The person who is going to share his memory of what happened here just walked out of this building. And you'll never get your paws on him again. But, my dear deluded former colleagues, he will no longer feel contrained to be merciful. I've held him off since you engineered this travesty of justice. But he's been planning for the worst – what exactly, I don't know. But your idiocy will cost you more than you know.
— Albus Dumbledore
A three-shot Harry Potter Fanfic by DisobedienceWriter.
Harry's trial for using underage magic to fend off a Dementor doesn't go the way he hoped, as Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge has him expelled from Hogwarts and his wand snapped in half. However, Harry isn't going to take this lying down—far from it. And Fudge is about to find out just how much of a thorn in his side Harry Potter can be when he's actively working against the Ministry of Magic.
Can be read here
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A Bad Week at the Wizengamot contains examples of:
- Agony of the Feet: Fudge accidentally cuts off three of his toes with the Cutting Curse while trying to kill a rabbit for food, then three more on the other foot for pissing off Mundungus Fletcher.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: One of the Ministerial Proclamations issued by Sirius is an order to turn over all Dark or cursed artifacts to the Ministry of Magic for disposal. Those include blood quills, assassination rings or medallions, poisoned pens, soul magic containers of any variety, enchanted Singing Elmo dolls, and bottles of hair products designed to make men look like slicked-back veela.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: Dudley makes a porn tape of himself called "The Original Pig in a Wig" where he ruts with a pig on camera for 17 minutes. It sells a whopping seven copies worldwide.
- Big Bad Wannabe: Fudge's efforts at reinventing himself as a Dark Overlord following his release from prison so that he can get revenge on Harry and Sirius for ruining him all completely fall flat due to his utter incompetence. He's incapable of presenting him as a threat or convincing anyone to serve him, his efforts at evil schemes all end in failure (and usually with him accidentally maiming himself), and he ultimately ends up getting himself killed when he accidentally blows up 4 Privet Drive after mistaking it for Potter Manor.
- Black Comedy Rape: After the ten-year Time Skip following the collapse of the Ministry of Magic, Fudge shudders at memories of being locked up with "an unrepentant, sexually curious mountain troll".
- Blackmail: Sirius reflecting on a very good day at school he had in fifth year includes a mention of him catching Argus Filch spying on the female members of the Hufflepuff Quiddich team while they were showering (with the castle's caretaker "rubbing his cat suggestively" while he was at it) and subsequently blackmailing him over the matter.
- Chekhov's Gun: Harry obtains a winery while in exile. He uses his skills to send a bottle of red wine stuffed with poisons for Pettigrew and Voldemort to partake in.
- Cool and Unusual Punishment:
- After Fudge is kicked out of office by the EMU, Sirius becomes Interim Minister, with one of his proclamations introducing a "Truth in Government and Media Initiative." Part of the punishment for second offenders among the media is being forced to spend three months writing an "advice to the lovelorn" column called "Dear Hecate," while third offenders' punishment includes a hundred hours of enforced viewing of the Muggle television program The Jerry Springer Show.
- Sirius also adds amendments to the Reasonable Restriction for Underage Magic. The first offense is punishable by a 100-Galleon fine and a public spanking, while the second is punishable by a 300-Galleon fine, 40 hours of community service, and public spankings on three separate days.
- Cruel and Unusual Death: Many of the Wizengamot members executed by Voldemort suffer this, ranging from choking to death on a whole radish, blowing themselves up while preparing a burn salve, drowning in an inch of butterbeer, and somehow mistaking cement for his favourite brand of hummus.
- Cultural Posturing: The primary reason Fudge never considered that Harry would be able to pursue further education at another school outside Britain is his belief that being British automatically makes Hogwarts the best magical school in the world, and therefore there'd be no reason for Harry to try schooling elsewhere. He also dismisses provable claims that Hogwarts is actually far behind most other magic schools on most subjects, again due to his fervent belief in British superiority.
- Didn't Think This Through: Fudge assumes that Harry will be out of his hair for good once he's expelled from Hogwarts and his wand is destroyed. He forgets that Harry has the financial means to move to other countries with magical communities which also have wandmakers and schools of magic.
- Disaster Dominoes: Fudge throwing a rock at Privet Drive, causing a chain reaction that leads to the house exploding and his head cut off.
- Epic Fail: Fudge's attempt to kill a rabbit for food with the Cutting Curse leaves him short three toes on his right foot.
- Extremely Short Timespan: As the title implies, Harry upends the magical government of Britain and puts Fudge through a brutal life-destroying Humiliation Conga in a single week.
- Future Loser: As an adult, Dudley gets fired from several jobs for incredibly stupid reasons (including his father's firm for stealing 27 drill presses and abandoning them in an alleyway), is forced to live in his parents' basement, gets roughed up by several people he tries to bully, and makes his living cooking crystal meth and making bestiality porn starring himself.
- Gone Horribly Right: The fic opens with the Ministry of Magic trying Harry for using magic outside of school while underage as if he were an adult, even though Harry is still a couple years away from the age of majority by the very definition of his crime, so they can silence his claims that Voldemort has returned. Unfortunately for them, treating Harry as an adult in a Magical court of law means Harry is now legally and magically an adult, and he has both the financial resources to go elsewhere and negate his punishment and the shrewdness to ensure that the Ministry pays for what it's done. Within a week, the British Wizarding government becomes the laughingstock of the European Magical Union as Harry goes public on how he was treated, culminating in the Ministry shutting down for several days due to Harry and his godfather Sirius Black suspending their magic from an ancient treaty that allows the government to function at all.
- Humiliation Conga: Fudge and the Wizengamot's decision to expel Harry and break his wand turns out to be the worst mistake of their lives.
- To start with, after Harry departs Britain and takes his money with him, it turns out his family fortune was supporting a great deal of Wizarding Britain's economy, including assets managed by the goblins (which pisses them off so much that they seize the Ministry of Magic's assets) and a trust that pays 45% of the bills for Hogwarts (causing tuition to be raised by 200%).
- It comes out that the Ministry sent Sirius to Azkaban for more than a decade without trial, which is conclusively proven by Pensieve evidence, ruining the Ministry of Magic's reputation in the worldwide magical community.
- Harry's departure breaks an ancient magical contract his family signed that kept the government running, resulting in the dissolution of the Ministry of Magic and the Wizengamot. When the European Magical Union arrives to clean up the mess, they uncover a mountain of evidence of corruption and law-breaking among Britain's magical government, including Umbridge's possession of Dark artifacts, Snape casting Unforgivable Curses, and Fudge taking bribes and having his wife locked up in a Muggle sanitarium.
- When Voldemort finds out the Wizengamot caused Harry to leave Britain and interfered with his plans for the prophecy, he gets so mad he orders the assassinations of all the Wizengamot members who voted to convict Harry.
- Meanwhile, much to Fudge's chagrin, Harry himself is hailed as a hero by the international magical community, offered citizenship in no less than eight different countries, and made Chevalier in the French Legion of Honor.
- Ten years later, when Fudge is released from Azkaban, he attempts to establish himself as a Dark Lord, but his elaborate long-term multi-step plan to establish himself as a threat fails because he's so utterly useless he can't even cast the Cutting Curse to kill a rabbit, culminating in Fudge blowing himself up in an attack on "Potter Manor" that is really an empty Privet Drive.
- Ignorant of Their Own Ignorance: Fudge only learns that Voldemort meant "flight from death" when attempting to establish himself as a Dark Lord, and has to improvise that his own alias of "Gnuiucfes" is Sanskrit for "death of the ordinary" when in reality it's just an anagram for "Cornelius Vkroard Fudge."
- Inept Mage: As a Hogwarts student, Fudge barely managed to get three NEWTs (History of Magic, Herbology, and Astronomy) with the absolute lowest grade required to pass. In the present, his attempts to use the Cutting Curse result in him slicing off three toes from each foot on two separate occasions.
- Irony: It's noted that Fudge used to work in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, and yet he suffers a splinching accident that costs him both buttocks (after one was partially bitten off by a dog).
- Killer Rabbit: One of the Wizengamot members who Voldemort orders Wormtail to assassinate is mauled by a feral puffskein (a small, furry fluffball commonly kept as a pet by wizarding children).
- Likes Older Women: Dudley gets fired from a job at Sainsbury's for feeling up an 83-year-old assistant and claiming her body is "smashing" and "very, very tempting."
- Meaningful Rename: Fudge attempts this when he takes the new name of 'Dark Overlord Gnuiucfes', but is unaware that past Dark Lords like Voldemort adopted names that meant something in another language, while 'Gnuiucfes' is just the only thing he could find that made a suitable anagram of his original name "Cornelius Vikroard Fudge".
- Mugging the Monster: After the Ministry of Magic expels Harry and destroys his wand, he leaves Britain and takes all his assets with him, causing the institutions his family's fortune was supporting to fall apart like a house of cards, then takes a wrecking ball to their reputation on the international magical stage by revealing to the world that they sentenced Sirius to Azkaban for 12 years without a trial.
- Necro Non Sequitur: Ex-Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge throws a rock through the open window of Dudley Dursley's home meth lab, which starts a highly-improbable chain of events that ends with Number Four Privet Drive exploding and Fudge being decapitated by a flying toilet seat.
- Noodle Incident: After Fudge gets many angry letters and Howlers as a result of Harry's departure destroying the economy of Magical Britain, the narration comments that "he hadn't heard such language since he got kicked out of that whorehouse in Turkey."
- Not Distracted by the Sexy: Harry is immune to Veela charms. Good for him, since he's gained a household full of them.
- Pain to the Ass: While searching for a suitable mansion to serve as a dark lair, Fudge gets chased by an Angry Guard Dog that tears out a chunk of his left buttock, then loses the right one a few seconds later when he splinches himself while apparating away from the scene.
- Shrouded in Myth: To regain his power and become a new Dark Lord, Fudge tries spreading frightening and impressive rumors about himself. It doesn't work very well because his idea of "frightening and impressive" includes summoning a demon to play Gobstones with it, killing a dozen Muggles a day and drinking their blood, and surviving after eating unpasteurized cheese from France.
- There Is No Kill Like Overkill: Harry kills Voldemort by sending him a bottle of wine containing a mixture of basically every kind of poison he can think of, including basilisk venom and dementor blood. This concoction is powerful enough to even sever his tethers to his remaining Horcruxes, ensuring that not even they can prevent him from dying.
- Undignified Death: Fudge ultimately dies when he throws a rock through the window of 4 Privet Drive thinking it's Potter Manor and starts an explosive chain reaction that blows up the house and destroys Dudley's triple reinforced steel toilet seat, which flies at him through the window and slices his head off.
- Who Murdered the Asshole: After being put in jail, Umbridge was apparently murdered behind bars when she got too lippy with a witch who was much smarter and stronger than her. No one was ever punished for her death because she had become so loathed by everyone inside the prison: the warden, the guards, all the other prisoners, and even the house-elves. Furthermore, it's noted that every witch in the prison was smarter and stronger than Umbridge.
