- This strip:Jason: HI DAD! HOW WAS WORK?!Roger: Jason, shhh.Jason: WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOUR BACK?!Roger: Son, please keep your voice down.Jason: SAY, ISN'T THAT ONE OF THOSE EXPENSIVE GOLF CLUBS THAT MOM TOLD YOU NOT TO—(scene change)Jason: Ah, there's nothing like the smell of a crisp $10 bill.Peter: Where do you get all this money?!
- One that takes a little bit to figure out, but that makes it all the better:(Paige is eating lunch with Nicole)Paige: (takes a bite out of her sandwich) EWW!(Andy is at home with a friend)Andy: I'm not kidding — he wanted peanut butter and mayonnaise.(Jason is eating lunch with Marcus)Jason: …So then I switched bags…
- This strip. You may need to be fluent in textspeak and good at algebra, though.
- A wonderful Shout-Out to Pearls Before Swine and its affinity for puns.
- In one strip, Andy and Roger are listening to a CD of ambient nature sounds. At one point in the CD, they both hear "Hey! Get away from that equipmen—" followed by bears growling, screaming and the sound of tearing flesh.Andy: (reading CD label) "In the Midst of Grizzlies".Roger: That was the last in the series.
- Depending on your sense of humor, it's gotten even funnier since Grizzly Man came out.
- In one strip, the kids are going on about the root BEER they're drinking, and how they're so thirsty they might have two root BEERs. Cue Roger in the fourth panel, asking Andy to remind him never again to tell the kids what he's giving up for Lent.
- The Sunday before Thanksgiving 2009 had Jason suggesting that the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade could get higher TV ratings if they did their own version of the "Balloon Boy" hoax that had taken place a few weeks prior, using the giant Kermit the Frog balloon.
- The comic where Roger drinks the answering machine thinking it's the coffee pot. You don't even need to see it happening.Coffeeee...
- Andy, dressed up and ready to go to Lollapalooza with Paige.
- This one:Roger: Well, Peter, I'm off to WORK...Peter: That's nice.Roger: Yessirree, I'm off to my JOB...Peter: Mm-hmm.Roger: Just as I'll do most every day this SUMMER...Peter: Uh huh.Roger: (rolls eyes) So much for subtlety.Andy: Well, Roger, I'm off to RINSE OUT YOUR CEREAL BOWL...
- The 2012 April Fools Day installment.Andy: Roger, Why is our son looking for a pitchfork?
- Near the end of the Camp Bohrmore arc, Morton, who had acted like a Drill Sergeant Nasty all summer as counselor, finds out Jason is Paige's younger brother and deeply regrets how he'd been treating him. He laments that Jason is unlikely to set him up with her now that he resents him, but Jason suggests that until then, he was going to do it for revenge.
- At the beginning of camp, the headmaster tells the campers, "We're very proud of our curriculum. In fact, we have a little saying: If you want more Bohr, attend Camp Bohrmore!" They all crack up.Headmaster: We've got a good crop this year.Morton: Oh, yeah.
- At the beginning of camp, the headmaster tells the campers, "We're very proud of our curriculum. In fact, we have a little saying: If you want more Bohr, attend Camp Bohrmore!" They all crack up.
- Paige is working on her homework.Paige: I always forget, is it "I-E" or "E-I"? (shouts) Daddy, how do you spell "relief"?Roger: R-O-L-A-I-D-S.Paige: And I thought my spelling was bad.
- On October 6th, 2013, Bill Amend missed his submission deadline and the newspaper ran a rerun strip. How did Amend apologize for this? With a comic explanation homaging The Oatmeal.
- October 20, 2013: "Les Physz"
- May 4, 2014: Star Wars day.
- The arc where Marcus beats Super Mario Bros. ahead of Jason.Jason: "He called me 'Goomba Boy!'"
- Peter and Jason play video games.Jason: Kiss your flesh-eating alien army good-bye. Kiss your acid-spewing alien tank battalion good-bye.Peter: Kiss every one of your mighty demon warriors good-bye.Jason: Dream on! You have no weapons!Andy: (Walks into the room holding the video game case) This game is rated "M"?!
Marcus: I wish my dad thought "M" stood for "Mild."
- Another strip where Roger tells Jason and Marcus the video game they're playing had better be rated "M."
- In one Sunday strip, Jason and Marcus reenact the climactic battle from Revenge of the Sith, though they go all-out with their reenactment at the local pool...Lifeguard: Who dyed the pool orange?!
- The entire week where Jason dreamed of Lara Croft chasing him.Jason: I'll never play a video game starring a girl! Do you hear me? Never! Never! Never!
Lara: Permit me to reintroduce you to someone.
Ms. Pac-Man: Hello, Jason. Remember me?
Jason: AAAA! The pizza parlor had only one game! I was young! I was desperate!
- The entire Darth Jason◊ arc, as Jason self-inserts himself into a hypothetical Star Wars special edition who joins the villains and escapes to cause trouble in the hypothetical sequels.
- Paige tells Andy that the can of soup she microwaved exploded. When Andy asks what Paige did, Paige simply says it exploded.
- Any time Paige cooks, whether she's making peach cobbler so rock-hard it has to be chiseled out of the pan, using Diet Pepsi in place of baking soda, or thinking "clean the turkey" means pressing the "clean" button on the oven while the turkey is inside. In an arc where she cooks Thanksgiving dinner, her pumpkin pie is so sticky that it pulls out two of Roger's fillings.
- The tribute comic to Charles Schulz. Jason sits at a lemonade stand selling cups priced at $50,000. Lucy, whose Psychiatric Help booth is right next door, sneers at him and asks, "Got a nickel?"
- The entire week of Roger and Andy imagining what it would have been like for Peter Jackson to try and direct Jason as Frodo and Marcus as Sam had they been cast in his Lord of the Rings films, including: the two of them quoting every piece of dialogue from the books, being impressed with orcs while afraid of Galadriel (because Girls Have Cooties), and of course Jason refusing to give up the Ring after filming's over.Assistant: Director, one of the hobbits refuses to return one of the props.
Peter Jackson: Let me guess: Frodo.
Assistant: You got it.
Peter Jackson: I can't tell if that kid's method acting or just insane. ... Give up the Ring, Frodo! NOW!
Jason: But it's my precious!
- Similarly, there's the The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King arc, in which Paige becomes obsessed with the film... because of the casting of Orlando Bloom. And Jason is NOT happy.Jason: Stop gushing about the movie! You aren't allowed to!
Paige: Why not?
Jason: The "Lord of the Rings" films are made for people like me to love! We memorized the books! We made the web sites! We drew the detailed maps of Osgiliath on our binders!
Paige: But Orlando Bloom is my... my... precious.
Jason: You aren't allowed to make Gollum jokes, either!
Paige: Who's Gollum?
- This strip from Halloween 2004. Eileen, Eugene, Phoebe and Marcus discover that all the food has been eaten and the punch bowl is empty.Jason: (dressed as Jabba the Hutt) Why's everyone looking at me?
- Also, Phoebe's costume references Calvin and Hobbes, with her being dressed up as Hobbes with a Calvin doll.
- Thanksgiving 1998: Denise, who is hosting Peter for Thanksgiving dinner (his *second* of the day), says grace.Denise's Dad: [off panel] Denise, why don't you lead us in prayer?
Denise: OK, Dad. Thank you, Lord, for this food. For family and friends. For the many blessings you've given us. Thank you also, Lord, for my boyfriend, Peter, who as we speak has his foot gently rubbing up and down my very happy shin.
Denise's Dad: Perhaps I should have said silent prayer.
Denise: God would know if I weren't honest.
[Peter has his face buried in the dish of mashed potatoes]
- Paige's adventures in babysitting little Katie O'Dell, which somehow manage to avoid getting into Badly Battered Babysitter territory because Paige is usually to blame for what goes wrong - whether it's feeding the toddler chocolate cake, resulting in Katie becoming a "human gas molecule"; watching The Jerzy Spaniel Show with Katie in the room, resulting in the toddler, um, adding a new word to her vocabulary; or nodding off on the job due to fatigue, allowing Katie to chop her beautiful new dress to pieces with scissors. For the Jerzy Spaniel incident, Paige's wages for the job were a grand total of... one penny. For the scissors incident, Paige had to buy a new dress to replace the one Katie destroyed, but she discovered this had an upside...Roger: Honey, have you seen the size of the back-to-school outfits our daughter is buying?!
- Paige and the Tamagrouchy, which, unlike its real-life counterpart, is demanding, spoiled, and foul-mouthed. She gets Jason to reprogram it, which turns out to be a mistake: in addition to being as irritating as before, the virtual pet now insists she give Jason money.
- A week-long arc where Jason borrows Peter's old magic set ends with Jason hosting a magic show for Andy, Peter and Paige.Jason: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! I reach into my hat and produce not one, but— (picks up the hat and searches through it) Um... Shoot. Where'd they all go?
Andy: Where'd what all go?
(final panel depicts Jason at a payphone)
Jason: Well, Marcus, I figured out why magicians don't typically work with snakes...
Funny / FoxTrot