In ...Junai No Seinen, Kaoru completely ignores Daigo for a week when he thinks Daigo's crossing the line between work and their personal lives. He intended to hold out longer, but it wasn't going so well for him.
One story in Franken Fran has the girls of a high school ask Fran for something that will make the boys less horny. Fran obliges, and soon there is no longer any sexual harassment at the school. However, this leads to the boyfriends becoming cold and distant, on the verge of breakup, so the girls ask Fran what she did in the first place: create a mass of living flesh emitting human hormones that the boys see as a giant pile of naked, inviting women, which they have sex with.
Doonesbury. Attempted gender-flip◊: the other end of this trope is played perfectly straight when done by a man: "That's an offer, not a threat. Do you even know how blackmail works?"
In an old Archie one-panel gag, this backfires on Ethel. It does help Jughead has little more than animosity toward her.
Ethel: Lips that touch onion will never touch mine! Jughead: Pop, make that extra onions.
In Empowered, Emp blows her stack over a one-night-stand her lover ThugBoy had with Sistah Spooky a month before they met. Then he managed to tap further into her insecurities by comparing her favorably in the skill department. He then spends several weeks on the couch in a "sexual Siberia", till there is no further doubt who is the alpha-wench in their relationship.
There's at least one moment of Deconstruction of this trope in Rikk's (prose) memoirs from Cerebus. Of course, we are talking about post-Reads Dave Sim here, so there are a few... weird ideas there, but the point is made that if a woman feels compelled to use her body to "punish or reward" her man, the relationship might not be the healthiest one to begin with.
Parodied in a Life in Hell strip that said women have two choices: withhold all sex, and be rewarded with dog-like devotion, or screw his brains out, which will also be rewarded with dog-like devotion.
The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers move to a mountain cabin with a trio of Distaff Counterparts. When Franklin tries to delegate the women to cooking and cleaning duty, they in turn threaten to withhold sexual favors. When they put it to a vote, Fat Freddy sides with the women. The impasse is broken when the guys abduct Freddy in the night, tie him up, and just out of reach start eating all their food. His tortuous wails drive the women to surrender. (Lysistrata is referred to by name in the narration box.)
Ralf König's comic adaptation of Lysistrata spoofs the trope: after the women have been withholding sex for a while, the men start having gay sex. Then again, it still works, because now they are fucking their enemies instead of fighting. As expected of Ralf König. What's more, Lysistrata, the one who got all the other women into it, was actually sleeping with her girlfriend all the time. The sex-deprived other women were seriously pissed off when this came out.
In the The Bartimaeus Trilogy fanfic The Forbidden Heir, Kitty refuses to sleep with Nathaniel after he captures her almost all of her ex-comrades from the Resistance and throws them in the Tower.
Films — Live Action
In the spoof French spy movie OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies, the title character OSS 117 does this to an Egyptian princess (who tried to kill him two minutes ago) in order to get information.
In Absurdistan, most of the women in a small village go on a sex strike because they think the men aren't taking their water shortage problems seriously.
A Lysistrata Gambit is prominently featured in the 1955 musical The Second Greatest Sex. There is even a character named Liza, probably a reference to Aristophanes' play.
In Jessica (1962), the women of a Sicilian village decide to withhold sex from their men in response to the arrival of a new sexy midwife.
In House of Leaves it's mentioned at some point that Karen once wouldn't let Will Navidson touch her. For thirteen months.
Kitai does this in the sixth Codex Alera book, First Lord's Fury, demanding that Tavi court her properly rather that he casual romance they've enjoyed thus far. Though part of the reason ends up being Kitai hiding her pregnancy from him.
Though she also threatens to strangle him in the same sentence.
Gender-flipped by Paul Atreides in Dune with Princess Irulan. Should be noted that this was because Paul didnt want his genetic material out in the universe, given that he was the supreme being, that might have been a good idea.
That's not really an example of this trope. He wanted nothing from his wife except the political advantages being married to her conferred (she was the daughter of the former Emperor he himself deposed). He in fact was reasonably disgusted with her and her fellow Bene Gesserits, a secret cabal of matriarchal power brokers who pretty much ran the universe until Paul took over. Paul already had a woman he loved but couldn't take her as a wife. He was more than happy to father children with her and deny the Bene Gesserit their desired genetic union.
In Claiming the Highlander by Kinley MacGregor a major plot point is that Maggie has organised for two whole towns of women to withhold sex until the men agree to stop their silly feud. Actually goes into detail as the women are shown to be struggling because they actually care about their husbands and afraid they might be driving them away. Maggie gets annoyed at all the women who want to give in.
According to Dave Barry, civilization got started when a smarter-than-average cavewoman conviced the others that they would "look at the men in a certain way" until the men started acting according to their wives' commands, including bringing an end to the surprise-mammoth-eyeball-in-the-mouth joke. Most of his work is based on the "A man is a Big Friendly Dog that can walk upright" dynamic.
After catching her husband with Lady Lowborough in The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Helen tells Arthur point-blank that "we are husband and wife only in name." It fails to get him to change anything, but at least she doesn't have to have sex with him anymore.
Live Action TV
Game of Thrones: A rather atypical example is provided by a same-sex couple. Feeling slighted by Brienne of Tarth's appointment to Renly Baratheon's Kingsguard, Ser Loras Tyrell not only withholds sex from his boyfriend, but he punishes his beloved even further by bringing Margaery (Loras' sister) to Renly's bed, knowing full well that Renly utterly dreads the prospect of having to consummate the marriage.
Cheers: Diane would use this on Sam a lot, especially in their first stormy relationship in the second year. Lilith would do this to Frasier as well.
Frasier: Maris used sex on Niles to get what she wanted, and according to Niles, Maris had incredible willpower to withhold sex for months on end.
Daphne: Come on now, Doctor Crane. It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.
Fraiser: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex IS what we want!
Family Matters: Carl was getting rather high and mighty with regards to his being the breadwinner. Harriet decided, since he was so hung up on money, that she would start charging him — for laundry, cooking, cleaning and (yes) sex. (Fridge Logic gives the "charging for sex" bit some rather Unfortunate Implications.)
Harriet addressed the problem more effectively down the road by getting a job making more than him.
Firefly: Zoe is willing to use this on Wash from time to time.
Zoe: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?
Just one example of many on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The family hasn't had reliably running water for days, but Uncle Phil is stuck on a do-it-yourself frenzy and refuses to call a plumber. In desperation, Will begs his Aunt Vivian, "There's gotta be something you can do... or not do..." Later:
Vivian: Oh, Philip, if Mr. Goodwrench wants to visit Mrs. Toolbox, he better get Mr. Water running.
G-rated version on Drake & Josh: Mindy refuses to kiss Josh until he shaves off his mustache. The lip gloss scene on the couch, however, makes it pretty clear what it's supposed to parody.
Male-to-female example: threatened by Michael to his boss/romantic partner Jan in the American version of The Office (US), much to general astonishment. Also notable that what he's demanding is completely unethical, and a perfect illustration of why employer/employee relationships like theirs are forbidden by the company.
Michael: We're gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more sex. (turns to Toby) What are you writing, perv-ball? Toby: Just preparing for the deposition.
Their relationship is a complete inversion of the traditional TV relationship. She outranks him (at first), she's in it for the sex, even though she knows he's a boorish idiot, because she can't help herself and he's in it because he wants a wife and kids. Given that he gets that pay raise, it seems like it worked.
On Sports Night, Natalie threatens Jeremy with this during a fight ("There will be no 'precious moments' tonight, if you know what I mean. No 'precious moments' of any kind.") When Dan suggests that Jeremy retaliate...
Dan: You can't just forgive her right away. There needs to be punishment. Jeremy: What kind of punishment? Dan: I'd withhold sex. Jeremy: That sounds like it would be a lot worse for me than it would be for her. Dan: Education ain't easy. Jeremy: You don't know what the hell you're talking about, do you? Dan: On this? No.
A legendary SNL Weekend Update sketch from 1978 involved Jane Curtin proposing that all women withhold oral sex from all men until the Equal Rights Amendment passed. She backed down when Bill Murray pointed out that "oral sex is a sword that cuts both ways".
A season one episode of MASH features all the females in the unit withholding intimacy of any sort from the men of the unit until one of the men agrees to be "close" with a clumsy virgin nurse due to be discharged in a few weeks. (It's never explicitly stated that Margaret was in on the plot, although Frank seems rather downcast and meets with the other men about the issue.)
Several other episodes have Margaret cutting Frank off in this manner when she's pissed at him about something.
In an episode of Gilligans Island when the women feel they're being unfairly treated, Mrs. Howell tells Ginger and Mary Anne about how Lysistrata "convinced all the women in her town to ignore the men completely until they got what they wanted," giving her husband a look to let everyone know exactly what the emphasis on "completely" means.
What exactly that implies about the after-hours activities of the castaways is mind-blowing.
An episode of That '70s Show plays with this. Eric and Donna have an argument over something involving politics of the era, and both decide to withhold sex from the other until one of them conceded that he/she wanted it more, thereby losing their political debate. Near the end, they get really steamy but Donna backs out claiming that as a woman, she can get too really horny and then turn it off at will, causing Eric to admit defeat. Seconds later, she marches back into the room while really horny and says, "Oh thank God, I was bluffing."
At one point Donna also asks her mother, Midge, if it's ethical to do this just to get them to do something. Midge is astonished that the option existed ("You can do that?") and offers no valuable advice at all. ("Who cares? I'm getting the bathroom repainted!")
An Everybody Loves Raymond episode centered around Ray discovering the "power of no", i.e. that turning Debra down when she wants sex will make her act nicer and flirtier. Debra, who consequently began to worry about her age, was not amused when she found out. Ray and Debra then decided to have a bet over which of them could go without sex longer. After a month, Ray gave in and begged her for sex. After a beat Debra responded "Are we still doing that?" (She later admitted that she did remember that, however.)
The Scrubs episode "My Musical", after Carla and Turk's fight at hand gets derailed by his confusion of her ethnicity and the fight devolves into an increasingly antagonistic Tango. (Have At You)
Turk: Babe, you know I know the truth. Carla: Well I need a little proof... so list all you know about me or no sex again.
At one point, Turk threatens to do the same to Carla. The simple response is something along the lines of "Like THAT'll work!".
Thankfully she's the only one like that, and in a later episode, she is told by elderly couple that things like that ruin marriages.
Carla seems to love doing this to poor Turk. Just by being friends with her, Elliot has the power to deny Turk sex any time she wants to just by asking Carla to invoke the trope. Carla doesn't even need to know why, she just agrees right away.
Twisted elsewhere in the series by Jordan and Dr. Cox. In order to get him to do what she wants, Jordan threatens to stop having sex with him and start "making love" to him.
Elliot and Keith go through a big fight (instigated by a bored Jordan) and she goes so far as to email him a video of her pole dancing to show him what he's missing.
This trope is invoked with alarming frequency in the later episodes of My Wife and Kids.
Happens in an episode of Little Mosque on the Prairie with specific reference to the Greek story, though Sarah finds the lack of sex at least as difficult as her husband does.
In an episode of the show Cybill, Cybill's pregnant daughter wants her mother's advice since her husband hasn't shown any interest in sex since her pregnancy started showing. The advice?
Cybill: Withhold sex. Rachel: What? Cybill: Withhold sex. Rachel: But Mom haven't you been listening? He doesn't want sex. Cybill: Well, he'll want it if he can't have it.
Susan on My Family actually went through with this once, when she found out that Ben had ripped off the poem he claimed to have written for her. It then subverted how it's supposed to go, with Susan getting tetchier by the day, and giving us this:
The Chandler/Monica relationship on Friends kind of used it, with the Double Standard front-and-centre. When Monica forgets to make Chandler a valentines day present she says "I will make anything you want in there [pointing to the kitchen] and do anything you want in there [pointing to bedroom]." When it turns out Chandler's gift was actually one Janice had made for him, he makes the same offer and gets this response:
Monica: [pointing to kitchen] Yeah, you will and [pointing to bedroom] are you kidding me?
(There's a possible triple meaning here, either Monica was going to withhold sex, Chandler is so bad at it that it doesn't even come close to making up for what he did, or what she had already done for him in the bedroom was so extreme he couldn't possibly reciprocate.)
There was also an episode where Chandler was withholding sex because Monica was mad at him (they were trying to have a baby, and her ovulation diary said they needed to have sex whether they wanted to or not). Monica pretended the fight was over until they'd done it, and then said it wasn't. Chandler was outraged by this, until Joey asked him if he was really complaining that he had sex.
Inverted with Married... with Children. On numerous occasions, Peggy uses having sex as a punishment when Al does something wrong.
When Marcy was married to Steve, there was an episode where Steve came back from a camping trip and planned to keep his beard. Marcy absolutely hated it and pulled this gambit to make Steve shave the beard. As the episode goes on, both are showing signs of sexual frustration, but in the end, Steve shaves his beard (Status Quo Is God after all).
Step by Step used this trope a lot, though often inverted in that Carol was far more fond of promising lots of sex if she got her way, than she was of threatening to withhold it if she didn't.
Done gender-flipped on Gossip Girl. Chuck refuses to have sex with Blair until she can say those three words, eight letters.
Subverted in the sitcom The War At Home, in which Dave (the father of the household) and Vicky (his wife) are in the middle of an argument. Dave antagonistically assumes that she's going to withhold sex from him, but she instantly shoots the idea down, remarking that she wouldn't want to deny herself and claiming that she had something else in mind.
At the advice of her mother, Fran attempts this with Maxwell on The Nanny during one of their first arguments as husband and wife, but ends up being so turned on by him that she gives up before the first night ends.
On Alien Nation, Tenctonese are implied to be culturally more rational about sex; it happens, it's enjoyable, it shouldn't be taken lightly (they find oversexualized things such as pornography silly), and it doesn't matter what gender both partners are. One of Susan's coworkers boasts about the effectiveness of this technique, just as a rather complicated issue pops up. Susan is curious, but by the end of the episode the woman is divorced: her husband just became sick and tired of being screwed with, to the point where he said "Take as much money as you want, just never come near me again!"
How I Met Your Mother: Gender flipped in an episode where Marshall withholds sex from Lily until she starts treating Ted a little better. This is played as a ridiculous, futile gesture, in the same way that most other stories do when a man tries to withhold. Bizarrely, elsewhere in the show's run Lily has been portrayed as every bit as sexual as Marshall (if not more so), to the extent that she developed the shakes upon going a few weeks without.
Subverted on The Brittas Empire. Mr Brittas's wife Helen tries witholding sex as a sign of displeasure at a proposed move to Belgium. A few weeks later she admits to a friend "it's been Hell!" for her while he hasn't even noticed.
In the Wanted: Dead or Alive episode "To The Victor," Josh Randall's problem is a town where the women (led by Liz, the daughter of Sheriff Strata - get it?) withhold themselves from the men in a protest against guns. After an attack on the town which they can't protect themselves against, the women give in unaware that Josh had arranged for the attack.
In an episode of Too Close for Comfort, Murial threatens to stop cooking dinner for Henry "among other things." Subverted when Henry tells her he can go out to eat... "among other things."
In Grey's Anatomy, Christina does this to Owen for one episode but for a slightly different reason. Owen has been asked by the Chief to pick the next Chief Resident. Christina was upset because Owen would likely avoid picking her because of their marriage. So her goal in this case is to avoid letting sex cloud Owen's judgment (i.e. she wants for him to think of her as a doctor rathern than his wife). He ends up picking someone else anyway. She's initially upset but cools down after he tells her that a Chief Resident is primarily a managerial position, and all Christina wants to do is be a great surgeon. Later on, both of them are shown to be extremely lustful, doing it at any time of day in almost any room in the hospital until Owen finally tells her they have to do stop doing that.
Lexi also tells this to Alex at one point but only because he's been treating her like crap that episode. She even tells him that she wants sex but not at the expense of her self-esteem.
In Private Practice, Addison does this to Sam after they disagree about a comatose patient whose husband has been having sex with her. Addison thinks it's a crime equivalent to rape, while Sam is of a different opinion. When Sam tries to point out that their personal and professional lives and relationships have to be separate, she disagrees and kicks him out. Several characters try to point out to Addison that Sam has a right to his own medical opinion. Addison's usual answer is "I'm right, and he's wrong". In the end, they reconcile, but not because Sam admits to being wrong. In fact, he thinks Addison is the wrong one and wants to yell at her for calling the cops of the husband... but he'll do that the next day at work to avoid being a hypocrite. Additionally, Sam is more concerned with what Addison's behavior is doing to their relationship, although he still wants sex.
Charlotte also occasionally does this to Cooper. It only works because Cooper is a sex addict, although Charlotte is also constantly horny.
A less obnoxious version comes from Johann Sebastian Bach's "Coffee Cantata" (formally titled Schweigt stille, plaudert nicht): the main character is a young woman who loves coffee so much that it worries her father, and he tries to bribe her into quitting by finding suitors for her. She then secretly tells each suitor that she will only marry him if he lets her keep drinking coffee (in essence, "You will never touch this unless you promise never to touch my joe").
Gender Flipped in a Navajo myth. After First Man was insulted by First Woman, the men collectively do this to the women to make them sorry. (They move away from the women and stop cooperating with them entirely, but lack of sex is explicitly an important part the punishment.) It works, but not before making both genders miserable.
It is interesting to note, perhaps, that while not strictly matriarchal, Navajo culture does put most of the political and financial power (usually associated with me) at the hands of the tribe's women.
In 1st Corinthians 7:5 of The Bible, Paul the apostle tells the Christian couples in regards to sex, "Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Lysistrata, the Trope Namer, is an Unbuilt Trope version, in that it applies equally to both genders. The title character tries to end the Peloponnesian War by getting women from both sides (Athens and Sparta, in this case) to withhold sex until peace reigns again. (Well, they also seize control of the city treasuries, but who cares about that?) This is laughed at by the men: All Women Are Lustful, so Lysistrata's sex strike shouldn't last five minutes. But the women manage to transcend their own base natures, bringing the men to heel. The result? Peace throughout Greece.... Well, in Real Life the war went on for around eight more years, but it was a nice thought.
This works of course because ALL the women agree to it. Sure enough peace happens, followed by an actual onstage orgy. At least that's how it was performed at the time. (The play was most often performed during the Dionysia, during which the entire city was always at least a little bit tipsy and people were encouraged to let their hair down).
Blake Morrison's play, Lisa's Sex Strike, is a version of Lysistrata set in modern England.
The Happiest Girl in the World (1961) is a Broadway musical based on Lysistrata.
In The Merchant of Venice, Portia and Nerissa, in male disguise, trick their new husbands out of the rings that they had made them promise never to take off. Later they mess with them further by acting furious and refusing to come into bed with them until they see the rings. (In the end, they hand them back the rings and admit to everything, and all is happy once more.)
Lysistrata Jones is another Broadway Musical based on Lysistrata (2011), based in a high school and featuring cheerleaders and a basketball team as the leads.
Deer Avenger did this with Furries — Bambo is a deer whose wife told him she will not let him touch her until he get rid of all hunters in the forest. Bambo takes a gun a do this.
Male-to-male example: Harley in Boy Meets Boy threatens not to have sex with his boyfriend Mikhael unless the latter buys him a PS2.
In one strip of Penny Arcade, the duo are trying to raise money for an expensive game with a custom controller, and, well:
Tycho: I've been charging Brenna for sex. Gabe: No shit. How's that going? Tycho: I'm flat fucking broke.
In Clan of the Cats, Jubal threatens to withhold sex from a shape shifted Chelsea in heat when she breaks off the amulet that helps control her shape changing. It ends with him observing, "Never argue with a PM Sing panther."
In one strip of Questionable Content, a female member of a newly formed rock band uses this to force her boyfriend (also a member of the band) to support her choice of band name.
This comic shows you why this trope is a bad idea.
Aversion: Ben and Lily of Goblin Hollow specifically agreed never to do this to each other, as they consider it immature and unlikely to earn sincere apologies. Besides, in Lily's words, when a friend asks her why she didn't withhold sex after Ben did something which upset her, "Hey, it ain't like I did anything wrong."
Karin-dou 4koma: When Aiina visits, she decides to withhold sex while walking around in a Naked Apron and such until Elza properly answers Mifi's feelings. By the time Aiina departs, Elza is wandering around aimlessly with bloodshot eyes.
Then again, given how much radar-dodging those two indulge in, the implications might not be very G-rated at all...
Done in song form in American Dad! during an argument between Francine and Stan about a hot tub he's just purchased.
I'm your wife, listen to what I say
Get rid of that tub, or no boo-tay!
As noted above, trying this trope in real life has some problems. Psychologists say that using sex as a bargaining chip tends to be destructive in marriages and relationships, as it's a slippery slope from turning an ostensibly loving relationship into a zero-sum game of brinksmanship.
A 2009 sex strike by Kenyan women.The Plan was to withhold sex for one week in protest of the fighting and political squabbling. A correspondent didn't think the men would last two days. Unable to find nookie with either wives or prostitutes (because their wives were paying the prostitutes not to), the men folded and a peace deal was worked out within a month.
Despite their reputation, the Puritans in America viewed sex as a normal, important, and expected part of marital relationships. There are records of a James Matlock being excommunicated from church fellowship for, among other things, withholding sex from his wife for two years.
In fact, all the Abrahamic religions have passages saying a married couple should not do this.
A similar passage in The Qur'an damns wives who do this. On the other hand, a husband who fails to satisfy his wife in bed prior to satisfying himself is equally guilty. That's right: Muslim men are required to go down on their wives.
The Torah lists that a husband should not deprive his wife of food, clothing, or "marital privileges", and that doing so was grounds for a divorce on her end. Withholding sex was considered abandonment.
During the Vietnam War: "Girls say yes to boys who say no" (to entering the draft).
Bill Engvall brought this up in one of his routines. He says that "women are like camels" and while they don't like going without sex for long periods of time, they're still capable of it. As opposed to men who...aren't.
After their football team got off to an 0-4 start in 2010, New Mexico State University started distributing propaganda urging the female students to refrain from having sex with members of the football team until they earned their first win. They won the very next game.
They also pulled this in 1992, using an uglier picture with the caption "THIS IS WHAT PAGE 3 WILL LOOK LIKE IF KINNOCK WINS". Kinnock lost, but despite The Sun's bragging it's hard to tell whether they really were "wot won it".
An inconclusive election in June 2010 and deep divisions over regional and linguistic matters led to Belgium taking 540 days to form a government, finally obtaining one in December 2011. During the endless negotiations, one group encouraged MP's wives to use this tactic to break the deadlock after Belgium surpassed Iraq's then-record of 249 days without a government.
This was a factor in George W. Bush's decision to quit alcohol. It tends to not get mentioned much, partly because his status as a Born Again Christian is the ostensible reason for quitting his alcoholism.
This was used to try and help get prohibition off the ground. The Women's Temperance Movement was a big lobbyist on the issue, and the phrase "Lips that touch liquor will never touch ours" is still remembered today.
According to some versions of her story, a young Ukrainian woman named Roxelana allegedly became sole legitimate wife of an Ottoman sultan that way. As his favorite harem girl, she managed to cajole him into making her a free woman again; however, according to Ottoman law, a man couldn't sleep with a free woman who wasn't his wife, so she refused him until he agreed to her terms. The name of the sultan? Suleiman IThe Magnificent
In Togo in August 2012, civil rights leader Isabelle Ameganvi has called for a sex strike in order to demand the resignation of President Faure Gnassingbe.
Jello Biafra from the Dead Kennedys uses this trope as an explanation as to how a group of U.S. politician's wives, with no power of their own whatsoever, managed to found the P.M.R.C., an official U.S. committee whose purpose was to prevent the sale of harmful music to minors.
On the other hand, Dee Snider of Twisted Sister said the opposite, that the only way that Tipper Gore and company were able to get as far as they did was because, while they were whispering in their ears, their hands were elsewhere.
There is a legend that King Harald I Fairhair lusted after a woman who would not have him before he was King of all of Norway. He is now known as the king who united Norway.