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Funny / Pyre

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The Game

  • At one point, Rukey will wait for you inside the Blackwagon looking increasingly troubled by what he's about to say. He then asks you one important question: "How is his mustache?"
    • Depending on your choices he will actually shave it off. The narration tells you he makes a commotion doing so, accompanied by what sounds like an electric saw.
  • Rukey's introduction to his trial in Beyonder's Crystal. Sandra complains that 'his mouth runs faster than his paws' and present him with a 1-vs-3 match against a full demon team.
  • You can asks Ron to be quiet while you're browsing his shop.
    • At one point, if you've browsed enough times, you can tell Ron that a sale might liven things up. He ends up having one for the final Liberation Rite...and it's merely a 5% discount.
      • The reader's reaction to this? "Great."
  • "Ti'zo loves catching fish because he hates them, and everything they stand for."
    • If he makes it to the Commonwealth, he becomes a celebrity with great power, but he never abuses it... except when it comes to his access to the fishing industry.
  • During a chat with the Stowaway in the blackwagon, she starts talking about having a crush on Hedwyn. The Reader has the option to Change the Uncomfortable Subject, and the Stowaway being herself, it works.
  • Ring the dinner bell too many times, and Rukey will come angrily shouting at you to stop. He relaxes, and tells you he was joking. Ring the bell again, and after the next Rite, you'll find that it's broken.
  • Speaking on food, one moment in the game has Hedwyn asking you what he should cook up for a meal. How the game presents each option seems less of a banter and more like Sadistic Choices. Moreover, if you try to pass the judgement to Hedwyn, he throws it right back at you immediately, sick of having to pick something every 8 days and Tariq not helping much with choosing.
    • If you choose the Silt Porridge, described as Hedwyn using the very limits of his power to make it "not terrible," he stares at you for a long time, trying to look for a trace of irony and finding none.
  • Really anything coming from Sir Gilman and any Wyrm Knights.
    • Mentoring Sir Gilman:
    Sir Gilman: "This knight has no idea what the Master-Reader said exactly, yet feels smarter nonetheless!"
    • Should Sir Gilman be liberated, Bertrude will lament that she should have bottled more of his tears.
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  • The explanation for the "Infinite Moonshine" bottle in the Wagon: Pamitha got it from a Bog Crone who attempted to make a never ending bottle of poison and failed countless times to do so.
  • At the point where you choose the Stowaway's name the very last option is Bae which the Flavor Text describes as: "This can't be her real name...right?"
  • At one point, Bertrude will get sick and both you and Hedwyn check on her, but she'll believe that Hedwyn is hitting on her, and will even reminisces about the time she was young and many men were after her. Once that ends, she thanks for his concern and states she enjoys the time she spent with the group.
  • The Gries Stone. Every time you enter the Blackwagon, it just floats around, changing position each time you see it... to the point you could mistake it for being a Good Bad Bugs at first.
    Exhibits a flagrant disregard for natural law, thus providing light entertainment.
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  • The existence of Xylobones.
    Would that we all could become musical instruments ere our bones turn to dust.
  • Sandra's fate in the ending. Should you promised you take the Beyonder's Crystal with you. It turns out that ultimately, nobody had any idea where it went after the tradition of Rites ended. Sandra then scoffs, sounding disappointed the tales told so little. You can chose to humor her that your relationship is too lascivious to be written in the books.
  • After you make your way to Khalymer's Isle you discover the arena is a... stadium. Complete with Drive Imps acting as the audience and waving flags. Oh and there's giant imps burrowing through the arena to act as obstacles. Everyone including The Lone Minstrel is baffled by this.
    • It's very possible for the AI exile to get stuck in the path of hooligan Imps on the field.
  • The reaction by the Voice the first time you face Oralech and the True Nightwings is a spot of hilarity in an otherwise emotional sequence. He's so offended by a team essentially facing itself against the rules of the Rites that he pompously announces he'll have nothing to do with this, and then remains silent for the rest of the match.
  • In the penultimate rite the opposing triumvirate (assuming this is at least your third match with them and their leader hasn't been liberated) never arrives. What should be a poignant moment can be rendered unintentionally hilarious because of the fact that you still have to "win" the rite by sending the orb into a pit somebody dug.
    The Voice: "Yes, yes, the Nightwings prevail... by default."
  • If, by the end of the game, Barker of the Dissidents is left in the Downside, it is stated in his epilogue that he got bored without the rites, changed some rules, and essentially started a basketball league.
  • Rukey owes Barker some money. During your second Rite against Barker's team, Rukey proposes a double or nothing deal, which Barker accepts. If you lose, you can either pay it off for Rukey, ending the matter then and there, or you can tell Rukey it's his problem. If you do that, the epilogue says that Barker sent thugs to Rukey's mom. The funny part? She mistakes them for Rukey's friends, offers them a cup of tea, and Barker decides that this is enough to repay the debt and leaves her alone.
  • If Pamitha and Bertrude end up together in the Commonwealth or the Downside, the two begin to bond over their shared hatred of everything.
  • Once the blackwagon is set up to fly, you can torment the other triumvirates by ramming into their blackwagons.
    Tamitha: Your mere existence is an affront to the act of flight.
    • If you crash into the Fate, Dalbert will greet you as if nothing just happened, chide his son when Almer points out that you deliberately rammed them, and then politely excuse himself to literally glue back together all the valuable artifacts you just broke, mentioning as he goes that glue isn't easy to acquire in the Downside. He does all this without a smidgen of irony.
  • Lendel's hatred of the Nightwings comes out most strongly when he sees Ti'zo. Ti'zo responds in kind.
    (Certain imp expressions resist translation. Suffice it Ti'zo does not hold Lendel in high esteem.)
    (It seems Ti'zo does not hold Lendel's mother in high esteem, either.)
  • Ignarius' score animation is just... so ridiculous and amazing.
  • The crime that got Barker banished: relieving himself on a statue of the Archjustice. The guy has style, you've got to admit.
  • When Volfred asks you what freedom means to you, you can say what you think, only to have him poke holes in your reasoning - or you can simply demonstrate:
  • You can tell Volfred that the Book of Rites, the key to escaping the Downside which he has not ever been able to talk about with a fellow reader, is boring. He laughs at you and tells you not to blaspheme within earshot of the Lone Minstrel or the Gate Guardian.


  • During Pyre Reddit Ask-Me-Anything in 20th July 2017:
    Greg Kasavin: "There's this massive, metal pit beneath a trapdoor in our office floor. Once every three years, we send in members of our team, two at a time, in there, to fight, barefisted. Sometimes, other members of the team throw in things like 2x4s or small pointed objects. We wait until one person can no longer fight, then send in the next. It's ordered by drawing lots. Whoever is the last one standing, whatever game they want to make, we make it."

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