- In the Rare Cuts collections, there's one story about a man who's been magically compelled to blurt out all his most embarrassing secrets whenever he's around other people. Of course, this being a John Constantine comic, it gets a little less funny once we learn all the details. Still...
- "I'M A WHOREMONGER!!!"
- John Constantine's birthday party, where Swamp Thing uses his complete mastery of all plant life... to give John some quick-growing weed.
- Despite also being one of the Squickiest volumes in the series, Son of Man is chockfull of these:
John: "Well, let's see: flibble, flobble, flibble... kaflurp." (Beat) "Bugger me, it's still a bloody gun!"
- Chas asking John to "magic" away a gun used in a shooting.
AW WHY WON'T ISS FACKIN', FACKIN', FACKIN BASS WORRRRRKK?!!'Cos you dunno how to play it, Sid. On your bike.
- When John and company try to summon a demon up from Hell... and get Sid Vicious instead.
- Constantine encounters the spirit of Sir Francis Dashwood, the English nobleman who founded London's infamous "Hellfire Club". The kicker? He went to HEAVEN! Turns out all the stories about black sabbaths and satanic rituals were all just myths. Er, except the orgies.
- After clearing up the misunderstanding between King Arthur and Merlin that had been threatening to destroy England, we get this:Reports come in of marvelous and miraculous events taking place across the country. For a start, Chelsea actually manage to score a goal at Anfield.
- Goons kidnap Chas and use him to bring John to them, threatening to cut off Chas' head and bury it at Chelsea. Chas' main concern is about where exactly his head is going to be buried ("Tottenham is bad enough, but Chelsea?").
- "Andy, I've the horrible feeling we might have swapped underpants."
Funny / Hellblazer