KSPAM Dons His Reading Glasses And Dives Into Index:
Episode 1: Academy City Well, it's time for a whole 'nother tale. And what wonders await us now, you ask? Well, with the aid of new technology, we can connect to orbiting satellites and find out just that. Such as this one, right here! All right, let's go to the zoom function... Ah! There we go-WHOA! TOO CLOSE! TOO CLOSE! ZOOM OUT! Okay, that was a waste. Now that we're back in orbit, let's try that again, but slower this time. Okay, 5x! 10x! 25x! 50x! 100X MAG! AHAHAHA! And here he is, our
The first episode of To Aru Majutsu no Index, right here! I could've waited, I could've stalled but I got to it right away, yes I did! Ahahahaha! Success! Now, if you'll excuse me, I must focus myself on fighting off carpal tunnel. Bye!
edited 30th Jun '10 7:27:49 PM by KSPAM
edited 1st Jul '10 6:59:06 AM by KSPAM
THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM. THIS IS ONLY A TEST. IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY WE'RE CONDUCTING THIS THROUGH THE INTERNET, WELL... THIS HAS BEEN A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM
—and square-danced with a baboon!
Episode 2: Innocentius Touma, still huddled over Index's unconscious form, addresses the magician. He simply taunts him, apparently the attack wasn't supposed to draw blood. After all, the Walking Church should've protected her-Oh. Well why was she even here to begin with? the hood she left behind? That Touma specifically chose to ignore? Well, I gotta hand it to ya "hero", nice job. He tries to Hannibal Lecture the magician on justice, but fails utterly as he just tells him to step aside while he collects the grimoires. Either he's really evil, or Touma really shouldn't consider a future in motivational speaking. Touma finally asks the question. Just where is that metric shit-ton of books hidden? Why, inside Index's brain of course! What. Further adding to the confusion, anyone, specifically pointed out as anyone near Touma's level, who sets eyes on even one of the 103,000 grimoires will suffer long term mental disability and/or complications. Okay, so Index is like the Necronomicon on crack. The magician lies through his teeth, saying he's only here to recover Index so he can protect the 103,000 grimoires from those who might misuse it. He's the only one who can, after all. Index wouldn't hold up so well against torture or drugs. Now that's harsh, man. That not-so-subtle threat throws Touma into a fit of rage, prompting him to punch the magician. He dodges with apparent ease, and, in traditional Shonen form, introduces himself. Maybe you should've done that before the punching? His name: Stiyl Magnus? Steihl Magnus? Steel Magnum? Stale Mandarine? Stiyl further introduces himself, giving out a name complete with numeric code, Fortis931, just like Index. He gives us another important factoid. A magician's magic name is sort of like the nickname given to a serial killer. It's their title. With this, he flicks away his smoldering cigarette. On the way down to ground level, it emits a brightening flare and becomes an airborne bonfire. It swirls upwards and lands in his hand. BEST. CIGGY. EVER. Touma suffers a moment's hesitation. After all, the hand's never been put up against any bona-fide magic before. Fight or flight? Stiyl makes him pay for it and whips him with a rope of fire. The entire balcony lights up in flame, and Stiyl looks upon the smoke, posing one of my most oft said phrases: "I wonder if I overdid it?" Turns out he underdid it. Predictably, Touma survives. He peeps himself up, remembering a little too late that the hand broke up the clergy clothes. Stiyl tries again. 'Cause you know what they say: "If you're in the middle of a literal firefight and your first tactic failed horribly, try, try, try again!" Finally realizing that Kamijou Touma will shut this shit down, he tries a new tactic. By the mere uttering of his Badass Creed, he summons a giant made of flame. It's very presence sets the balcony alight, melting the nameplates and the door handles into molten slag. It's name (of course it has a name)? Innocentius! Not to burst your bubble, but right hand or no, shouldn't convection alone be frying you by now Touma? Well, no matter, he flicks it away with a swipe of the hand. Only to have it reform behind him. Way to go. It forms out of the flames of its right hand a gigantic cross-shaped blade/club/too with which one may inflict bodily harm. It raises in a slow arc, and swings down. Touma catches it and holds it back. About five seconds in, he realizes it isn't dispersing. The flame seems to regenerate every time it's cancelled. How do I word this? A Wizard Did It. Touma, not retreating but not gaining any ground, hears Index's voice through the massive, roaring, crackling blaze with his super-hearing! Yeah! Don't look at me, I don't know. She's suddenly returned to consciousness. Or maybe not. She starts going all wide-eyed like she's on some funky trip and starts reciting random information about runes, probably info from the MASSIVE FREAKIN' LIBRARY IN HER HEAD! Turns out the library is in control now. Since when libraries could perform as a substitute for the human consciousness, I don't know. It helpfully babbles on and on about Innocentius's one weakness. It cannot be destroyed, but only if the runic symbols in the surrounding area are intact. Wow. for a split personality, you're surprisingly coherent and helpful. And then BOOT TO THE HEAD! K.O! After Stiyl swiftly shuts her up, he comments on how utterly futile it would be for him to try and remove the runic markings all over the building. Simply impossible. Yup. He prepares his next attack with a simple chant of "Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust." Two flames appear in both hands. With a hearty and hammy "Squeamish Bloody Rood!", Stiyl launches a crucifix of flame towards Touma. Do I sense a theme here? Touma somehow jumps off the side onto the balcony below, hobbling and smoking. And then we see what is, without doubt, the biggest waste of paper and scotch tape I've ever seen. Just as he's about to go rip happy on the runic markings, Innocentius shows up to ruin the fun. Uh, Stiyl, I see a bit of a flaw in your plan here. Touma dives through Innocentius and dashes down the stairs. Unfortunately, while convection seems to be fine just ignoring him, momentum is not so kind. He falls off a balcony to the roof of a tin shed on ground level. He immediately starts stumbling to the sidewalk when he notices Innocentius isn't chasing him. He finally puts two and two together and figures out that if the runic markings define Innocentius's existence in this world, they also define the perimeter it may inhabit. Out of any immediate danger besides random smoking rebars Innocentius is throwing like Donkey Kong, Touma decides to do the logical thing. Call the police! \*Facepalm* Touma pulls out his broken phone, which he forgot was broken, before ditching it for a nearby telephone booth. Touma decides for different tactic and heads back tot he building. Meanwhile, Stiyl does something quite unusual for a supposed villain and reaches out slowly, almost warmly towards the bleeding Index. And then fire sprinklers. Y'KNOW, THAT WOULD'VE BEEN HELPFUL WHEN THERE WAS AN ACTUAL FIRE! Stiyl dismisses it as another attempt to combat Innocentius's regen BS before Touma arrives in the elevator, strolling casually. I wonder where Innocentius went, don't you Stiyl? Touma admits that Stiyl would've had him had he used a knife to engrave the markings and not paper and scotch tape. Stiyl curses his poor planning as Touma punches him in the face mid-spell. TOUMA WINS! HUMILIATION! Hours later, the fire department arrives. A little slow on the draw there, eh Tex? Misaka stands around at the scene, loitering for no apparent reason. GLOMP CANNON PREP COMPLETE! LOADING AND FIRIIIIINNNNGGGG! Touma seems to finally remember that Index is bleeding to death and contemplates taking hr to a hospital. Nope, the information would be leaked since she doesn't have an ID. What about a healing spell from Index's grimoires? Nope, Being esper nulls any magic capability. What about—NOT THIS TIME ASSWAD. Magic apparently was developed by people without abilities because they felt left out of the fun. And thusly, espers can't use magic. So it's sorta like a cosmic "NO ESPERZ ALLOWED" sign on some pissed off kid's treehouse? But wait! There may be someone in the staff... who can... help us... oh no. Sure enough, Touma heads down to Loli-sensei's house. The door on the outside is steel-reinforced against mailmen (what the hell kind of mailmen do they have?). The inside... is covered in discarded beer cans and cigarettes. Well that's disconcerting to say the least of it. What's worse is the
That's Index episode 2! Join us *ED starts playing* next time... as... AAAARRRGGGHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!
edited 2nd Jul '10 6:32:06 PM by KSPAM
edited 2nd Jul '10 11:44:53 AM by ComicX6
Episode 3: The Church Of Necessary Evil— Necessarius Back in the
One Index episode 3 for table five! Would you like fries with that? Yes? TOO BAD. You'll have to wait till next update.
Episode 4: Perfect Memorization So Yeah, back from the dead! Wooo! Let's light this candle! Back in Closed Space, Touma is about as confused as a dog in a house of mirrors. He looks around, realizing that truly, everyone is gone. Oh wait, someone's still around! A girl walks out of the shadows and... Whoa. Talk about Fashionable Asymmetry. She explains that their isolation was caused by runes. Runes which she of course spammed with a ferocity that even Stiyl couldn't match. She introduces herself as Kanzaki Koari. But her other name, she'd prefer to keep secret. Touma recognizes this helpful little cue and identifies her as one of the Magic Cabal, like Stiyl. Kanzaki continues. She's just here to capture Index. If Touma will just hand her over, no one need come to any harm. WELL TO HELL WITH THAT! Touma, in his stubbornness, refuses and prepares to fight. Which Kanzaki meets by promptly slicing off the tip of an industrial steel windmill. At a distance. With her sword. Hot damn. She asks again and Touma, like the saint or possibly supreme idiot he is, still refuses. This time, she taps the hilt of her sword, sending out shockwaves that cut apart the pavement in a storm of rubble and crappy paint. She reveals in typical Shōnen style that a slash from her sword, Shichiten Shichitou, can kill someone several times in a split second. She calls it Nanasen. Touma strategizes, but Kanzaki, apparently a mind reader, shoots him down. She received info from Stiyl about his right hand, meaning she knows she can hurt him provided she hits something other than his hand. What now, Touma? "Charge at her blindly?" That's funny Touma. No, seriously. What? "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" My god, he actually did it. Well, what's coming up is entirely your fault, Touma. Have fun! She hits him with another Nanasen, but he gets back on his feet. She hits him again, and again. He finally gets in close, but gets blasted again. Her attack connects with his right hand, cutting it up continually. Touma, shocked and confused, takes a moment to look around and finds that what cut him was cheese wire. A whole shitload of cheese wire. So apparently she masks the cheese wire using attacks from her katana. That combined with the runes means she must've spent a long time setting this up. Plans ahead, don't she? She asks him once more to surrender. And guess what, Touma doesn't. There's stubbornness and then there's a death wish. I'll let you decide which. He staggers towards Kanzaki, who strikes him with the sheath of her sword. He gasps for breath but instead gets a boot to the head. Lying on the ground, Touma receives no mercy, only curbstomp. Her foot digging into his chest, she asks him again. Touma still stands firm, and asks Kanzaki a question in return. He may not be able to protect Index. He's weak, with no power. But power... she has it. So why can't she use that power to protect her? Because RICK JAMES BITCH! She lifts her foot in silence. With a small shudder, she denies any desire to do this. But she was ordered to do so by the organization she belong to... Necessarius. What a tweest! She didn't even intend to hurt Index, who's a dear friend of hers. She wasn't aware that the Walking Church was in such a state. Wow, way to go hero. Touma demands to know why they're doing this to her. Kanzaki gives us the unsettling facts. Index has "perfect memorization". Where most people forget unnecessary information as a means of organizing and prioritizing their brain, Index is incapable of doing that. She remembers everything she sees, hears and feels. With this rapid input, her brain quickly reaches capacity. Touma interrupts again, with another question. Gee, why don't ya just take notes while you're at it? He asks why if Index has such a great memory, she can't remember her friends or her superiors. And that's when we learn that Index hadn't lost her memory. It was taken by Necessarius. 85% of yadda yadda is taken up by yadda jargon expospeak. So if they don't blah blah blah her memories in exact yadda blah, her brain will jargon yadda jargon. The time for yadda yadda is in three days. Touma doesn't like this explanation, as it has one logical fallacy. Why keep presenting themselves as an enemy? Why not clear the misunderstanding? Surely as her friend she could- "SHUT UP YOU AMATEUR!" Ohohoho, Not So Stoic now are we? She inquires of him in return, how much resolve do you think Stiyl had to muster to present himself that ay? To become an enemy for the sake of his friend? to be hated, feared by her? And now Touma, you've officially made her flip her lid. The beatdown begins as Kanzaki takes off like a helicopter and kicks Touma in the face again, sending him flying. She leaps again and smacks Touma with her sheath again. And again. And again. She keeps beating him while yelling about Index. About how year after year she forgot. Year after year, no matter how many new memories they made, it came to nought. Eventually, they just couldn't stand to see her smile anymore. And then Touma gets up, again, to debate her logic. They just didn't try hard enough. Oh yes Touma, because the world runs on courage, friendship and flowers. Because thinking you can will totally make it work. See how far that gets you if you jump off a cliff without a parachute. I'll be waiting at the bottom. With that, he faints, curling into a ball at Kanzaki's feet. Stiyl drops in, inspecting her work. He asks her if she's done. The Closed Space unfolds and nomality returns, as Misaka and Kuroko come back from a night of shopping, only to be greeted by Kanzaki's handiwork. No, not Touma. He's still bleeding. The windmill blade sticks up out of the plaza like a funky piece of modern art. Kuroko suggests a prank, possibly by someone with technology manipulating capabilities. Index walks through the crowd, barely noticed by a passing Misaka. Touma wakes to the sun shining. He's back in his house and bandaged by none other than Index, who did a surprisingly good job considering how well she managed to put that Walking Church back together She regrets to inform him he's been out for three days. OH SHIT! She also is kind enough to tell us that Loli-sensei was the one who dragged him off the road and back to the apartment. She gos on, saying how worried she was and blah blah blah. If there's no more Stiyl and Kanzaki this episode, I'm done. KNOCK NOCK! "Kamijou-chan, we have guests!" Heheheheh yessssss...
That's the return of the Index liveblog! I hope you continue to bear with me on this
edited 4th Sep '10 8:35:00 AM by KSPAM
Episode 5 After enduring a blissfully short stint of Loli-sensei's ever-grating voice, hours suddenly pass and it's night! Touma leans on the wall across from an unconscious Index, looking quite like Imhotep's retarded half-brother. He is melancholy, reflecting on the ever enclosing time limit. He flashes back to earlier, when Index agreed to follow Stiyl and Kanzaki's orders if they'd leave Touma alone, forever erasing her memories of him and separating them permanently. Well thank god for that! And here I thought the annoying Moe Blob would be sticking around! It's such a relief that won't be happening! Ring ring! He-he-helo? Ring ring! He-he-hello? Ring ring- YOU HAVE A BAD CONNECTION! Touma picks up the phone, and answers to OH MY GOD HOTNESS—I mean, Kanzaki. On top of a skyscraper no less. She asks if Index is there. To which, I pose a question of my own. Just where is a comatose person going to run off to? She tells Touma that the time limit is midnight that night and that he'd better have said his goodbyes and be gone by then. Touma tries to pull his "fight da powah" bull again, only to be told off by Kanzaki. "This is not a conversation, nor a negotiation. It is an order." I love this chick more with every passing scene. Touma pleads, asking why magicians can't do anything to save her. After all, IT'S MAGIC, BITCH! But she shoots him down, again. Magic an't fix this because that would mean letting Index access the grimoires, many of which probably contain bias against the Church. That's the church for you. Always looking for their own pale-white asses. Touma persists, asking why they can't use science to save her. Kanzaki simply replies that their method has at the very least guaranteed Index's safety, unlike Touma's. And the fool refuses to listen. Honestly, I am getting tired of repeating myself. YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Kanzaki hangs up, clacks the cell-phone shut, and barely, just barely, sighs. Touma, rethinking his idiocy, picks up a book to look for an answer, but gives up and calls Loli-sensei to see if she can introduce him to any neurological facilities. Loli-sensei is, of course, drinking at the bath-house. Honestly, she just disturbs me. Deeply so. While she does... whatever she does, Touma decides to start callign random facilities. But no one picks up. Ain't that a damn shame? Maybe you shouldn't be calling them AT 11:00 PM!!! And when someone finally picks up, they immediately hang up at the mention of magic. This is a city of scientists after all. And then every clock in the world strikes midnight. Well, ya did all you could. Now leave and never return. Ever. Instead, he stays with Index as Kanzaki and Stiyl come marching in. Stiyl pushes him away and prepares the ritual to kill her memories. Kill her memories? I thought I was doing my Index liveblog, not Kara no Kyoukai! Touma continues to wager, trying to get him to let him try a few things. He promises he'll find a way to make it so everyone can smile again. If only you could see how desperate you look right now Touma. IT. IS. OVER. Stiyl pushes him to the ground, questioning his humanity, asking him what kind of human would take a person already in so much pain and submit her for experimentation. He flashes out a gold cross needed for the ritual and tells him to destroy it, if he's that confident in his own abilities. Do it, he try things hiss way. But if he fails, Index will most certainly die. This is bad, how? And then he calls Touma blasted mutant. Wow, X-Men references already? "Why? Why don't I even have the ability to save one girl in pain?" I think this answers the question quite nicely, don't you?◊ Stiyl presses onwards. But Kanzaki stops for a moment and wonders, "Is it right to crush this guy's soul like this?" Maybe not, but it is funny. She convinces Stiyl to give him ten minutes to say goodbye before the ritual begins. They walk outside and leave Touma with Index. If this goes all End of Evangelion, I swear to god... Oh good, she's waking up. That solves that. She says Touma's name, and he comforts her with a barrage of false promises. She smiles and passes out again, leaving Touma to wonder what kind of guy would swallow his bullshit. Or maybe he's just trying to remember if he left the oven on. And then he comes to a realization. Just where the hell did Kanzaki pull all those statistics from? And why can a person only live for one year on 15% of the brain's total capacity? He calls up Loli-sensei, who actually answers this time, and asks her for the straight dope. While perfect memorization is rare and does in fact, make the afflicted unable to forget the smallest detail, it is not a fatal condition, as the brain can store up to 140 years of exact, total recall memory to begin with. And just where, might I ask, is she getting these figures? Touma hangs up, facing the distinct possibility the church probably lied to Kanzaki and Stiyl. That the church wants this to happen, so Index would never betray them and her friends would be forced to follow orders. Again, the church are assholes. He tries to use his Anti-Magic on her, but finds nothing. That is, until he starts poking around the mouth. In it, he finds a floating number 4. What He pokes it and is thrown back by some sort of shock. Then Index starts to glow black and things get all Sephiroth up in this shit as Index's alternate personalty takes over. She blasts the door down and Stiyl and Kanzaki come in just in time to see Index start her attack. "St. George's Sanctuary" —- Let's try to keep this going this time, alright? If I slack off and don't update at least once a week, please PM about it.
edited 27th Nov '10 1:12:44 AM by KSPAM
You need to Get Known to get one of those.