at his book. "I meant a real weapon, Lift."
    "Oh! Yeah, I've got one a those." She thrust her hand to the side. Mist formed into a small, glittering Shardblade.
    ... Or, no. It was just a pole. A silver pole with a rudimentary crossguard.
    Lift shrugged. "Wyndle doesn't like hurting people."
    Doesn't like... Dalinar blinked. What kind of world did he live in where swords didn't like hurting people?
  • The resolution of the Love Triangle with Shallan choosing Adolin is heartwarming, full of Adorkableness, and has some comic gems:
    Shallan: I'm an artist, Adolin. I appreciate a nice picture when I see one. Doesn't mean I want to pull it off the hook and go get intimate.
    Shallan: Oh? And is that what women are supposed to seek in a mate? Is it in the Polite Lady's Handbook to Courtship and Family? The Bekenah edition, maybe? 'Ladies, you can't possibly marry a man if he can't fly.
    Shallan: Never mind if being near him makes you want to rip his shirt off and push him into the nearest alleyway, then kiss him until he can't breathe anymore. If he can't fly, then well, you just have to call it off!
    Shallan: How do you like that though? Three betrotheds instead of one. Some men drool over the idea of such debauchery. If you wanted, I could practically be anyone.
  • In Kholinar, Shallan has some interesting ideas on how to attract spren for study.
    Secrets. This city was brimming with them. … The only thing for Shallan to do then, was punch herself in the face.
    • When she needs to attract shamespren, she finds that merely remembering past embarrassments doesn't work. So instead she unbuttons her safehand sleeve and trips herself. She ends up face-first on the floor with her skirts about her waist (without leggings), and her safehand exposed in front of Elhokar, Kaladin, and Adolin. Then she squeaks, downs a glass of wine, and runs away.
  • Dalinar swearing while forgetting who he's talking to
    Dalinar: Stormfather!
    Stormfather: Yes?
  • Dalinar mentally describing Amaram as "the man he most wanted to punch in all Roshar."
  • In Kholinar, after delivering the message to the Palace, which is followed by Shallan getting stabbed and left for dead in a makeshift mass grave, she and Kaladin exchange puns based on her ordeal. It's equal parts funny and horrifying because Shallan's trying to cope with what she just went through, but it is still genuine Black Comedy.
  • In Kholinar, while trying to steal food from a noblewoman to bribe the Cult of Moments, Shallan and her squires get discovered and need to make an escape in a hurry. Unfortunately, they're trying to use a chull-pulled wagon to get the food out...
    Veil scrambled into the wagon’s seat, then slapped the chull with the steering reed. Her team, joined by Ishnah, charged back into the room and leapt into the wagon, which started moving. Step. By. Protracted. Step.


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