- The entire opening diatribe from Mr. Exposition, Ferris Bueller. He explains his situation, how to properly fake being sick, and even what he was supposed to be doing in school.Ferris: I do have a test today; that wasn't bullshit. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be Fascist Anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
- "One Man's Struggle To Take It Easy"
- Cameron singing miserably to himself in bed, complete with inexplicable harmonizing that joins in:Cameron: "When Cameron was in Egypt's land... Let my... Cameron... GO."*jump cut to Ferris*Ferris: "Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond."
- "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"Simone: "Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."Teacher: Thank you Simone.Simone: No problem whatsoever.
- "Anyone? Anyone?"
- Even better than Ben Stein is the incredibly boring teacher in the class that Sloan is pulled out of:Teacher: In......... what........... way.......... does the author's use of the prison...... symbolize.....
- When Ed finds out Sloan's grandmother "died", he wants Grace to get Mr. Peterson's daytime number. But then "Peterson" (actually Cameron disguising his voice) beats Grace to the punch. Grace still asks Ed, "Do you still want Mr. Peterson's daytime number?" Ed just gives her a, "Are you kidding??" look, and Grace quickly realizes what a stupid question that was and smiles.
*puts on unconvincing "deep" voice* "Uuaaawww, uuuhhh, just a second, uhhh..."
- "ED! Ferris Bueller's on line two!" The most epic Oh, Crap! moment to ever grace the silver screen.
- The incredibly casual tone of voice Rooney uses when asking "Mr. Peterson" to show him the grandmother's dead body.
- To say nothing of Grace's awful attempt to impersonate Rooney when he suddenly hands her the phone:
- Speaking of voices, Cameron's exaggerated voice and facial expressions when playing "George Peterson" are a delight.
- "Pardon my French, but you're an asshole!"
- The slap Ferris gives Cameron out of nowhere when he makes the situation worse.
- "You have reached the Coughlin Brother's mortuary. We are DEEPLY sorry we are unable to answer your call, but if you LEEEAVE your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as is humanly possible."
- The entirety of the art gallery scene. Especially this◊.
- The scene where Jeanie and Rooney each think Ferris is in the house. She jumps out thinking she's caught him trying to sneak back in, at the same moment Rooney does and startles her. She screams and kicks him in the face three times, followed by cutaway scenes of her running back upstairs while Rooney collapses. The best part being, she actually reaches the top of the stairs by the time he's finished hitting the floor!
Jeanie: (over the intercom) "Excuse me: if whoever was in the house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. So if you have any brains whatsoever, you'll get out of my house real quick."
- After Jeannie's made it back to her room, she tries to scare Rooney off, by threatening him over her house's intercom system:
- Talking about Cameron's car.Ferris: Cameron, I'm sorry, but we can't pick up Sloane in your car. Mr. Rooney would never believe Mr. Peterson drives that piece of shit.Cameron: It's not a piece of shit.Ferris: It is a piece of shit. Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit; I have to envy yours.
- The parking garage employees making the Ferrari fly over the camera as the Star Wars theme plays full blast.
- The cut to Ferris about to play the clarinet: "Never had ONE lesson." *plays clarinet horribly*
- Ferris disguising himself from afar as Sloane's father to get her out of school. Then tops it by making out with her in front of Rooney ("Do you have a kiss for Daddy?"), who is squicked out but walks away.Rooney: So that's how it is in their family...
- And during this bit, Ben Stein is still droning on.
- "And here's where Cameron goes berserk."
- The telegram nurse.I heard that you were feeling illHeadache, fever, and a chillI came to help restore your pluck'Cause I'm the nurse who likes to—(Jeannie slams the door)
- Rooney frantically running down the hallway, then slowing down to a speed-walk as he passes the classroom doors.
- When everybody but Ferris gets home:Tom: What's wrong?
Katie: Everything. I just picked up Jeanie from the police station. (...) She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her.
Tom: I think we should shoot her.
- When Ed Rooney is on the phone: "Grace! GRACE!! GRAAAAAACE!!!!"
- A truck honks the horn to "Shave and a haircut", and Rooney gives the finger to the beat of "two bits".
- (holding vase of flowers, heading towards Bueller's guard dog) "Look what Uncle Ed has for you, ya little fucker."
- Rooney entering the school bus at the end. The kids give him a look that just screams, "...this is the Dean of Students we're supposed to be terrified of?"
- Ferris playing "The Blue Danube" with his synthesizer's cough sound bytes.
- Even before that, he's using the program while talking to students from school over the phone. When talking to one particular girl, Ferris skips pressing individual keys, and instead holds several down at once. At one point he says, "Uh-oh!" and leans his entire arm on the whole keyboard, producing the most God-awful noise imaginable. The smile he gives sells the scene; could be more Matthew Broderick cracking up than Ferris.
- (Jeanie on the phone) "Well where is she? This is her daughter. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything??" (hangs up)
- "Ferris Bueller, you're my hero!" The tone in which it is said just makes it better.
- Rooney slowly peeking over the gate... only for the Bueller guard dog to bark him back down. The timing of the dog's bark is just perfect.
- When Rooney visits a pizza bar, Ferris and Cameron are on TV at a baseball game, but Rooney is looking down at that moment. The instant he looks up, the TV changes to other footage, so he Missed Him by That Much. Also, this bit:Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza joint owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Rooney: Who's winning?
Pizza joint owner: ...The Bears.
- Grace's scene with Jeannie:Grace: Hello Jeannie, what's bothering you now?
Jeannie: Is Mr. Rooney in?
Grace: No, I'm sorry. He's not. May I help you?
Jeannie: I seriously doubt it. When's he back?
Grace: Well, I don't know. He's left the school grounds on personal business.
Jeannie: What's that supposed to mean?!
Grace: Well, I believe that it's personal and it's none of your business, young lady.
Jeannie: Nice attitude.
Grace: Isn't Mrs. Hagel expecting you in Consumer Ed. class?
Jeannie: Probably. (leaves)
Grace: Mmm-mmm-mmm, what a little asshole.
- The "pre-recorded message" scene.(Rooney buzzes the Bueller's doorbell)
Bueller: (through intercom, weakly) Who is it?
Rooney: It's Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd like to have a word with you.
Bueller: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences.
Rooney: Save it, Ferris. Come down here.
Bueller: You can reach my parents at their places of business.
Rooney: I'm not leaving until you come down here and talk to me.
Bueller: Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being.
Rooney: You're in big trouble, buster!
Bueller: Have a nice day.
Rooney: Ferris! FERRIS!!! (bangs the door handle and tries the buzzer again)
Bueller: Who is it?
Rooney: You know damn well who it is!
Bueller: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs- (a lightbulb in Rooney's head goes off and he realizes it's a recording)
- Rooney's secretary Grace, summing up Ferris Bueller's universal acclaim as The Ace (as well as giving a nice sociological breakdown of 80s high school subculture):Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
- Jeannie's conversation with Charlie Sheen's character. A riot all the way through.CS: Drugs?
Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight.
CS: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie: Why are you here?
Jeannie: I don't know why I'm here.
CS: Why don't you go home?
Jeannie: Why don't you put your thumb up your butt?
CS: You wear too much eye make-up. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore. You don't want to talk about it?
Jeannie: With you? Are you serious?
CS: I'm serious.
Jeannie: Blow yourself.
CS: (glances down at his crotch)
Jeannie: All right, you want to know what's wrong?
CS: I know what's wrong. I just want to hear you say it.
Jeannie: In a nutshell, I hate my brother. How's that?
CS: That's cool. What, did you blow him away or something?
Jeannie: (chuckles) No, not yet. He was ditching school. When I went home to check, some guy was there. The cops picked me up for making a phony call.
CS: What do you care if your brother ditches school?
Jeannie: Why should he get to ditch if everyone else has to go?
CS: You could ditch.
Jeannie: Yeah. I'd get caught.
CS: You're pissed off because he ditches and doesn't get caught, is that it?
CS: Then your problem is you.
Jeannie: Excuse me?
CS: Excuse you. You oughta spend more time worrying about yourself, a little less time worrying about what your brother does. That's just an opinion.
Jeannie: Mmm. What are you, a psychiatrist?
Jeannie: Then why don't you keep your opinions to yourself.
CS: There's somebody you should talk to.
Jeannie: If you say "Ferris Bueller", you lose a testicle.
CS: Oh, you know him?
(cut to shot of Jeannie clenching her fist so hard her knuckles crack)
- And when we cut back to them, they're snogging. That sure didn't take very long, did it?
- The waiter's snooty/snotty attitude towards Ferris, Sloane, and Cameron: "I weep for the future."
- Ferris' smirk to both Rooney and us as Jeannie saves his ass.
- The best post-credits scene of all time.
- "I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind."
Funny / Ferris Bueller's Day Off