The Worst Ever Series
Just Bad Games Series
The Just Bad Games series is packed with them. Particularly their interpretation of badly handled licensed superheroes as
Idiot Heroes, complete with goofy takeoffs on their iconic voices.
- In general, whenever Shane and Adam interrupt themselves to laugh.
- In the 2003 RoboCop game:
- Shane points out that RoboCop shoots his enemies "very, very specifically". Cue an image of a hotdog with Shane's face imposed on it.
- Adam adds that RoboCop "likes the Bob Barker approach to criminal reduction".
"Remember to spay and neuter your criminals by shooting them in the d***!"
- When the duo learns that saving civilians appears to be the game's core focus, they get to the second level (the "City Dump"). This cues a montage of every time the Old Man informs RoboCop of nearby civilians, gradually speeding up and omitting various parts of the phrase, until...
Shane: WHAT WAS THAT, KENNETH? I DIDN'T CATCH IT THE FIRST TIME!
- Immediately after, Shane notes that RoboCop shouts the name of every item he picks up, likening it to an infant learning a new word.
RoboCop: Ammunition, Energy, Shield
Shane: [as RoboCop] Apple, Puppy, Hippity Hop
- In Batman: Dark Tomorrow and Batman & Robin, Batman is given a tendency to deadpan muttering when knocked out or stranded... which is often.
- "Batman can't go left; Batman can't go right. Looks like Batman's gonna have to stay here tonight."
- On discovering that the gameplay in Batman & Robin sometimes transports you to a location too early:
Batman: Uh... hello? Crime? ...Well, this is kind of awkward.
- Another glitch in Batman & Robin allows Batman to get into a jewelry store and to the diamond before the bad guys. This leads to a lengthy argument between the character and the players (who are *voicing* the character) on the ethics of pre-stealing.
- While out trying to navigate the awkward Gotham driving gameplay:
Batman: Batman & Robin. Batman & Robin... Stupid people keep crashing into my legs! Batman needs his Boy Wonder.
(Cue lengthy dramatic sequence of Robin heading to the Batcave, suiting up and speeding through the streets on his motorcycle, finally pulling up just behind Bats)
Robin: All right, Batman, I'm-(is abruptly hit by an AI car and thrown into a wall)
Batman: (not turning around) Robin? Robin? Hello? ...Huh, I wish he was here. He could help me figure out why all these cars keep crashing into this wall.
- Shane and Adam note that the "ATM"s used to access the Batcomputer are out in the open with no security measures whatsoever - implying some random Gothamite simply trying to get money could instead instantly learn all Batman's deepest, darkest secrets. Cue Batman exclaiming in horror as some of his... *very* private fanart is leaked. One picture is of an actual bat in a red bikini, while the other is a crayon drawing of Batman madly in love with Rouge the Bat.
Batman: Oh no! MY BAT-PICS!
- As dumb as Bats is depicted here, he still manages to get one over on Shane and Adam by remembering where they were supposed to go next (the less-than-concrete direction made that harder than it sounds).
- Their review of Razor Freestyle Scooter is especially notable for its "SCOOTALITY" Running Gag.
- And then there's all of the unlockable characters, the duo's least favorite being Chippie the sock monkey, whom they consider a Perverse Puppet.
- Superman in The Man of Steel gets a more appropriately upbeat version of this, assisted greatly by his confidently smiling visage on the box art.
- Boasting about using his ice breath:
Superman: "I blow. I blow hard." [close-up of confident smile]
- When Adam questions the weirdly off-model colour scheme for Supes' attacksnote Enemies weak to frost breath are marked… green, enemies weak to Eye Beams are marked… purple, and enemies weak to melee attacks are either marked yellow or have a red target around then:
Adam:" Who came up with this, anyway?"
Superman: "I did! The heat vision has
fried my retinas!"
[close-up with eyes altered to bloodshot] - When the guys complain about the convoluted plot, Supes insists that it's all perfectly simple and 'helpfully' provides his own summary, which involves alternately punching things and driving Steel insane.
- "Look, Lois! I'm running! Like people!"
- When Adam points out that The Man of Steel shares a writer with Batman: Dark Tomorrow, Shane immediately pulls up the "IT'S JUST BAD" screen before Adam stops him.
- Aquaman in Battle for Atlantis comes off a bit better—as the duo notes, he doesn't have as much of a famously heroic persona to riff on—but their awe at his amazing blond mane of hair is all the funnier for it.
Shane: LOOK AT THAT GLORIOUS COIF!
Adam: It's majestic!
Shane: It's free-flowing!
Adam: It's... totally covering his eyes.
Shane: And clipping through his face. I wonder if that hurts?
Adam: [as Aquaman] It certainly does!
- Shane's description of Aquaman's main powerset as "swimming, breathing underwater, and talking fish into things they really did not want to do."
- That last one is demonstrated by Aquaman getting a fish to shave his really hairy armpits. It also becomes a Brick Joke when he lets out an "Aquafart" and the poor fish is seen floating away belly up.
- From the Chicken Blaster review, after encountering one fowl looping animation too many:
- "LOOK AT IT. GAZE INTO THE VOID OCCUPYING ITS SOUL SPACE. DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD FIND REPRIEVE IN THIS WORLD? THERE IS NOT SANITY HERE, ONLY CHICKENS! CHICKENS! BAAAAAAAWK..."
- Shane's Flat "What" reaction to Adam referring to ice as "hard water" in their review of CID The Dummy.
- Pretty much anytime they mention the notoriously glitchy AI sidekicks in Daikatana, in particular Superfly's OTT reaction to Hiro's death.
Adam: Up until this point, Superfly knows Hiro for... I don't know... 10, 20 minutes? He, heh, he gets attached easily.
- The moment in Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue when Shane discovers he can ignore the rules of the driving level and just slam into other cars with impunity.
- Also the moment in the training level when Adam realizes that, in lieu of the franchise's signature stylized martial arts, the player character's fight moves are instead punctuated by "...sparkles you poop from your limbs?!"
- "Our objectives? SHOOT: Silly heads. RESCUE: Commander Keen and... (Beat) ...a rock."
- The Bland-Name Product of "7 Oop! Oop-Oop-Oop-Oop-Oop-Oop-Oop!"
- Pointing out the weird emphasis of certain words in the cutscenes:
”Typhonis will FLOOD! the city! We’ll GET! the Green Ranger back... But, right now, we have to SAVE! the entire city.”
“We’ll delay the flood while you SAVE!!! the people!”
- In Hercules: The Legendary Journeys they discover that among Herc's walking animations is what can only be described as a sexy disco strut. They are way too happy about this.
- From their look at Indiana Jones & the Staff of Kings:
- "An archaelogical adventure franchise, linked to the foundation of three classic films!" "Uh, wasn’t there a fourth-" "NOPE! ONLY THREE!" "Right."
- This is the Just Bad episode in which Shane's utter hatred for badly-handled Wii motion controls reaches a crescendo. Much hilarity ensues from his pain.
Shane: Now, as we cross this bridge we're attacked by a horde of spiders, aaaaand...?
Adam: [sigh] ...more motion controls.
Shane: And these ones aren't even specific! The game just tells you to 'flail your hands wildly'. It's like you're shaking maracas.
Adam (frantic): Indy! Watch out! Spiders!
(cue bright, cheerful graphic of Indy playing a maraca duet with a spider)
Shane: You even [use the motion controls] to fight off a vicious white tiger—
Adam (frantic): Indy! Shake what yo momma gave ya!
(cue the same cheerful graphic of Indy playing a maraca duet with the white tiger)
Shane: You know how a plane is flown with a stick?
Adam: Yeah?
Shane: And you know how the nunchuk on the Wii controller has a stick on it?
Adam: Yeah?
Shane: Well, they totally threw you a curveball and have you awkwardly hold the Wii Remote vertically in free space, and wiggle your hand around to control your plane!
Adam: How's that feel?
Shane: It feels like YOU'RE AWKWARDLY HOLDING THE WII REMOTE VERTICALLY IN FREE SPACE AND WIGGLING YOUR HAND AROUND TO CONTROL THE PLANE!
(cue game footage of fiery plane crash)
Adam: ...Oh.
- The duo’s visits to game locations in Panama, aka The Magical Land of Glitches, and Istanbul, aka The Magical Land of Glitches 2: CONSTANTINOPLE’S REVENGE!
- The entire sequence wherein they try (and mostly fail) to keep from cracking up as they explain that the bad guys are holding guns on Indy to force him to give up the location of a mystic jade sphere... all the while said jade sphere is glowing brightly atop a pile of cannonballs literally right next to the bad guys.
Shane: IT'S RIGHT THERE! JUST LOOK LEFT!
Adam: Uh, my left, or...?
Shane: IT DOESN'T MATTER! JUST LOOK RIGHT OR LEFT! YOU'LL FIND IT EVENTUALLY!
- They get so frustrated with it all that we finally smash cut to the duo in their editing room, looking over the script:
Adam: OK, hold up, this is getting silly. Can we just skip forward a bit?
Shane: OK, sure, uh... [puts on glasses to scan script pages] ...Let's see, we beat some people with a shovel... find the staff that was used to part the Red Sea.... ah, Mr. Generic steals the staff, and runs away - as you can probably imagine... Oh yes, and Indy speeds down frigid rapids in a basket shooting icicles and dry-humping a statue of Baby Moses.
Adam: (thousand-yard stare)
- The PSP version of the game ends up being superior to the main Wii version, leading to an animated skit parodying The Last Crusade where an unsuspecting customer picks the Wii version over the PSP version, and withers up like Donovan upon seeing the motion controls.
Grail Knight: You chose poorly! It’s all about the PSP, my dudes!
- Near the end of their Left Alive playthrough, a Big Bad thought long dead reappears alive and well, only to be shot again... and then shows up perfectly intact, and weirdly durable, for a final boss battle:
Adam: What is even going on? Like, nobody could survive all this. Is he a robot, or something?
(character lurches into shot, covered in electrical arcs)
Shane (deadpan): He's a robot or something.
Adam: WHAT!? How is he a robot? Are there other robots? Who's making robots? DID THE STORY OF LEFT ALIVE EVEN MENTION THAT INTELLIGENT ROBOTS EXIST!?
- Their lampooning of the game's introduction to different dialogue options is of their dying commanding officer asking Mikhail...to cover his unpaid burger bill. Cue Flat "What".
- In their review of The Quiet Man, due to the game's gimmick, Shane and Adam are unable to understand the dialogue or story. So, they try to use a machine to read the lips of the actors, to no avail.
Lip Read-O-Matic: Yeah, some obese kitty cats.
- When they're talking about the basic gameplay, they suggest that the main character, Dane, could've used a deafening sound-based weapon to confuse and disorientate his enemies. During this, the opening cutscene plays with an edit of Dane sounding an air horn to the theme of "La Cucaracha" at a group of thugs, leading the thugs to look at one another in confusion.
- The opening of "Wrecked: Fast & Furious Crossroads
" with Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez showing off a teaser at the 2019 Game Awards, only for the footage to be replaced with various bugs and glitches set to a song played on kazoo. - Before they have even started Mobile Suit Gundam 0079: The War for Earth, guest anime expert Tristan lets Shane and Adam know that the Gundam universe usually doesn't have clear-cut "good" and "evil" sides and is filled to the brim with nuance in-between the complex politics and relationships. The two then fire up the crude, live-action FMV game and almost instantly realize This Is Gonna Suck.
- At the end of Tristan's summary of this dark, somber, serious-minded franchise, an impressed-sounding Adam solemnly concludes that Gundam is quite a big deal in Japan, over footage of... a Gundam vs. Hello Kitty crossover.
- At the genuinely impressive first shot of the Gundam in a hangar, they shout "It's a Gundam!" ...along with some odd voice chiming in "It's Optimus Prime!" Then the Gundam abruptly gets blown up, leaving the two deeply confused.
- What follows is a long sequence of the Gundam getting nuked by a Zaku over, and over, and over again due to a mixture of confusion and just plain unresponsive prompts as Shane and Adam frantically try to figure out how to get into it. And when they finally get it right, they find out that the game does in fact tell you how everything works, once you get in the suit. Then, they proceed to get the Gundam destroyed instantly just by walking outside... and find out that there was no checkpoint, and they have to do it all over again.
- After finally - finally! - taking control of the Gundam, an ecstatic Shane... immediately meets the business end of a Zaku’s axe. As noises strongly suggestive of inarticulate rage fill the background Adam quickly takes over the narration, explaining what an FMV game is, using Dragon’s Lair as the prime example. What’s Shane doing meanwhile? Just, ah, sorting some stuff out…
- It gets even better: once the duo defeat the Zaku, it’s about to explode so naturally, they try to flee but sadly, the Gundam only moves a inch away from the explosion and the duo are... unhappy, to say the least.
- Shane’s deliberately Special Effects Failure-laden cosplay of Char... sorry, “Shar”, which mocks the terrible costume from the actual game.
- Among other anticlimactic absurdities, at one point Spider-Man: The Sinister Six requires the player to disarm a force-field by solving the picross puzzle on a device hidden in a dumpster:
Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Plays picross in a garbage can
This is hard to complete
Rats are nibbling at his feet
It smells...
Please help the Spider-Man!
- The picross puzzle is only done when puzzle levels are set to hard. You know what happens when you set the puzzles to Easy? Instead of trying the puzzle at all, Spidey just uses a nearby wrecking ball to crush it! The duo are visibly shocked by this.
- Also, the little bouncy Spider-masks that appear whenever the game's title theme is played, multiplying each time. This culminates in them being arrested as a group and bobbing around happily in a prison cell, even though the music has long-since stopped.
- All of their commentary on the game's poor graphics. Particularly when Adam invokes his expertise as creator of such classic Rerez animations as the Money Ghost (and, uh, 'Spider With Maracas') to proclaim that "this here [Spider-Man footage] is some lazy-ass bulls***!".
- For The Stinger for the Charlie's Angels review, a remix of the intro of New Order's "Blue Monday" is made using the game's sound effects, namely Natalie hitting an enemy, and her being hit by an enemy.
- A meta one from the Rogue Warrior review, but after it was pointed out in the comments section that a crack about how a lit cigar could light a chunk of C4 didn't make logical sense, an addendum was added to the video.
- The duo's utter bewilderment at the infamous fully-clothed sex scenes in Ride to Hell: Retribution. Eventually they conclude it must be the result of Executive Meddling... as represented by a crazed-looking Shane in a suit, smacking two Barbie dolls together.note This is presumably a nod to ProJared's final verdict of the game, a "fully clothed Barbie and Ken doll dry humping" out of 10.
- Shane shouting at the enemies during the opening turret section.
"Eat lead, suckers! Ooooooo- (abrupt cut to cutscene) oh. Woah. A-a-are we back on the highway now?"
- Commenting on the abrupt death of a man with a very poorly rendered string tie:
Adam: Black licorice: you either love it, or...[gunshot]
- When the Devil's Hand approach Mikey, Adam claims that their weapons of choice are terrible facial animation and awkward silences.
Anvil: You know how to move, tiny? (awkward silence)
- And shortly after, Shane refers to them as the "Awkward Silence Quartet".
- While trying to get away from the gang, one of the bikers flies off to the right and explodes for no reason.
Shane: (as a biker) I don't know how to ride a motorbike... AHHHHH! (bike explodes off-camera)
- Their reactions to the first sex scene:
(
black screen)
Shane: Great, did the game crash!?
Adam: Oh. No, it didn't.
(
Record Needle Scratch)
Shane: Uhh... Okay...
Adam: Are they...?
Shane: It can't be. Everyone involved in this... uhh... adult-themed event is fully clothed.
(
various arrows show up on-screen pointing to Jake and the girl's jeans accompanied with the text "Pants" and two text-to-speech audio voices)
Adam: Come on, you two! Calm down. You're gonna wear out the crotch on your Levi's. (
as Jake dry humps the girl, a pop sound and smoke effects are edited in to make it seem like the crotch on his jeans have done just that)
Shane: What is this room? Are we in a hotel now?
Adam: Probably not. Do hotels have random personal pictures of people in them? (
zooms on a picture of a real life guy in the background followed by a voice saying: "Mom?")
Shane: This looks stupid, and it is stupid.
- When the duo point out the implausibility of all the game's events happening in the span of ten days, they show a scene of Colt moving his eyes back and forth, as if to convey an expression of "Uhh, I can explain".
- Confused by the lack of dialogue in Balan Wonderworld, Shane and Adam decide to write their own story. Namely that both kids accidentally pooped their pants while dancing and ran away out of embarrassment, and then Balan abducted both of them and forced them to escape his Wonderworld.
- Speaking of, the Noodle Implements of Emma’s incident as described by the whispering maids:
Maid 1: She had Taco Bell last night!
Maid 2: And watched
Footloose!
Maid 1: I had to scrub the chandelier!
- Their less-than-completely-charmed reactions to the various and bewildering cutesy costumes that are key to the gameplay. Particularly 'Box Fox', which... transforms you into a box. Totally at random.
- While criticizing how some of the costumes are overly similar to each other, they notice that one of the rocket costumes is green and white with purple wings, giving it a striking resemblance to Buzz Lightyear. They deem it "Fuzz Lightbeer", and as it's being compared to another rocket costume, "To Infringe-ity! ...And beyond!" pops up on-screen.
- There is also the costume whose torchlight blinks on-and-off for no apparent reason. Shane is relieved to find another one whose light remains steady - only to discover that it lights up absolutely nothing. All you can see in the dark is the flame itself.
Shane: You have GOT to be kidding me.
- When they bring up the ghost costume, they edit the Money Ghost over the player character's body:
Money Ghost: My ability is to demean you for your purchasing decisions.
- Adam says the game's cutscenes make him long for the ones in The Quiet Man, claiming that he could at least pretend to know what the characters were saying.
(a Quiet Man cutscene plays where text-to-speech is dubbed over the character's speaking: "Balan will be remembered as a classic")
Adam: Never mind.
- The duo suggest ways to improve the game by removing redundant costumes, complete with appropriate visuals and metaphors.
Adam: Lucky Egg? Smash it to pieces. Iron Apollo? Blast off, buckaroo. Key Mouse? F*** off, Key Mouse!
- After revealing that there already exists a game that perfected all that Balan failed to:
Adam: And you even got eyes on a hat.
- The duo's increasing exasperation with the controls in Sonic R, culminating in their astonishment at how the game's handling and graphics pale in comparison not just to Nintendo's earlier flagship release Mario Kart 64, but the same year's B-list Diddy Kong Racing as well.
- Sonic protesting how inexplicably full of water hazards the racing tracks are, given that he famously can't swim. As demonstrated by the fact that he's currently underwater, speaking in subtitled gurgles.
- Then Adam explains that Sonic never actually drowns in the game; it's just a weird inconvenience.
Sonic: (defeated-sounding gurgling) I rescind my earlier statement.
- During a discussion of competing 90's mascots, Shane mentions Sony's PaRappa the Rapper & Crash Bandicoot, Nintendo's Mario... and Sega's Professor Asobin, "the bowtie-wearing rabbit!".
Adam: Wait, who?
Shane: [as Asobin] Hello!
Shane (adoringly): He has a monocle!
Shane: [as Asobin] Hello!
Adam: ...Okay.
- Gets a Call-Back when Shane learns the manual's claim that the game is optimized for analog controllers doesn't hold up:
Shane: You mean the manual
lied to us?! Professor Asobin, is this true?
Shane:
(as Asobin, just as sweetly): Yes.
It's a dick move.
- From their look at Duke Nukem Forever:
- Their attempts to write around the more... work-unsafe parts of the game, including nervously passing off the Holsom Twins having just finished sucking off Duke after the game's intro sequence as them "shining his shoes", referring to the dildo that you have to find in the Strip Club section of the game as "a strangely-shaped back massager", and rendering one NPC soldier's profanity-laden greeting to Duke as a Cluster Bleat Bombnote The sound they use to censor profanity here being the bleating of a goat, which first started during their Rogue Warrior review in responce to Marcinko describing his situation as "a total goat fuck"..
- The "shoe shining" gag gets revisited after the two girls are kidnapped for truly nefarious purposes the military hints at... shining all the aliens' shoes, of course!note rendered with edited sprites of all the aliens wearing really shiny shoes They are also lovingly remembered following their deaths as "The Shoe Shine Twins".
- Depicting Duke Nukem as Too Dumb to Live.
- "There's a strip joint that lives in my head!"
- Reboot has many examples:
- Everything about repairing tears, which create levels of comic frustration in Shane not seen since the last time he handled motion controls.
- Shane and Adam noting how, despite Bob living by an Actual Pacifist mindset in the show, he wields a gun and shoots enemies (and the innocent by accident) in the game:
Shane: "To mend and defend"? More like, "to end and attend… a FUNERAL!"
- The first boss of the game literally runs away from the player. Not that the duo blame him! In fact, they beg him to take them with him... but he refuses.
- After defeating a ridiculously durable enemy that was really easy to defeat last time they encountered it:
Shane: Huh. Must have built up an immunity to being shot in the face!
- In the show, Bob's AI tool Glitch is his indispensable helping hand for all situations. In the game... not so much. On Level 13, Glitch apparently saves Bob from falling, except that this also puts Bob right next to a tear, which promptly kills him.
- How the video ends: The boys finally achieve the good ending, and celebrate! ...A second later they realize that - thanks to the rules of the Reboot universe - this means they're the bad guys who have just ensured that everything in the characters' world is about to go to hell.
- Morphman:
- It has glow effects!
Shane: In 1993, I can see how something as simple as a glow effect could be considered revolutionary. Nowadays, though? Heck,
even our editing software can add a glow to things. [the entire screen starts filling up with light] Adam: Oh gosh! We're going nuclear! AAAAAAGH!
- The opening image is of Morphman awkwardly morphing into a fighter jet, stretching his legs apart to reveal a 'dangly bit' of the plane appearing between them:
Shane (scanning a Wikipedia article): I... think it's called the 'canard'?
Adam (dryly): Oh, yeah, it's his canard all right.
(flips the morphing sequence rapidly back and forth)
Shane: ...don't be gross.
- Their live reaction to the first death of the game, where Morphman gets blown out of the sky by the castle's anti-air guns.
Shane: [After a disconcerting silence from the game] Uh... Morphman?
Adam: I think he's dead.
[Both start laughing at the awkward silence]
- Then, once they figure out which button to push, Morphman escapes from the jet just as it's disintegrated... forcing the duo to conclude that Morphman somehow just ejected from his own body. At the end of this discussion:
Adam: ...What happened to his canard?
- The game isn't voice-acted, so since the guys already compared him to Ronald McDonald, naturally they give him a very clownlike voice. It's every bit as stupidly hilarious as it sounds.
- The way they introduce the voice is also pretty good. Adam invites the viewer to imagine what someone that looks like Morphman, sounds like before revealing what they came up with.
- At one point, Morphman's parachute fails and he lets out a string of Symbol Swearing. Naturally, this is voice acted too.
Shane: No! NO! That's stupid! Just push the circle.
- From their analysis of FlatOut 3: Chaos and Destruction:
- Prior to introducing the titular game, when Shane and Adam start going over the history of the FlatOut series, they start talking about how Bugbear Entertainment was replaced with Team 6 and list off notable games developed by the latter.
Shane: Developers of such
outstanding titles as;
Glacier 3: The Meltdown,
Monster Trucks Mayhem,
Speed—
Jack Traven: Ope... Open your door. Shane: No, not that
Speed. T-This Speed. Very different. And, of course,
Calvin Tucker's Redneck Farm Animals Racing Tournament. With a piggy!
Driving a tractor! - "Oink~"
- Shane and Adam's reactions to the bizarre characters and their backstories, especially X-mas2011.
- Adam points out that the AI cars in the destruction derby modes are attracted to the player... and Shane has to clarify that they mean attracted in terms of all of them wanting you dead, after a chiptune rendition of Careless Whisper starts playing over footage of an AI car getting, uh, very familiar with theirs.
- The Running Gag featuring Shane shamelessly Chewing the Scenery as a certain red-satin-horned entrepreneur who's decided to get into producing 'videographic games'. He is thus the driving force behind the game's awfulness, having requested the developers to finance it with the ten-dollar bill he has in his pocket. To which they eagerly reply "Sure thing, Mr. Satan!"
- After finding out that you can win the Demolition Derby mode by doing absolutely nothing, they claim that playing these games for long enough turns you into Neo. When they peer into the code, they find… an AI car getting "familiar" with theirs, complete with the same Careless Whisper chiptune cover.
- At the end of the video, Shane and Adam find out that, despite how terrible this game is, the developers of FlatOut 3 actually made a 4th game in the series. Once they start playing the game... it crashes.
- A subtle one for The Grinch on the Playstation, but the reaction of one of the Who's asking who the Grinch was certainly qualifies as such for... interesting reasons.
Who Child: Hey, who are you? Big Daddy...?
note He is actually saying 'Big Teddy' Record Needle Scratch Shane:
E-Excuse me, what are those Whoville children saying? Who Child (slowed down): Hey! Who are you? Big Daddy?
Big Daddy gets repeated again, this time with Jim Carrey's Grinch looking on in absolute shock. Max the dog then closes the door on the scene with a big "Yikes." as their response to the moment. - They also have a rather amusing reaction to the land mines in The Who City Dump.
Adam: What in the name of CHRISTMAS?!
Shane: A land mine! In Whovile! Why are there land mines at the dump?!
Adam: You're willing to maim, possibly eviscerate intruders over GARBAGE?! We may be the Grinch, but some of these Whos are straight up psychopaths!
- From their look at Popeye on Nintendo Switch:
- When they do a background check on the developer of the game, Sabec Limited...
Adam: Who made, let's see here... 'round twenty games,
IN 2020 ALONE?! A list of descriptors come to mind, and "prolifics"? Very low on that list.
Shane: I'd say! But why don't I know who they are? What are some of their notable releases?
Adam: Uh... Calculator! For Nintendo Switch...
Cut to a scene of someone typing "8008123" into the calculator - The duo's increasing bewilderment at the gameplay bugs.
- Shane's impressions of Popeye and his mannerisms.
- The louder-than-expected, dull smack noise that plays whenever someone gets punched into the sky is left at full volume every time in order to showcase just how jarring it is.
- Briefly playing the One-Punch Man theme after Popeye sends Brutus flying with an uppercut.
- When talking about the repetitive "soundtrack" that doesn't even loop right:
Shane: Stuff your ears with spinach, pal. This sloppy work plays just about everywhere.
- One of the many bugs in the game has Popeye lock into a stance that makes him look like he's skateboarding, which is dubbed "Popeye Lock'd Pro Skater", complete with mock-up cover art and an 8-bit rendition of Goldfinger's ''Superman'':
Popeye: So here I yams
Locked into a funny stance
Eating all the spinach cans
Pretending I'm the sailor man…
Popeye gets sent flying for no clear reason
- From their look at the lost media FMV game, American Hero:
- The moment where Jack punches a dancer getting the sound effects replaced with the punch noise from Popeye.
- Shane and Adam hitting their Rage Breaking Point from the game putting in a random character to guide them through the maze they're in instead of the developers making the maze easier to navigate:
Shane: My rage has become infinite. My thoughts can burn out stars. I see only the pure elements of anguish and hatred. An energy so divine is within me, that I could collapse eternity with the utterance of a single game title: AMERICAN HERO.
- Towards the end of the game, the duo are stunned by the option of Jack being able to go to a strip club rather than fight the main villain.
- From their review of Phix: The Adventure:
Shane:
Wait, the Cleric told you about Phix? Why the hell did you attack him? You
knew he wasn't an enemy, you
knew he was trying to recover an important magical
MacGuffin for
your benefit, and yet you still tried to
kill him?! You're a moron!
- From their review of Crash Dummy.
- While the opening cutscene is already rife with stiff animation, bad lip-sync, terrible voice acting, Shane and Adam notice one mistake in particular: a console that was in the foreground suddenly enters the background during D-Troit's transformation. Adam edits the scene to be more realistic, which involves D-Troit getting continuously slammed against the foregrounded console until his head starts spewing blood.
- For an unknown reason, the Advisor's robotic helper is given the name Copcam № 12. When trying to figure out why, the boys melodramatically realize that it's a Significant Anagram of Capcom.
Adam: Okay, we alluded to the fact that these guys were not-so-slyly paying homage to the
Blue Bomber in our
last episode, but man... Any more on the nose, and you're poking grey matter.
- When trying to make a bugged jump, they attempt to use several different controllers... and a plastic banana, causing the person holding it to briefly pause before shifting to another one.
- Upon finding out that the game is actually a Video Game Demake for CID The Dummy made for phones, Shane wonders if the ports to modern consoles means that the game was at least well received for the time. So they decide to check the reviews for the game, and only find 1 perfect review… written by the developers of the game.
- After finding a tube with a purple ghost coming out of it, Adam tries to cheer Shane up by saying maybe the Money Ghost will appear out of it. Which it does, however:
Money Ghost: Not worth it! [promptly disappears]
Shane: Not sure of the context, but he's not wrong.
- This is a Call-Back of sorts to their review of the game's first iteration, CID the Dummy, wherein that Money Ghost has a very similar reaction to the equivalent level. Evidently the afterlife's disdain for this concept knows no bounds.
- In Hunt Down The Freeman, the Mecha-Mook forces of the Combine sent to invade Earth have mouths that bare a distinct resemblance to the Money Ghosts'. Cue them making "ooo" sounds over the trailer.
- The intentional Stylistic Suck of Adam photoshopping his lips onto the G-Man's face, with his Accent On The Wrong Syllable to complain about how Mitchell, the main character, wasn't introduced as such until that point (a drill sargeant had previously dubbed him 'Private Dirtbag').
Adam: [as G-Man] Mitchell, wasn't it crazy when that man hit you with the crowbar? How about you go hunt him down and hit him with your crowbar, Mitchell? Your character's name is Mitchell by the way, Private Dirtbag. You don't know that yet because we didn't write it on the screen like we've done it in every other game. But now you know that your name... Is Mitchell.
- The Running Gag of dubbing the game's numerous unclear objectives "Simple Hidden Actions that are Relayed Terribly", or S.H.A.R.T. spots. Especially after they've found so many the onscreen counter starts displaying things like "Do we really need to keep counting these?" and "Seriously, we might as well be using Wingdings at this point." (Guess what font the next and final counter graphic uses?)
- Repeatedly describing the initial Black Mesa incident coyly as "You know, that time Gordon Freeman moved a thing into a thing" (which apparently caused a "Giant Intergalactic Kerfuffle!") even as the consequences of same are becoming more and more evidently horrifying to the viewer.
- Similarly, outraged that the main character's Info Dump re: the aftermath of the alien invasion is narrated over a completely black screen, Shane demonstrates that "ANY [visual] would be better than this!" by illustrating it with his own crude yet oddly adorable hand-drawn infographics.
- The animated stick figure NPC that they add in during a part where there was no indication on how to progress.
NPC: Hey, Dirtbag! You need to run, into this train, uh car here, so so that the plot can continue. It's, uh, this one right over here. I'm pointing to it, I'm pointing to it! Can't miss it. Actually, you can, that's why I'm pointing to it.
- The Framing Device for "The Worst Racing Games of All Time" is A Day in the Limelight for the Money Ghosts, and when you have so many of them on one bus, Hilarity Ensues.
- Highlights include the senile ghost of an ancient game wherein racecars move based on answers to math puzzles, who can now only communicate by screaming equations ("SIXTEEN MINUS SEVEN EQUALS NINE!") and the ghost of Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing, who is styled as Quint from Jaws. ("I'm currently scratchin' the glass, but I don't have any nails to do it, so ye'll just hafta imagine in yer minds what that might sound like.")
- Both the money ghosts and the duo being startled by the Math Grand Prix ghost's shouting.
- Once Shane realizes that Monster Truck Rally came out the same year that the developers went out of business:
Shane: This game is gonna hurt, isn't it?
Adam: Ohhh, it'll hurt. Even the music hurts. (title screen music)
- The one ghost wearing Cool Shades and introducing himself as the ghost of the classic Race Drivin'... only for the sunglasses to come off once he reveals he's actually based on the money wasted on its atrocious SNES release.
Yaris Money Ghost: OH, I KNEW YOU WERE FULL OF [bleep], WITH THOSE [bleep] RAY-BANS!
- While discussing how Big Rigs doesn't have any collision detection, Shane mentions that most games have objects act as boundaries which you can't pass through, "like real life!" Cue a quick clip of Shane running out of a room and slamming into a wall. The clip returns when he mentions the game has no gravity.
- In Dark, they notice that a whole table of poker players all have the same two cards.
Shane: Somebody is cheatin'!
- The episode's thumbnail, which features Dark's protagonist about to bite the neck of The Count.
- Also, the manual includes a recipe for a virgin Bloody Mary, which Shane describes as if "a taco peed on [his] tongue", gagging and asking if the manual includes a way to get the taste out of his mouth.
- When they find out that "abilities are different from vampire to vampire" and Rose's made her a technology guru, they pull up Dracula with their own addition when they point to the manual saying that the developers wanted to recall the origins of the vampire myth.
"Remember, my friends, that knowledge is stronger than memory, and we should not trust the weaker...but if you happen to be bitten by one of them vampire thingers, you might learn to code in C++ or something, I don't know..."
- Their encounter with the final boss of the game, a hulking vampire mutant who appears to be very single-minded. When he's introduced and breaks free, a ton of soldiers show up to kill him, but a wall obstructs the player's view, leading both Shane and Adam to assume that an epic battle is taking place. Then, Adam finds a way to see what's happening.
(The soldiers continuously shoot at the boss while he just keeps hitting the ground)
Shane: (as one of the soldiers) Quick, men! Continue to shoot him with your Nerf guns!
Shane: (as the boss) Oh, I'll just keep punching this floor here! Hhrmmmm!
Shane: (as one of the soldiers) Move into formation! Make sure that he can't see where we're moving!
Shane: (as the boss) I mean, I could be aware of the things that are around me right now, but I think I'll just concentrate right here on this bit of floor. Hhrmmmm!
- As they're giving their final opinions, Shane takes another drink of the Virgin Bloody Mary and despite still being disgusted by it, says that Dark is worse.
- In their video on Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5, while waiting 38 seconds for the textures to load in the first level, Adam and Shane have a casual conversation about Shake Shack.
- Their review of Snake's Revenge has a few moments.
- Shane and Adam's utter bafflement at reading the plot for the game. Or Shane puts it, "molting brain cells".
- The simple fact that five days later, Konami would put this game on METAL GEAR SOLID: MASTER COLLECTION Vol. 1. The boys' response?
- Anything involving this game's version of Solid Snake, whom they personify as an absolute doofus as in the Batman games. Snake here is especially sensitive about his sprite's "tiny little feet".
Snake:: HEY! Skipping leg day helps with the sneaks!
- After the duo encounters a glitch triggered by killing an enemy immediately after it spots Snake, causing the reinforcements to run in circles:
- When Shane talks about the lore behind the ovum tubes and the clones making up the male and female warring factions in Gender Wars, Adam's incredulity culminates in him playing part of the opening to Yoshi's Island with custom text edited in to match his dialogue:
- Their review of Skate City Heroes involves a Running Gag whenever the duo see a peculiar green ball of energy meant to denote a locked character:
Shane and Adam: [simultaneously] Look at those stink particles go!
- In their review of Canada Hunt:
- Parts of the review involving the game's poor graphics are narrated by a sleazy nature documentary narrator. They naturally question this in-universe.
- At one point, while Shane and Adam are waiting for a deer to walk by, they have a random conversation on the different branding of different types of hard candy across different regions.
- A couple from their look at Wii Music:
- Shane refers to the option of recording and sharing your performances as "blackmail material".
- Their enthusiastic rendition of the Wii Shop Channel music. "Beep beep, boop boop, bop bop, boop boop."
- When the duo talk about how Nintendo was dominating the market with the Wii and DS, they bring up the "IT PRINTS MONEY!!!" meme, complete with them laughing as Shigeru Miyamoto and Satoru Iwata. At least, until the DS, starts spitting out reviews for Wii Music.
Adam: Stop the printer. Stop it. No! No! Stop—
- Adam demonstrates that you can hold a note for an entire song by doing so for "Daydream Believer" with his group of Adam miis.
- To prove the pointlessness of the scoring system and the music lessons, Shane does nothing during a lesson on how to play Japanese instruments and gives himself 100 points.
Shane: We didn't learn anything, but in Wii Music, we gave ourselves a perfect score, baby! Ohhh yeahhh!
- There's also the fact Shane made his band all 4 Shane miis and named them "Shane & The Triplets".
- On discovering that among the available songs is the Wii Music theme itself, Adam is dumbfounded. "I can go to the main menu! I can just wave my hands around in the main menu! And I'll have a better gameplay experience there!'"
- When Adam and Shane find out there's 60 instruments...
Shane: Oh, please tell me we don't have to...
Adam: Look at every instrument in the game? Great idea!
- Much fun is had with Sebastian Tute, the game's elegant little cartoon mascot, who speaks in gibberish with captions... easily-manipulated ones.
- Shane boasts that "I'm no Picasso, but I can play a little piano!" After he fumbles through a few bars, Sebastian returns:
Sebastian: Hear that? You're a pianist! (pause) ... but alas, you are no Picasso. *beat* *innocent blink*
- Defending his poor showing - which Adam describes as sounding like 'someone flopped a jumbo sturgeon onto the giant keyboard from Big" - Shane complains that using the Wii Remote is nothing like manipulating the real thing, and insists - repeatedly - that fingering is an integral part of playing the piano. Sebastian has to ask him to please stop saying 'fingering'.
- Shane tries multiple other instruments, getting increasingly frustrated with the terrible sound. He winds up with an excruciating trumpet solo, leading to Sebastian's abrupt reappearance:
Sebastian: I rushed back! Is a puma in labour here?
- A bit later, the little guy's mask drops entirely, as he desperately warns the audience that the cacophony induced by playing the game is so bad it can awaken the Elder Gods.
- Their review of Skull Island: Rise of Kong:
- When the duo collect a "bowl of food", they examine it in the collectibles menu and are annoyed that it looks more like an empty plate. Later, while explaining the first boss, Shane says the worm tunnels through a large sandy bowl-shaped arena.
Adam: (back to looking at the collectible) It's a plate.
- Upon seeing how dull and depressing the second area is, Kong attempts a Screw This, I'm Out of Here!.
Kong: Kong out. (starts running back the way he came)
Adam and Shane: Wait! Hey! Hey! You don't! Kong, no! Get back here! There's no getting out of this!
