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The Reason You Suck Speech: Real Life

  • This article is an extremely powerful Tranquil Fury deconstruction of an author's controversial book title.
  • This is the experience of some people who go through Basic Training (Boot Camp for Marines) in the armed forces of the United States, although "The Reason You Suck" Speech is only half the deal - it's the prelude to Dare to Be Badass. For recruits the effect is such: the drill sergeant has dwelt upon their inadequacies and failures at length. Can they prove him wrong?
    • Once the Drill Sergeant/Instructor gives this speech and actively implements mental and physical activities designed to reinforce it, his task is then to build the recruits up with mental and physical activities and training so that they *will* prove him wrong.
    • One punishment in Basic Training/Boot Camp/OCS is to give a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to yourself.
  • Personality profiles normally do this in a mild way in the compliment sandwich. They first give you what your type means and its characteristics and aptitudes. Then, it gives a brief admonition about frequent weak points of that type before finally giving you a feel good message about how great you and your MBTI type are.
  • For judges, giving these is often part of the job:
    • The judge at York Crown Court in 1971 to a defendant called Philip Mccutcheon: "I think you should give burglary up. You have a withered hand, an artificial leg and only one eye. You have been caught in Otley, Leeds, Harrogate, Norwich, Beverley, Hull and York. How can you hope to succeed? You are a rotten burglar. You are always being caught."
    • This Atlanta judge who gave a child molester a life sentence had a few choice words to say to the woman who let a rapist into her home and gave him access to the children, after giving the sentence.
  • The Declaration of Independence is one big one from the thirteen British colonies over in America to King George III and the British government.
  • British forces that liberated the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp had a pretty good one, delivered via loudspeakers to local German officials who'd been taken to witness the camp, and the captured SS troops being made to bury the dead.
    "You, who represent the fathers and brothers of German youth, see before your eyes some of the sons and daughters who bear the direct responsibility for this crime. They are a small portion only. Therefore, it is more than the human soul is able to bear. But who bears the real responsibility? You, who allowed your leader to carry out this horrible madness; you, who couldn't do enough for this degenerate triumph. You, who were a part of this camp..."
    • The whole process of denazification consisted of delivering carefully-worded Reason You Suck Speeches to the entire German population, through the media and propaganda posters. The Allied authorities in all sectors pounded it into the Germans that they were all responsible for what happened during the war, including the Holocaust, and that they had better repent and shape up! The plan seems to have worked, since most Germans regard No Swastikas and the atrocities of World War II as extremely Serious Business, and are willing to say, to this day, that their country as a whole were the bad guys in the war.
      • To a point, anyway. There's no way around it, after all, it can go either way when you have to deprogram a population. But as a consequence this caused the Vocal Minority who still believed to become incredibly radicalised, to the point the #1 complaint by Hammerskins and DVU about the fuhrer isn't that he lost, or that he was tactically incompetent... But that they lost by being too nice. Similarly a complaint with some modern Italian fascists and Futurists. Primarily stems from the fact they buy into period propaganda, dismissing "US-taught history" as propaganda, and not believing Germany's logistical problems or the requirement for slave labour. Note: Not related at all to Holocaust denial, it instead stems from believing in Hitler's mythos that he 'saved' Germany from destruction by greedy outsiders and his military strategy and the individual soldiers of the time were invincible.
    • It's also notable that they didn't try to do this against the Japanese, in part because it could be potentially offensive against their ancestors (Keep in mind that the Japanese, as many East Asian cultures, worship their ancestors) and it could make the American occupation of Japan difficult if they tried to disgrace them, since it's one of the greatest taboos of the Japanese culture. It was also that America was still too racist to be offended by Japan committing atrocities because no one expected better of the Japanese. Germany was a "civilized" western country, and so the rest of the western world were offended that one of their own would do such a thing. This did end up coming back to bite them in the butt somewhat; while most of present day Germans are the most passionate anti-Nazis imaginable, some in Japan look at war atrocities such as the Rape of Nanjing and shrug it off.
  • Radio host Alex Jones is extremely prone to giving these, to everyone and everything under the sun.
  • In 2011, after it emerged that the Vatican had conspired to shelter child sex abusers in the Irish diocese of Cloyne and had even gone so far as to interfere with the Irish Guards' investigation of the abuse, Enda Kenny, Taoiseach of the Republic of Ireland, gave the most hostile speech ever given by an Irish politician about the Mother Church in the Dáil Éireann. It was so furious, and so unprecedented in one of Europe's most Catholic nations, and so unexpected of the man who delivered it—whose party, Fine Gael, is the more traditionalist and pro-Church faction in Irish politics—that some commentators have called it "the end of Catholic Ireland". Soon after, the Vatican recalled its papal nuncio to Ireland and Ireland closed its Vatican embassy in Rome.
    Kenny: For the first time in this country, a report into child sexual abuse exposes an attempt by the Holy See to frustrate an inquiry in a sovereign, democratic republic as little as three years ago, not three decades ago. And in doing so, the Cloyne report excavates the dysfunction, the disconnection, the elitism that dominate the culture of the Vatican today...I want to make it clear, as Taoiseach, that when it comes to the protection of the children of this State, the standards of conduct which the Church deems appropriate to itself, cannot and will not, be applied to the workings of democracy and civil society in this republic. Not purely, or simply, or otherwise, because children have to be, and will be, put first.
  • Lucius Sergius Catilina gets one hell of a tongue-lashing from Cicero, beginning as thus: "Quo usque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra? Quamdiu etiam furor iste tuus nos eludet? Quem ad finem sese effrenata iactabit audacia?". This means: "How long, Catilina, will you abuse our patience? For how long will that madness of yours mock us? To what end will your unbridled effrontery toss itself about?". And then it gets worse for Catilina...
    • Cicero tended to use this tactic a fair amount in his speeches, which tended to be against someone: in Ancient Rome, "orator" meant "lawyer" (and specifically "barrister"); although most of Cicero's cases had him defending, he made his name as a prosecutor, as he was willing to take cases against powerful Senators (in no small part because the lawyer who successfully prosecuted a Senator won the defeated Senator's rank and seniority within the Senate), most famously in trials for corruption and other crimes to do with abuse of power. Saying why the opposing party really, really sucked was part of his strategy, (a lengthy explanation of how Verrus and his lawyer sucked for trying to game the system allowed him to end the trial after opening arguments) as well as playing up his background (by Roman standards, he was a Simple Country Lawyer, which made him popular among the "New Men" who were more and more often sitting on juries at the time).
    • Cicero really hands it to Mark Antony in the Philippics, a series of speeches against him.
      • Cicero's speeches against Antony were so nasty that Antony had Cicero killed and reportedly had his tongue nailed to the rostra, the platform politicians gave speeches on. Antony didn't take criticism well. Still, at least it was a moral victory for Marcus Tullius.
  • Joseph Nye Welch to Senator Joseph McCarthy, during the Army-McCarthy hearings: "You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"
  • Who can forget this zinger from Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle in the 1988 Vice-presidential debate? It still shows up in pretty much every Top Ten list of debate zingers.
  • Bill O'Reilly can give some positively acidic ones, when he gets going. Beware the label of "pinhead" levied from this man.
  • Fear the wrath of Jon Stewart. The network was so embarrassed that they canceled the show.
    • Another fine Jon Stewart example would be this.
    • There was also the Earth day special where he insulted Planet Earth for trying to kill the human race time and time again.
    • Then there were the times where he completely demolished both Keith Olbermann and Glenn Beck. The best part? As a result, Olbermann admitted he was wrong and apologized.
    • And this one, to terrorist group Boko Haram, after they committed the mass kidnapping of hundreds of Nigerian girls:
    "You guys are trying so hard to convince everybody that you're such badasses, but all you've done is highlight who the real badasses are - the kids you kidnapped. Compared to a teenager who knows that her desire for an education could get her dragged into a snake infested jungle to be sold as a bride by some demented stick-chewing cartoon villain, but still gets up and goes to class everyday, fully aware of the danger. Compared to their courage, I'd say Boko Haram is a bunch of little girls. But you know what? You don't deserve that compliment."
  • Stephen Colbert also stood five feet from George W. Bush and tore him a new one.
    • Also an amazing Take That, but Stephen's deconstruction of Sarah Palin, and her increased importance in news media after the '08 election.
    "I know you think this story has no purpose other than keeping Sarah Palin’s name in the headlines for another news cycle. I know you think she has nothing to offer the national dialogue and that her speeches are just coded talking points mixed in with words picked up at random from a thesaurus. I know you think Sarah Palin is at best a self-promoting ignoramus and at worst a shameless media troll who will abuse any platform to deliver dog-whistle encouragement to a far right base that may include possible insurrectionists. I know you think her reality show was pathetically unstatesmanlike, and at the same time, I know you believe it represents the pinnacle of her potential. And that her transparent desperation to be a celebrity so completely eclipsed her interest in public service so long ago that there would be more journalistic integrity on reporting one of the lesser Kardashians’ ass implants. I know, I know that when you arrive at the office each day you say a silent prayer that maybe—just maybe—Sarah Palin will at long last just shut up for just ten fucking minutes. I know because I can see it in your eyes. Well guess what, Mika? That’s the gig. And it’s only January of 2011, kiddo. And you have a minimum of two more years of this ahead of you. You want to stay in this game? You dig deep. You find another gear. You show up to work every day and get your hair and makeup done. You slap on a smile, get out there on TV and repeat what Sarah Palin said on Hannity last night right into the lens. You know... news".
  • Bill Hicks did this a bunch. Most notably, at a show in Chicago when he verbally tore a heckler to pieces. Later during the show, he had a meltdown because of a bunch of other hecklers, which culminated in him yelling: "HITLER HAD THE RIGHT IDEA, HE WAS JUST AN UNDERACHIEVER!" This in the middle of a blistering seven-minute rant on how the mere existence of the people he was chewing out was a valid argument in favor of exterminating the entire human race. Admittedly, went from Crowning Moment Of Awesome to Nightmare Fuel but there's been few people alive who have made such a hardcore "The Reason You Suck" Speech to a person who was standing in front of them.
  • Bill Burr had an infamous and horribly epic speech to Philadelphia after they spent the entire day booing every act before him back in 2006. The entire speech is a 12 minute rant deconstructing everything about the city, from its sports teams, its perceived racism, the fact that Rocky is their hero, and anything else even remotely connected to the city, all amid Cluster F-Bomb and any other foul word you can think of. Even better is when he repeatedly tells them how much longer his act is.
    Bill Burr: Oh, fuck all you people. Ya know what. you fucking losers, I hope you all fucking die, and I hope those fucking Eagles never win the Superbowl. Go fuck yourselves.
  • "Mr. McCance, you are a douchebag."
  • Adlai Stevenson destroying Soviet ambassador Valerian Zorin on the floor of the United Nations Security Council during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Includes a nice Armor-Piercing Question as well:
    "Do you, Ambassador Zorin, deny that the USSR has placed and is placing medium and intermediate range missiles and sites in Cuba? Yes or no? Don't wait for the translation, yes or no?
  • In the Norway Debates in Great Britain at the beginning of World War II, Roger Keyes and Leo Amery gave a pair of these to Neville Chamberlain, with Keyes (a retired naval admiral) appearing in full military dress to excoriate Chamberlain on the behalf of the military for the conduct of the Norway campaign, and Amery criticizing the lack of preparation and general lack of fighting spirit and competence in Chamberlain's government. Amery ended by quoting Oliver Cromwell: "You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go." The effect of the speeches was only increased by the fact that both politicians were in the same party as Chamberlain, and the speeches are often credited as a large reason for Chamberlain's subsequent resignation. Of course David Lloyd George also made a fairly brutal speech, saying that the best thing that Chamberlain could do for the war effort was resign. Honestly, May 1940 was not a good time to be Neville Chamberlain.
  • De Profundis is a long "Reason You Suck Speech" in written form by Oscar Wilde for his ex-lover, Lord Alfred Douglas.
  • David Cameron, Prime Minister of Great Britain is quite fond of these. He doled them out like candy to Gordon Brown ("You're not a leader! You're a loser!") and allegedly gave one to Barack Obama over the phone in the wake of the BP Oil Spill.
    • That was probably because Obama called the company "British Petroleum" despite the company dropping that name. Cameron was not pleased to have the UK government be associated with BP's incompetence, especially by someone who (he felt) should have known better.
  • FEAR THE LOUD BLADE OF ANTHONY WEINER.
    • Also a What the Hell, Hero? to those who claimed they'd need a change of procedure in exchange for voting yes on a bill to provide financial assistance for medical treatment of 9-11 first responsers.
  • Speaking of Congressman Weiner...he himself became the target of Andrew Breitbart's own Speech, when the latter beat him to the podium to take Weiner to task. Breitbart had been the man responsible for breaking the "sexting" pics scandal—and for a while, Weiner had tried his best to paint Breitbart as a liar. Needless to say, Andrew was not amused.
    • Breitbart, on the other hand, did have a track record of outright fabricating his accusations in the past, so this could be an example of the Stopped Clock Fallacy
  • Duke University's football team bailed out of its scheduled game with Louisville, and Louisville sued Duke for breach of contract. The lawyer representing Duke made this argument in court:
    "I think the Court can absolutely positively take judicial notice that Duke is probably the worst football team in Division I football. Everybody knows that. That’s no secret. The longest losing streak, the inability to ever win games. . .We certainly don’t have to go out and take six months of discovery to establish that for you. . .So the bottom line is how much discovery, if any, should anyone have to take, want to take or need to take to make the simple analysis of whether or not that was a team of similar stature? It’s judicial notice that they got beat by Utah. Maybe that’s part of the dispute – that they wish they’d played somebody weaker, like Duke which would have been an automatic W."
    • Duke won the lawsuit with their lawyer making that argument.
    • Making this episode Hilarious in Hindsight: Louisville will join Duke in the Atlantic Coast Conference in July 2014. However, since the schools are in separate football divisions, they won't play every year.
  • This is the entire point of Attack Therapy. It's extremely controversial for precisely this reason, and it's generally not a recommended form of treatment.
  • General William T. Sherman is doomed to forever be vilified by the American South for his role in the American Civil War, most notably his infamous March to the Sea. Sherman, however, epically called out Southerners in his letter to the city of Atlanta, which repeatedly proclaimed his hatred for war (Sherman would often declare that "war is hell", and begged a graduating officer class at West Point to do everything in their power to never go to war), his absolute determination to end the war as quickly as possible, and the hypocrisy of the South.
    I repeat then that, by the original compact of government, the United States had certain rights in Georgia, which have never been relinquished and never will be; that the South began the war by seizing forts, arsenals, mints, custom-houses, etc., etc., long before Mr. Lincoln was installed, and before the South had one jot or title of provocation. I myself have seen in Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Mississippi, hundreds and thousands of women and children fleeing from your armies and desperadoes, hungry and with bleeding feet. In Memphis, Vicksburg, and Mississippi, we fed thousands and thousands of the families of rebel soldiers left on our hands, and whom we could not see starve. Now that war comes to you, you feel very different. You deprecate its horrors, but did not feel them when you sent car-loads of soldiers and ammunition, and moulded shells and shot, to carry war into Kentucky and Tennessee, to desolate the homes of hundreds and thousands of good people who only asked to live in peace at their old homes, and under the Government of their inheritance.
    • He gave another one before the war even started, which also counts as a spot-on prediction:
    You people of the South don't know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization! You people speak so lightly of war; you don't know what you're talking about. War is a terrible thing! You mistake, too, the people of the North. They are a peaceable people but an earnest people, and they will fight, too. They are not going to let this country be destroyed without a mighty effort to save it… Besides, where are your men and appliances of war to contend against them? The North can make a steam engine, locomotive, or railway car; hardly a yard of cloth or pair of shoes can you make. You are rushing into war with one of the most powerful, ingeniously mechanical, and determined people on Earth — right at your doors. You are bound to fail. Only in your spirit and determination are you prepared for war. In all else you are totally unprepared, with a bad cause to start with. At first you will make headway, but as your limited resources begin to fail, shut out from the markets of Europe as you will be, your cause will begin to wane. If your people will but stop and think, they must see in the end that you will surely fail.
  • Jaycee Lee Dugard's epic calling out of her former kidnapper Phillip Garrido and his wife:
    I chose not to be here today because I refuse to waste another second of my life in your presence. I've chosen to have my mom read this for me. Phillip Garrido, you are wrong. I could never say that to you before, but I have the freedom now and I am saying you are a liar and all of your so-called theories are wrong. Everything you have ever done to me has been wrong and someday I hope you can see that. What you and Nancy did was reprehensible. You always justified everything to suit yourself but the reality is and always has been that to make someone else suffer for your inability to control yourself and for you, Nancy, to facilitate his behavior and trick young girls for his pleasure is evil. There is no God in the universe that would condone your actions. To you, Phillip, I say that I have always been a thing for your own amusement. I hated every second of every day of 18 years because of you and the sexual perversion you forced on me. To you, Nancy, I have nothing to say. Both of you can save your apologies and empty words. For all the crimes you have both committed I hope you have as many sleepless nights as I did. Yes, as I think of all of those years I am angry because you stole my life and that of my family. Thankfully I am doing well now and no longer live in a nightmare. I have wonderful friends and family around me. Something you can never take from me again. You do not matter any more.
  • More than once ESPN host Skip Bayless has been brought down by former and current athletes. Here's one by NFL Class Clown Chad Ochocinco (now back to his original name of Chad Johnson).
  • We have a subverted one from a Nietzsche Wannabe Massachusetts English teacher.
    "The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you're not special. Because everyone is."
  • This judge lays a scathing one on the mother of the rape victims, which doubles as a What the Hell, Hero? for allowing her children to end up in such a situation.
  • Abraham Lincoln has quote that is one to slave owners. "Those who deny freedom to others do not deserve it themselves."
  • Lin Zexu, a Chinese official that was in charge of dealing with the opium addiction in China before the first opium war attempted to tell off Queen Victoria.
    "By what right do they then in return use the poisonous drug to injure the Chinese people? Even though the barbarians may not necessarily intend to do us harm, yet in coveting profit to an extreme, they have no regard for injuring others. Let us ask, where is your conscience?"
  • A deeply, deeply hilarious and poorly written one from a teenage girl dumping her boyfriend via e-mail, complete with dramatic reading.
    YOU MAKE ME TOUCH YOUR HANDS FOR STUPID REASONS
  • Julia Gillard (Australia Prime Minister) did a big Reason You Suck Speech towards the leader of the opposition (Tony Abbott). A 15 minute LONG one discussing how he has said sexist, misogynistic, gender essentialist and just plain rude things, let various things of his peer's slide, and with evidence too.
  • Jack London's famous poem The Scab is a brutal one of these towards strikebreakers. Whatever one's view of industrial action, it can be appreciated for its sheer malicious invective:
    After God had finished the rattlesnake, the toad, and the vampire, he had some awful substance left with which he made a scab.
    A scab is a two-legged animal with a corkscrew soul, a water brain, a combination backbone of jelly and glue.
    Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.
    When a scab comes down the street, men turn their backs and angels weep in heaven, and the devil shuts the gates of hell to keep him out.
    No man (or woman) has a right to scab so long as there is a pool of water to drown his carcass in, or a rope long enough to hang his body with.
    Judas was a gentleman compared with a scab. For betraying his master, he had character enough to hang himself. A scab has not.
    Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage.
    Judas sold his Savior for thirty pieces of silver.
    Benedict Arnold sold his country for a promise of a commision in the British Army.
    The scab sells his birthright, country, his wife, his children and his fellowmen for an unfulfilled promise from his employer.
    Esau was a traitor to himself; Judas was a traitor to his God; Benedict Arnold was a traitor to his country.
    A scab is a traitor to his God, his country, his family and his class.
  • Scott Creighton, founder and author of the American Everyman blog, can really dish out some of these from time to time. Of course, YMMV on whether you agree with him and what he has to say, but when he delivers one... just, wow...
  • Lindsay Lohan's siblings Ali, Mike, and Dakota all tore into their father Michael after he tried to force Lindsay into rehab, without any proof of current drug use. All three basically called him a worthless human being and told him to stay out their lives.
  • After the murder of Abraham Lincoln, Henrik Ibsen managed to write a true "you really suck"-poem, directed at every single atrocity done by the European powers over the better part of the nineteenth century. His most awesome moment in the poem comes when he actually blames the Europeans for the death of Lincoln. "The reason you suck" indeed.
    That crimson rose there whose flowers shock
    and frighten you here at home,
    our Europe supplied the grafting-stock,
    the West its luxuriant loam.
    You planted as seedling that thriving stand
    that reddens the shores of the West;
    it`s you who tied with your own fair hand
    the knightly sash of the martyr`s band
    on Abraham Lincoln`s breast.
The implication for the blame can be summed up in one term: Slave trade!
  • The poem was actually censored on Norwegian television in 1978!
  • Mark Kelly gave one of these to Jared Lee Loughner at his sentencing.
  • Fourteen members of the Congressional Black Caucus of 2012 writes a letter to former Rep. Artur Davis for his opportunistic switch from Democrat to becoming Republican as he had turned his back on Barack Obama after supporting him and even called him a friend because of his loss for a Democratic Bid for Alabama Governor in 2010. Here's the source.
    "We are writing to express our disdain over several recent comments you have made about the important issues facing voters in November, your total distortion of President Barack Obama’s record, and your complete flip-flop on certain core principles you once held dear. Given the magnitude of your recent transformation, we can only conclude that, rather than a true conversion, your actions are the result of a nakedly personal and political calculation or simmering anguish after failing to secure the Democratic nomination for governor of the State of Alabama in 2010."
  • ESPN analyst Steven A Smith gave one to the New York Jets about how terrible the team was from front office to the field.
    "You don't need to look in Webster's Dictionary to find out what ineptitude means. It's right there with the Jets."
  • New Jersey governor Chris Christie (a Republican) gave one of these to House Republicans who refused to vote on an aid money package for the victims of Hurricane Sandy.note 
  • Hopefully persons of all political leanings can appreciate Hunter S. Thompson's 1994 obituary for Richard Nixon as a masterpiece of invective.
    Thompson: Some people will say that words like scum and rotten are wrong for Objective Journalism — which is true, but they miss the point. It was the built-in blind spots of the Objective rules and dogma that allowed Nixon to slither into the White House in the first place.
  • When Geoffrey Howe resigned as Britain's Deputy Prime Minister, his subsequent resignation speech in Parliament amounted to a prolonged Reason You Suck speech against Margaret Thatcher, the Prime Minister. It was so damning that it ignited a leadership contest that ultimately forced Thatcher to resign as prime minister mere weeks later.
  • This video shows an Amerindian giving one of these speeches to protestors against illegal immigrants.
  • Upon seeing a few too many comments by Joan Rivers about how Adele is really fat, Australian comedian, host of The Last Leg and all round nice guy Adam Hills had this to say. And it was fantastic.
    Adam: How dare you make fun of one of the best female role models on the planet for the way she looks. Adele is one of the very few women in pop music that I want my daughter to look up to – and you’re making jokes about the way she looks, when you’re so insecure about your own face, you’ve spent more money on it than the producers of Life of Pi spent on that tiger!
  • Judge Samuel Kent gave one of these to two lawyers in his disposition.
  • The Miami New Times recently blasted MLB commissioner Bud Selig after Selig asked to the see some of the paper's record.
    "So this is the guy who wants our records? Isn't he the same commissioner who in 2002 approved the complicated deal that gave Loria the Marlins, betrayed the City of Montreal, and caused Loria's partners to accuse the artful merchant of racketeering?"
  • Fred Thompson gave a suavely understated one to Michael Moore in a YouTube video. Bonus points for delivering it while lounging in his office and chomping on a Cuban cigar.
  • This high school student gives one to his incompetent teacher.
  • In this video, Rep. Tammy Duckworth, who lost both of her legs and damaged an arm in Iraq, gives one to an IRS contractor who used his friendship with an IRS official to win contracts reserved for the businesses of service-disabled veterans.
    Duckworth: Shame on you, you may not have broken any laws, we are not sure yet, you did misrepresent to the [Small Business Administration] but you certainly broke the trust of this great nation. You broke the trust of veterans. Iraq and Afghanistan veterans right now are waiting an average of 237 days for an initial disability rating and it is because people like you who are gaming the system are adding to that backlog so that young men and women who are suffering from post-traumatic stress, who are missing limbs cannot get the compensation and the help that they need.
  • Sometimes given by a crime victim to the defendant (in a victim impact statement) after their conviction. This is due to by law in most places: the police have to protect the convicted from physical attacks by victims and/or their families despite their reasons to do so, but verbal attacks are allowed.
  • This video shows an ex-military police officer give one to gun control advocates.
    • Really there are a lot of great videos on the Second Amendment by people. Bonus points for most of these TRYSS givers having hands-on, personal experience on exactly why they believe their opponents are wrong.
  • Chief Hetman Zaxarcenko of the Zaporozhian Cossack Host wrote one to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed IV:
    You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the damned devil and secretary to Lucifer himself! What the hell kind of knight are you? The devil [shits] and you and your army swallow [it]. You aren't fit to have the sons of Christians under you; we aren't afraid of your army, and we'll fight you on land and sea. You Babylonian busboy, Macedonian mechanic, Jerusalem beer brewer, Alexandrian goat skinner, swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian pig, Tatar goat, Kamenets hangman, Podolian thief, grandson of the Evil Serpent himself, and buffoon of all the world and the netherworld, fool of our God, swine's snout, mare's [asshole], butcher's dog, unbaptized brow, may the devil steam your ass! That's how the Cossacks answer you, you nasty glob of spit! You're unfit to rule true Christians. We don't know the date because we don't have a calendar, the moon is in the sky, and the year is in a book, and the day is the same with us as with you, so go kiss our [butt]!
  • A four-year-old boy manages to save his mother and his sister in the Westgate mall shootings in Nairobi by telling a terrorist "you're a bad man."
  • While it is over the top A sorority girl emailed her sorority sisters stating the faults she finds with them.even comes with a parody video
  • In the last matchday of FIFA World Cup qualifying for the 2014 tournament, Mexico looked like they were going to miss the tournament entirely, losing to Costa Rica while Panama was beating the United States.note  Televisa Deportes had both matches on split-screen in Mexico when, in the final minutes, the US suddenly scored the tying goal against Panama, which would allow Mexico to advance to an intercontinental playoff with New Zealand despite their loss, TV Azteca commentator Christian Martinoli gushed praise on America for granting them a chance, then ripped into the Mexican national team for a pathetic qualifying cycle where they had to rely on their rivals to get anywhere, and went a terrifyingly bad 1-3-1 (1 win, 3 draws, 1 loss, scoring just three goals in five matches) at home, all in the usually-supportive Estadio Azteca in Mexico City. As the US scored one more goal to outright beat Panama, he said the US had finally surpassed Mexico in soccer, and told Victor Manuel Vucetich, the Mexican team's interim manager, to get his act together or resign.note 
    Christian Martinoli (in English): WE LOVE YOU!!! WE LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER!!! OHH, GOD BLESS AMERICA!
  • In 2013, Ohio man, T.J. Lane, was being given the harshest punishment allowed for violent juvenile offenders, life behind bars. Lane took off his dress shirt that revealed another shirt with “killer” written on it to mock the families of the three fellow students he killed along with injuring three others. Obviously, the family members of the deceased were furious and opted for this as part of their victim impact statements.
  • The children of Marianne Theresa-Johnson Reddick gave this as obituary for her. At first, one might think something like this was ungraceful, but as one reads and hears the children's story... who could blame them since they actually suffered in her hands of abuse. They even sang, "Ding, Dong, the Witch Is Dead" as part of it.
  • Barack Obama gave this to congress for failing to pass a bill on gun control.
  • Judge William G. Young gave this one to Richard Reid, the shoe bomber. Young did this as he was sentencing to life in prison in 2003.
  • When Rolling Stone had the audacity to put the Boston Bomber on their cover, David Draiman had this to say:
    "HOW FAR THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN,

    I USED TO DREAM OF MAKING THE COVER OF ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE, AS IT USED TO BE THE ULTIMATE STATEMENT OF LEGITIMACY FOR AN ASPIRING MUSICIAN AND IT MEANT THAT YOU HAD REALLY MADE IT. OVER THE PAST 5 YEARS, ROLLING STONE HAS BECOME LESS AND LESS ABOUT MUSIC, AND HAS BECOME MORE AND MORE ABOUT BULLSHIT, POP CULTURE NONSENSE. EVEN THOUGH MANY OF US MAY NOT CARE FOR IT, WE WERE ABLE TO LIVE WITH IT…UNTIL THIS.

    YOU…DARE…TO…PUT…THE…IMAGE…OF…THE…BOSTON…BOMBER…ON…THE…FUCKING…COVER…OF…YOUR…MAGAZINE!!!!????

    ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR ULTRA-LIBERAL, SYMPATHETIC TO A FAULT, FUCKING MINDS???

    YOU HAVE NOT ONLY SUCCEEDED IN BLATANTLY INSULTING AND DISHONORING THE VICTIMS AND FAMILIES WHOSE LIVES WERE FOREVER EFFECTED BY THIS RABID ANIMAL, BUT YOU HAVE NOW GLORIFIED HIS COWARDLY AND UNFORGIVABLE ACT. WHY? BECAUSE IT WILL SELL MAGAZINES? BECAUSE IT WILL CREATE CONTROVERSY? BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY DO SYMPATHIZE WITH THIS ABHORRENT, COWARDLY, PIECE OF SHIT? YOU HAVE MADE IT ATTRACTIVE AND VALIDATED THE ACT, TO A WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF WANNA BE TERRORISTS SEEKING MARTYRDOM AND INFAMY. YOU, AND YOUR KIND ARE THE REASON WHY PEOPLE THINK THAT THEY CAN GO OUT “IN A BLAZE OF GLORY” WHILE MURDERING INNOCENTS. HONESTLY, AND I MEAN THIS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART…GO…FUCK…YOURSELVES.

    THE NEXT TERRORIST/MURDERING INCIDENT, BE IT ANOTHER BOMBER, OR A MADMAN WITH AN ASSAULT RIFLE, UNLEASHING FIRE UPON A SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN, IS ON YOU.

    MAY YOUR CONSCIENCES (IF YOU EVEN HAVE THEM) WIEGH IMMEASURABLE HEAVY ON YOU FOR THE REST FO YOUR LIVES. I CONDEMN THIS ACT, THIS NOTION, AND THIS WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING RAG OF A MAGAZINE. MAY THE POWERS THAT BE HAVE MERCY UPON YOUR SOULS, BECAUSE THE NEXT TIME SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS, I ASSURE YOU, THE WORLD WONT.

    -GO TO HELL"

  • Motti Ashkenazi gave one to Golda "Grandma" Meir on a protest placard after the Yom Kippur War:
    Grandma, your defense minister is a failure and 3,000 of your grandchildren are dead.
  • At Skepticon 4 Greta Christina gave a speech on Why Atheists Are Angry, first she noted that not all atheists are angry. Then she launched into a long list of reasons why she is.
    Greta Christina I'm angry that in Salt Lake City, 40% of homeless teenagers are gay. Most of them kids that have been kicked out of their house by their Mormon parents. (Beat) Yeah, that's some great family values you got there!
  • When Delegate Emmett C. Burns wrote to the Baltimore Ravens demanding that they silence one of their players who spoke out in favour of marriage equality the Ravens organisation official declined to comment except to say the letter was recieved and no action would be taken. Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, on the other hand, did comment in great detail opening by advising the Mr Burns that he should have an intern nearby incase he needed help with any of the longer words.
    Chris Kluwe It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
  • Cambodian prime minister Sirik Matak gave one in 1975 as Cambodia, having been abandoned along with the rest of Indochina by the United States, was falling to Communism. The United States offered Matak asylum, but he refused and gave one of these to the entire American people. It is all the more devastating for its faultless courtesy:
    I thank you very sincerely for your letter and for your offer to transport me towards freedom. I cannot, alas, leave in such a cowardly fashion. As for you and in particular for your great country, I never believed for a moment that you would have this sentiment of abandoning a people which has chosen liberty. You have refused us your protection and we can do nothing about it. You leave us and it is my wish that you and your country will find happiness under the sky. But mark it well that, if I shall die here on the spot and in my country that I love, it is too bad because we are all born and must die one day. I have only committed the mistake of believing in you, the Americans.
  • In his journalism, Ambrose Bierce was a master of these. Whether you were a poet who'd published a volume of bad poetry or one of the "Big Five" railroads that held California in their grip, once you were in his cross-hairs, you were in for a thorough, exquisitely phrased roasting.
  • This image set to SJ Ws, pasted over Quagmire's speech against Brain in "Gerome is the new Black".


Western Animation"The Reason You Suck" Speech    

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