"Hotel Hotel Hell / If you think the beer is rotten / You should see the clientele "
An American reality television show that first aired on FOX on August 13, 2012. Following a format similar to Kitchen Nightmares, the show follows Gordon Ramsay as he visits hotels in dire need of assistance.
This show provides examples of:
Awesome, but Impractical: The stylish Keating Hotel in San Diego is made to evoke Ferrari cars (the owner, being a supercar fanboy, hired an automotive designer to decorate the hotel in his requested image.) Too bad the hotel's operations weren't nearly as sleek and smooth as the decor. Case in point: All service calls were routed through the front desk, and the restaurant was housed in a separate building down the street.
Bad Boss: The premiere episode, featuring Juniper Hill Inn in Windsor, Vermont, has an example in Robert, the manager. Between his spending money on antiques for decoration, as well as a $100,000 motorcoach, his failure to pay his staff on time or a decent paycheck, and his obvious lack of understanding of why his staff is on the verge of revolting against him, it's fairly clear why the inn isn't doing so well.
Bittersweet Ending: The Cambridge Hotel episode ended with the revelation that the bank foreclosed on the hotel between Gordon's visit and the airing of the episode, despite making a turnaround. The "sweet" part? Gordon Ramsay found a promising 19 year old named Scooter working in the kitchen to put himself through college, planning to open a bakery when he was done...and decided to pay for Scooter's college fees, on the condition that Scooter send Ramsay a loaf of fresh bread after he opened the bakery.
Cordon Bleugh Chef: Par for the course since it's a Ramsay show. Most of the time, the chefs' incompetence is due to the pressures placed on them by their even more incompetent bosses. The Keating Hotel's chef actually passed out - in front of Ramsay, no less - due to his high anxiety and dehydration.
Face Palm: Gordon Ramsay standard - he's done both the facepalm and the double facepalm.
Follow the Leader: Has the same premise as The Travel Channel's Hotel Impossible, but featuring Gordon Ramsay rather than Anthony Melchiorri.
Head Desk: Gordon Ramsay does it in the final episode of the first season, "Roosevelt Inn," after the owner, who is also serving as head chef, can't even serve him a proper soft-boiled egg.
Hell Hotel: What Ramsay has to deal with in every episode, more or less
Hope Spot: Early in the second half of the Juniper Hill episode, Gordon persuades co-owner Robert to sell off his collection of antiques, which is supposedly worth around a quarter of a million dollars, which would clear up the hotel's debts and leave enough funds for it to operate for the next year regardless of guest numbers. Gordon then calls in an antiques dealer... who promptly tells him and Robert that the collection is made up of copies and items that were never that valuable to begin with, and is therefore completely worthless. Cue a massive Face Palm from Gordon, as it dawns on both he and Robert how bad the situation really is.
Insistent Terminology: In the premiere episode, hotel manager Robert corrects Ramsay in a Confession Cam when Ramsay chastises him for buying a $100,000 RV, claiming that it was a "motorcoach, a higher class version of an RV".
I Ate What?: The Keating Hotel restaurant served a "dessert pizza" made with Nutella, strawberries, and bacon. Cue Ramsay spitting out the one bite he was willing to take.
Jerk Ass: Ari of Juniper Hill, and John of the Roosevelt Inn. The former even when the hotel was turned around treated staff and guests with contempt and was described by his boyfriend as "emotionally constipated," while the latter was only in the business to feed his ego and made numerous threats of violence. He was as if Russell was a hotel owner.
Man Child: The Roosevelt Hotel owner. Remember, he used to go to school there...
Shockingly Expensive Bill: Ramsay always asks up-front how much the rooms in each hotel cost per night. Since many of the hotels featured are luxury or high-end places, they can get pretty high, but the Keating Hotel really takes the cake: each room costs close to $800 per night! It's implied that the owner's constant spending on pretty Euro-car decor is a major factor in this: the in-room Jacuzzi tubs alone cost $20,000+ each (and they're not only uncomfortably modern-styled, but noisy as hell too.)
Gordon arrives at the hotel, has trouble checking in, and finds both his own room and the overall decor to look pretty awful. Usually the rooms are horribly expensive as well.
After checking out the (usually sub-par) amenities and speaking with the staff, Gordon samples the hotel's food, which is predictably bad.
At the end of the first day, Gordon confronts the owner on their cluelessness about the hotel industry as a whole. Sometimes the hotelier admits being out of their depth, but usually they remain oblivious to the problems, even though the rest of the staff are perfectly aware what's going wrong.
The second day starts with Gordon stripping off and taking a bath or shower, before gathering the owner and all the guests (or former guests, if the hotel's doing really badly) in his room, where the guests unanimously agree that they would never stay in that hotel again as it is. Sometimes Gordon will bring out a UV light and show the horrifying stains on the bed and carpet. If the owner has been uncooperative with Gordon until now, this is where they'll finally realise the error of their ways.
Gordon brings in his design team to give the hotel a makeover. Depending on the chef's level of skill, Gordon will either let the chef rip up the owner-imposed menu and let them redesign it from scratch, or will just create the new menu himself.
A bunch of guests show up, and there may be some teething troubles, but otherwise everything goes well, and Gordon checks out, talking about how the hotel can succeed if the owners try hard enough.
"The Reason You Suck" Speech: Gordon has to give this to the hotel owner in the very first episode after hearing some of the appalling stuff that's been going on. More is likely to come.
Title Drop: In "River Rock Inn," when Ramsay realizes his sheets are stained with bodily fluids.
Trash the Set: Unwittingly done by Gordon when he arrived at the Cambridge Hotel, and found a strange bar above his bed. After joking that it'd probably be useful for bondage situations, he gave the bar a tug — and caused it to immediately break off the wall, whereupon it landed on and smashed the room's bedside lamp.