This poem in response to the words "you are too ugly to be raped" overheard on a bus.
This is the experience of some people who go through Basic Training (Boot Camp for Marines) in the armed forces of the United States, although "The Reason You Suck" Speech is only half the deal - it's the prelude to Dare to Be Badass. For recruits the effect is such: the drill sergeant has dwelt upon their inadequacies and failures at length. Can they prove him wrong?
Once the Drill Sergeant/Instructor gives this speech and actively implements mental and physical activities designed to reinforce it, his task is then to build the recruits up with mental and physical activities and training so that they *will* prove him wrong.
Personality profiles normally do this in a mild way in the compliment sandwich. They first give you what your type means and its characteristics and aptitudes. Then, it gives a brief admonition about frequent weak points of that type before finally giving you a feel good message about how great you and your MBTI type are.
For judges, giving these is often part of the job:
The judge at York Crown Court in 1971 to a defendant called Philip Mccutcheon: "I think you should give burglary up. You have a withered hand, an artificial leg and only one eye. You have been caught in Otley, Leeds, Harrogate, Norwich, Beverley, Hull and York. How can you hope to succeed? You are a rotten burglar. You are always being caught."
The Declaration of Independence is one big one from the thirteen British colonies over in America to King George III and the British government.
British forces that liberated the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp had a pretty good one, delivered via loudspeakers to local German officials who'd been taken to witness the camp, and the captured SS troops being made to bury the dead.
"You, who represent the fathers and brothers of German youth, see before your eyes some of the sons and daughters who bear the direct responsibility for this crime. They are a small portion only. Therefore, it is more than the human soul is able to bear. But who bears the real responsibility? You, who allowed your leader to carry out this horrible madness; you, who couldn't do enough for this degenerate triumph. You, who were a part of this camp..."
The whole process of denazification consisted of delivering carefully-worded Reason You Suck Speeches to the entire German population, through the media and propaganda posters. The Allied authorities in all sectors pounded it into the Germans that they were all responsible for what happened during the war, including the Holocaust, and that they had better repent and shape up! The plan seems to have worked, since most Germans regard No Swastikas and the atrocities of World War II as extremelySerious Business, and are willing to say, to this day, that their country as a whole were the bad guys in the war.
To a point, anyway. There's no way around it, after all, it can go either way when you have to deprogram a population. But as a consequence this caused the Vocal Minority who still believed to become incredibly radicalised, to the point the #1 complaint by Hammerskins and DVU about the fuhrer isn't that he lost, or that he was tactically incompetent... But that they lost by being too nice. Similarly a complaint with some modern Italian fascists and Futurists. Primarily stems from the fact they buy into period propaganda, dismissing "US-taught history" as propaganda, and not believing Germany's logistical problems or the requirement for slave labour. Note: Not related at all to Holocaust denial, it instead stems from believing in Hitler's mythos that he 'saved' Germany from destruction by greedy outsiders and his military strategy and the individual soldiers of the time were invincible.
It's also notable that they didn't try to do this against the Japanese, in part because it could be potentially offensive against their ancestors (Keep in mind that the Japanese, as many East Asian cultures, worship their ancestors) and it could make the American occupation of Japan difficult if they tried to disgrace them, since it's one of the greatest taboos of the Japanese culture. It was also that America was still too racist to be offended by Japan committing atrocities because no one expected better of the Japanese. Germany was a "civilized" western country, and so the rest of the western world were offended that one of their own would do such a thing. This did end up coming back to bite them in the butt somewhat; while present day Germans are the most passionate anti-Nazis imaginable, some in Japan look at war atrocities such as the Rape of Nanjing and shrug it off.
In 2011, after it emerged that the Vatican had conspired to shelter child sex abusers in the Irish diocese of Cloyne and had even gone so far as to interfere with the Irish Guards' investigation of the abuse, Enda Kenny, Taoiseach of the Republic of Ireland, gave the most hostile speech ever given by an Irish politician about the Mother Church in the DŠil …ireann. It was so furious, and so unprecedented in one of Europe's most Catholic nations, and so unexpected of the man who delivered it—whose party, Fine Gael, is the more traditionalist and pro-Church faction in Irish politics—that some commentators have called it "the end of Catholic Ireland". Soon after, the Vatican recalled its papal nuncio to Ireland and Ireland closed its Vatican embassy in Rome.
Kenny: For the first time in this country, a report into child sexual abuse exposes an attempt by the Holy See to frustrate an inquiry in a sovereign, democratic republic as little as three years ago, not three decades ago. And in doing so, the Cloyne report excavates the dysfunction, the disconnection, the elitism that dominate the culture of the Vatican today...I want to make it clear, as Taoiseach, that when it comes to the protection of the children of this State, the standards of conduct which the Church deems appropriate to itself, cannot and will not, be applied to the workings of democracy and civil society in this republic. Not purely, or simply, or otherwise, because children have to be, and will be, put first.
Lucius Sergius Catilina gets one hell of a tongue-lashing from Cicero, beginning as thus: "Quo usque tandem abutere, Catilina, patientia nostra? Quamdiu etiam furor iste tuus nos eludet? Quem ad finem sese effrenata iactabit audacia?". This means: "How long, Catilina, will you abuse our patience? For how long will that madness of yours mock us? To what end will your unbridled effrontery toss itself about?". And then it gets worse for Catilina...
Cicero tended to use this tactic a fair amount in his speeches, which tended to be against someone: in Ancient Rome, "orator" meant "lawyer" (and specifically "barrister") and Cicero tended to take the role of the prosecution, most famously in trials for corruption and other crimes to do with abuse of power. Saying why the defendant really, really sucked was part of his strategy, (a lengthy explanation of how Verrus and his lawyer sucked for trying to game the system allowed him to end the trial after opening arguments) as well as playing up his background (by Roman standards, he was a Simple Country Lawyer, which made him popular among the "New Men" who were more and more often sitting on juries at the time).
Cicero really hands it to Mark Antony in the Philippics, a series of speeches against him.
Cicero's speeches against Antony were so nasty that Antony had Cicero killed and reportedly had his tongue nailed to the rostra, the platform politicians gave speeches on. Antony didn't take criticism well. Still, at least it was a moral victory for Marcus Tullius.
Also an amazingTake That, but Stephen's deconstruction of Sarah Palin, and her increased importance in news media after the '08 election.
"I know you think this story has no purpose other than keeping Sarah Palinís name in the headlines for another news cycle. I know you think she has nothing to offer the national dialogue and that her speeches are just coded talking points mixed in with words picked up at random from a thesaurus. I know you think Sarah Palin is at best a self-promoting ignoramus and at worst a shameless media troll who will abuse any platform to deliver dog-whistle encouragement to a far right base that may include possible insurrectionists. I know you think her reality show was pathetically unstatesmanlike, and at the same time, I know you believe it represents the pinnacle of her potential. And that her transparent desperation to be a celebrity so completely eclipsed her interest in public service so long ago that there would be more journalistic integrity on reporting one of the lesser Kardashiansí ass implants. I know, I know that when you arrive at the office each day you say a silent prayer that maybeójust maybeóSarah Palin will at long last just shut up for just ten fucking minutes. I know because I can see it in your eyes. Well guess what, Mika? Thatís the gig. And itís only January of 2011, kiddo. And you have a minimum of two more years of this ahead of you. You want to stay in this game? You dig deep. You find another gear. You show up to work every day and get your hair and makeup done. You slap on a smile, get out there on TV and repeat what Sarah Palin said on Hannity last night right into the lens. You know... news".
Bill Hicks did this a bunch. Most notably, at a show in Chicago when he verbally tore a heckler to pieces. Later during the show, he had a meltdown because of a bunch of other hecklers, which culminated in him yelling: "HITLER HAD THE RIGHT IDEA, HE WAS JUST AN UNDERACHIEVER!" This in the middle of a blistering seven-minute rant on how the mere existence of the people he was chewing out was a valid argument in favor of exterminating the entire human race. Admittedly, went from Crowning Moment of Awesome to Nightmare Fuel but there's been few people alive who have made such a hardcore "The Reason You Suck" Speech to a person who was standing in front of them.
Bill Burr had an infamous and horribly epic speech to Philadelphia after they spent the entire day booing every act before him back in 2006. The entire speech is a 12 minute rant deconstructing everything about the city, from its sports teams, its perceived racism, the fact that Rocky is their hero, and anything else even remotely connected to the city, all amid Cluster F-Bomb and any other foul word you can think of. Even better is when he repeatedly tells them how much longer his act is.
"Do you, Ambassador Zorin, deny that the USSR has placed and is placing medium and intermediate range missiles and sites in Cuba? Yes or no? Don't wait for the translation, yes or no?
In the Norway Debates in Great Britain at the beginning of World War II, Roger Keyes and Leo Amery gave a pair of these to Neville Chamberlain, with Keyes (a retired naval admiral) appearing in full military dress to excoriate Chamberlain on the behalf of the military for the conduct of the Norway campaign, and Amery criticizing the lack of preparation and general lack of fighting spirit and competence in Chamberlain's government. Amery ended by quoting Oliver Cromwell: "You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go." The effect of the speeches was only increased by the fact that both politicians were in the same party as Chamberlain, and the speeches are often credited as a large reason for Chamberlain's subsequent resignation. Of course David Lloyd George also made a fairly brutal speech, saying that the best thing that Chamberlain could do for the war effort was resign. Honestly, May 1940 was not a good time to be Neville Chamberlain.
De Profundis is a long "Reason You Suck Speech" in written form by Oscar Wilde for his ex-lover, Lord Alfred Douglas.
David Cameron, Prime-Minister of Great Britain is quite fond of these. He doled them out like candy to Gordon Brown ("You're not a leader! You're a loser!") and allegedly gave one to Barack Obama over the phone in the wake of the BP Oil Spill.
That was probably because Obama called the company "British Petroleum" despite the company dropping that name. Cameron was not pleased to have the UK government be associated with BP's incompetence, especially by someone who (he felt) should have known better.
Also a What the Hell, Hero? to those who claimed they'd need a change of procedure in exchange for voting yes on a bill to provide financial assistance for medical treatment of 9-11 first responsers.
Speaking of Congressman Weiner...he himself became the target of Andrew Breitbart's own Speech, when the latter beat him to the podium to take Weiner to task. Breitbart had been the man responsible for breaking the "sexting" pics scandal—and for a while, Weiner had tried his best to paint Breitbart as a liar. Needless to say, Andrew was not amused.
Duke University's football team bailed out of its scheduled game with Louisville, and Louisville sued Duke for breach of contract. The lawyer representing Duke made this argument in court:
"I think the Court can absolutely positively take judicial notice that Duke is probably the worst football team in Division I football. Everybody knows that. Thatís no secret. The longest losing streak, the inability to ever win games. . .We certainly donít have to go out and take six months of discovery to establish that for you. . .So the bottom line is how much discovery, if any, should anyone have to take, want to take or need to take to make the simple analysis of whether or not that was a team of similar stature? Itís judicial notice that they got beat by Utah. Maybe thatís part of the dispute Ė that they wish theyíd played somebody weaker, like Duke which would have been an automatic W."
Duke won the lawsuit with their lawyer making that argument.
At Skepticon 4 Greta Christina gave a speech on Why Atheists Are Angry, first she noted that not all atheists are angry. Then she launched into a long list of reasons why she is.
This is the entire point of Attack Therapy. It's extremely controversial for precisely this reason, and it's generally not a recommended form of treatment.
General William T. Sherman is doomed to forever be vilified by the American South for his role in the American Civil War, most notably his infamousMarch to the Sea. Sherman, however, epically called out Southerners in his letter to the city of Atlanta, which repeatedly proclaimed his hatred for war (Sherman would often declare that "war is hell", and begged a graduating officer class at West Point to do everything in their power to never go to war), his absolute determination to end the war as quickly as possible, and the hypocrisy of the South.
I repeat then that, by the original compact of government, the United States had certain rights in Georgia, which have never been relinquished and never will be; that the South began the war by seizing forts, arsenals, mints, custom-houses, etc., etc., long before Mr. Lincoln was installed, and before the South had one jot or title of provocation. I myself have seen in Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Mississippi, hundreds and thousands of women and children fleeing from your armies and desperadoes, hungry and with bleeding feet. In Memphis, Vicksburg, and Mississippi, we fed thousands and thousands of the families of rebel soldiers left on our hands, and whom we could not see starve. Now that war comes to you, you feel very different. You deprecate its horrors, but did not feel them when you sent car-loads of soldiers and ammunition, and moulded shells and shot, to carry war into Kentucky and Tennessee, to desolate the homes of hundreds and thousands of good people who only asked to live in peace at their old homes, and under the Government of their inheritance.
He gave another one before the war even started, which also counts as a spot-on prediction:
You people of the South don't know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization! You people speak so lightly of war; you don't know what you're talking about. War is a terrible thing! You mistake, too, the people of the North. They are a peaceable people but an earnest people, and they will fight, too. They are not going to let this country be destroyed without a mighty effort to save itÖ Besides, where are your men and appliances of war to contend against them? The North can make a steam engine, locomotive, or railway car; hardly a yard of cloth or pair of shoes can you make. You are rushing into war with one of the most powerful, ingeniously mechanical, and determined people on Earth ó right at your doors. You are bound to fail. Only in your spirit and determination are you prepared for war. In all else you are totally unprepared, with a bad cause to start with. At first you will make headway, but as your limited resources begin to fail, shut out from the markets of Europe as you will be, your cause will begin to wane. If your people will but stop and think, they must see in the end that you will surely fail.
Jaycee Lee Dugard's epic calling out of her former kidnapper Phillip Garrido and his wife:
I chose not to be here today because I refuse to waste another second of my life in your presence. I've chosen to have my mom read this for me. Phillip Garrido, you are wrong. I could never say that to you before, but I have the freedom now and I am saying you are a liar and all of your so-called theories are wrong. Everything you have ever done to me has been wrong and someday I hope you can see that. What you and Nancy did was reprehensible. You always justified everything to suit yourself but the reality is and always has been that to make someone else suffer for your inability to control yourself and for you, Nancy, to facilitate his behavior and trick young girls for his pleasure is evil. There is no God in the universe that would condone your actions. To you, Phillip, I say that I have always been a thing for your own amusement. I hated every second of every day of 18 years because of you and the sexual perversion you forced on me. To you, Nancy, I have nothing to say. Both of you can save your apologies and empty words. For all the crimes you have both committed I hope you have as many sleepless nights as I did. Yes, as I think of all of those years I am angry because you stole my life and that of my family. Thankfully I am doing well now and no longer live in a nightmare. I have wonderful friends and family around me. Something you can never take from me again. You do not matter any more.
More than once ESPN host Skip Bayless has been brought down by former and current athletes. Here's one by NFL Class Clown Chad Ochocinco.
We have a subverted one from a Nietzsche Wannabe Massachusetts English teacher.
"The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you're not special. Because everyone is."
This judge lays a scathing one on the mother of the rape victims, which doubles as a What the Hell, Hero? for allowing her children to end up in such a situation.
Abraham Lincoln has quote that is one to slave owners. "Those who deny freedom to others do not deserve it themselves."
Lin Zexu, a Chinese official that was in charge of dealing with the opium addiction in China before the first opium war attempted to tell off Queen Victoria.
"By what right do they then in return use the poisonous drug to injure the Chinese people? Even though the barbarians may not necessarily intend to do us harm, yet in coveting profit to an extreme, they have no regard for injuring others. Let us ask, where is your conscience?"
Julia Gillard (Australia Prime Minister) did a big Reason You Suck Speech towards the leader of the opposition (Tony Abbott). A 15 minute LONG one discussing how he has said sexist, misogynistic, gender essentialist and just plain rude things, let various things of his peer's slide, and with evidence too.
Jack London's famous poem The Scab is a brutal one of these towards strikebreakers. Whatever one's view of industrial action, it can be appreciated for its sheer malicious invective:
After God had finished the rattlesnake, the toad, and the vampire, he had some awful substance left with which he made a scab.
A scab is a two-legged animal with a corkscrew soul, a water brain, a combination backbone of jelly and glue.
Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.
When a scab comes down the street, men turn their backs and angels weep in heaven, and the devil shuts the gates of hell to keep him out.
No man (or woman) has a right to scab so long as there is a pool of water to drown his carcass in, or a rope long enough to hang his body with.
Judas was a gentleman compared with a scab. For betraying his master, he had character enough to hang himself. A scab has not.
Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage.
Judas sold his Savior for thirty pieces of silver.
Benedict Arnold sold his country for a promise of a commision in the British Army.
The scab sells his birthright, country, his wife, his children and his fellowmen for an unfulfilled promise from his employer.
Esau was a traitor to himself; Judas was a traitor to his God; Benedict Arnold was a traitor to his country.
A scab is a traitor to his God, his country, his family and his class.
Scott Creighton, founder and author of the American Everyman blog, can really dish out some of these from time to time. Of course, YMMV on whether you agree with him and what he has to say, but when he delivers one... just, wow...
Lindsay Lohan's siblings Ali, Mike, and Dakota all tore into their father Michael after he tried to force Lindsay into rehab, without any proof of current drug use. All three basically called him a worthless human being and told him to stay out their lives.
Fourteen members of the Congressional Black Caucus of 2012 writes a letter to former Rep. Artur Davis for his opportunistic switch from Democrat to becoming Republican as he had turned his back on Barack Obama after supporting him and even called him a friend because of his loss for a Democratic Bid for Alabama Governor in 2010. Here's the source.
"We are writing to express our disdain over several recent comments you have made about the important issues facing voters in November, your total distortion of President Barack Obamaís record, and your complete flip-flop on certain core principles you once held dear. Given the magnitude of your recent transformation, we can only conclude that, rather than a true conversion, your actions are the result of a nakedly personal and political calculation or simmering anguish after failing to secure the Democratic nomination for governor of the State of Alabama in 2010."
ESPN analyst Steven A Smith gave one to the New York Jets about how terrible the team was from front office to the field.
"You don't need to look in Webster's Dictionary to find out what ineptitude means. It's right there with the Jets."
New Jersey governor Chris Christie (who is Republican) gave one of these to House Republicans who refused to vote on an aid money package for the victims of Hurricane Sandy.note He does conveniently ignore the fact that the bill in question contained a substantial amount of pork, with only a relatively small amount going to direct aid for Sandy victims, although arguably much of the "pork" would constitute indirect aid; commentators have noted that most of the (predominantly-Southern) representatives who opposed Sandy relief were more than happy to vote for previous hurricane-relief bills (where the hurricanes had struck in the South).
When Delegate Emmett C. Burns wrote to the Baltimore Ravens demanding that they silence one of their players (in violation of the First Amendment of the American Constitution) who spoke out in favour of marriage equality the Ravens organisation officiall declined to comment except to say the letter was recieved and no action would be taken. Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, on the other hand, did comment in great detail opening by advising the Mr Burns that he should have an intern nearby incase he needed help with any of the longer words.
Chris Kluwe It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another personís right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
Thompson: Some people will say that words like scum and rotten are wrong for Objective Journalism — which is true, but they miss the point. It was the built-in blind spots of the Objective rules and dogma that allowed Nixon to slither into the White House in the first place.
When Geoffrey Howe resigned as Britain's Deputy Prime Minister, his subsequent resignation speech in Parliament amounted to a prolonged Reason You Suck speech against Margaret Thatcher, the Prime Minister. It was so damning that it ignited a leadership contest that ultimately forced Thatcher to resign as prime minister mere weeks later.
This video shows an Amerindian giving one of these speeches to protestors against illegal immigrants.
Upon seeing a few too many comments by Joan Rivers about how Adele is really fat, Australian comedian and all round nice guy Adam Hills had this to say. And it was fantastic.
Judge Samuel Kent gave one of these to two lawyers in his disposition.
The Miami New Times recently blasted MLB commissioner Bud Selig after Selig asked to the see some of the paper's record.
"So this is the guy who wants our records? Isn't he the same commissioner who in 2002 approved the complicated deal that gave Loria the Marlins, betrayed the City of Montreal, and caused Loria's partners to accuse the artful merchant of racketeering?"
This high school student gives one to his incompetent teacher.
In this video, Rep. Tammy Duckworth, who lost both of her legs and damaged an arm in Iraq, gives one to an IRS contractor who used his friendship with an IRS official to win contracts reserved for the businesses of service-disabled veterans.
Duckworth: Shame on you, you may not have broken any laws, we are not sure yet, you did misrepresent to the [Small Business Administration] but you certainly broke the trust of this great nation. You broke the trust of veterans. Iraq and Afghanistan veterans right now are waiting an average of 237 days for an initial disability rating and it is because people like you who are gaming the system are adding to that backlog so that young men and women who are suffering from post-traumatic stress, who are missing limbs cannot get the compensation and the help that they need.
Sometimes given by a crime victim to the defendant (in a victim impact statement) after their conviction.
This video shows an ex-military police officer give one to gun control advocates.
Chief Hetman Zaxarcenko of the Zaporozhian Cossack Host wrote one to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed IV:
You Turkish Satan, brother and comrade of the damned devil and secretary to Lucifer himself! What the hell kind of knight are you? The devil [shits] and you and your army swallow [it]. You aren't fit to have the sons of Christians under you; we aren't afraid of your army, and we'll fight you on land and sea. You Babylonian busboy, Macedonian mechanic, Jerusalem beer brewer, Alexandrian goat skinner, swineherd of Upper and Lower Egypt, Armenian pig, Tatar goat, Kamenets hangman, Podolian thief, grandson of the Evil Serpent himself, and buffoon of all the world and the netherworld, fool of our God, swine's snout, mare's [asshole], butcher's dog, unbaptized brow, may the devil steam your ass! That's how the Cossacks answer you, you nasty glob of spit! You're unfit to rule true Christians. We don't know the date because we don't have a calendar, the moon is in the sky, and the year is in a book, and the day is the same with us as with you, so go kiss our [butt]!
A four-year-old boy manages to save his mother and his sister in the Westgate mall shootings in Nairobi by telling a terrorist "you're a bad man."
In the last matchday of FIFA World Cup qualifying for the 2014 tournament, Mexico looked like they were going to miss the tournament entirely, losing to Costa Rica while Panama was beating the United States.note The US had already qualified and clinched the top spot in the final continental qualifying tournament, and were playing with their "B" team against Panama. Costa Rica had already qualified as well. Televisa Deportes had both matches on split-screen in Mexico when, in the final minutes, the US suddenly scored the tying goal against Panama, which would allow Mexico to advanceto an intercontinental playoff with New Zealand despite their loss, TV Azteca commentator Christian Martinoli gushed praise on America for granting them a chance, then ripped into the Mexican national team for a pathetic qualifying cycle where they had to rely on their rivals to get anywhere, and went a terrifyingly bad 1-4-1 (1 win, 4 draws, 1 loss, scoring just three goals in six matches) at home, all in the usually-supportive Estadio Azteca in Mexico City. As the US scored one more goal to outright beat Panama, he said the US had finally surpassed Mexico in soccer, and told Victor Manuel Vucetich, the Mexican team's interim manager, to get his act together or resign.note His predecessor, Luis Fernando Tena, had been sacked during the competition for his team's pathetic performance. Vucetich himself was sacked two days after the match.
Christian Martinoli (in English): WE LOVE YOU!!! WE LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER!!! OHH, GOD BLESS AMERICA!