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Funny / Fables

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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

  • When a bruised and bloodied Jack appears in Bigby's office and tries to report a mugging. Nobody believes him.
    Snow: Jack, have you ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?
    Jack: (completely serious) Sure Snow, he lives in the seventh floor. So what?
    Snow: Never mind.
  • Bag O' Bones, the first chapter of the Storybook Love trade, has one of the funniest sex scenes: Jack has saved the life of the prissy Southern Belle "lady of good breeding" Sally Cornwelles, and, being Jack, of course asks to sleep with her as a "reward." She reluctantly agrees (though she does demand that he at least take a bath first), though it takes only a page for her to turn completely around and embrace her new "bad" self:
    Sally: (from off-screen, as the "camera" moves upstairs and towards her bedroom) Dear God above, this is a filthy thing you're making me do. Filthy! I feel so dirty! Am I dirty, Jack? Am I? I am dirty, aren't I, Jack? Call me a dirty girl, Jack! Call me a dirty girl!

    (Cut to Jack and Sally having sex on Sally's bed; Sally going absolutely wild, pulling Jacks hair, scratching his back and screaming out her pleasure, while Jack, on top of her, looks slightly mortified.)

    Sally: DO IT! Call me a strumpet! A whore! I'm so bad! I'm so dirty!
    Jack: Jesus God above, Sally! Can't you just shut up for a moment? Long enough to let me finish?

  • From Legends in Exile:
    Pinoccio: I'm over three centuries old and I still haven't gone through puberty. I want to grow up, I want my balls to drop, and I want to get laid.
    • In fact, all of Pinnoccio's attempts at courting women turn out hillarious, from the rejections of the fully grown women to even Ozma, his only true peer, threatening to murder him if he ever calls her "Babe" again.
  • Ghost "helping" Bigby shovel snow in The Good Prince.
  • Bufkin's battle with Baba Yaga and the Djinn is both a Moment of Awesome and Funny for the blue monkey.
  • The cubs discovering Ghost's existence for the first time and Darien points randomly at nothing and says 'Do you poop?! Huh? Do you?'
  • After Snow White gave birth to her child, the doctor informed her that there was another one in there. Or two or three, can't be sure yet. The look on her face... 'A litter? I'm having a litter?'
  • Mowgli comes back to the Farm to talk to Bagheera, and mentions wanting to dance on Shere Khan's grave. Bagheera informs him that Baloo had already done a song and dance revue performance for seven nights (plus a Sunday matinee,) on the grave, and that Bagheera himself, not being a dancer, had contented himself with pissing all over it.
  • Most of the "Readers Questions" ministories qualify. Highlights include:
    Hakim, the assassin of the arabic fables, trying to keep a normal job in Fabletown.
    The Training from Hell the mouse police recruits need to pass. (It's a lie, but those who faint from the idea are kicked out)
    The Reveal about the Fabletown comics being manufactured by enslaved elves.
    The story of Prince Charming's first conquest... an enchanted princess who was cursed into being a snail. His parents cook her for dinner.
    Clara the Dragon-Raven "catching" the bouquet at Snow White's wedding. Of course, when you can fly and breathe fire...
  • The literals, the anthropomorphic personifications are quite amusing:
    • Mystery's face is hidden behind a shroud, Science Fiction and Fantasy are a man in a spacesuit and a green skinned elf (Respectively) , Literature is a highbrow looking woman, Romance is a very attractive looking woman who Really Gets Around, Western is a cowboy, Blockbuster is basically a Rambo Shout-Out, Noir is a brown-coated detective who slips in when nobody was looking, Comedy is a man in mismatching clothes... and most hilarious is the fact that Horror is a little girl.
      • The behaviour of the genres is hilarious to someone familiar with the stereotypes associated with them.
      • Later on in the crossover, they're engaging in a gunfight with the Fables... Mystery has an old-fashioned pistol, Fantasy is shooting magic bolts, Science Fiction is shooting lasers, Blockbuster is of course going for More Dakka, War is using a rifle, and Comedy is firing a pop gun that says "Boom" on the end of a flag.
      • Science Fiction and Fantasy talk about how often that their little brother "Superhero" was killed that the mundies don't even care by this point.
      • Similarly, Western mentions how many times he's been killed and revived.
      • Fantasy also sends a messenger to the Fables... a unicorn. The girls proceed to shoot it.
  • Fairest: The Hidden Kingdom gives us the priceless scene after Bigby orders Frau Totenkinder, the most powerful witch yet seen, to accompany him to Japan. When the airport official asks the purpose of his visit, he cheerfully replies "Bucket list. I'm taking Great Aunt Totty to see Mount Fuji before she kicks it." Totenkinder's spectacularly pissed off expression makes it clear that Bigby is the only Fable badass enough to humiliate her like that without retribution, and Bigby's clearly gleefully aware of this.
  • In Legends in Exile, Bigby has way too much fun playing out the classic "parlor room summation" scene from every old mystery story, while the others keep urging him to get on with it.
  • When Rose was meeting with the Paladins of Hope, she hitches a ride with Santa, who is one of those Paladins. Santa's reindeer, not being in the loop, assume that Santa is having a mid-life crisis and Rose is his girlfriend, and conspire to keep it a secret from Mrs. Claus so that they have dirt on the boss, just in case they need it.
  • Pinocchio's last story. President of the United States!
  • After Briar Rose went to sleep in a store, the police came to figure it out. Bigby found it amusing that she got woken up when a dog licked her face...and the dog? was named PRINCE.
    Briar: Repeat this to anyone and I'll hate you forever.

  • Yusuf trying to make himself understood in very broken English when he and Sinbad arrive in Fabletown. Unfortunately, hilariously, it's Flycatcher trying to figure them out.
    Yusuf: Where Jungle....girl?
    Fly: You're making me very nervous, sir.

  • Prince Charming did not have the most auspicious tenure as Mayor. The front of the Woodland Building was perpetually filled with protesters there to bitch him out for doing a shitty job of running things, holding signs with pithy sayings like "Someday Our Prince Must GO!" It got so bad Charming started sleeping in his office so he wouldn't have to go outside and face the hateful throng.
    Charming: "Did you hear what they called me yesterday?"

  • Flycatcher singing to himself as he cleans up the business office:
    Fly: ''I know an old lady who swallowed a fly...
    I sure know why she swallowed that fly
    They're so good on rye!''

  • Snow White (alongside Beauty) having the sheer BALLS to jump between Bigby and Beast while they're engaged in a no-holds barred vicious throwdown. Snow bitches Bigby out, and The Big Bad Wolf, the most feared monster in the Fableverse, slumps away, head down like a whipped cur.

  • At one point, the Lady of the ends up wearing a shirt that says "Basis for a System of Government". It's Hilarious