We critically-failed our keep-a-straight-face check.
Rulebooks and accessories
- The third-party Dungeons & Dragons rulebook The Book of Erotic Fantasy contains the Voyeuristic Seer, a prestige class that specializes in using divination to watch other people have sex. The spell section contains a lot of other silly things, like the anti-clothing shell and the Disrobe spell.
- The Power of the Creators◊ spell from Magi-Nation, for many reasons. For one thing, it's a completely meta card that lets you off anyone you don't like... so long as they didn't work on the card game. The art depicts a giant finger from nowhere ready to flick a poor Magi into the sunset. And its card type? "Universally Desired Spell." Snerk.
- The otherwise forgettable game Living Steel (half the rulebook was pictures of guns with massive lists of modifiers for things related to shooting) had sidebar comments such as: "I did not order, did not receive, and will not pay for Item 27, 'Tax', on your invoice." attributed to 'Ronald Unreasonable', and the eternally useful "Hm. That looks like a serious injury. I think you're going to have to go back to the Character Generation section."
- In the World of Darkness, two hunters are discussing a new mission they have been given. One complains that it seems like a wild goose chase, to which the other replies "Yeah, well, you know what else they said was a wild goose chase? Finding Bigfoot. But where is he now? In federal prison because he never paid his taxes."
"There's a tree in my basement."
"It gives me magic powers."
"Yer nuts. Gimme another beer."
Well, son, when a mommy and a daddy who are deeply in love decide they want a little baby, mommy murders a homeless man and drinks up all his yummy blood until her belly is big and full of it, and then daddy lays on top of her, and puts his wing-wang in her hoo-haa and moves up and down, and then his seed and her egg meet, and mommy uses some of the blood to make the little baby growing in her big and healthy, but because she's eating for two now, mommy gets very very hungry, and has to murder lots and lots of homeless men so in nine months a perfect little bouncing baby is born, with daddy's nose, and mommy's sickening occult affliction.
- The opening fiction of Scion: Demigod shows Eric Donner, Scion of Thor, and his discovery of the horrific vision that is... basic cable.
Eric: So basically, our culture sucks and everyone under 35 is part of the problem. (later, when asked if he learned anything) Donnie didn't show up at any of the usual hotspots. And I'm cancelling our cable.
- Later, in order to access where their missing companion has gone, the Band must give an offering of honey to a spirit. Yukiko then reaches into her coat and reveals she carries two packets of it everywhere - in case where they go doesn't carry her favorite brand (she puts it in her tea).
- A lot in the various Planescape books, including most entries penned by Xanxaost the slaad:
- The whole idea of mephit vendetta code, which ends with "Mephits are never given to friends, as anyone who has met one understands."
- Xanxaost: Mmm... mephits.
- Forgotten Realms books contain some hilarity more often than not:
"Two types of chimerae stalk Cormanthor: the mean ones, and the really mean ones. You can't tell one from the other, except for their lips."
"As if keeping an undead ferret in her tunic weren't enough to drive civilized company away, she spent her last social gathering explaining the disparate relative effects of falling damage on living and undead rat squirrels to two decidedly uncomfortable apprentice mages with good prospects."
Once the focal stones
are safely hidden inside a hollow statuette out behind her privy,
- Portable Hole Full of Beer, and its remakes Son of a Portable Hole and Bride of Portable Hole: The Book of Neurotic Fantasy. Complete with Flumphonomicon, mockery of weirdly specialized prestige classes and dumbed-down flavour text of some late D&D products, stats for monsters like Marshmallow Golem, "12 Year Old Gamer Girl" template, a handful of spells and items—some of which are usable in a sane game, but have outstanding Power Perversion Potential—and so on. It's downloadable for free.
- There are prestige classes for becoming a Pokemon master, becoming a chef who specializes in cooking the monsters the party defeats, and metagaming more and more until the character becomes fully aware they are in a roleplaying game, turns into a real person, and moves in with their player.
- Book of Oafish Might has much the same style as Portable Hole (only a bit more... oafish), presenting things like mock templates "Redundant Creature" or "Really, really Evil Creature" and enough slapstick material to make The Loonie stand and hear... hear...
- A couple of guys (Frank Trollman and his buddy Keith) wrote some articles which had some houserules to iron some of the wrinkles out of Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 (Like Polymorph or Wish). One of these, the Dungeonomicon, has almost all of its section headings end in an —nomicon name and a pithy quote. Highlights include: The Constructanomicon: "How does that even stay up?" Other articles include such memorable quotes as: Character Backgrounds: "I… I'm a fighter. I stab people. In the face." Not even feats are safe, with the feat Giant Slayer having the flavor text Everyone has a specialty. Yours is miraculously finding ways to stab creatures in the face when it seems improbable that you would be able to reach that high. and Zen Archery reading You are very calm about shooting people in the face. That's a good place to be.
- Munchkin. As a Hurricane of Puns, there's going to be at least one that makes you laugh.
- Codex: Orks:
Deafened Grots must resort to a rudimentary form of sign language. This is rarely successful because a Gretchin cannot carry very many signs.
- The Shokk Attack Gun's misfire table. Especially what happens on a '12'.
- Would this the be legendary "shoots himself out of his own gun" incident? (No technology misfires like Ork technology!)
- No, that's a 10. On a 12 the gun basically tears apart space-time in a small area and utterly removes its target from existence...
- Possibly more of a Shout-Out but the Red Dwarf reference in the new Doctor Who RPG.
- A certainly involuntary one: take the Wood Elves army book, and get to the part where they show you pictures of the models. There's one of two legendary twin elves, riding a Wood Dragon... And they're facing a lone Dwarf Trollslayer model. Whose face seems to indicate that he's about to crap his pants.
- Many, many of the marginalia in the Dresden Files RPG rulebooks. For the uninitiated: the RPG is presented as a project by one of the characters in-universe which he has sent to the main character of the books to review. Said main character is a geeky wiseass who also enlists the help of a pervy knowledge spirit with an equally stupid sense of humor. Thus, the margins are full of notes containing random commentary, bad puns, Shout Outs, and bickering between the people involved in the project. It's a lot of fun to read.
- Said "pervy knowledge spirit" is named Bob. "Shut up, Bob!" is the largest index entry.
- Flying Mice's Aces and Angels, a game about World War II fighter pilots, provides the following example of how not to use the game's Luck mechanic: "Luckily, I jump out of the cockpit, do one and a half somersaults in the air, and land on the enemy's fuselage, screaming like a ninja!"
- In the Fading Suns rulebook, there is a chart on how to do miracles. Like, miracles. You pray to God and if the GM lets you, you may roll if and how it worked. The lowest success (still very hard to achieve) gives you In Mysterious Ways-style events. And what are the best possible results? Completely unexplainable and impossible events — like a sun moving all over the sky, witnessed by millions of people... or the court of Temple Avesti showing mercy.
- The Mythos Dossiers from The Laundry RPG carry a lot of the typical Lovecraftian dread, but also carry elements of... well, the Laundry. Such as the bit in the BLUE HADES chapter where two Laundry officials who are obviously not qualified for this line of work keep faffing about during their attempts to debrief a Deep One informant. Then once the session's over, "payment" is offered up - the Deep One in question is gay, and since his fellow Deep Ones look down on sex with humans for reasons other than procreation, the Laundry had to provide a partner.
Do you think he volunteered for the duty, or...
He's in Accounting.
- Mekton Zeta Plus: The section on nukes mentions that (barring GM intervention) anything in the blast radius of a nulear weapon is subject to the Chunky Salsa Rule. After explaining what happens to things outside the blast radius, it goes onto describe the effects of Electromagnetic Pulse, and mentions that, aside from nukes, EMP can be gererated by supernovas...
Determine which multiple of the nuke's blast radius your unit is within. If the source is a supernova, act as if the source is in the same hex as you are and quit worrying - the impending destruction of the entire star system is going to make anything else seem meaningless by comparison. Luckily, supernovae are not a common game hazard
- but you never know.
- The Monster Hearts book has flowery and melodramatic descriptions for the lore of each skin - except for the Ghost Skin, which simply says "Ghosty ghost. You are dead."
Collectible Card Games
- One would not expect the judge rulings on a card game to contain anything of note humorwise. Nonetheless, thanks to Magic: The Gathering's Unglued set and its card Hurloon Wrangler, the action of removing one's pants officially takes place faster than a mana ability.
- Not the game itself, but this  review of FATAL has the part when he attempts to describe putting the Fatal combat mechanics into play:
Jack's sword cleaved through the cultist's chest, cleaving through the nipple, the xiphoid process - the lowest part of the sternum - and the shoulder blade. The cultist's blade only caused damage to Jack's appendix and his adrenal gland, somehow missing everything else in front of and in back of Jack's adrenal gland and appendix.
- A certain review of SenZar can also be pretty funny.
- Not a review per se, but on one Pathfinder forum, someone was criticising the look and attitude of the Anti-Paladin class (pictured here) and wondering what sort of clown would dress and act like that while keeping a straight face. The following was posted in response. I nearly killed myself laughing when I read it:
- "That guy doesn't have a straight face, though. Look at him! He's stifling either a laugh or a fart. He's dressed like High King of Douchebags, and he knows it. But he doesn't care because he also knows that if you say anything about it to him, he's going to rearrange your face, and possibly your sphincter. That man bought his armor at Villains 'R' Us, and he absolutely does not give a damn about what you think. His name is Brad or Chaz, because all genuine douchebags are named Brad or Chaz, or maybe Brad Chazington III, heir to a long line of both Brads and Chazes. He stomps puppies, slaps orphans, and occasionally sets fire to nuns. If you asked him for the time of day, he'd beat you to death with an hourglass.
That is the face of a man who just ate a kitten. Raw.
PS: This post is a parody and is not meant to make any judgment about people actually named Brad or Chaz or Brad Chazington. Good day."