Literature / How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

Zombies. When they're not trying to eat your brain, they can be really awesome.

"There are two types of people in this world: those who dream about happiness and those who fight for it. If I were to be put in one of those categories, I'd choose the third: those who don't give a shit."
Duff Obama

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse is a comedic parody depicting the usual zombie apocalypse scenario that sets off the same day the main character, Duff, turns sixteen. After a series of events, she is not only forced to kill her already undead family, but is left to fend for herself through the chaos. That is, until she finds an odd group claiming they will put an end to an After the End.

Despite the rather dark beginning, the story quickly jumps to a much lighter note, often falling into the crack category. Started in 2012, it is still ongoing. Has a Character Sheet under construction.


This story provides examples of:

  • A Birthday, Not a Break: Duff becomes aware of the apocalypse the day she becomes sixteen.
  • A-Cup Angst: Duff. And a lot.
  • A Dorkable: Shy, introvert Collin, who has an OCD about people using proper ties and plays an air battery while headbanging when any song he likes is playing.
  • Action Girl: Subverted. Duff will fight, but it's not like she's any good. More like, she fights because she wants to keep her innards inside her.
  • Adult Fear: Imagine getting bottled up with a group of impossibly stupid teenagers instead of, well, any other possible combination. Or having your daughter kill you to avoid having her own self killed.
  • Aerith and Bob: April, Lucas, Collin, Butch... Duff... and Kerberos.
  • Ambiguous Disorder: Kerberos.
  • Anti-Hero: Duff, a non-lethal example, can be quite selfish, cowardly and somewhat of a Smug Snake, and she's decided to leave the Squad as soon as she finds a decent place to stay. It's not long before she starts questioning the idea, though.
  • Anyone Can Die
  • Attack! Attack... Retreat! Retreat!: In chapter 6, Duff should have pondered for a moment if lunging mindlessly at a horde of zombies was a good idea.
  • Awesome, but Impractical: Lucas's BB gun.
  • Badass Baritone: Butch.
  • Badass Normal: Every Squad member has moments of this. More prominently Lucas when he's not being a Butt Monkey. Special mention to Butch who was able to produce an expansive wave with a punch strong enough to send zombies flying.
  • Berserk Button:
    • Don't mess with Duff's hair. Or her chest. Or her pizza.
    • Interrupting Lucas in the middle of his singing is not a good idea.
    • April and her costume.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: A mad April is not a nice sight.
  • Beware the Quiet Ones: A mad Collin isn't that much nicer.
  • BFS: Subverted... or something. Duff has a giant pencil as a zombie-slaying weapon.
  • Black Comedy
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: Duff's narration shows instances of this.
    Duff: Sometimes I think the author just wants to make me suffer.
  • Brutal Honesty: Kerberos.
    Duff: I know we are not exactly smart, but it's not like we're completely stupid right?
    Kerberos: Wrong.
  • Burn the Undead: April's default way to kill zombies.
  • Calling Your Attacks: Parodied.
    Lucas: Super-angry-because-you-interrupted-my-singing-SMASH!
  • Can't Live With Them, Can't Live Without Them: Duff grouped with the Anti-Zombie Squad mainly for interest and didn't give a damn about them. However, after they got briefly separated and almost mauled to death, she came to the conclusion maybe she cared the least bit about them.
  • Cast of Snowflakes: They all seem very different, looks or personality wise.
  • Catch Phrase: Kerberos's "Dude." Butch's overuse of the word creepy in everything.
  • Cat Scare: A literal example in Chapter 2.
  • Cerebus Syndrome: While not prominently, latter chapters take on a serious note more often than the first ones.
  • Chekhov's Gun: Duff wanted a giant pencil for some odd reason as a birthday present. That same thing saved her several times from having her head chopped off.
  • Chew Toy: Collin to the Zombie Squad, even more so that Lucas.
  • Children Forced To Kill: Pretty much every underage survivor.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Kerberos and April, to the point the former tries playing Monopoly with a zombie and the latter sets the Squad's HQ on fire while trying to light up a candle.
  • Completely Missing the Point: Trying to reason with April is like trying to breathe in space.
  • Cowardly Lion: Duff.
  • Crapsack World: Played with. The usually cryptic zombie scenario, while maintaining a hint of darkness, is more of a parody and sometimes even Played for Laughs.
    Duff: Zombies are excellent stylists, if you ask me. They dance the Moonwalk like professionals, make the best cotton candy and even rap faster than Eminem.
  • Crazy Survivalist: the religious sect at the mall.
  • Dangerous Sixteenth Birthday
  • Deadpan Snarker: Duff and Butch, which leads to a lot of bickering between the two.
  • Defrosting Ice Queen: Kerberos.
  • Deus ex Machina: Played for Laughs. They often get out of really difficult situations in the most unexpected, if not idiotic, ways. Averted when they meet a Despair Event Horizon.
  • Emo Teen: Collin.
  • Emotionless Girl: Kerberos.
  • End of the World as We Know It
  • Expy: Duff looks suspiciously like Suou Pavlichenko.
  • Family of Choice: Given the apocalyptic scenario, it was a given survivors would lose their families in the process, which means, in a way, that a close group could be some sort of substitue. April is the first to point out this, much to the group's disgust. But they are internally happy.
  • Five-Man Band:
  • Four-Temperament Ensemble:
    • April and Lucas are Sanguine.
    • Butch and Duff are Choleric.
    • Collin is Melancholic.
    • Kerberos is Phlegmatic.
  • Funny Background Event: Duff and Lucas surrounded by zombies and fighting the hell out while April spills out a soliloquy about life.
  • Gag Series
  • Genki Girl: April.
  • Genki Guy: Lucas.
  • Genre Savvy: Lucas was the only one who dismissed the idea of going to a mall, pointing out that most people would have the exact same idea and thus resources must have been taken by then. He was ignored.
  • Gilligan Cut: When the Anti-Zombie Squad first tried to recruit Duff, she was openly hostile towards them and swore with all her might she wouldn't join. They offered her pizza. So she joined.
  • Green-Eyed Redhead: Duff.
  • Groin Attack: Duff constantly threatens Lucas with one.
  • I Just Want to Be Badass: Lucas.
  • Idiot Hero: Duff. Or, well, pretty much the whole Zombie Squad.
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: They all reference a work of fiction in some way or another, of course, with a zombie-themed Lame Pun.
  • Inferiority Superiority Complex: While exhibiting plenty of narcissistic tendencies, Duff can get very insecure an thinks of herself as stupid. Just smarter than the rest.
  • Insane Troll Logic: It is extremely hard to get into a remotely serious conversation with Duff. Subverted when she tries... and fails. But she still tries. Also Kerberos, whose perception of this plane of existence seems to be too different for a mortal to comprehend.
  • Jerkass With A Heart Of Gold: Butch.
  • Kill It with Fire: April loves her flamethrower, loves burning things and hates zombies. What's to not to love? Except, well, that she can't use it.
  • Kuudere: Collin.
  • Lampshade Hanging: Mostly done by Butch or Duff herself when the situation gets too abnormal.
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall
  • Made of Iron: Everyone in the Zombie Squad. Duff alone managed to survive a three-story high free fall and three zombie raids with only a giant pencil as weapon. Another notable example is Collin, the Squad's poor Chew Toy.
  • Moment Killer: Lucas loves doing this.
  • Nerves of Steel: No matter how ridiculous the situation may be, Kerberos never seems remotely moved.
  • Nice Girl: April, who along being The Heart is the Squad's kindest member.
  • Nice Guy: Collin, who deals with the constant harassing of everyone, sans Butch, and does not flip them off solely because he pities them.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Justin Bieber at the beginning of the outbreak. He is then seen occasionally killing things in the background. At one point, Donald Trump makes an inexplicable cameo and fights against Justin Bieber. Nobody bats an eye at this, save for Duff, who handwaves it.
  • Oblivious to Love: Duff and Collin.
  • Only Sane Man: Collin and Butch often compete for this position, though it's more of a claim by the latter.
  • Our Zombies Are Different: They still show unusually human characteristics such as riding bikes and even baking pizza.
  • Quirky Town: the cannibals seemed like this at first.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni:
    • Duff is red to Collin's blue.
    • Lucas is red to Kerberos's blue.
    • April is red to Butch's blue.
  • Rule of Funny: Taken Up to Eleven at times. How can you take a zombie apocalypse seriously when the titular threat opens bakeries, goes to dance clubs and seems more interested in bird watching than actual cannibalism? There is also little to no tension about anyone dying due to survivors seeming Made of Iron... at first.
  • Running Gag:
    • Duff's hope in finding a sexy boy. Her wishes don't come true.
    • Lucas's annoying singing whenever a phrase alludes a song or artist.
    • Butch's creepy thing with ponies.
    • Kerberos trying to give plans and being ignored. Lampshaded when they finally hear her.
    • Justin Bieber.
    • Duff's obsession with pizza as well as her name.
    Duff: My name is Duff Obama, and no, I don't know the freaking president.
  • Satire
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: Lucas. Taken Up to Eleven when not even the girls yell as much as him.
  • Seinfeldian Conversation: Ranging from the hypothetical existence of giant green hamsters in space to whomever invented blue dye for hair, the squad is rather fond of these.
  • Shout-Out: Too many to list. The chapter titles alone are based on works of fiction.
    Duff: Kamehameha!
    April: Imagine Taylor Lautner with a beard.
    Butch: WICKED is good!
  • Shrinking Violet: Collin is a male variety.
  • Spell My Name with an "S": People always seem to come with really creative ways to mispronounce Duff's name.
  • Surrounded by Idiots: Butch feels this way, and it's not like he can be blamed.
  • Talking Is a Free Action: Averted when April has a moment of enlightenment and starts philosophizing while Duff and Lucas yell at her to shut up and help them fight off the zombie horde.
  • Team Chef: Collin, to the group's utter relief.
  • Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: Duff shows instances of this at first. A more prominent example is Butch, who is actually more of a Tsundere.
  • The Power of Friendship: A central theme. The Zombie Squad grows inevitably closer throughout the series. Crowning Moment Of Heart Warming moments ensue.
  • The Stoic: Kerberos. Collin appears to be this at first.
    • Not So Stoic: Collin has severe social anxiety issues and Duff's... not subtle demeanor doesn't help one bit.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Duff LOVES pizza.
  • Too Dumb to Live: Taken Up to Eleven. It's a wonder how the Squad managed to say alive for so long.
  • Tranquil Fury: Lucas.
  • True Companions: Given the theme, this was bound to happen to some point. Or will probably happen. It'll be a shame if it doesn't. Too bad it won't. Maybe?
  • Tsundere: Duff, a rather bitter type A.
  • Unreliable Narrator: Duff is a narcissist, has an ego the size of the moon and is convinced she is smarter than the whole Squad combined.Sometimes. She also has a penchant to exaggerate things and is rather biased, resulting in a rather peculiar... perception of the whole story.
  • Vague Age: Aside from Duff, the Squad members' ages can only be guessed. Averted with Collin, who is fifteen.
  • Weirdness Magnet: The Zombie Squad.
  • When He Smiles: The rare instances where Collin smiles provokes Duff's most tsundere moments.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: None other than Kerberos.
  • You Can't Go Home Again
  • You Gotta Have Blue Hair: April.
  • Youth Is Wasted on the Dumb: Played with. Part of the reason why the Zombie Squad never seems to get a thing right.
  • Zombie Apocalypse
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