Funny / Oxventure Blades In The Dark

For other Outside Xbox funny moments relating to Oxventure Presents Blades in the Dark:

• For moments related primarily to gameplay videos (Let's Plays, livestreams and Xmas Challenges) go here
• For moments related primarily to non-gameplay videos (Top X videos, Show of the Week/Weekend and other videos), go here
• For moments from Dungeons & Dragons Oxventure moments (stories 1 through 25), go here.
• For moments from Dungeons & Dragons Oxventure moments (stories 26 through 60), go here.
• For moments from Dungeons & Dragons Oxventure moments (stories 61 and onwards), go here.
• For moments from Oxventure Deadlands, go here.

Blades in the Dark

Season 1

Story 1: "Dead Man's Debt"

• While explaining that magic is seeping out of the world, Luke cues the others that that was when they should have been expressing shock and dismay. They don't all play along.
  Kasimir: Give us your money.
• We meet the new team:
  Mike: I'm Barnaby "The Butcher" Fortescue the Third, at your service. The third Barnaby Fortescue, not the third Butcher, I'm the first Butcher in my family but the third Barnaby Fortescue. I don't mean to brag, but I'm quite wealthy, actually, and I thought I'd try this crime thing because it sounds like a bit of a lark, actually.
  Johnny: I'm Kasimir Jones, I am a criminal born and bred in Volisport, so I can only assume that I've been called to this antique shop because they want a criminal. I'm good at that bit and not much else.
  Jane: Zillah is a Cutter - more of a Hitter, but technically a Cutter.
  Andy: I am Edvard Lumiere, and I am an inventor, a tinkerer, a maker of things, that I'm fully confident would be in every household in the city were it not for the MACHINATIONS of my rival, AMADEUS ASTOR - A BASE, DECEITFUL FRAUD WHO HAS THWARTED ME AT EVERY TURN!^note Luke: In my mind, you're already explaining this to everyone else in the street.
  • During Edvard's maniacal rant, Zillah quietly remarks "Sir, this is an antique shop."
  • Apparently, Astor convinced everyone that Edvard's inventions are dangerous by using one of them to publicly beat a horse to death.
• The general aesthetic for Jane's character, Zillah, is basically just "evil Lara Croft".
• When they find themselves forced to inherit a debt, Kasimir points out that this is hardly a fair system.
• Barnaby "The Butcher" Fortescue is a man who knows what he's about.
  Barnaby: What a great excuse to do some crime, though.
• Why would you say that?!
  Barnaby: Nothing bad has ever happened to me in my entire life. I don't think it's going to start now.
• Zillah dubs Barnaby "Tourist". She's not wrong.
• Edvard's first thought when he needs money is to invent some kind of money-forging machine.
• Barnaby's objection to the cab drivers' union robbery is that he doesn't want to talk to cab drivers.
• There's a weird digression on why you'd put fish in a kettle.
• Lilith votes for the townhouse robbery because there probably wouldn't be many ghosts in a convention centre...except that they had the Martial Weapons Convention there last week, and that always has consequences.
• Edvard goes for a medium load on the grounds that sometimes you need to whack a machine with a spanner.
• Luke chuckles after making the engagement roll.
  Johnny: Oh no.
• The line launcher malfunctions early on, and Zillah and Edvard have an argument about it.
  Edvard: It's a genius, brilliant invention that's gonna change the world!
  Zillah: Is it meant to be on fire? Because it is on fire.
  Edvard: ...yes.
• Blades in the Dark uses a clock system to track what's going on. This is first brought up when Luke creates one called "Dog Eats Meat". Only Johnny makes it out intact.
• Edvard studies the lock to see what make it is. It's an Astor.
  Edvard: I KNEW IT!
• Amadeus Astor's attempts to undermine Edvard are, allegedly, pretty surreal.
  Edvard: He held a public demonstration where he fed a bunch of [locks] to a penguin, and the penguin died.
  Barnaby: You'll have to introduce me to this chap; he sounds like a riot!
• When Johnny takes advantage of having actually read the rules ahead of time (indeed, they're quite fond of the Forged in the Dark system) by announcing a group action, Luke holds his hands in the air and announces that this is every mechanic.
• Johnny guessed that progress had been made on "Dog Eats Meat" because they "heard the terrifying rasp of pen on paper."
• One of the first major problems they have is that they need Barnaby disguised as a servant, and nobody thinks he'll do so willingly. The plan ends up being just to sleeping-gas him and change his clothes before he wakes up.
  Edvard: I think there was some crime down at the other end of the room, where the servants are. Do you want to investigate? It's some exciting crimes happening.
  Barnaby: Sounds good.
• When Kasimir pulls out a giant Molotov, and Johnny is discussing the size of the bottle, Barnaby tells us that it's called a jeroboam. Barnaby also has a positive opinion on the vintage. (Later on, he takes out the cloth bung, swigs from the bottle, and replaces it.)
• Barnaby is a "big-picture criminal" because that means he gets to make other people deal with the details.
• Lilith's plan is to spook a potential witness exactly enough to unsettle him without actually starting an alarm.
  Luke: I am a big fan of the size of the needle we are about to thread.
  • Ellen's metaphor for said plan is that she's slipped a ghost child a ghost candy as a bribe to start pranking the target. She starts singing in a Creepy Child voice to drive the point home.
    Jane: I hate it here.
    Johnny: Slipped them a Werthers Ooooooriginal.
• "I need a favour - well, I say a favour, I'm compelling you-" - Lilith Capellanaga
• A joke about the ghost running through Zillah leads to a change of plan.
  Luke: You actually, unfortunately made [the joke about possession] too funny, so -
• Possessed!Zillah eats five cabbages and is violently sick before the ghost leaves.
  Johnny: That was one hell of a twenty seconds.
• As the clearest sign that Zillah is different from Prudence, she's shocked and dismayed at the prospect of killing the butler and tries her best to ensure the butler survives, instead of hilariously gleeful for it.
• Barnaby tries to stop Lizette from panicking by pretending that he's having a tryst with one of her servants and it's rather embarrassing all round. Luke offers a Devil's Bargain: Barnaby can get an extra die for free, at no cost in stress, but if he succeeds, this fake tryst is going to harm his reputation. Mike immediately takes the stress option because he really doesn't want his reputation damaged.
• Barnaby is an asshole.
  Barnaby: Well, I don't ask the name! It's the help!
• When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Unless you're this lot.
  Edvard: What do you think are the odds that she's so face-blind to her servants that we can say that I'm Andril?
• One shave later, they try to go ahead with the plan. They roll terribly, and Edvard has to put his face back together himself.
  Edvard: I can shave myself.
  Kasimir: The only way out is through, mate.
• The underpants-clad Andril is hastily stuffed into a closet.
• Barnaby is Displeased:
  Barnaby: Tell you what, chaps, my reputation is going to take a hammering if anyone finds out about this, and I didn't even get to have the tryst with anyone! Rubbish!
  Edvard: Yeah, that's...definitely a tragedy.
  Barnaby: I'm glad you agree!
• We do get a devil's bargain get accepted.
  Ellen: Yeah! Why not? I do want a ghost who's obsessed with me!
• Kasimir torches the place on his way out just as a distraction. It goes poorly, and they end up running away from a burning room while Kasimir runs along the edge of maxing out his stress.
• Barnaby uses a point of load on a hip flask.
• They're interrupted by two of the Dimmer Sisters, who offer them 10 coin for the top on the condition that it's still haunted. There's an immediate awkward pause before Kasimir says yes.
• Barnaby rolls to relieve stress, overindulges, and starts boasting about what a great thief he is. Cue Johnny, Andy, and Ellen simultaneously rubbing their foreheads.
  Luke: Here's what happens, Barnaby, you glorious liability.
• "You all seem competent." [the players exchange concerned looks] "You mostly seem competent."

Story 2: "Ironhook's Bounty"

• Lilith is trying to "find her way in this weird world."
  Barnaby: I can help you with that! You should get a job!
• The hypocrisy of this move does not go unnoticed.
  Luke: Barnaby, you are not one to be telling people to get a job, I don't think.
  Barnaby: Well, you know, it's not for me. I found out a long time ago that it's just not for me, the world of work.
• Barnaby starts boasting about how the "fortune" they won last night wouldn't even make a dent in the annual take of his estates.
  Lilith: Why are you here again?
  Barnaby: Why are any of us here? Philosophical question. You're the academic, you work it out.
  Lilith: Money! I need money!
• While Lilith is doing research to find a possible score, Barnaby punches out and settles back into a chair.
• "I will roll these dice around for drama." - Luke Westaway, 2021
• The first hitch in the plan to rob Darnell Ironhook: the valet offering to take Lilith's things. She ends up claiming that her coat is part of "the ensemble".
  Barnaby: Ideas above her station, you know how it is.
• Barnaby Makes a Good First Impression by first failing to see Darnell Ironhook, who is possibly the largest person there, then bumping into him and spilling champagne all over his cravat.
• Mike has definite ideas about Barnaby's physicality.
  Luke: [Darnell] goes in for a big, meaty handshake.
  Mike: Mine is limp in comparison.
• Darnell's assistant, Roger, is an exaggeratedly cringing, stammering, scuttling sort of man, who is obviously not to the tastes of his big, boisterous boss.
• Barnaby tries to relate to Darnell's tale of hard graft in a dangerous business by talking about the physical ordeal of closing his own door that day. Lilith just watches, grinning.
• Cross-Cultural Communication is Attempted.
  Barnaby: My uncle was in the Navy. He was an Admiral. I'm not sure he ever actually set foot on a ship, he was more of a sort of honorary title, but, you know-
  Ellen finally cracks
• Lilith gets some of the party staff on side by explaining labour laws. When she starts talking about shifts, the waiter mentions that he's wearing one under his uniform. Lilith barely registers it, and goes on to introduce the concept of unionisation.
  Barnaby: All this stuff about employee rights is news to me, too.
• The "push yourself" mechanic proves awkwardly named in the context of using the captain's private bathroom.
• Barnaby's hip flask is currently the most reliable piece of gear in the entire party.
• There is an extremely long flashback as Barnaby enlists the Gondoliers to crash the party.
  Barnaby: Am I going to have to hear about unions again?
• Barnaby is forced to listen to the story of how the ship, the De Ballena, was converted from a whaling vessel, by basically everyone he talks to.
• Barnaby seems to have taken some notes: his pitch to the stokers in order to get them out so he and Lilith can steal the anchor is to convince them that their work conditions suck and they deserve better.
• Lilith bonks a guard on the head with a shovel.
  Luke: You tell me how this bonking happens.
  Mike: Phrasing.
• When Lilith locks the guy in a box, she marks a point of load to drop some snacks in as an apology.
• When the gondoliers arrive, all the staff race out to fight them with whatever's handy. When Ellen jokes about whisks being included, Luke canonises it in the spot.
• Barnaby tries to convince the gondoliers to just have a drink.
• They try and jump into a boat, and both fail. Barnaby's biggest complaint afterwards is that his coat is dripping wet.
• During the downtime phase, Luke can't help but comment on how hard healing is in Blades.

Story 3: "The Cab-Con Caper"

• Edvard claims to have invented the chair, before backtracking and saying that it's actually the patent Lumiere chair, which walks around by itself.
• It's slightly worrying when Luke asks the others if they want to be immersed in his Fantabulous Imaginarium. Apparently there's a pool.
• Kasimir is reduced to nodding awkwardly while Edvard fulminates about Amadeus Astor.
• "Would you say that this score is especially bold or daring?" (both) "No."
• Cab-Con doesn't have a metal detector, but it does have a guy named Metal who detects things by patting people down.
• Edvard gets so carried away by all the tech on display that Kasimir has to remind him what they're actually there to do.
  Kasimir: Listen, mate, it's fine, you're in your element, I understand. I'd be doing the same if this were a convention about, um...
  Edvard: Knife murder.
  Kasimir: Yeah.
  Edvard: Stabcon.
  Kasimir: Oh, you've been?
  Edvard: Had a great time!
  Kasimir: They say it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
• Edvard chats with a gentleman about a hydraulic spoke. When the gentleman offhandedly mentions that the spoke belongs to Astor, Andy's eyes immediately go wide with rage.
• As Edvard launches into another explosive rant, Luke makes another clock. "Kicked Out."
• They run into the lady from their last outing, and Kasimir frantically claims that he's there handing out his resume.
• There is some measure of Comedic Sociopathy at Andril's expense.
• Kasimir experiences a strange tickling sensation that he's heard from others is called "guilt."
• "Is there a poo hopper? What kind of games master - nay, man - would I be if I said no?" - Luke Westaway
• Edvard gets back on the job, covered in The Merch, including a papercraft model of the building.
• Following his encounters with lots of grease and some goat crap, Johnny specifies that Kasimir is moving around "stealthily and stinkily".
• Edvard only accepts the goat poo to study because he's put away his nice jacket and is wearing a Cab-Con souvenir T-shirt instead.
• Johnny's rolls are so bad that at one point they just burst out laughing at yet another three.
• Kasimir somehow manages to pass himself off as a cabbie despite only knowing two pieces of the lingo.
• Edvard takes special care to ensure that the big fire that happens for a distraction happens at Amadeus Astor's booth.
• Their escape gondolier is the least secretive man of all time.
  Johnny: I slap him silly once we are 'round the corner.

Story 4: "High Stakes at the Splintered Bone"

• The initial setup: Edvard drank the last of the milk, and Zillah is buying groceries so she can force Barnaby to learn to cook.
  Barnaby: Normally I have people to do that for me.
• Zillah meets an old friend, who at one point tells Barnaby that Zillah can kill really well but is one of the nicest, calmest and most peaceful people she's met. Barnaby, in a stage whisper, admits that he's terrified of Zillah.
• Barnaby briefly struggles with a plan of "step one, get in, step two, get the money."
• Ethical quandaries are navigated when they realise that stealing all the takings is basically robbing the entire audience as well as the corrupt promoter.
  Barnaby: I don't have any moral problem with it, just, you know, wanted to clarify.
  Daphne: Do you have any moral problem with it, Zillah?
  Zillah: Yes, but I do want the money.
• Barnaby's cry of "LOVELY CRIMES!" attracts an old lady. Barnaby bluffs that he meant limes but is sold out now, at which point she staggers off complaining about scurvy.
• When the options are read out:
  Zillah: DO VIOLENCE!
  Barnaby: Not in the face.
• Barnaby refuses to carry more than a light load, presumably because it would ruin the lines of his coat.
• As Barnaby's security, Zillah and Daphne are allowed in, but they're not allowed into the VIP section unless they pay for tickets.
  Barnaby: I'm not expecting the other VIPs to rob me, am I, so, you know.
  Ticket Seller: You haven't met our VIPs, sir.
• Zillah runs into some issues because she has too many fans. There are even people with tattoos of her.
• "You flash back to the horrible present." - Luke
• Barnaby casually insults a fan's tattoo, and Zillah has to point out that as a VIP punching him is probably more trouble than it's worth.
• There's an entire discussion that just has Luke laughing helplessly:
  Zillah: This is what you wanted. Didn't you want to be a Butcher, or something?
  Barnaby: I was hoping not to actually taste the sweat of the poor in the air.
  Zillah: So...you wanted to be a nice, polite, sanitised Butcher. Okay.
  Barnaby: Yes. I mean, I wouldn't go to a butcher who didn't sanitise things. It'd be dreadful.
• When Barnaby asks about a security room, Jane points out that they would be watching nothing on monitors that haven't been invented yet.
• It takes Barnaby a little while to grasp that these fights are not usually to the death.
• Barnaby takes a moment to outline the genealogy of his fancy coat, which he is using as an all-purpose ID card filled out in the name of Rich McRicherson.
• Zillah, master of linguistics.
  Zillah: I don't mean to threaten you, but also I do mean to threaten you, so.
• Luke points out that so far every crime has involved starting a minimum of one fire.
• Barnaby awkwardly confesses that he might be partially responsible for some of the financial woes going around, since he has a partial interest in the refinery company.
• The entire awkward conversation where Barnaby is told that he's talking to Zillah's opponent in the big fight.
• Barnaby uses a flashback to gain the ability to poison some food with a bottle of what Mike dubs Essence du Raw Fish.
• During the big fight, Zillah critiques her opponent's conditioning.
• "I can barely focus on anything else, because I just love hitting people that much." - Jane/Zillah
• Since Barnaby gets kidnapped by Rosie and Josie Dimmer after stashing the loot but before telling anyone where it is, Jane points out how much this would look like Barnaby just absconding with the take if she hadn't seen the Dimmer Sisters first.

Story 5: "The Dreadful Dimmer Sisters"

• When Jane introduces Zillah as "your friendly local cutter", Johnny sees their opportunity and goes for it:
  Kasimir: I'm Kasimir Jones, and I'm your friendly neighbourhood man, who is also a Spider.
• Edvard isn't exactly brimming with the milk of human kindness.
  Zillah: Barnaby was kidnapped by the Dimmer Sisters - Rosie and Josie.
  Edvard: I repeat: a successful mission!
• Barnaby has a third coat ruined, offscreen this time.
• Zillah, Kasimir and Edvard speculate on which of Barnaby's bits are in the package they've been delivered while Lilith/Ellen watches with an expression of deepest Squick. Eventually they start making wagers.
• The package contains Barnaby's entire forearm. The video makes sure to emphasise Ellen's "holy shit" expression.
• There is a moment where Andy fails to grasp that this includes the hand.
  Jane: Not just a section from here to here.
  Luke: Oh no, they let him keep the hand, it's just not attached to the rest of -
• Edvard's first thought is that instead of rescuing Barnaby, they should just build a wonderful mechanical man to lead them to where the money is. Lilith's counterargument is that because Barnaby has quite a simple personality, he tends to act at random.
  Andy: "I really think you're overthinking this," I say to Lilith, as I place a bucket on top of a broomstick and draw Barnaby's face on it.
• Edvard may be a genius but he is a slow learner.
  Edvard: How did we get the 10 last time? We tricked a ghost gang. That might work again-
• Luke's incredibly matter-of-fact summary of Edvard's mechanical man project:
  Luke: All version 1 can do is scream and ask to die.
• Their entire starting intel of the house is "it's got windows".
• Luke rolls an unprecedented four dice on the engagement roll, jokes that he'd have to try really hard to mess this one up...and the highest roll is a 3.
• Jane is forced to recalibrate her assumptions, because she'd been assuming that the Dimmer Sisters lair would be "spooky fun haunted house", not "hellish murder room for making ghosts".
  Luke: Who knows, maybe we'll find something more whimsical later.
• Both sides make good points.
  Lilith: I came here to study ghosts, not become one!
  Edvard: Think how much study you could do if you did become one-
• Jane knows what she's about.
  Jane: Are there any peepholes that are eyes in paintings?
  Luke: You know it!
• Edvard concludes that if Barnaby was conscious, he would be loudly complaining.
• Kasimir and Edvard conclude that mincing Barnaby and sending all his bits wouldn't be hygienic or fair on the postman.
• Zillah proposes splitting up in the haunted house.
  Lilith: (worried expression)
• The Dimmer Sisters turn out to really like rhyming names: Rosie and Josie, Chloe and Zoe, Mia and Leah...
• Following a botched stealth roll, Zillah is forced to choke out one of the Sisters cultists.
• Luke actually has trouble keeping track of which Dimmer Sister is doing something.
• When Rosie and Josie mistake a concealed Lilith for one of the other Sisters, Lilith challenges them to a race to the kitchen. Which is where Kasimir is headed.
• Johnny explains that they're not overly fussed about adding too much slumber essence to the food, which is just as well because they immediately roll a 1 and two of the Sisters turn up.
• "Climb in an oven, I love it" - Luke
• Luke starts describing a procedure as "widely outlawed" and "frowned upon everywhere", which manages to make even Kasimir a little solemn. Briefly. Then he suggests deliberately setting off the failure state in order to serve as a distraction.
• The moment Kasimir suggests shaving, Edvard points out that he's not falling for that again.
• Kasimir makes sure to file the name ASTOR off things before handing them to Edvard.
• Zillah gets tired of social stealth and just starts choking Dimmer Sisters out again. A dog/human hybrid spirit (Kasimir dubs it "Cocker Daniel") gets loose in the fight and starts releasing more.
  Zillah: I turn to Lilith and say, "Well, your turn."
• Luke, after a little thought, decides to stick with Lilith and Zillah on the grounds that he doesn't want to give them too much time to think.
• Lilith's plan for dealing with Cocker Daniel? "Fetch." Ellen gets a 6 on this plan, and the big win is that Lilith gets to keep her arms and legs.
• When Zillah shoots Cocker Daniel with the ectoplasmic revolver, Johnny just goes white and covers their mouth.
• Luke seems very proud of his pun about rakes.
• Kasimir, after failing to slap Barnaby awake, decides to use a bottle of whiskey instead. Later on, he fortifies himself from the bottle.
• Kasimir points out that weird disappearances must happen all the time in these parts.
• With Friends Like These......
  Kasimir: Edvard and I accidentally-on-purpose dip Barnaby in the sewage while we're getting him on the gondola.
• Kasimir and Edvard collaborate on a replacement for Kasimir's cane. Knowing the two of them it may end up being the first walking stick in Volisport to fly.

Story 6: "The Gut-Cutter Bargain"

• The opening features Edvard's mechanical man exploding, and him answering the door for the postman with a head under his arm.
• Barnaby insists that he couldn't possibly have been kidnapped and must just have gotten loaded. Luke rules that this is thirty percent the aftereffects of the kidnapping and seventy percent repression.
• Kasimir gets Edvard a crate of Astor actuators just to Troll him.
  Edvard: "Ah, Astor brand," I say, and fling them into the street.
• Kasimir shuts down Edvard's plan to send Barnaby into the Dimmer mansion to have a look around (or, as he dubs it, "feed [him] to the creepy children") because he has something else in mind.
  Kasimir: Maybe we can feed him to the creepy children later.
• Edvard insists that any Astor-brand safe, even giant murderous custom jobs, is probably made from pipe cleaners and straw. Kasimir tries to guide him into taking it a bit more seriously and then just gives up.
• Kasimir's entire attitude throughout the whole process is that of an aggravated mother hen taking care of extremely distractible chicks.
• When Lilith comments on how strong Kasimir's potted mackerel is, Luke jokingly proposes level 2 harm.
• The Gut-Cutters are surprisingly squeaky and big-eyed for knife maniacs, because they are children.
• They end up accompanied by a tiny maniac with a knife named Mumbles.
• Johnny has some weird stuff going on behind them that's probably their greenscreen playing up. Probably.
• Lilith goes on a bit of a rant about the very specific timing of spookiness.
• After they break into the train yard, Kasimir lays out priorities:
  Kasimir: If I were to build a functioning train yard, what would I most want to work? The spinny bit down there. It not being flooded, and/or it not being on fire.
• This exchange after Johnny fluffs a roll and Kasimir slams into a shipping container with a clang:
  Luke: And I'm going to start a clock, what the hell.
  Johnny: Oh no.
• Luke compares Lilith's spirit sight to "if you were holding L2."
• Kasimir bluffs that he's there as a consultant to check the security and is Not Impressed. It works. By the end of it he and the guard are swapping awful puns - while Ellen cracks up irl.
• Because critical successes are really uncommon in BITD, there is raucous celebration when Ellen gets two sixes.
• Lilith attempts to unionise the ghosts.
  Ghost: The only thing I can confirm is that I died here, painfully, in a workplace-related accident.
  Lilith: You should maybe talk to someone about that -
• Kasimir finds himself wondering if it's actually worth saving three wealthy, drunk Hive members who are wandering around loaded to the gills on port.
• Ellen's dice are on fire.
  Ellen: You're not gonna believe me but it's another two sixes!
• "Where are the poshos in relation to where we are?" - Ellen
• Johnny makes a pun on "politer ghosts" / "poltergeists".
  Luke: This isn't for that, Kasimir, but I am filling in another piece of the clock.
  Johnny: 'Take level 3 harm'.
• Luke has the spooks release an eight-legged ghost dinosaur thing.
  Ellen: Cool.
• Kasimir learns, at the end, to respect / fear Lilith.

Story 7: "The Astor Gambit"

• Edvard insists he can take care of himself because he invented electrical punching fists, then nearly walks into a wall.
• Zillah makes a Survey roll as Edvard loudly talks about screwing over Astor to find that he is indeed being tailed.
• Edvard's utter conviction that Astor's custom safes are made out of tinfoil has remained undented.
• They come within inches of trying to get in by getting jobs.
• When Edvard proposes Zillah pretend to be an "innoventer", Zillah bluntly says that she can in no way sell that deception, but she doesn't have to, she just needs to get in the door.
  Zillah: Do they have a punching department?
• Something is compared to the steampunk equivalent of that drawer full of old Nokia cables.
• Edvard just claims to have already mastered something Astor is working on.
• When they're tinkering, Zillah starts beating metal with a wrench while Edvard attempts to use ghosts to invent Shrek.
• The Devil's Bargain Luke offers is that he'll get an extra die, but Astor will definitely steal it. Edvard decides that he might as well; after all, Astor has stolen all his other ideas.
• Zillah puts on an extremely unconvincing display, and then gets thrown out because she tried to use a light bulb Edvard had given her...which, it turns out, could not have been created using the materials to hand.
• Edvard goes full Large Ham when presenting his creation, which he calls the "Lumiere Magic Lanthorn Box". He hastily clarifies that Lumiere is not his name, but the name of the device (because Edvard was using a cover identity at the time).
• "Yes, yes, no, already on fire-"
• Everything connected to the incredibly relatable experience of being arrested at Disneyland.
• Jane opts for a scorpion kick, then realises that she's not sure about the anatomy here.
• Edvard has something of a rough time having to praise Astor's work. At times it verges on Suspiciously Specific Denial, and at others it dives right in.
  Edvard: ...A wonderful lock, and not a stupid lock a baby could have made...
• "Perhaps you're thinking of my cousin Edvard-" - Edvard, hastily trying to paper over his cover identity.
• When the scene changes back to Zillah, Jane declares she is choking a guard unconscious with her thighs. Luke allows it.
• Zillah infiltrates the archives to look for files on the Dimmer Sisters, and meets Alice, the archivist. After a brief conversation, Zillah takes a liking to Alice and hopes she doesn't have to choke her unconscious with her thighs. Guess what happens.
• In a faintly absurd sequence of events, Zillah finds herself acting out a ridiculous romantic drama involving Alice and another random employee.
• Edvard wants to reduce his stress levels as a downtime action.
  Luke: How do you reduce stress? What's your vice that you indulge in?
  Edvard: My vice is "weird".^note Officially: "You experiment with strange essences, consort with rogue spirits, observe bizarre rituals or taboos, etc."
  Luke: Ohh! Okay. (through giggles) Say no more.

Story 8: "First Flight of the Sparrowhawk"

• During the introductions, all Kasimir has to say is that he's "been dreading this one", presumably because it's just him and Barnaby.
  Barnaby: Oh, don't be so sour, Kasimir. It's going to be fun!
  Luke: This is one of my dream matchups: Barnaby and Kasimir.
• "I'm both exhausted and punched!" - Barnaby
• They find a better doctor, or, to be specific, a vet who's willing to stretch.
• They meet one of Barnaby's old contacts: Percy Pommeroy, a foppish fellow with a perpetual cold.
• Percy wants to know if he can trust them.
  Barnaby: Percy, of course, of course you can. And him too. Probably. I mean yes, definitely.
• Johnny says that Kasimir is looking at Percy, a man with SUCKER written all over him in big letters, like he wants to eat him for lunch, because he instinctively wants to beat Hicks to it.
• "Lovely crimes!"
• Kasimir's attempt to ask for some work for Barnaby involves calling him an idiot several different ways. Barnaby then gets Kasimir, a man with a bad knee, to help move something heavy, and with Barnaby it's hard to tell whether it's ordinary laziness or deliberate revenge.
• Barnaby, by proposing trading the winnings for the balloon, actually comes up with a slightly better plan than Kasimir, who was planning to just shove Hicks out of the balloon and run away.
• Luke: "You notice, both of you - no, not both of you, just you, Kasimir..."
• Percy came up with white team shirts. They say "The Aeronaughty Boys". Hicks reacts with understandable disdain, Barnaby promises to put them on when they're up in the air, and Kasimir makes up a bullshit story about a promise to his father. When Percy produces matching and very tight pants, Kasimir destroys a set by pulling it on over his bulky knee brace.
• Barnaby actually comes up with some sabotage ideas that Kasimir hadn't thought of.
• Barnaby takes a consolation prize for not getting close to the Lampblacks: at least they don't see him as a threat.
• The booze run is an awkward process that includes, for example, Barnaby tipping a full bottle of rum into a burner and dropping in the bottle by accident.
• Barnaby ends up in a desperate position, rolling to trick the humourless Railjack navigator into drinking even more.
  Barnaby: I can't believe I've used two of my loadout now on boozes. I'm a walking drinks cabinet. I've only got one left, and it's probably going to be booze again.
• It's pointed out that they haven't, technically speaking, mechanically started the job just yet.
  Luke: You've lost two and we haven't done the engagement roll yet, brilliant.
• Mike admits that Barnaby probably can't be trusted with anything other than the burner, because he can't navigate or bounce and Percy is probably going to want to be the captain.
• It's important to keep a balloon as light as possible.
  Johnny: If there's a picnic basket from Mr Pomeranian, it's going over the side.
  Mike: Along with the uniforms, right?
  Johnny: Oh yeah.
• As soon as they take off, Barnaby "accidentally" throws the uniforms overboard.
• The Billhook sabotage works.
  Mike: I'm gonna shout to the Billhooks: "Your balloon is on fire!"
  Johnny: I'm laughing riotously at this. Just being like "Hehehehehe!"
• Barnaby's response to being boarded: just push them off again. It works, and the boarder goes splat on a roof in the rich part of town. Before long, the vengeful Red Sashes end up with Kasimir's grappling hook tangled in their systems, and end up all falling to their deaths.
• There's a technical issue when Barnaby finally fails a roll, and Luke specifies that it isn't Barnaby's fault. Mike points out that it is never Barnaby's fault really.
• Johnny asks for a Devil's Bargain and is then deeply concerned when Luke says yes immediately.
• Because of their noted rivalry, the Lampblacks promise to buy the Aeronaughty Boys a drink for killing the Red Sashes team. Kasimir immediately responds with, "I'll drink to your memory!" and moons them, and Luke has the clouds part so this is highlighted by the actual moon.
  Johnny: Like my bum is directed by J. J. Abrams.
• The moonlight reflected off of Kasimir's backside ends up blinding the Lampblacks and causing their balloon to go off-course.
  Johnny: I just cast Moonbeam!
  Mike: Wrong game, Johnny!
• Kasimir flashes back to his last job to get a hip flask full of leviathan distillate, and issues it to Barnaby. He has to explain the ground rules several times, and even write "NOT THIS" on the flask and "THIS" on a bottle of plonk that takes up his final point of load.
  Kasimir: Listen. This stuff is extremely volatile, and, look, I cannot stress this enough, do not drink it.
• Kasimir reluctantly admits that there is a non-zero chance that the leviathan distillate could blow them up. This is the first time Barnaby shows any kind of caution or restraint, and specifically compares it to pouring champagne rather than whiskey.
  Barnaby: I tip the distillate into the propellor, but with just a little more caution than I normally would, because if it's not something I can drink, it must be pretty dangerous.
• The Devil's Bargain Luke offers? Destroying Barnaby's coat. There's a pause before he accepts.
• As the balloon surges forward, Percy gets bounced out into the netting.
• The Billhooks are still on fire, and they can't even make an emergency landing because the heat is forcing their balloon to gain altitude.
• They're boarded by the navigator Barnaby got drunk earlier. This leads to considerable confusion before she gets pushed out onto a roof, which fortunately doesn't kill her.
• When they win, Hicks is so enthused that she actually shouts "AERONAUGHTY BOYS FOR LIFE!"
• Barnaby just assumed they would win and had a celebratory carriage sent ahead with booze and cucumber sandwiches.

Story 9: "Murder at Volisport Academy"

• They've started viewing the way Edvard's mechanical men keep begging for death as a minor irritation.
• A nice day in Volisport means that you can almost see the sun past the permanent layer of smog.
• When they get to Volisport Academy, Luke describes the College of Immortal Studies:
  Edvard: Bit artsy-fartsy, isn't it?
  Luke: The fact that it's a humanities department is, I think, the in-universe reason why Lilith can spend so much time doing crime elsewhere. It's a two-contact-hours-a-week situation.^note Please note that both Luke and Andy studied humanities at university; Luke has a degree in Philosophy and Andy has a degree in History.
• Edvard cuts off cheerful reminiscence about the japes he got up to during Rag Week with "Of course, I was expelled," before wandering off into the apparent death toll of pranks like taking apart the Dean's carriage and reassembling it on a very slippery roof.
  Edvard: It was quite the scandal. (sips tea)
• At the prospect of their contact being dead, Ellen comments that this could be a short adventure.
• Edvard theorises that the titular Murder is the result of a confetti bomb accident.
• One of the Bluecoats dubs it a "terminal case of clever clogs".
• By pure fluke, the engagement roll for this job, involving solving a murder while researching a demon, comes up 6-6-6.
  Luke: I think I might actually have cursed myself planning this campaign.
• The lethal confetti cannons actually come back while they're sneaking in, and Edvard takes one immediately.
• While they're investigating, they sneakily start messing around with the paperwork: Lilith approves her own funding, and Edvard brands an essay "terrible rot" and cuts the marks. Lilith checks the name, and because the dude won't shut up during lessons, she approves.
  Luke: There is another stamp nearby that just reads 'Terrible Rot'-
• Edvard is a very clever man in many respects but he is, at least at first, not a good forensic analyst:
  Lilith: I would like to kind of like take a little look around the professor and see where the blood has come from-
  Edvard: It's come from inside her! It was inside her, and now it's outside her. Cause of death: blood is outside.
• Lilith's reaction when the professor's ghost walks through her is "I hate it when they do that."
• While Lilith is feeling unwell, Edvard starts talking loudly about wringing blood out of a J-cloth.
• Edvard has to cut off Lilith's ramble about the internal bureaucracy.
• When Luke says the lock isn't even Astor brand, Andy/Edvard comments that it might actually be hard to pick.
• Andy baffles Luke by asking which part of his lockpick is broken, and Luke, who doesn't know a torsion wrench from a Meccano piece, is reduced to saying that the bit that is inside the lock stays inside the lock. Eventually he dubs the torsion wrench the "tortoise stick".
• There's some confusion when they get to the B section, which ends up full of bees at the end. Andy mentions a biography of classic band, the Beeples.
• The book they're looking for was between a book on Baby Warlocks and a book on Basilisks.
• The references continue with the banshee-opposing chant deriving from La Vache Mauve.
• Edvard gets salty that the spectrology professors are working with thieves but he got into trouble for having corpses shipped in. Luke is so amused he gives Edvard a free check on the Wonderful Mechanical Man clock.
• During the banshee fight, Lilith gets thrown into a pile of tympanis while Edvard frantically tries to remember the chant, defaulting to "How now, brown cow-"
• Lilith gets her hood blown off, and it turns out that her hair is snakes. Edvard being Edvard, he's less shocked by the discovery that Lilith is not entirely human and more interested in exploring the science of it and whether she needs to feed the snake hair. Eventually he throws one a peppermint while Lilith explains it: the snakes actually do like the tastes of things like peppermints, but they don't eat, so eventually they'll just spit it out.
  Edvard: I see now why you didn't want me to have any of your hair for my wonderful mechanical man. Probably would have been awkward. That's fine, everyone's got their own hairstyles, you know...side parted, buzzcut, bunch of snakes.
• As they get ready to leave, Luke's cursed engagement roll means they could have escaped without notice from the guards. Edvard still wants to use his distraction plan, so he lights his confetti cannons and runs down the quad shouting "Volisport University rules, Volisport Technical College drools!"
• In the denouement, Edvard rolls to reduce stress by indulging in his "weird" vice, declaring that he attends a séance. However, he rolls a 1, and reasons that it was a very bad séance: There was obviously strung electric lighting and the "ectoplasm" was just corn starch and water.

Story 10: "The Lampblack Wedding"

• The episode is off to a good start, as Ellen declares she is playing as Zillah, to the visible confusion of Jane and Luke. The three discuss a true body swap episode, but resolve to try it in the future.
• Zillah has a few downtime actions to complete, and decides to lower her stress at an underground fight arena with good Tommy Punchliker. Unfortunately, she over-indulges^note Reducing stress to get a negative result. For instance, removing 5 stress when you only have 3 stress. The complication means she gets too carried away and puts him in a minor coma. Apparently, the Punchlikers are worried about Tommy getting punched too much, and all these minor comas.
• Wondering how to spend her other downtime action, Zillah is informed that the "better doctor" has been found. It's a vet. And Zillah is pleased, she is looking forward to being de-wormed. And maybe needing a cone around her head. And giving Barnaby a sheep dip.
• Zillah has been Locked Out of the Loop and is surprised to learn about the demons involved. Subsequently, when the Wonderful Mechanical Man is reading a book upside-down (because his eyes were installed upside-down), Zillah is at least pleased to note that he contains no demons.^note another contrast with Prudence, who would likely respond to a lock containing a demon by wondering if they could team up
• Pickett, second-in-command of the Lampblacks and wedding planner, has a voice that Luke specifies is "punishing on the throat". Naturally, because Luke is a glutton for punishment, Pickett has a lot to say, mostly to the Lampblacks, who aren't quite pulling off her vision for the wedding to her satisfaction.
  Pickett: We were originally a lamplighters' guild, you know.
  Zillah: Of course.
  Pickett: So we should be able to LIGHT A BLOODY ROOM!
• Pickett knows how to make an argument.
  Pickett: I'm a reasonable woman - THOSE TABLES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT ALREADY!
• Pickett's minion, Hook, is asked to escort them out, and while they point out it's probably not necessary, he tells them, in a thousand-yard stare kind of voice, that it goes better for him when he follows orders.
• There is a very awkward confrontation with Hook.
• Because the Wonderful Mechanical Man's eyes are still upside-down, he describes the thief who stole all their prep as running along the ceiling.
• Seeing the hideout utterly ransacked as well as empty, Lilith immediately wonders where the rest of the guild. Luke answers: They're definitely at the pub. Lilith remarks that having the rest of the gang would've helped. Then amends her position: If Barnaby was there, it would've been worse.
• There's a discussion of witness protection spells, culminating in planning to send Hook to sea for his own safety.
• They have a difficult time figuring out how to dress for the wedding reception.
• Since the wedding is for two women, Ellen asks what outfit combination they went with (two dresses, one dress and a suit, or two suits). Luke makes a roll for this.
• The contents of the wedding gift include a tonfa and an old lamp-lighting rod, the latter after some thinking that narrowly avoids containing one of Hook's ears.
• Bazso Baz tells an amusing story about his daughter advising him to kill people until he got what he wanted.
• The first true failure? Lilith tries to check without her sunglasses and hits her champagne glass, making a loud noise. Jane mentions that she's sweating with social anxiety IRL just from the description.
• Luke takes a few moments to remember that this is Volisport, rather than Geth proper.
• Junker's suit was, according to Luke, probably "bought many years ago for a court appearance" and it doesn't fit him properly any more.
• Zillah immediately realises Junker is planning to remove himself from the social occasion when she sees him filling his plate with pulled pork. This gets him yelled at by Pickett.
• Lilith's unionising work pays dividends as she lets one of the wait staff know how badly he's underpaid.
• After Pickett frantically tries to lay down a screen of bullshit, Ellen says they're not lamplighters, they're gaslighters.
• When Lilith unleashes a murderous ghost, Zillah and Junker end up cartoonishly clinging to each other.
• Pickett goes along with anything to keep the ghost from ripping her jaw apart, most notably when the "tapping out" sign is holding her fingers in an L shape on her forehead.
• Lilith points out that Pickett was plotting to overthrow and murder Bazso on the day of his daughter's wedding, which Pickett points out "sounds really bad when you put it that way".
• The day is saved through blackmail!
• As soon as Zillah tells the others that she and Lilith got up to some interesting stuff, Hook falls bodily out of the cupboard they shoved him into.
• Luke admits that he was sort of hoping they'd kill Pickett off so he wouldn't have to keep doing the voice, but now she's not only alive but has a larger part in the story. Eventually they conclude that her voice has probably been permanently altered from having to have her mouth and trachea repaired after a ghost shoved its head in there.
• Lilith, having run a lot of flashbacks, has to clear out a lot of stress.
• Zillah accidentally breaks the Wonderful Mechanical Man a total of three times this episode.
• Jane gets very lucky on a recovery roll, managing to roll a 1 when any higher number would have been another overindulgence.

Story 11: "The Big Score"

• Barnaby is "at your service - actually, you should probably be at my service. I'm very wealthy."
  Zillah: How is that guy still here?
• "Get rid of my 'Bloody Nose'" turns out to be ambiguously phrased.
• Johnny uses downtime actions to finish the brand new cane, curious to see what Edvard has done in making a supposedly new and improved one.
  Kasimir: All it has to do is hold me up.
  Edvard: Oh.
• Kasimir actually sounds a bit choked up that Edvard built a one-shot electroplasmic gun into his cane.
• When Barnaby is figuring out what to do, Johnny cracks that he could find a wife.
• Luke explains that clearing a Wanted level requires someone to go to prison.
  Edvard: Perfect, Barnaby! We've found what you can do!
  Barnaby: I don't think prison would become me. Rather hard to get a drink around there.
• Kasimir reluctantly admits that the fire in "The Gut-Cutter Bargain" probably wasn't strictly necessary.
• Edvard's sheer level of sour grapes when discussing Amadeus Astor is a thing of beauty. And also, the Devil's bargain struck comes due, and Edvard's Lanthorn is Astor branded and a hot commodity.
• Lilith's explanation of the time she and Zillah teamed up doesn't go much better:
  Kasimir: Sorry, so you've raked us over the coals for just happening to drop four Red Sashes onto the city, but you neglected to mention that you're just sending ghosts down the throats of -
  Zillah: Hey, it wasn't me!
• Edvard is very proud that he invented Shrek.
  Lilith: I feel like a Shrek is a kind of ghost I've come across...I mean, some body once told me.
• The Wonderful Mechanical Man has moved on from begging for death to just generally talking about it.
• Edvard dubs Bug of the Gut-Cutters an "anthropomorphic mouse". Bug is actually very offended by this.
• Barnaby learned a valuable lesson about balloons last time: they can't take off from underground.
• Kasimir reluctantly admits that they should probably have a signal to land the balloon they're escaping in, just in case the sound of chaos doesn't work. After some ideas about mechanical or spectral messengers, Edvard proposes a flare...which Kasimir wants to stick a ghost in, just because.
• Johnny sees an opportunity and goes for it:
  Johnny: I would like to nip out to the fishmonger's, acquire a small to medium flatfish, and hand it to the mechanical man and see if that changes his behaviour, because I'm going to try and tell him that that is what we mean when we talk about a sole.
  Luke: (rolls dice) You place the -
  Kasimir: It's not a plaice, mate.
  Luke: Let me just roe back.
  Lilith: Could you just salmon it up for it?
  Luke: Just for the halibut, let's just say it works perfectly.
• Immediately after receiving the sole, the Wonderful Mechanical Man toddles off to write a play (there's even a clock for it). Edvard is sure it's going to be terrible...because it won't adhere to a three-act structure and the metaphors will be too obvious.
• Edvard is carrying the Wonderful Mechanical Man in bits in his backpack in case he comes in handy.
• The Dimmer Sisters' lawn is covered in ghost traps to provide alert.
  Zillah: Are these children gonna be okay?
  Kasimir: Were they okay to begin with?
• Zillah's reaction to a sudden encounter with a solo Dimmer Sister is "I'm sort of sorry about this" followed by knocking her out in one bodyslam. Then, with the "pairs" issue, Zillah worries that there may be another one nearby.
  Kasimir: Well, this is Lazy, so I assume Maisie's already out in the fight.
• Kasimir reluctantly defaults to Pragmatic Villainy:
  Kasimir: If we go through the arboretum, we may well unearth a lot of repressed and horrible memories, which, while funny, might be a hindrance to our mission.
• At the notion of there only being so many rooms in the house, Luke starts chuckling evilly.
• When they try to get through a wall, Zillah pulls out a sledgehammer and smashes a hole. Not only does it work, the noise is covered by a scream of pain from outside as a hapless Dimmer Sister gets stabbed in the shin.
• Luke destroys Barnaby's coat almost out of reflex at this point.
• The riffing around the concept of a ghost brick is great as Andy comments that it must be a brick that died with unfinished business.
• Barnaby chugs a bottle of gin...spelled "DJINN".
  Kasimir: Barnaby's electroplastered.
• As Edvard blows the lock on the Astor lock, it begins to shoot out bolts. Zillah notices this and ducks under a desk, helping drag the others. Barnaby doesn't even notice and gets smacked in the face, leaving a hexagon shaped welt.
• Kasimir once again pulls a bottle of booze out of his coat, this time to fortify the team.
• "Guys, I think I found the demon" - Lilith
• While Lilith is putting her soul on the line to compel the demon Esketra to leave, Edvard has an important matter to discuss:
  Edvard: I pass the bottle of whiskey back to Zillah and I say, "Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or 1 horse-sized duck?"^note She picked "100 duck-sized horses" because quantity over quality.
• Part of defeating Esketra involves a volley of moderately cursed rags.
• The recap at the beginning of part 2 consists of Edvard breaking the lock, Lilith defeating the demon, and Barnaby drinking a ghost.
• When it is mentioned that Barnaby has forehead harm, Lilith calls it sixhead harm, because he was hit by a hexagonal bolt.
• Kasimir gets a little caught up in working through an I Know You Know I Know comment.
• Eleanor is worried about running into the other co-founder of the Dimmer Sisters, Kelly. When it's pointed out that they're supposed to rhyme, Eleanor admits that she used to go by Ellie. Barnaby concludes that Kelly's full name is Kellinor, and Luke rolls with it, prompting Ellen to crack up. Then Johnny throws in a line about a gardener named Pellenor with huge fields, and Luke cracks up as well.
• Zillah, who's been standing by the door, asks for some context on what's going on.
• They encounter a golden bracer with CDB scratched into it, carved into the most ornate part.
  Zillah: Whoever did this was a real asshole.
  Edvard: 'He must have been a great man,' I say. So, anyway, I open the window and I look to the horazón...
  Johnny: [pauses just before taking a sip of tea to bury their face in their hands]
• Luke describes the Dimmer Mansion as "Gothic AF".
• Edvard sets off a flare to alert the balloon, but it gets stuck in a balustrade, and Kasimir teaches him the importance of using your load to bring a broom.
• Kasimir starts planting demo charges on the staircase as they go, just in case. Upon reaching the top, he notices another exit and just blows the charges, with Johnny frantically negotiating for the chance to use Finesse instead of Wreck.
  Ellen: It's a controlled demolition.
  Johnny: No it's not, it's a 2. I let my hatred of stairs get the better of me.
• Luke parses this as Kasimir suddenly noticing, immediately after hitting the plunger, that the explosives were double-strength...then immediately drops the "Discovered" clock and opts for "Mansion Collapse" instead. Johnny is at least relieved to learn that Kasimir doesn't sustain physical injury from this, although the mansion collapsing under them may be another matter.
  Kasimir: Oh God, I used C8.
• Because the staircases are narrow, single-file in width, Edvard blocks the other staircase by sending the Wonderful Mechanical Man down it. This prompts another argument over whether the Wonderful Mechanical Man is sentient, counts as Edvard's son etc.
  Lilith: We gave him a sole.
  Zillah: He can do his play for them.
  • Not in the video itself, but in the live chat: the chat was expressing shock and horror at Edvard's callous sacrifice of the Wonderful Mechanical Man, including Jane, who was moderating from the Outsidexbox account. Then Andy coopts the account to say that the official stance of the channel is that it's completely moral to sacrifice the Wonderful Mechanical Man. When Jane, still on the Outsidexbox account, calls this out, Andy then switches over to the Outsidextra account to approve his stance.
• Edvard actually does end up taking Zillah's words to heart, in the worst possible way.
  Edvard: 'Wonderful Mechanical Man', I say, 'please descend the stairs and perform your play for anyone who comes up. Do not let them get past you without having seen the whole play, because I think they'll really like it.'
• Luke, as the WMM, sort of steps across the fine line dividing "heartwarming sendoff" from "milking it".
  Edvard: Programming him to be so bloody melodramatic.
• When a fox-spirit tells Barnaby, "We will meet again," this happens:
  Barnaby: I think that fox is coming on to me.
  Luke: No-one else can see the fox.
  Edvard: (dismissively) Yes, yes, Barnaby, the fox is coming on to you.
• Kasimir and Higgs distribute Aeronaughty Boy jackets to the party. Andy cracks about how he's sure these references make sense to someone. Then Kasimir flashes back to betting Barnaby 2 coin he could get Zillah to put on the jacket. Then Zillah flashes back to Kasimir bribing her 1 coin to put on the jacket. Eventually Barnaby just hands around coin to everyone.
  Kasimir: I join the back of the line so he thinks he's not done me yet.^note It works.
• The Wonderful Mechanical Man's play is going well!
  Edvard: Have any of you been messing with the Mechanical Man? I don't know where he's getting any of this from.
  Kasimir: I don't think that fish was the freshest when I gave it to him.
  Edvard: No-one's to put any fish in the next one.
• "Oh God, it's so trite!" - Edvard reviews his creation's work
• When Luke's dice tell him that there were three casualties from the building collapse:
  Barnaby: See how easy it is? It just happens sometimes!
• When Zillah puts down Eleanor, it turns out that she just draped the jacket on like a cape because it's impossible to put on a jacket with a person on your shoulder. Barnaby demands a refund, which Kasimir denies.
• Edvard mentions that there are a lot of "Mechanical Man parts" scattered around Eleanor's Largely Legal Antiques.
  Mike: Please never say "mechanical man-parts" again.
  Edvard: Oh no, it's exactly what it sounds like-
  Lilith: Oh, God...
  Luke: V2 is a lot more ambitious.
• When Eleanor starts to deliver the exposition, Edvard starts running a blender.
  Johnny: I've got a machine that does it for me, it's a Wonderful Mechanical Margarita Maker!
• When Luke describes the bracer as having faint music playing within it, both Ellen and Johnny start vocalising.
• Zillah nearly fights Edvard over the bracer, much to Eleanor's surprise.
  Zillah: We're complicated, Eleanor!
• The bracer drops to the floor, since it can't operate without its other half.
  Zillah: A piece of trash! Like something Edvard would make.
  Edvard: [offended expression]
• Eleanor explains the nature of magic, and Edvard has trouble processing that it's not just sleight of hand tricks.
• After the exposition gets underway, Kasimir fixes a new kind of margarita: it's a pint of dark rum with a whole lime bobbing in it.
• Eleanor believes that a hole in reality is sucking all the magic out of the world when it should be sucking away something else. Kasimir guesses ghosts, but Eleanor's poorly worded response makes it sound like the hole should be sucking up Kasimir instead.
  Edvard: Kasimir, old boy, I think you're gonna have to go into the hole.
• After Eleanor explains that magic used to exist in the past, the gang "speculates" about how people must have lived back then: that is, throws in a bunch of references and potshots to each other's Oxventure characters - like Edvard scoffing that people must have been "turning into bears" and "throwing around eldritch magic" all the time, later quipping that adventurers must have teleported so often back then that they would forget how to do it (a dig at Mike's infamously poor memory of Egbert's spells), followed by Kasimir saying it would be like giving the power of the moon to literally everybody (a dig at how the party keeps finding ways to do Merilwen's previously signature Moonbeam themselves). Each reference is complete with an unamused cut to the person getting joked about.
• Edvard has a vision of an army of mechanical men besieging Astor HQ and joins in with the plan to investigate the loss of magic.
  Edvard: I'm in!
  Jane: But that's six minutes later.
  Edvard: 'I'm in!' I shout, during an unrelated conversation six minutes later.
  Luke: When you come to, Edvard, everyone else has left the room and gone for a tour of the house.

Story 12: "A Crimsnight Carol"

• Andy's first move as Edvard is to poke Luke with a pen and claim it's one of his newest inventions, which contains a slow-acting poison, and then to rummage in his pockets like he's accidentally left the antidote pen at home.
  Luke: I knew doing this in person was a terrible idea.
• Luke manages to keep his tone steady as he segues from Crimsnight as a time for families to get together to Crimsmas as a time for them to board up the windows and keep watch for thieves. Ellen, on the other hand...
• Eleanor is spending Crimsnight in her lonely studies.
  Edvard: 'What a loser,' I say, returning to my lonely studies.
• The quest-giver this time is Bazso Baz, meaning that Edvard has to go through the rather elaborate sequence of steps to deactivating his new-model killbot.
• Wheels start turning in Ellen's mind when Luke introduces a character named Evan "the Geezer" Screws.
  Ellen: I think I see where this is going...
• Edvard wants his robot to go down criminals' chimneys and kill them as a preemptive Crimsnight defence. The moment Lilith points out that Edvard's plan would make it a criminal itself, it immediately self-destructs.
• The moment they meet the cartoonishly miserly Mr Screws, one thought is on both Edvard's and Lilith's minds: "is this greedy bastard actually going to pay us when we're done?" Luke offers five coin, and then has to specify that that's a lot.
• Screws's ranting is interrupted by a cat burglar trying to sneak in through the window, who receives a stiff beating with Screws's cane for his trouble. Edvard comments that there could be more ghosts in a minute.
• After a few minutes are spent establishing that Mr Screws is almost superhumanly tight-fisted, Edvard spots a glorious opportunity to Troll him:
  Screws: Right here as I slept. Bed as soon as it became dark.
  Edvard: You have a bed?
  Screws: Yes.
  Edvard: I see. Very profligate of you. A fool and his money are soon parted, I always say.
• Screws has gone for a Concealing Canvas, but he's so stingy he hasn't even put in a real picture, it's a stock image of a dog.
• The clock in the corner strikes twelve...which Luke points out is a bit weird, since it was 2 AM not long ago.
• Once the duo have decided to let the ghosts do their thing, Luke has Screws sprint into his ensuite...which Luke then realises would be profligate, so by "ensuite" he means "a bucket in the cupboard".
• It turns out that the Ghost of Crimsnight Past does this to multiple jerks each Crimsnight to get them to change their minds, is running behind, and ultimately decides to just give the two of them the vision of Crimsnight Past so it can check someone off the list and get back on schedule.
  Edvard: No, not us! My ways are fine!
• Edvard comes around on the vision when he gets the chance to put his brother Lemuel in a headlock.
• There's a point where Lilith ends up suffering level 2 harm thanks to Edvard's darts and Edvard has to revive her with smelling salts.
• They have to yell to get the ghost back to pull them out of the vision.
• The first moment of joy from Mr Screws comes when he's filling out eviction notices. Including one for Mr Cratchitt and little Timothy.
• The second ghost leads Edvard to a valuable conclusion: they need to send increasingly sexy ghosts and everything will be fine. This is immediately disproved when Screws shoves Lilith toward the Ghost of Crimsnight Present.
• Edvard tries to drag Screws after them and unfortunately leaves his robe. Screws is naturally displeased and docks them a coin for this.
• The Ghost of Crimsnight Present takes them to Lilith's family home, and naturally our heroes start to wonder if they can just use this as a substitute for Lilith just going home the normal way.
• Whenever they witness generosity, Edvard loudly points this out to Screws while looking daggers at him, to no avail. When Lilith is having a heartwarming reunion with her mother, Edvard is holding Screws's face up against the window while he gripes about the price of double-glazing. Eventually this leads to a running process of Edvard trying to beat a valuable lesson into him.
• The Capellanaga snake hair is hereditary, and upon meeting Lilith's father, Edvard begins speculating on things like snake body hair or facial hair. He nearly ends up making a move on Lilith's dad to see if he has snake leg hair.
• Lilith insists that she hasn't learned a lesson yet because she wants to say hi to her brother first.
  Edvard: Screws, have you learned about love?
  Screws: No!
  Edvard: I bang his head into the window again. "HAVE YOU LEARNED-"
• There's a certain degree of confusion between Christmas, Crimsmas, and Crimsnight.
• Screws has learned so little that while they're making small talk, he decides to cut off his sole living relative.
• Screws learns the valuable lesson that if you aren't nicer to your relatives, they won't bury you with all your money. Edvard takes the opportunity to kick the skeleton around a bit.
• The final encounter with the Ghost of Crimsnight Future has Luke having to do a throat-hurtingly deep voice that eventually mutates into Yoda. This culminates in it giving Screws one year to shape up or it'll chop him in half, then taking off a finger to show that it means business.
• Screws assumes that the only reason Edvard ties him a tourniquet is because he hasn't been paid yet.
  Edvard: No. No. [Beat] Although you haven't paid me yet.
• Luke rolls to see if Screws changes his ways, and...
  Luke: ...and in the end, Screws... flash forward a year... (rolls, immediately starts cracking up)
  Andy: (through laughs) ...gets sliced in half by a big bone scythe.
  Luke: (while all three are losing it) Thank you for watching, everyone!

Season 2

Story 13: "The Marriage of Lady Fyengeh"

• Barnaby has already put most of his points in Sway and Consort, so it would be wise of him to level up some of his other skills. Naturally, he decides to level up Sway and Consort, because being well-rounded is not Barnaby's style.
• Barnaby also gets a special ability: He gets an extra die on rolls when he's against a target with which he has been intimate.
  Barnaby: I fully intend on making use of the flashback mechanic.
  Kasimir: Barnaby does not need to do any more flashing.
  Barnaby: Oh, you do remember brunch!
• Edvard considers taking the "Venomous" ability, which would allow him to secrete poison through his skin or saliva, but decides against it since it would ruin social gatherings.
• Kasimir spent the last six months trying to explain to Barnaby that not everybody has servants. Barnaby finally memorizes it, but at the cost of forgetting how to hold his breath underwater.
• The gang's plan is to attract the attention of a secret society that might be able to assist Eleanor with the "whole in the world that's sucking out magic." The gang needs to consult someone intelligent and knows a lot about such clandestine groups. They end up talking to Barnaby's drunk friend Squiffy. His absolutely brilliant plan is to advertise in a newspaper, like when he wanted to find a gardener.
• The gang's gets the idea to attract this "secret society" and showcase their skills by attending the episode title's eponymous opera and steal the ruby that the lead soprano will be wearing on stage...somehow without attracting police attention.
• Johnny gets a concerned look on their face upon learning that the opera ends with Captain Shattershield drowning in a river. Johnny and Ellen also fail to keep a straight face when Luke mentions Lady Fyengeh wanting to marry a poor and squeaky-voiced young pageboy, which Barnaby finds unrealistic.
• When Zillah brings up the question of what the name of their gang is, Kasimir immediately suggests The Aeronaughty Boys.
• Lilith's plan to infiltrate the opera involves sending one of the stagehands to a union meeting.
  Barnaby: Not this again!
• Barnaby manages to get acquainted with the soprano who plays Lady Fyengeh, but as a complication, he can't remember her name.
• Zillah doesn't know anything about theater, other than the fact that there are sandbags. So she sneaks backstage while holding a pair of sandbags so it looks like she belongs there.
• Edvard was hired as a member of the lighting crew. He spent his time working there convincing his colleagues that he has a bowel problem, so they don't suspect anything when he sneaks away to meet the others.
• Zillah tries to look busy by putting down and picking up her sandbags in an endless loop. Some of the other stagehands start joining in.
• Kasimir spontaneously comes up with a bullshit cover story for the sandbags that Zillah brought. Luke is so impressed that he doesn't even call for a roll.
• The bar closes when the opera is about to start, so Barnaby uses one point of load on a hip flask so he can continue drinking.
• Edvard has been told that he is not allowed to shout "It's alive!" when pulling the lever that turns the lights on. He decides to still do it in his mind.
• Kasimir uses a flashback to fill Zillah's sandbags with ball bearings.
• "Is he hurt?" [die roll] "Yes."
• Zillah tries to put the unconscious man in the recovery position. Since it doesn't actually exist in Volisport, she has to invent it first. She rolls a 2, and puts the man's hand in his mouth.
• Kasimir manages to build a new prop barrel to replace the broken one. The clipboard lady thanks Kasimir and asks for his name, which he just carelessly blurts out.
  Theatre worker: Kasimir Jones, thank you. I will never forget the name, because you've been so helpful.
  Kasimir: ...great.
• Kasimir pretends to be a comic relief character as he fills in for the unconscious guy who was supposed to deliver the barrel to Shattershield. Once he's left the stage, he uses a point of load on a bottle of whiskey.
  Barnaby: I taught him everything he knows!
• Lilith is disguised as one of the stagehands who are dressed entirely in black, which means nobody can see her. Which is a good thing, because her performance is awful.
• Their next plan is to lower Lilith on a rope, "Impossible Mission"-style, to swipe the ruby that is currently in the pocket of a security guard. Despite rolling three dice, her highest result is a 3, which causes her to fall and crash into Chauncey. And because she is invisible, the audience just thinks Chauncey collapsed.
• Edvard covers for Lilith by directing the spotlight away from the stage and towards Squiffy in the audience. Not quite sure how to react, Squiffy starts reciting a dirty limerick before getting tackled by security.
• When the other technicians question Edvard, he bullshits that Squiffy promised to continue patronizing the opera if he was allowed to do limericks on his birthday. It works.
• Plan B is for Barnaby to convince the soprano to dress him up as Lady Fyengeh and let him go on stage instead of her. This leads to Barnaby possibly becoming legally married to Chauncey.
• As the gang runs away with the ruby, Barnaby ends up losing his coat, as per tradition.

Story 14: "The Death of Cornelius Bagshot"

• Kasimir attempts to use the Spider ability with Zillah to indulge downtime vice. Zillah, whose vice is indulging in mindless violence, agrees: By taking Kasimir to get a sports massage in her underground club. This was not the same idea Luke had, which was Zillah picking up Kasimir and swinging like a baseball bat.
  Zillah: That's what we call chiropracty.
• For the other downtime, Kasimir decides...to acquire a massive bomb. No particular reason, it's just better to have one and not need it. Kasimir rolls a 1. Zillah declares it a Cartoon Bomb, and Luke declares that the Critical Failure means Kasimir believes this to be an excellent bomb.
• The story starts outside the antiques shop that was the former head of the gang. And there is a man trapped in a dumpster. Luke is uncertain what Victorian-era dumpsters looks like, so he says just imagine a regular one with cogs on it.
• Kasimir immediately susses out the man in the dumpster: It's the new iteration of the Wonderful Mechanical Man.
• This man is actually Cornelius Bagshot, who asks if the group are thieves: Zillah suspects a cop.
• Cornelius is a man with a load of gambling debt in hock to some roughshods. Kasimir stops to clarify: It's not one of the Hobby-Horses's own ploys. Because it sounds like something Kasimir would do.
• While Kasimir asks why Cornelius is in the bin, Cornelius absently states the ruffians after him want to kill the Hobby-Horses, which confuses Zillah and she asks why that's the case. Cornelius tries to answer both questions at once, and it leads Kasimir to believe the ruffians want to kill the Hobby-Horses because they didn't take the bin to be emptied often enough.
• Cornelius wants the gang to fake his death. Kasimir asks the obvious: Why shouldn't they just kill Cornelius for real? He offers to tell them of the mysterious group.
• Kasimir comes up with a plan to fake-murder Cornelius during an estate auction. However, there's a problem: The Deathwardens toll a large bell whenever there is such violence, and the absence of that would be noticed.
• To counter this, Kasimir decides on a body-double, which bothers Cornelius. Zillah is okay with the plan provided they get some sort of nasty guy whom the city would be better off without, but such a person would need to look like Cornelius to be a body double. Zillah then suggests that the victim would actually not have to be: If he's blown up with Kasimir's Cartoon Bomb, positively identifying won't be a problem.
• Upon realizing this, Kasimir and Zillah are quite happy that they can put forward such a straightforward plan: None of that robot nonsense Edvard comes up with. Kasimir mocks and says he'll come up with some sort of "mechanical dying man", although that actually would've been useful here.
• Upon planning to create an invite-only auction to stage the murder, Cornelius has the first problem: The Hobby-Horses need to get him safely to the house. Kasimir's not too worried: That bin has wheels.
• Once Cornelius is in the estate, Zillah and Kasimir begin the first part of their preparation: Finding the scumbag to be the body double. Zillah wonders how they'd get someone from the prison, only for Luke to point out the worst ones are still at large. Zillah wonders if he's suggesting vigilantism.
  Luke: Oh, that's the thing that's beyond the pale?
• Kasimir suggests finding a drunkard at the docks who would've drowned anyway. But Zillah's got dockworking family, so that's out. So she suggests another one: Go to Crime Alley and find someone who attempts to rob them. After a suggestion from Luke, she decides to have a frilly dress and lots of pearls, which are so wonderfully insured. Luke is baffled on how to roll this: Kasimir suggests Hunt.
• Kasimir puts on one of Barnaby's tuxedoes and tears the sleeves open while flexing his arms. That's right, Barnaby loses a coat in a score he wasn't even involved in.
  Luke: Barnaby sees you do it and goes "Aww..."
• They do find a robber, but he doesn't look like Cornelius. Zillah just strides over and grabs him, and since he wasn't expecting her to do this, she auto-succeeds. Meanwhile, Kasimir shoos away an impressionable child.
• Luke rolls for the plan, and gets one dice roll of 1. This causes the first complication to be the thief they caught yesterday to come too and start running away. To handle this, Kasimir draws pistols and Zillah expertly tackles the guy. Zillah ensures to squeeze the breath out of this guy while she does it, so he doesn't talk back and form emotional bonds.
  Luke: Don't do a voice, don't give a family member.
  Kasimir: For the love of God, don't give him a name.
• As the plan continues, Kasimir decides to light the Cartoon Bomb...it's actually a firework.
• Luke, in the end, both names the robber and gives him five kids
• Before the heist starts, Kasimir curses Cornelius to ensure he tells the Hobby Horses of the mysterious group, as long as the Hobby Horses themselves both fake Cornelius's death and safely get him out of town. Unfortunately, the Hobby Horses don't live up to the first part since the bomb was a dud, leaving Kasimir horribly cursed. While Zillah gets the details, Kasimir produces a bottle of fine whiskey and nurses his wounds.
• As Zillah helps Kasimir gets home, she passes by...a bell shop. With a clearance for massive bells. Neither of them say a word.

Story 15: "To the Depths"

• When Edvard is introduced, he comments that his face would be well known because he sold the Lumiere-branded Cough Drops. But he had to discontinue them, as they were just pure cocaine. He isn't sure why they were discontinued, they did work. Barnaby, naturally, was one of the favored customers and tried to right a good review, but he was too incoherent thanks to the cocaine. He's also jonesing for a fix, and, when Edvard revealed he had to destroy them in a pond, Barnaby is confused eating the dead fish from the pond will solve the problem.
• For downtime, Edvard tries to reduce heat by drawing mustaches on the wanted posters he sees around the town of the Hobby Horses. Except for Edvard's own: He takes the mustache off.
• For both of his downtimes, Barnaby tricks/bribes an old schoolchum of his to do an obvious crime and pretend to be leader of the Hobby Horses.
• A man answers the door and asks Barnaby for help. Immediately, a laser sight is pinned on him.
• As it turns out, this man is Roth. Astor's henchman that Edvard knocked out.
• Edvard wonders why everything thinks it's so much to ask that Astor stop stealing innoventions. And then die. And be buried in a pauper's grave.
• Barnaby suggests that Edvard get revenge by stealing Astor's innoventions. But those are already stolen.
• Edvard's hand is forced when Roth pulls out the broken and dented hand of the Wondrous Mechanical Man. So Edvard will attend. With two valises full of poisons and other weapons.
• Barnarby asks to "Irish up" his coffee, so Astor has some whiskey added to the drink. Barnaby then asks to "Cuban up" his coffee. Astor interprets this as tossing a lit cigar into the drink.
• Barnaby clarifies that both Ireland and Cuba are in G'eth.
  Luke: It's Johnny's problem now.
• Edvard thinks Astor is going to literally steal the coat off his back as Andy struggles out of the coat. Barnaby mentions he knows a lot about losing coats.
• Astor makes a big deal of telling Edvard exactly where to find the information he seeks before blowing up the building. The destruction of the building agitates Barnaby's cough though...which he immediately uses to try and get more cocaine cough drops.
• Edvard immediately fires a paralyzing dart from his blowpipe. He then immediately tries to flashback covering his shoulder in toxins because Astor would grip him there. But Astor wears gloves.
• Edvard wants to dive into the river and get the contents of Astor's safe, thinking it will assist the gang. Barnaby is reluctant until Edvard points out that, since Astor steals everything, he probably has some of those cocaine cough drops.
• Because the river is full of carnivorous eels, Edvard wants to come up with a submersible mechanical man and a diving bell. Barnaby just suggests paying wave after wave of poor people to dive in.
• Barnaby's thrilled with Edvard's plan...because it's all technical so Barnaby can be lazy and not help.
• Beanby tries to assist by indulging the Chief of Police at a society ball by pretending his shipping business will be affected. Luke is quite impressed by Barnaby's talk and doesn't have a roll to see if it persuades the Chief. But he does have to roll to see if he has a shipping business. As it turns out, he does.
• Barnaby gingerly tries to suggest that Edvard paint Astor's logo on the bell and Submersive Mechanical Man to trick any passers-by. Edvard insists the skull and crossbones decals are load-bearing. He does consent, however, to switches that could deploy it if needed. However, he does draw an ass on the logo.
• The warehouse has a old peg-legged hook-handed worker, Billy Bell that can give advice: Edvard gets from it "No eel blood."
• The engagement roll goes well, so the ship is actually quite sturdy, able to bear the weight of the diving bell. However, Edvard did deck it out to look like a tiki bar. That is what brings Barnaby on board.
• The roll for lowering the bell goes really well, and Edvard attributes it to Billy Bell being such a good friend that he's taking extra care. Barnaby asks how Billy lost his hand...and wonders if it was diving bell related. This is a thought that occurs as the bell lowers. Actually, it was a contest.
• Billy Bell does well and is very attentive, despite being very concerned about eels. There's also a curious passer-by whom Billy wants to give the hook hand. Instead, Barnaby spins some bullshit about going underwater for migraine therapy.
• Edvard uses a harpoon gun to reveal the safe easily enough, but Luke starts a clock that just says "EELS"
• Because of the eels, Edvard breaks out the Submersible Mechanical Man. The automaton wonders what this feeling is inside him, and Edvard says it's the joy of being about to do a job...before unceremoniously booting it in the water. Meanwhile, Barnaby wonders why all of the mechanical men Edvard creates sound like they're in pain.
  Edvard: I don't program that! Honestly, I program them to play chess and smoke cigars and all I get is existential dread.
• Edvard reminds everyone of the eel defense systems he put on his creations.
• Luke questions whether he or Edvard should roll for the mechnical man, wondering if it's something Edvard programmed or if the automaton Grew Beyond Their Programming. Edvard immediately shuts that down.
• The movement of the SMM draws the attention of some eels. Since the SMM has the shape of a human, Edvard reasons the eel will bite, so he figures the poison will take care of it.
  Edvard: Despite what the SMM might say, I have not programmed it to feel pain.
• With the safe on board, Andy and Luke play around by talking into glassware to sound like old-time audio.
• Because Barnaby mentions eels to Billy Bell, he pulls the winch up in a jerkier motion. This gets water in the bell, and ruins Barnaby's coat.
• It also brings in an eel. Barnaby strangles it while Edvard punches it. His roll lets him fling Mai Tais at it.
• After discovering an ancient document about some sort of device, the group also finds a list. It includes a list of members of the shady secret society mentioned last session. And among the names is Earl Montgomery Fortescue.
  Barnaby: Uncle Monty! Uncle Monty's on here! Wonderful, that old bastard. Love him.
  Edvard: Your... Your uncle is part of the Illuminati!

Story 16: "The Wardens of Bellweather Crematorium"

• During downtime, Lilith indulges her vice to go to the theater, and Kasimir offers to go with so Lilith can tweak her dice rolls and potentially avoid overindulgence. Of course, since Kasimir's vice is obligation, spends the show tinkering with the leg brace. Lilith treats the overindulgence as not buying too much ice cream during the intermission.
• For the other downtime, both decide to engage the services of the veteranarian who patches up their wounds. Lilith got bruised all over falling on a man during the play, so it's pretty straightforward. Kasimir, however, was soul-cursed. And of course, since goats get cursed all the time, there's nothing strange about seeing a vet and Kasimir strolls in like it's no big deal. Naturally, the roll is a 2. As it turns out, the vet gave Kasimir a worming suppository and a bag of oats.
• Kasimir receives a visitor: Erin of the Billhooks, which was Kasimir's former racket before the leg injury. Kasimir's greeting is very warm...and then the cane with the ghost buckshot is pointed directly at Erin.
• Erin got her muddy boots all over the carpet, which upsets Eleanor since it was her rug. And Lilith, who was using a Hoover to clean it. The Hoover is one of Edvard's inventions, and so, it screams and begs for death.
• The Snark-to-Snark Combat between Kasimir and Erin never ceases.
  Kasimir: Erin! Glad to see the gang's commitment to getting tetanus hasn't abaited.
• Erin gives the plot: The Billhooks have a mole within the Deathwardens and this mole, Taryn, has missed two consecutive appointments, and now, it's time to exfiltrate.
  Kasimir: She's already been exfiltrated. Up the chimney.
• Erin asks how long the job will take, ensuring that whatever is said will be dramatically halved. Four weeks become 24 hours. Erin then immediately shoots up with drugs.
• Lilith reveals that she is a ghost assassin, trying to go after a specific ghost, one that even the Wardens couldn't catch. This is how she plans to get an in with the Wardens. Upon revealing that, Kasimir immediately begins asking about profit margins. Or at least a dental plan.
• After an elaborate plan of Kasimir pretending to be shadowing Lilith, Stating the Simple Solution comes into effect: Kasimir is just going to hide by a murder scene and jump in the cart.
• Kasimir expertly climbs into a box while the Deathwardens are dealing with a rather...chunky corpse. Unfortunately, it locks shut and quickly begins to run out of air, and so Luke asks for the plan.
  Kasimir: Part 1, about an hour ago (chugs bottle of whiskey)
• Part 2 was Kasimir immediately pulls out some demolitions gear, and reminds everyone of the time the last time the gear was used, and it absolutely was fantastic and nothing went wrong, so stop asking.
• The two get reunited.
  Luke: You find Kasimir in a pool of gore holding a little drill.
  Kasimir: This wasn't me. Is it bad?
  Lilith: It'll wash out, I'm pretty sure.
• Lilith's plan is to put Kasimir on the conveyor belt to get further inside. Kasimir's concerned because he's pretty sure the other side is a furnace.
  Lilith: Roll off before the furnace obviously.
  Kasimir: I'm just saying there's an inherent risk.
• Further on, Kasimir discovers the Wardens strip and rob the corpses they get. This was rumored, so he flashbacked Edvard makings tear-away Velcro clothing. As it turns out, Edvard made it so quickly Kasimir believes he already made it and was just looking for an excuse to showcase it.
• Lilith asks if she can talk to other Wardens and see everything they do. Her mentor praises her initative, then tells her no.
• Flashing back to Kasimir, the important question is asked: How much has Kasimir robbed the corpses before the Wardens got to it.^note The answer is 1 coin's worth
• Kasimir meets Taryn the spy, and figures Taryn's been made due to the codes being intercepted. However, there's not enough evidence, and Taryn has to "show Kasimir something."
  Kasimir: Why do they always say you have to see something.
• Lilith goes through the vents and makes her way to the rookery, where the deathcrows that sense the ghosts are kept. She drops a ghost named Chaotic Kelvin to distract the wardens, but they destroy it rather easily.
  Kasimir: They ain't afraid of no ghost!
• Before heading into the Processing room, Lilith and Kasimir reunited study the corridor first. Lilith botches the roll, and finds two Wardens making out in a cupboard. They still have their masks on. She immediately shuts the door. Luke lets her get away with it and gives her a uniform, but it has no mace and it's horribly smelly.
  Lilith: I can't unsee that.
  Kasimir: This place is so weird.
• Bakoros has a plan to destroy spirits and make Hollows, empty human bodies without a soul. Kasimir immediately thinks of the easiest plan.
  Kasimir: Knock him out and take him.
• Upon seeing the processing room is poorly lit.
  Kasimir: Welcome to the Dark side, Luke.
  Luke: This place has hawks.
• After discovering a secret area, Kasimir comments that it used to be run by Mr. Clancy, but it's no longer Tom Clancy's Division. Later Johnny throws in that the people running it are a Splinter Cell.
• As the group makes their way, Kasimir collects the evidence required for the experiment for the Hollows...and reasons that Edvard must NEVER learn about the Hollow experiments. The electric mace will be a suitable distraction.
• Kasimir still remembers the Billhook's puns. Luke makes Bakoros more interested in the group as punishment.
  Kasimir: That seems just.
• Lilith uses her special ability to cause fog to appear. And clobbers Bakoros on the way out.
• Rather than take out Bakoros, Kasimir looks under his mask.
• Lilith gets caught by another Bakoros. And she hits him with a lightning bolt and he explodes.

Story 17: "The Horrors of Castle Wisenshire"

• As the story opens, Jane wonders how to address Luke in character when he's the GM. Mike just calls Luke the voice in his head.
• Barnaby and Zillah both open with downtime: Zillah de-stresses in the fighting ring, but Barnaby overindulges while drinking, and it's determined that he mouths off to the wrong person and takes a nasty shot in the stomach causing him harm and robbing him. He then...immediately uses the other action to de-stress, promptly over-indulges again, and mouths off to the same person who hits him in the stomach so hard again it breaks a rib...and then Barnaby gets robbed again.
• Zillah uses her other action to heal Barnaby's injuries^note This is normally not permitted by the rules, but Luke allows it as not only does the gang have a doctor on staff, but Zillah would know her way around physical injury being a cage fighter. The doctor on hand, however, is a veteranarian.
  Zillah: He's never worked on someone with so few nipples.
• The doctor rolls a 2, so it only is slightly effective. The story begins with Barnaby having a cone wrapped around his neck with Zillah telling him not to pick at it.
  Zillah: I spray him with a water bottle.
• Eleanor is excited that Montgomery Fortescue is a member of the Brightstone Society...and then wonders if Barnaby too is a member. He empties his wallet for ID cards.
• Barnaby reflects on growing up with Uncle Monty, and the lovely times they used to have racing the servants around.
  Zillah: "On", or "With?"
  Barnaby: On. With saddles, stirrups, reigns, you know. Oh, don't go on like that, we gave them sugar lumps if they were well behaved.
  Zillah: Of course.
  Barnaby: We did have to send that one to the glue factory when he broke his leg. To work!
• Luke clarifies: In G'eth, vegans are people who simply don't eat elephant. Or at least, that's what Barnaby thinks as he uses Zillah as a valet and gives her elephant-skin luggage.
• Zillah decides to look at some old maps or blueprints of the estate and does find some old documents. Barnaby however, tries to talk to his family and just gets shamed.
• Barnaby tells Zillah his idea of "finishing school": You just keep finishing your drink.
• The group charters a carriage...that Luke immediately decides is pulled by all-terrain goats. However, they aren't moving. Barnaby uses some sugar lumps for the servants, which doesn't count against his load because he brought them for all the absinthe he was carrying.
• Barnaby looks forward to games of whist...but makes sure Zillah knocks on the door.
• Barnaby explains that in the city, servants are sometimes allowed to accompany. The butler, Bixton, has no idea how to respond.
• Barnaby hugs Uncle Monty, and is surprised he doesn't explode into dust.
• Barnaby explains the city trends: You have to treat the valets well, because that's how you can pretend you're not beating them.
• Barnaby surveys the party...and is safe in the knowledge that their predicted wealth is less than his.
• Zillah, meanwhile, pretends to be a valet. And does such a good job of laying out Barnaby's pajamas that Bixton leaves her alone. Her origami is on point.
• One of the wistful party guests demands Barnaby tell a joke. He immediately laughs as Barnaby starts with "How many paupers does it take..."
• Cut back to Zillah, where Edith, the maid, is upset because she was startled and drops the drinks. Edith is desperate to get drinks on the table, and coerces Zillah to help. Meanwhile...
  Barnaby: I'm no help at all. Uncle, I'm dry!
• Barnaby is proud when Zillah learns how to feign contrition.
• Zillah bustles in with the drinks tray. Barnaby, naturally, is eager for one. He's the only one who speaks.
• Zillah finds Monty's private quarters, and she finds some clues, but she doesn't get the chance to read it before Bixton comes up. Zillah hides out the window, and Bixton is fooled...but he does close the window, since the fresh air is ruining the musty smells.
• Zillah uses her superhuman abilities to get to Barnaby's window edging across the ledge. However, she rolls a 4, so she gets there, but she's stuck. Barnaby sees her, and throws a rope. He promptly rolls two 1's, so he drains a bottle of absinthe and throws the rope...and himself along with it, crashing through the roof.
• Zillah makes her way through the Barnaby-shaped hole in the ceiling, and while she's helping, she reads a diary she found and is convinced that the family are vampires. But she doesn't get far before people come in. Zillah promptly abandons Barnaby. In her haste, she is still holding the crutch.
• Barnaby manages to make up a lie by saying he had too much to drink. Monty tells Barnaby that the injury is perfect because he can see the power of Lord Ixis.
• Because Zillah's whereabouts are unknown at the time, Bixton fetches Edith to be used. Barnaby's conflicted because he's not sure if he wants someone sacrificed for him. Even if it is a servant.
  Zillah: How do we know it's a sacrifice.
  Barnaby: It's implied! Because enough of her blood is going to be outside to rejuvenate 30 people.
• Barnaby protests, and Zillah stops trying to help, because it looks like he might actually be having a moment. Then Barnaby reveals the protest is because it's servant blood.
  Barnaby: If being posh has taught me anything, it's that wealth flows to the best people.
• Zillah is incredibly stressed and about to fight a god. Barnaby ticks off a point of load...and promptly takes a drink.
• When the ritual is complete, both Barnaby and Zillah get energized and Zillah uses it fight off Lord Ixis, and then tells Barnaby to jump. He does, despite every instinct telling him that people poorer than he is can't be trusted.
• Barnaby is reflecting, and has this strange, sinking feeling that he did something nice for the servant classes.
  Luke: Barnaby takes trauma.
• As the story ends, Barnaby asks if the mystic blood ritual healed the harm he took earlier. Luke allows it.
  Zillah: Everything's coming up Barnaby.

Story 18: "Into the Deathlands"

• Edvard praises Kasimir on being a licensed babysitter. Kasimir agrees: There's so many difficult things to do: Put the baby down where it's supposed to be put down, don't drop the baby, don't kill the baby. The pass rate is so low because most people fail on the kill the baby part. Or the bribe the proctor part.
• During downtime, Barnaby reduced heat by bribing an official...and then overindulged while drinking and bragged that he bribed an offical gaining the 2 heat back.
  Luke: For Barnaby, that's an improvement.
• After noticing Barnaby's failure, Lilith, after healing her injuries and catching a lovely play, reduces heat by convincing the bluecoats that the craziness during the play was just ghosts.
• Edvard de-stressed and found a mystic from across the Continent who wanted to show him forbidden knowledge. It was just Kasimir in a hat.
  Kasimir: Look, I alternate putting hot packs and cold packs on my knee. Sometimes I spice it up and put on a hat.
• The other one of Edvard's downtime actions is teaching the Wonderful Mechanical Man how to love. Barnaby is convinced Edvard is now making a make-out doll.
• Barnaby claims he's injured, only for Zillah to reveal that he's actually been healed by supernatural means. Kasimir jokes that Barnaby's got a shiny coat and a wet nose.
  Barnaby: Well, I am the GOAT.
• Edvard slaps Kasimir on the back and he coughs blood thanks to the curse.
• Barnaby insists that Uncle Monty's diary is inherited and not stolen. Zillah points out that Monty didn't die.
  Edvard: Good thing you got it now, you'd have to pay 30% of that diary in taxes.
• Eleanor cross-references the diary with an old tome and wants to find out where Uncle Monty went. As it turns out, the location is out in the arid, ghost-filled wastes that can only be crossed by trains. Edvard suggests a pushcart, but Zillah reminds the ghosts would still get him.
• Lilith wants to call in a favor. Kasimir wants to call it a day.
• Eleanor's upset with Kasimir, who has to point out that he's been spirit-cursed
• Lilith begins by going to the Gut-Cutters, the gang of murderous children in the trainyard. They are introduced to the rest of the gang. Edvard has cookies and puzzle books because of the train journey. Barnaby, meanwhile, is trying not to touch any surface. And he definitely says that out loud. But Bug, the leader, doesn't notice. He's too busy crushing on Zillah.
• Bug asks what brings the Hobby Horses around.
  Bug: Need someone killed? Mumbles, I think they need someone killed!
• While Kasimir asks for a favor, Bug blows smoke rings...and makes a teddy bear through the smoke.
• The plan is discussed: The Gut-Cutters can't help get a locomotive, but they can help hijack one, provided it looks like the train underwent an accident to explain the disappearance. Edvard suggests a railway bridge accident will not only handle that, but it will distract any authorities. When Luke shares the map of the land around Volisport, Kasimir points out they could simply derail some of the cars and send them on another path. The Gut-Cutters want the freight as their payment, though, and Kasimir suggests the gang slum it towards the train's intended destination and steal the cargo as it comes back. Barnaby takes great interest in part of the plan.
  Barnaby: What does slumming it mean?
• Between Barnaby's reluctance and the fact that a first-class car would reduce suspicion, Kasimir agrees and immediately everyone begins to plan. Edvard wonders how nice the Deathlands are.
• Edvard immediately attempts to create a miniature ghost field for use on the train, and does very well, creating a magnetic ghost field for ease of use. Only after this does Barnaby point out his carriage is made of gold. Fortunately, Luke decides that it's actually fool's gold.
• Barnaby attempts to find explosives...and botches the roll. He comes back with lot of booze and an exceptionally volatile barrel of explosive.
• Luke says that the group may use some of the Gut-Cutters. Andy demands to know their adorable voices.
• As the engagement roll begins, Luke subtracts a die because, during the balloon race, Barnaby and Kasimir both made enemies of the Rail Jacks, who run the trainyard. Barnaby isn't sure how, since it was the Red Sashes they killed...then realizes they won the race and they would hate the Hobby Horses regardless. As it turns out, Barnaby thought the celebratory champagne wasn't a good enough vintage to drink so he sprayed it in the Rail Jack's faces.
• The roll goes well, but there is a complication: There's a vagabond named Walter on the track. Edvard tries to distract him with a puzzle book, but settles on a coloring book instead. The vagabond eats the crayon.
• Kasimir offers the vagabond a vial of slumber essence. And rolls a 2. As it turns out, the vagabond knows slumber essence by smell.
  Edvard: I love drinking out of vials.
• Lilith smoothes it over by saying Kasimir took her luggage, and her medicine, by mistake. Edvard then apologizes, passing on the real bottle...which is also slumber essence. Edvard rolls a 1.
• Barnaby pulls out whiskey and drinks it himself. Walter, meanwhile has no buddy, at least, one that isn't six feet under.
• Walter takes Barnaby's whiskey and proposes a toast, trying to make Lilith and Zillah drink the slumber essence they claimed was theirs. They roll to feign drinking. Lilith succeeds, but Zillah doesn't: The train lurches as she does and she gets it up her nose.
• Barnaby tries to wheedle, saying that, since Zillah drank Edvard's sleeping draft, it's probably not as potent since Zillah is more muscular. However, Edvard doesn't use sleeping draughts for himself, he uses it for villains.
  Luke: You all can't keep track of your own lies anymore.
• Mumbles jumps up and stabs Walter...and kills him. However, it alerts the Spiritwarden.
• Meanwhile, Kasimir, Edvard, and Barnaby all shame Lilith. Lilith spins a story about getting murdered with a crayon.
  Kasimir: Mumbles going to do what Mumbles is going to do.
  • Lilith then claims she didn't like Walter's vibe. Barnaby demands to know if Lilith likes his vibe, and Mumbles simply looks at Lilith for another go ahead to kill Barnaby. Lilith turns her down.
• Lilith is nice to Mumbles and gives her a toffee. Luke jokes that a toffee is the symbol for "kill them all."
• As the group passes through the ghost field, Lilith makes sure to protect her spirit bottles. She rolls well, but there's a mild complication. Johnny suggests giving the ghosts French accents.
  Luke: That's a complication for me.
• Edvard gets some smelling salts, and tries to revive Zillah. Zillah, meanwhile, is having a lovely punching dream. They do well, but Edvard gets punched in the face.
• The group begins to sneak out. The first car is nothing but freight. However, the second car is full of Rail Jacks...and Astor-branded Lanthorns. Edvard destroys them...causing a cacophany.
• With more Rail Jacks in the next car, Edvard suggests going on top of the train. Zillah immediately produces googles for protection against the harsh Deadlands air. Barnaby doesn't wear them because they don't go with his coat.
• As Zillah opens the train car to the Deadlands she sees a harsh unforgiving landscape and loud screams...although that might just be Barnaby, who is painfully blinded. He reaches for the goggles, but Edvard threw them off the train.
• Kasimir attempts to make a distraction with a smoke bomb, cleverly disguised as a cymbal-playing monkey with a cigar. Unfortunately, the Gut-Cutters, being children, delight in the thing and get too close. Kasimir reaches for the Babysitting certificate and eats it in shame.
• Realizing time is limited, Edvard tries to charge and get to the train driver. Barnaby, boldly, says he'll follow and can see better because of his senses are heightened because of the damage to his eyes. It works.
  Edvard: Wow, my scratched and crusted corneas are working better than ever.
• Before Edvard hits the brakes, he shouts warnings to brace themselves, particularly to Lilith and Kasimir on the roof. Luke was convinced Edvard would say "it's alive"
  Edvard: I do that in my mind.
• As Edvard pulls the switch, and since Zillah disarmed the stoker, he and the train driver ask what's going on. Barnaby says they'll take the two back to Volisport if they behave. As Zillah ties them up, the stoker comments that this is the politest hijacking he's ever seen.
  Barnaby: You've got to have standards.
• As the train comes to a halt, the Rail Jacks come in. Barnaby immediately tells them the bridge is out so they are stopping. He critically succeeds the roll, and it's music to the guards's ears.
• Edvard groans and decides he must be the one to drive the train...then happily puts on an engineer's cap, puts Mumbles and Thistle on each of his knees to let them blow the whistle.
• The explosion of the train draws out some scavenger gangs. Neither Edvard nor the Gut-cutters have noticed: They're singing a happy train song.
• Luke attempts to come up with a voice for the scavenger gang...and ends up making them talk like Ethelfrith's Chosen skeletons.
• Barnaby continues to sway the scavengers with promises of leftover goods, including the valuable Shrek Lanthorns. The scavenger gang, as it turns out, are huge fans of Amodeus Astor
  Edvard: What's going on?
• The scavengers want something more, so Barnaby provides a crystal bottle of whiskey. Scavengers, however, are teetotalers. But Barnaby lies and says it's non-alcoholic...which is rare and therefore valuable.
• It is very odd that a locomotive would arrive back to Volisport alone. Before Lilith and Barnaby decide to use the stoker and train driver they rescued, Edvard tries to disguise the train as a big dog...Only for Lilith to realize that her logical display might help with suspicion, but won't help the Hobby-Horses get the locomotive off the books, so big dog it is. Edvard meanwhile, has disguised himself as traveling professor Hiroymous "Big Dog" Bagshot...completely unaware that was the name of Cornelius Bagshot, the man Zillah and Kasimir snuck out of the city. Edvard then calls himself Cornelius Bagshow...forgetting his first name and finally just bribing the guy.
• Luke reveals that the group has no coin since their heists weren't precisely profitable.
  Zillah: I have four stress and no money.
  Luke: The escapism of roleplaying!

Story 19: "Fate of the Dimmer Sisters"

• Luke reminds us of the last time we saw Barnaby: Getting his eyes sand-blasted on the top of a train.
  Barnaby: And this time, it wasn't some quack therapy.
• As it turns out, this time, Barnaby doesn't over-indulge. And he doesn't drink before midnight.
• Barnaby tries to heal as well. He tries to finagle his way into good glasses for his sand-blasted eyes, but as it turns out, they make his eyes bulgy like an owl's.
• Lilith rolls poorly when she attends a whodunit play. As it turns out, it was about a train heist where everyone died, and it cut too close to home. Also, The Butler Did It.
  Lilith: Ok, on the real heist, no butlers.
  Barnaby: Good news! I've persuaded my butler to come along!
• Lilith decides to reduce heat by talking to the loose end train driver. And she tells him ghost stories about being a Whisper. However, he was so terrified of Lilith that he drank himself stupid and won't talk at all.
• The scene opens in a posh tavern. When immediately, there's a chill. Or rather, Lilith feels a chill: Barnaby's too drunk.
• As it gets so black it's a void, Barnaby thinks this is the best bender ever.
• A pair of Dimmer Sisters show up and hold a white flag. Barnaby uses it to dab his mouth.
• Luke and Ellen snipe a bit on what to rhyme these Dimmer Sisters: Luke wonders if he used Millie and Lilly. Ellen offers Bella and Stella, and Luke immediately shoots it down.
• As it turns out, the Sisters are offering a truce...but Barnaby thinks they're just trying to tell him he has bisque on his face.
• Keleanor of the Dimmer Sisters requests an audience, and the pair are lead while it is still pitch black. Barnaby's not concerned: He's often been lead out black-out drunk.
• Luke tries to remember Keleanor's voice, and sounds so raspy Lilith offers a lozenge.
• Keleanor points out the the Brightstone Society knows a lot about the Hobby-Horses. Barnaby just shrugs: He does talk a lot about himself.
• As it turns out, the Brighstone Society and the Dimmer Sisters were at logger-heads: The Sisters wanted to learn more, whereas the Brighteners wanted to maintain a status quo. Barnaby points out that, being wealthy, the status quo is actually good.
• Keleanor tries to extol the virtues of pushing forward for the sake of knowledge...but as it turns out, her lack of sanity and willingness to sacrifice sanity does nothing but put Lilith off.
• There is some wiggle room and discussion on the charges that two Dimmer Sisters are facing: Lilith is against them being burned at the stake, but the charge of "spirit-twisting" is probably NOT a Frame-Up as Keleanor implies.
  Keleanor: I said they were trumped up, not baseless.
• Barnaby accepts...but also asks for a drink. Lilith warns Barnaby not to, as it's not only a milky colored liquid from Keleanor's robe, but she's also insisting that Barnaby "drink deep and know the true nature of reality." But as it turns out, not knowing the shape of reality is exactly why Barnaby drinks in the first place. So Keleanor drinks it, and gets purple...blotting in the corners of her eyes.
• Keleanor informs which two Dimmer Sisters were arrested: Rosie and Josie, the same pair that tortured Barnaby
  Barnaby: Maybe we could, sort of, let them get a little burned at the stake.
• Barnaby first attempts to make some inroads with the blue coats, and rolls for it. One Critical Hit later, and it turns out, either he invested a great deal into the security company providing the transports, or Squiffy did it while on a massive bender and Barnaby took credit for it.
• Lilith attempts to find out which carriage would be first. She gets a reasonable idea, but is spotted and asked for her name.
  Lilith: Itza...Itza's lovely night. And I run!
• Barnaby, as an investor in the security company, says he wants to attend and ensure its smooth operation. Darnell Ironhook, the head of the force, agrees, but wants to accompany Barnaby.
  Barnaby: Flashback, I get drunk with him. [...] We get on on swimmingly.
  Lilith: Because you end up in the harbor.
• Lilith attempts to find a trapmaker and finds a tabaxi.
  Barnaby: Are you seeing this? Ok, it's not just the absinthe.
• Lilith and Luke haggle as to whether Bakoros would be interfering: On the one hand, Bakoros only knows Lilith as "some intern who hit him with lightning." On the other, he's a Brightener, and the Brightstone Society is technically at war with the Hobby Horses, and they have been watching.
• Barnaby decides to be a legend and come out and admit to Darnell that he has history with Rosie and Josie: They assaulted him. Darnell immediately offers Barnaby an ice pack. Barnaby remarks that it happened a while ago...but he will use the ice pack for his sand-blasted eyes.
• Barnaby passes Lilith off as his spiritual advisor. And she's also his yoga teacher and nutritionist Ellen's composure suffers.
• Cart-on-the-road, the tabaxi, engineers while Ellen makes purring sounds. After an hour, Cart is done...and Barnaby scritches his tummy on a force of habit.
• Lilith next must give a spirit instructions so Rosie and Josie can hide in Cart's contraption. To everyone else, it looks like Lilith is whispering into a jar. Barnaby shrugs and says it's how his "nutritionist" does her magic, but his bowels are as regular as a grandfather clock, so he doesn't complain.
• Lilith flashes back a contraption of Edvard's. It's one of his "back to the drawing board" ones: A windup clockwork spear.
• Barnaby tells Darnell that he wants to watch Rosie and Josie burn at the stake due to having a run-in the past with the sisters.
  Darnell: You're a weird one, but your money folds.
• When Rosie and Josie are brought out to the carriages to be transferred for execution, it's discovered they're still wearing hooded robes...just black and white striped like old school prisoners.
• Barnaby tries to ensure both Rosie and Josie are put in the configured carriage. The resulting pileup is a crash several goats long.
• The complication from the roll is that another prisoners decides to make a run for it. Barnaby wastes no time pointing it out.
• Barnaby is horrified to learn Darnell has days when he doesn't drink.
• Lilith's plan to stick a spoke on the wheel works...but she left the logo that Edvard puts on all of his creations
• Barnaby, who was expecting the sisters to be hidden, finds them there. He immediately tells them "his esteem has gone through the floor" and points his finger down. Several times.
• Luke offers a Devil's Bargain: Lilith can use her Tempest power to try and get Rosie and Josie in the space, but she'll be trapped with them. And they're free to whisper secrets to her, petting her hair. Luke questions the appropriate amount of stress, but Mike suggests Level 1 harm (touched hair; creepy mutterings) and Luke immediately finds that better. And of course, Lilith has snakes for hair.
• As everything is happening with Lilith, Barnaby makes an important flashback: Sell all of his shares in the security company. Luke is completely aghast.
• Barnaby fades into the crowd, and immediately whips up the crowd.
• Back at Keleanor's, she takes one of the "green smoothies" that Lilith made to fake being a nutritionist. It was just drainwater.
• Keleanor describes her association with the Brightstone Society by mentioning they used to be a lot of old money, and she was their first new member. Barnaby, naturally, points out how well that went.
• The Red Sashes show up as Keleanor is talking to the group. Barnaby figures that after the second 20 minute rant on the Veil, he should've hurried her along.
• Lilith attempts to use one of her Rituals: It doesn't work. What does work, however, is a flashback that Cart made an escape tunnel on the grounds that Lilith did not trust Keleanor. The trap actually catches the Red Sashes, and one of them asks to know something before he dies. Lilith counters that this was an escape tunnel so they won't get killed.
• Keleanor expects this attack by the Red Sashes was done by the Brightstone Society, and figures the Hobby Horses were attacked and Lilith and Barnaby might be the only two alive.
  Barnaby: Well, at least one of them is me!

Story 20: "Foundry No. 12"

• Edvard opens by describing the tale as an "Edvard-ture", which Luke is convinced will never take on. But then Edvard remarks that Astor will steal them and they'll be Astor-ventures.
• As Edvard, Kasimir, and Zillah are helping Eleanor hang up some maps, Edvard places several pins and red threads across them until they all intersect, in the hopes that it's somehow meaningful.
• The gang is Properly Paranoid that someone is out to kill them with a letter bomb, causing Kasimir to toss Zillah a pistol and aim it at the postman. Luke misinterprets the action as Kasimir tossing the pistol to the postman, who would then kill the gang on reflex.
• Upon reading the letter from the train driver, Zillah realizes that they just discussed their train heist in front of Greg the postman. Kasimir makes him a ghost contract to buy his silence, which manifests itself as tattoos reading "POST" and "MANN" on both Kasimir's and the postman's knuckles.
  Edvard: Kasimir, do you think this life of crime has made us paranoid?
  Kasimir:(eyes shifting back and forth)
• Both of Zillah's downtime activities involve cage fighting to acquire money and relieve stress. Kasimir and Edvard tag along, Edvard holding a banner cheering her on (one side saying "Go Zillah" and the other reading "Don't Kill Anyone Zillah"), and Kasimir using Edvard's new spray bottle invention to spray Zillah in case she tries to kill someone in the ring.
• Edvard acquires a Gremlin from his downtime activity.
• When they approach the titular foundry, Kasimir notes that he's on good terms with members of Foundry No. 5. It's staffed entirely by women, with names the likes of Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, etc. But not Jessica, as you only get a little bit of her if she's there.
  Edvard: Wonderful, sounds like something I'd like in my life.
  Luke: I'm ending the Zoom call.
• Before Zillah can warn Edvard and Kasimir that they've been led into a trap, the two assume Zillah killed the train driver and Kasimir promptly sprays her with water.
• The trap is sprung and a speaking tube calls out for the Hobby Horses. Edvard is still not sure how that became their name.
  Luke: That got away from you.
• A ghost bird perches on Kasimir's shoulder. He immediately feeds it peanut brittle.
• Luke sets the stage. This is no heist, this is just Edvard, Zillah, and Kasimir against the enemy that has revealed itself.
  Luke: Time to go *bleep*ing feral.
• Luke determines the engagement roll, and asks if friends can provide aid. Foundry No. 5, of course, since Kasimir was out with Jessica, Pamela, Sandra, and Rita. And they're just getting sweeter. It works.
• Zillah attempts to use a flashbang, and her lack of finesse causes her to get flashbung.
  Luke: I think that's the right participle.
• Kasimir decides to use his goats to rescue Zillah and gets the exact same terrible roll that she gets. It headbutts Zillah. She gets level 2 harm (goat smashed).
• Edvard decides to use his line launcher, from the first episode. He uses it to electrify the metal gantry the enemy Red Sashes are standing on. And naturally, in his mind, he shouts IT'S ALIVE! Luke also points out that it's noisy enough in the foundry to shout it with no consequence.
• Kasimir, between having no points in Attune and Level 2 harm, asks for a Devil's Bargain to try and attune with the ghost bird. Luke agrees, on the grounds that the bird will never leave Kasimir. And he gets a pair of 3's. The arcane alacrity attunes, and it's a seagull squawking so loud it brings the Red Sashes.
• Edvard tries to heft an engine block and the Gremlin falls out, then eats the raspberries in his pocket after midnight.
• Edvard steps through a door to meet with Bakoros and Lord Strangford... and holds a grenade and warns that if the two kill him, he'll drop an active grenade. The Gremlin screams "yeah!"
• Edvard cheerfully plays with the grenade, taking his finger on and off the safety lever. Luke has trouble treating it with gravity.
• Meanwhile, Zillah finds her friend Marlena has joined the Red Sashes, and reluctantly prepares to fight her... just before the Red Sashes are ordered to stand down. The two then take a moment to chat about fighting gear before the Hobby Horses escape.
• Edvard casually mentions jumping past a gap in the stairs. Strangford is angry.
• Edvard shakes hands with Strangford... palming the grenade in his hand. And then runs.

Story 21: "Magic, Ghosts, Danger and Death"

• Edvard introduces himself as the inventor of the Apple watch. It's a watch in an apple.
• Eleanor is surprised the gang is all right, especially since Lilith and Barnaby were only two people who escaped. Barnaby says he escaped down a slide. Kasimir is convinced Barnaby is a body-double.
• Lilith discusses her mission with Eleanor, and tells her Keleanor might want to "mend bridges". Immediately, Kasimir thinks they can't go on the train if the bridge is out.
  Edvard: Kasimir, have you been drinking?
  Barnaby: If not, would you like to be?
• Lilith furthers explains the meeting with the tabaxi, leading to Edvard asking if the other group has been drinking. Barnaby, of course, says yes.
• Edvard assumes all of Lilith's friends are ghosts.
• Edvard wants to find an urchin to fetch the plumpest turkey he can find and Kelly. The urchin insists on money up front, so Edvard gives a shilling. The urchin pockets it and asks for more, so Edvard sprays sleeping gas in the child's face.
• The locomotive stored with the urchins is still disguised as a dog.
• Barnaby has brought his carriage, and Zillah asks what it's like. Barnaby describes it is much like himself: Opulent, over-the-top, and gauche. Luke imagines a pool table that comes from the wall, and Andy points out that was in Wild Wild West.
• Edvard is cooking the turkey (as Andy keeps switching what he calls it between goose and turkey) and Luke calls for a roll.
• Barnaby decides to soak his sand-blasted eyes in gin to heal them. It works.
• The group is on the train, so they pass the Ghostfence again. Kasimir is concerned that Lilith and Barnaby are still around...and reasons they must be super-ghosts.
• Luke offers a Devil's Bargain while Edvard destresses: He'll be forced to let Kelly go through the Veil. Edvard agrees: He'd do it to, but, y'know, he has a mortgage.
• Barnaby sleeps like a baby during the trip...which of course means he shrieks and wets the bed. It's awkward for him, there's a servant that handles that...his name is Colonel Ostemiy.
• Because Andy kept switching between goose and turkey, he just calls it a gurkey, a goose stuffed in a turkey.
• Lilith inquires as to the seagull: But it's fine: It flew through a Ghostfence to find him. She offers to feed it sweeties, but that will just make it hyper all day. Unfortunately, it's too late.
• Keleanor, of course, likes calling Edvard her "ally in piercing the veil." Complete with sinister laugh.
• Edvard laments he didn't take the talent where he can breathe poison, since one of the exits is the chimney spewing toxic gas.
• Poison is no impediment to the Wondrous Mechnical Man, so Edvard turns him on. He ecstatically talks about how it lives, causing Edvard to fiddle with it's brain while it's still turned on. Once he's fiddled with him, Edvard tests the mechanical man to see if it has thoughts on being a robot. After it requests a pen to write a treatise, Edvard decides to shut it off, kick it in the chimney, and turn it on remotely.
• The WMM gets shoved in the tube... and sees a room of Wonderful Mechanical Men, all with the Astor logo. Zillah immediately goes Cuteness Proximity, and Edvard gets annoyed.
• Zillah pokes the tablet Edvard is using, which causes these other robots to notice it. Zillah immediately tries to say friend in emojis...and then realizes that this setting doesn't have emojis. Kasimir does a Face Palm.
• Cutting back to the ground team, there is a patrol of Red Sashes, and Barnaby suggests a lot of things that everyone else could do to solve the problem, because his coat is too expensive.
  Edvard: Does Barnaby count as a point of load?
  Luke: Barnaby is everyone's load. No one's more than mine.
• Kasimir decides to throw Mumbles at the two Red Sashes. Lilith will stand ready with spirit bottles.
  Barnaby: I'm standing ready with bottles. Of spirits.
• Kasimir gets an excellent roll, but because no killing was specified, Mumbles cuts their hamstrings so they can't walk. Kasimir is horrified...and then gives Mumbles the soul-pecked peanut brittle.
• Back to Team Chimney, Edvard decides to tell the mechanical man to explain he's the foreman. Luke debates as to whether this roll is Tinker or Sway.
  Edvard: It should just do what I say.
• Edvard tries to get the Wonderous Mechanical Foreman to shut off the valve creating the poison, but the Foreman wants more features: The ability to love, tell jokes, and Edvard must listen and critique.
  Edvard: This isn't even a Devil's Bargain.
• Lilith and Kasimir take the Red Sash uniforms as a disguise, and Edvard and Zillah are able to get in through the chimney. But what will Barnaby do?
  Barnaby: Go and find some lunch!
• Under the guise of betraying the Hobby-Horses, Barnaby strikes up a conversation with one of the Red Sashes on their way down to the main facility. The guard mentions wanting to pitch Astor an idea for a nose hair trimmer.
  Barnaby: What's your name?
  Luke: Uh, my name... is Morvin.
  Barnaby: I immediately forget his name.
• Zillah cautiously opens a door to look for an exit, and sees a room full of turbines used to power the facility's ghost field, with a helpful sign saying as such. Zillah, who absolutely knew what turbines were prior to today, informs Edvard.
• Roeth, Astor's bodyguard, is skeptical of Barnaby's sudden Face–Heel Turn.
  Roeth: If you'd have had this little change of heart a little sooner, an awful lot of bloodshed and unpleasantness could have been prevented.
  Barnaby: Well I'm a born coward.
• Barnaby helps Lilith's cover story that she verified the "bodies" of Eleanor and Keleanor by leading a group action for the first time. He's not used to helping.
  Barnaby: I've got three in Sway, what does that do, what do I do, and how does it work?
• Luke asks how the group prefers Eleanor react to Roeth checking on her. Barnaby says she can make her own decisions, and she critically succeeds. This results in her suddenly shooting Roeth in the head (ruining Barnaby's coat yet again), and Lilith waving a jar to catch his spirit.
• Zilah calls a flashback to utilize turkey energy to sneak around some spirit-powered turrets. Kasimir interprets it as her running from cover to cover chomping down on two drumsticks.
• Edvard plans on smashing the jars containing the angry spirits and set them free. It's better than his initial plan, which was just sending the WMM into the firing line of the turrets until they run out of ammo.
• As Kasimir, still in disguise, asks the remaining two guards for rope to tie up Barnaby and the Dimmer sisters, he suddenly flashbacks forty years prior to learn some sword fighting techniques to kill the guards. He fails horribly.
• Lilith's plan is to plow forward, as if to "help" Morvin, but to actually shove the Red Sashes onto Kasimir's sword.
  Barnaby: Who's Morvin?
  Luke: It's Morvin' time!
  • One of the guards is killed by falling on Kasimir's sword, and the other, Morvin, is splashed by some water in a flask that Barnaby throws at him. Barnaby had no clue it was water, as it looked unfamiliar to him.
  • Barnaby lets out a Pre-Mortem One-Liner that surprises Morvin so much it opens him up to be killed with his own nose trimmer prototype.
• The crew begins planning to fight Astor and his Worrisome Maniacal Mech. Most of their plans are solid: climbing the mech's arms, activating a self-destruct mechanism, and casting lightning at it. Barnaby, however, flashbacks to poisoning Astor's water supply with lead pipes for months, driving him to madness. As Luke lampshades, creating a giant mechanical suit of armor did not come from a sound mind.
  • Eleanor and Keleanor look at Kasimir for advice on what to do. He simply suggests they hit its glowing spots for a lot of damage. For the first time in years, the two can agree on something: Kasimir's plan is awful.
• Barnaby manages to tackle Lilith out of the way of the mech's flamethrower, and one of her snakes pops out from under her hood to show gratitude. Barnaby, not knowing about the snake hair, simply does a double take at his flask and at Lilith.
• Astor taunts the crew after a successful blow.
  Astor: You think this will stop me, you ants?! Kneel before Astor! (Luke breaks character) I have so much lead in my system!
• Although Barnaby seems the most likely to agree with Astor and not destroy the Barricade, he freely admits he's just too lazy and rich to care what happens.
• After failing to convince anyone to leave the Barricade up, the group points out that Astor didn't try to convince Zillah. Astor tries... and notes that he doesn't know very much about Zillah, resulting in a rambling tangent that fails to go anywhere.
• As the Barricade shuts down, Coleridge the seagull feels the pull to move on to the afterlife, but refuses, prompting a fist pump from Johnny.
• As promised, Keleanor jumps into the Veil, but not before looking at Edvard as if to beckon him to join her. He politely declines, but is fine with a message, as long as it isn't too scary or surprising.
• The group realizes that the train will no longer work due to the lack of spirits to power it, so they band together to make a new form of transport back to Volisport. Upon creating a makeshift, dangerous but functional device, they realize that there are handcarts on a siding that they could use instead.
• Barnaby refuses to ride on the handcarts because it's manual labor, so the series ends as everyone besides Barnaby takes off, with him maybe deciding to chase after them.