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Literature: Please Don't Tell My Parents I'm A Supervillain

"Sick of the same old heroes? Try a villain."
—the Project Wonderful ad

As the child of two world-famous superheroes, Penelope Akk figured becoming a hero herself was just a matter of time. Along with her best friends, Claire Lutra and Ray Viles, they see heroes and villains battling almost daily. And just as a bad penny always turns up, super powers soon strike all three. But after a run-in with the sidekick of a local hero, they find themselves labeled as supervillains instead of superheroes!

Still struggling to master the powers of her own mad science, Penny has to figure out how the trio will redeem themselves before her mom and dad find out. The catch: Penny turns out to be really good at villainy and being Bad turns out to be a lot more fun than being a champion!

A sequel is in the works, entitled "At Least I Didn't Blow Up OUR Moon". A sample can be found here.


This book provides examples of the following tropes:

  • Adults Are Useless: More to the effect that almost no one in either the hero or villain community are able to take the Inscrutable Machine seriously. It takes them breaking into Mech's home and trashing his Powered Armor to establish themselves as something other than children playing a game.
  • Affably Evil: Most of the villains.
  • Affectionate Parody: Of the whole superhero/villain genre thing.
  • Agent Peacock: While not full-on girly, Ray is definitely fashionable. He drools over nice shoes and offers to design outfits for the girls. Very skimpy outfits, of course.
  • Alpha Bitch: Marcia, the head cheerleader, teases the main characters and constantly announces her own superiority. According to Penny, the Popular Girls are popular only amongst themselves.
  • Artifact of Doom: All over the place. Apparently LA has been a hotspot of supernatural activity for so long that no one blinks an eye at these. Penny chooses a random middle school to attack, chooses a random semi-rare material (jade) to steal, and ends up with a stupidly powerful magical artifact guarded by an Eldritch Abomination.
  • Artificial Intelligence: A basic staple of Mad Science, after all.
    • The Machine can take and understand orders, though it can't actually communicate and doesn't seem to be sentient.
    • The in-story comic universe Sentient Life gives us Vera the computer program who pretends to be human.
    • Vera the pseudo-Conqueror orb, however, is self-motivated and exceeds her maker in certain areas.
  • Awesomeness by Analysis: Implied to be Penny's mother's Charles Atlas Superpower.
  • Axe Crazy: Jagged Bones, one of the villains hired by the Council of Seven and A Half to teach the Inscrutable Machine a lesson. His response to Claire's super-cuteness was to decide he wants to own her skeleton.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Reviled.
  • Badass Normal: Loads.
    • Cybermancer figured out how magic interacts with chemistry, letting him make explosives valued by both villains and heroes.
    • Technically The Audit, aka Penny's mom, since her powers are intelligence-based. She's taken down serious badasses such as Bull with merely human strength.
    • The Original, who Penny hasn't met yet, "is one of the toughest, fastest, smartest men around."
    • Miss A is the Original's sidekick, well trained in combat and able to hold her own against Reviled's super-strength, speed, and agility.
    • Witch Hunter seems to be a sword-slinging, knife-flinging normal as well.
  • Bad Powers, Good People: Mourning Dove is a hero, but she is also some sort of extremely dangerous zombie construct, and created at least one ghost when an innocent bystander got caught in the crossfire. Supervillains who refuse to play by the rules tend to "accidentally" get killed in fights with her.
  • Biblical Bad Guy: Lucyfar, who may or may not be Satan.
  • Cardboard Prison: It takes very little effort for the Inscrutable Machine to break Chimera out of prison.
  • Catch Phrase: Penny likes to swear by Nikola Tesla. Another mad scientist, The Expert, does this as well.
  • The Cheerleader: Marcia. Claire is a cheerleader too, but a nice one. Evil, but nice.
  • The Chessmaster: Spider, the supervillain who lords over Chinatown. She's also an actual spider.
  • Chivalrous Pervert: Ray, after he gains powers. Penny admits to liking his "leering charm".
  • City of Weirdos: L.A. is so full of superheros and supervillains that when Lucyfar, Bad Penny and Reviled start a supervillain fight in the middle of downtown, people just walk around them. Also, no one makes any comment about the Inscrutable Machine riding a subway in full supervillain costume. And Penny manages to stumble across an evil ancient artifact completely by accident.
  • Co-Dragons: Ray and Claire to Penny.
  • Cool Bike: Penny's light bike
  • Confess to a Lesser Crime: Penny decides to say she is sneaking out to go on a date when she is actually sneaking out to be evil.
  • Cut Lex Luthor a Check: Ray leases Penny's bubblegum machine to pay for his shopping spree. Later, Penny sells another invention to a villain for a thousand dollars. Penny directly acknowledges that she could make money legitimately, but being a villain is more fun.
  • Daddy Had a Good Reason for Abandoning You: Bull is separated from his family because he doesn't want his daughter to grow up with a supervillain for a father. Penny and the others insist that she'd prefer a supervillain father to none at all, and that she'll need help if she gets powers of her own.
  • Dating Catwoman: Lucyfar insists she and Gabriel are dating. Gabriel insists they're not, but doesn't protest too much when she glomps him.
  • Den of Iniquity: Chinatown is a popular hangout for villains. Heroes stay away by truce.
  • Don't Tell Mama: Right there in the title.
  • Do Wrong, Right: Claire's mom, a former villain, encourages her daughter to do what makes her happy, even if that means super-villainy. She gives the protagonists advice on how to be the best villains they can.
  • Eldritch Abomination: The guardian of the jade statue the Inscrutable Machine steals.
  • Energy Ball: Penny designs a pair of gloves that can generate these for Ray.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Many examples.
    • It is implied that harm towards children is frowned upon by the mainstream villain community. Both Lucyfar and the Bull react negatively when Claire is threatened by Jagged Bones.
    • The head of the villain community, Spider, is known for her strict adherence to the rules of conduct between superheroes and supervillains.
    • The Apparition is firmly against turning the Inscrutable Machine over to the Council Of Seven And A Half's thugs on the grounds that the former are her friends.
    • It's known that Chinatown is one of the two worst places in the city to drug dealers and muggers (the other being the neighborhood around Penny's school, where alot of superheroes children seem to attend).
  • Evil Genius: Penny, natch
  • Evil Laugh: Penny has one even before she becomes evil. Guess it comes with being a Mad Scientist.
    • HA! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
  • Evil Parents Want Good Kids: The Bull. Claire's mom, to a certain extent, mainly because she thinks it will make it easier for Claire to be happy.
  • Evil Versus Oblivion: It's understood that in any battle between Earth and the Conquerors, Spider will side with Earth. Helps explain the No Kill Policy taken by nearly all of the heroes.
  • Flash Step: Penny's teleporter rings allow her to do this.
  • Flying Brick: Generic Girl
  • Gadgeteer Genius: Cybermancer isn't a super genius, just highly above average.
  • Galactic Conqueror: The mentioned but not seen Conquerors seem to be an entire race of these.
  • Giggling Villain: Claire. What do you expect from a villain cheerleader?
  • The Gimmick: Penny makes candy her gimmick after a few false starts.
  • Glamour: Claire's power is "super-cuteness".
  • The Goggles Do Nothing: Penny gets a pair of goggles in Chinatown from the other mad scientists, but she's already got a helmet, so she just wears them like a necklace. All of the other mad scientists she meets in Chinatown wear them, but most of them don't wear them over their eyes. Penny speculates that Evil Eye can't even fit hers over her large fake eye.
  • Gratuitous German: The German Grenade.
  • Half Truth: How Penny gets around telling her parents about her supervillainous activities.
  • Heart Is an Awesome Power: Claire's super-cuteness and whatever Penny's mom's power is.
  • Hero Antagonist: Generic Girl and Miss A are the only ones that come after the Inscrutable Machine on their own initiative. Mech, Ifrit and Marvelous all show up at different points to disrupt their supervillainy activities.
  • Hidden Agenda Villain: Spider tends to have ulterior motives for any job she assigns villains to.
  • Homemade Inventions: All of Penny's inventions.
  • It's Personal: A key part of the super community is keeping things from getting personal. If you break the rules, expect to get "accidentally" killed by the other side's more dangerous members. This is one of the reasons that Penny doesn't have to worry too much about her secret identity as long as she takes some basic precautions. Sure, any of the Awesomeness by Analysis supers (including her own mother) could figure out who she is in about an hour, but the other supervillains would get mad. Spider is the only one who actively tries to discover their identities, much less something as blatant as blackmail them with that information.
  • Kid Sidekick: Miss A to the Original.
  • Kneel Before Zod: When The Inscrutable Machine hits a middle school to distract from their true identities, Penny gets all hammy and demands everyone on the playground kneel before her.
  • Lightning Bruiser: Ray to a certain extent. Combined with Flying Brick and Generic Girl fits the bill even better.
  • Louis Cypher: Lucyfar, of course!
  • Love Potion: Penny's power begins to create one before she realizes what is happening and suppresses it.
  • Love Triangle: Penny likes Ray and Ray likes Claire. Or at least so she believes. In the end, it turns out Ray likes her back and she was just totally oblivious.
  • Mad Scientist: Penny is a classic Mad Scientist, complete with evil laughter.
  • Make Me Wanna Shout: Echo.
  • Man Behind the Man: Because of their youth and the odd pattern of their attacks, the heroes believe that someone is directing The Inscrutable Machine, when in fact they're just attacking randomly. Played straight later when Spider blackmails them into helping her.
  • Mass Super-Empowering Event: Evolution, the first super, was a massively powerful shapeshifter who spent his first week as a tree before he got a hold on his powers. It is theorized that the huge amounts of pollen he released during that time are the cause for the sudden surge in powers; apparently every human on the planet has traces of his DNA in their system.
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: Penny's dad maintains that magic is just Sufficiently Advanced Technology, others aren't so sure, and it's never established one way or the other. For her part Penny's just fine with calling it magic even if it is just another form of technology.
  • Mini Dress Of Power: On Miss A. A pink sparkly one, no less!
  • Motive Misidentification: Everyone assumes there's an elaborate plan behind everything The Inscrutable Machine does. They are wrong.
  • Mundane Utility: Penny uses a custom smart phone designed by one of the smartest people on the planet as a calculator.
  • Mysterious Past: Gabriel, an angelic hero with six wings, has a blog, but refuses to speak of his past or where he got his powers. Lucyfar claims that he is the Archangel Gabriel (and she, as the Archangel Lucifer, is his sister), and while he definitely hasn't confirmed that, he hasn't gone to too much effort to deny it, either.
  • Named by Democracy: The Inscrutable Machine is the name Penny came up with for herself, but she eventually ended up with Bad Penny, with the trio as a whole as The Inscrutable Machine. Generic Girl didn't pick the name for herself either, as she's all business and doesn't take the time to chat.
  • Nice Hat: Ray wears one as Reviled.
  • No Sell: Magic doesn't work on Lucyfar.
    Lucyfar: I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I am the morning star, the fallen one, the first and most damned child of creation. Magic is the power of creation, children. It cannot harm me.
  • One-Winged Angel: Normally, Lucyfar's powers manifest merely as a number of levitating black knives. When she gets serious, she grows blade-tipped skeletal wings, an elegant black dress, and a crown of black fire.
  • Open Minded Parent: Claire's mom, being a former villain herself, fully supports the trio's activities, just as long as they don't get in over their heads.
  • Our Dragons Are Different: True dragons are intelligent and act as natural guardians of the world's magic. They don't like humans much, and are extremely rare. However, it's quite common for run of the mill monsters to disguise themselves as dragons.
  • Overly Long Name: Who wouldn't want to go to Northeast West Hollywood Middle School?
  • Parental Obliviousness: Despite both being world renowned super-geniuses neither of Penny's parents connect her and her friends to The Inscrutable Machine.
  • The Password Is Always Swordfish: The password to Mech's lab is "Beebee" (Penny's mom's nickname). Penny's not sure if this means Mech has a crush on her mother, or if it means her father designed the security system and Mech never changed the default.
  • Perky Female Minion: Claire, especially when's laying on the cuteness.
  • Perpetual Frowner: Generic Girl aka Claudia always sounds tired and unhappy, not fitting in with heroes, villains, or middle schoolers.
  • Powered Armor: Mech's primary schtick.
  • Powers via Possession: Among the Apparition's powers.
  • Punch Clock Hero/Punch Clock Villain: Penny's parents imply that most supers on both sides are just in it for the brawl, rather than an actual desire to do good or evil. Lucyfar, especially, is noted to switch between hero and villain on the fly.
  • Punny Name: Penny's biology teacher Mrs. Golgi.
  • Reality Warper: The Librarian apparently. Her powers are never really explained in depth, but the kids note that all the estimations they saw online were seriously underselling her.
  • Rollerblade Good: Claire's movement is frequently described as skating, though she actually wears ground-repelling shoe inserts.
  • Running Gag: Similar to a Swear Jar, Penny keeps two Jars for her father: Pumpkin and Princess. Both are well funded.
  • Secret Keeper: Claire's mom, a former villain herself, keeps the kids identities safe.
  • Shock and Awe: Penny designs some electro-glove things that causes people it zaps to stick to the next surface they touch, usually the ground.
  • Show Some Leg: Claire uses her super-cuteness powers to distract the enemies of the Inscrutable Machine.
  • The Spark of Genius: Penny's powers allow her to create all kinds of crazy shit, which she's not always aware of doing, and can't readily replicate.
  • Steam Punk: The Machine is actually a wind-up device, not an electric gadget.
  • Stephen Ulysses Perhero:
    • Penny = Bad Penny.
    • Ray Viles = Reviled
    • Marcia = Miss A
  • Super Hero Trophy Shelf: Mech keeps a trophy room in his home.
  • Super Serum: Penny designs one to get Claire into shape. Ray drinks a whole lot of it and manages to get Super Strength and Super Speed.
  • Super Villain: Take a guess.
  • Super Wrist Gadget: The Machine, an all purpose materials recycling thing.
  • Tailor-Made Prison: Chimera was kept in one.
  • Then Let Me Be Evil: Penny, at the end of the story, gives up on being a hero. Ah ha ha ha ha!
  • Time Bomb: Subverted. Penny sets a time bomb up in the school yard with a hundred second countdown as a distraction, but tells Claire and Ray that nothing will actually happen when the timer reaches zero.
  • Truce Zone: Chinatown, which perhaps not coincidentally is where Spider, head of the supervillain community, makes her home.
  • Two Girls and a Guy: Penny, Claire and Ray.
  • Unfortunate Names: E-Claire and Bad Penny are disappointed in the supernames they ended up with.
  • Unusually Uninteresting Sight: A few people stop to watch Lucyfar fight Penny and Ray, but most of them just pass on by
  • Villain Ball Magnet: Despite Penny's firm desire to switch to the side of good things just never seem to work out that way, as even when they manage to do good, people just continue to assume The Inscrutable Machine are supervillains. By the end they get tired of correcting them and just roll with it.
  • Villains Out Shopping: Every weekend the villains shut down Chinatown to throw a huge party.
  • Villain Protagonist: Well, duh.
  • Villains Act, Heroes React: The villain protagonists do things on their own and the heroes try to stop them.
  • Villain Teleportation: Well, Villain Protagonist Teleportation, anyway. Penny's teleport rings. They were actually designed for Ray, but he doesn't use them.
  • Wake Up, Go to School, Save the World: Miss A, who is actually a cheerleader in Penny's school.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: The origins of the jade statue are never explained, particularly not why it's guarded by an Eldritch Abomination. Penny maintains that it's super dangerous but this is never elaborated on and she later uses pennies to transfer its curse to other people (hence, Bad Penny) without any indication of the aforementioned danger.
  • What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?: Claire's super-cuteness is initially considered awesome, but when the Inscrutable Machine starts going against serious heroes they find her the least useful member of the team. It's more useful as a distraction than anything, so Penny sets her up with static gloves and zero-friction shoe inserts. Oh, and a zombie ragdoll army powered by Claire.
  • Wild Card: Lucyfar, who switches between hero and villain as suits her on any given day. The Inscrutable Machine as well.
  • Worthy Opponent:
    • Supervillains are careful to cultivate this reputation with superheroes. That way, when they inevitably retire, they'll be treated well instead of hunted down in revenge. Villains who get too violent (especially against children) find themselves fighting Mourning Dove, who is notoriously bad at bringing in opponents alive.
    • At the end, Spider apologizes to Penny for treating the Inscrutable Machine like children, and congratulates them on foiling her plans. Sure, she still got what she wanted, but that was just luck.
  • Zombie Apocalypse: The most adorable one ever, as one of Penny's inventions is a zombie ragdoll that eats cloth to make new zombie ragdolls.

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