Funny / Cr1TiKaL

  • His video on Invisible Art features him reading from the manifesto of the Museum of Invisible Art. Halfway through reading the second section, he audibly struggles not to burst into laughter at how absolutely ridiculous and pretentious the 'poetry' is.
  • Launches a driveable outhouse in the air in Need For Speed 2: "Just making sure the moon has a quality shitter."
    • The entirety of the video is just him driving the secret cheat code cars and generally trying to wreck the other racers. It doesn't exactly work, but it's hilarious.
    • "I'm not racing as just any old outhouse. I am Turbo Shitter!"
    • "Too much speed, we're flying!" (proceeds to fly off the map) "Turbo Shitter! Nooooo!"
  • Hears a baby cry in Shutter: "Somebody get that baby a stock portfolio."
  • During a Cry of Fear video, he reaches the first jump scare that makes other players jump or shout in fright. His response? "Excuse me sir, you're interfering with my photography, please move over."
  • Most people would immediately shriek or freak out at the sight of the Slender Man from Slender. What he did upon seeing him for the first time? He tried to arrest him for trespassing.
    • He called Slender Man a "sack of juiced nipples" and "Spaghetti Arms."
    • Trying to evade Slender Man by running in a zigzag the way you do with alligators.
    • Similarly in SCP - Containment Breach, he tried to arm wrestle SCP-173 only to accidentally walk past its field of vision and got his neck snapped. Later he tried to fight it for real only to get his ass handed to him again.
  • Watching the intro cutscene to Pepsiman and not understanding the dialogue: "And since I can't understand what he's telling me, I may as well be talking to a cow's udder."
    • "Parkour!" (gets hit by a car) "Aw, shit."
    • And then he gets hit again: "It is Pepsiman's anger that will drive him to succeed - Fuck you, car."
    • When he completes the first level, he tries to guess the plot of the game: "So using what I know about Isaac Newton, and cross-referencing that information with the mathematical formulas constructed by Euclid, I can accurately deduce that Pepsiman is hand-delivering these large quantities of Pepsi over to a tribal group of aliens. The plot thickens."
      • He keeps going after the second level: "Pepsiman is delivering the Pepsi, to the rectums of the aliens! Shit, that truck just hit him, the government is trying to assassinate him for what he's trying to do! So Pepsiman is now being framed for high treason when all he's trying to do is quench the thirst of the aliens' dehydrated assholes. Such a noble act of heroism, I, for one, will not stand by and let shit depart from my ass cheeks while Pepsiman needs our help - I have been flattened."
    • The Running Gag with the woman crossing the street.
    "Bitch, please, you had to know the wiener warrior known as Pepsiman was coming through! Stay on the sidewalk until you're ready for the big leagues."
    • "It's really quite peculiar: Pepsiman in essence is Pepsi, but he's being hunted by Pepsi - (giant can crushes him) - and I'm getting my ass kicked by Pepsi."
  • He's well known for being fearless, but the only thing that's scared him is catching a leaf out of his peripheral vision. That he thought was a Ninja Turtle. See it here.
  • In his playthrough of The Theater, what was his reaction to meeting the Swirly Faced Man in all his screechy wonder?
  • His pitching techniques in 98 Koshien. It's way too funny to give away.
  • Super Mario Br0s 3.
    "This is making me wanna purchase a pair of bowling shoes and then cut my feet off so I can't use the shoes properly."
    • Just everything he says about the trees.
  • Try watching his dubs of Anthony Sullivan's infomercials with a straight face.
  • In The Shit Mystery, he gives a scientific explanation of how defecation works, with lots of technical terms... while his attempt at 3D animation plays in the background. It looks like it was made in 5 minutes in Blender.
  • In his Zoo Tycoon video, he made this acronym as a helicopter took one of his gazelles away: "November. India. Papa. Papa. Lima. Echo. Sierra."
    • He changed the name of his zoo from "Grasslands Zoo" to "Fisting Festival" in order to makes customers feel welcome.
    • He keeps ignoring (or maybe not even noticing) the alerts telling him that the peafowls are drowning or that animals are starving.
    • "Nothing says quality zookeeping like a good old-fashioned peafowl mauling."
    • He put the zoo's bathroom on top of a mountain surrounded by guardian tigers, and dumps a man in a pit of forty tigers because he disliked the zoo. His attempts to kill as many human patrons as possible (or at least make their visit very difficult) are pretty funny in general.
  • Saying that he has never been so happy when he beat Oregon Trail, while still staying absolutely deadpan.
    • His names for his party, including "SHIT", "IS", "ON", "THE", "NIPPLE" and "THE", "FULL", "POWER", "OF", "TITTIES".
      • His gravestones' epitaphs: "HERE LIES SHIT"
    • Him not buying clothes for his party because he "wants everyone naked".
    • His reasons for buying bullets, including defense against hordes of zombies and games of Russian Roulette with the family.
    • His reaction to one of his party members drowning in a river less than 4 feet deep.
    • The conclusion he jumped to after one of his party members contracted measles and one of his oxen was injured in the span of one night.
    • His wondering how a thief could have stolen ''nine'' oxen in the middle of the night.
    • The jobs he gives his oxen, including medical duty, street racing, fighting in UFOC (Ultimate Fighting Oxen Championships) matches, hoof-to-hoof combat, and even reviving dead party members.
  • During Oswald the Elephant:
    "Just walk on the stilts! Use the stilts! Be one with the stilts! You are the stilts! Feel the stilts! Have sex with the stilts, Oswald!"
  • In his video of the original Surgeon Simulator 2013, Critikal uses the hammer to break open the ribcage and sends bones AND the lungs flying, causing him to cry out "Oh, what the fuck? Happy birthday!"
  • Dear Lord, everything in his Happy Wheels commentary.
    "How was I supposed to know to keep my child alive? There should be a message in the beginning, 'Child is useful, do not murder!'"
  • From his Miami Traffic 3 commentary:
    *steals a car and drives away quickly*
    "It looks like Christmas has come early, ladies and gentlemen!"
    * crashes into a building and the car explodes*
    "...Fucking terrific."
  • Ski Jumping Pairs. The already hilarious gameplay footage that exemplifies the "Japan is Weird" stereotype mixed with Critikal's commentary creates comedy gold.
  • His way of cooking a turkey.
  • Pretty much the entirety of his Winback play through, but the absolute crowning moment is when Cr1tikal says, "this game is exactly how I remember it" as the bad guy glitches out in the background.
  • While playing Babysitter Bloodbath ,at 5:55, Cr1tikal actually laughs when a guy tells him he's been drinking liquor and tipping cows. The comments section exploded, with everyone freaking out about Cr1tikal's laughter.
  • The first line of his Winnie Home Run Derby commentary: "What's up, everybody, it's Critikal. I'm playing Winnie Home Run Derby: Legend of the Fuck Owl."
    • His reaction to hitting a foul ball: "OHHH! Everyone's fucking!"
    • "Most owls can turn their heads 270 degrees in both directions. This owl can fuck itself in all directions."
    • "For what reason are you an owl? And why have you decided to take up baseball as a hobby? This owl needs some toilet paper, because it's a dirty asshole."
    • "This owl just doesn't have feathers, it's made out of asscheeks. It has asscheeks for feathers."
    • His reaction to finally defeating the owl: "YES! I'VE DONE IT! I'VE DEFEATED THE OWL! DO YOU STILL LIKE TO SINGA ABOUT THE MOONA AND THE JUNEA AND THE SPRINGA
    • Just the fact that he refers to playing against each character as fighting and defeating them is somehow hilarious.
    • And the fact that he's getting extremely immersed in what was meant to be a simple game for younger children.
  • This line from his Super Monkey Ball commentary: "If I had six fingers on one hand right now I would slap the shit out of a gopher."
    • "I don't know how many bananas it is, it's probably enough to feed a family of marsupials for twenty-five years."
    • "Now that looks scary. Feels as though my dick is trying to burrow its way back into my body. But I'm not gonna let it, I'm going to restore my wiener's honor."
    • Critikal suspects that Dr. Scholl trapped the monkeys in balls.
    • "You fucking ass-spanking, fruit-punch-drinking, guitar-playing, shit-eating piece of alligator jizz!"
    • When Dr. Bad-boon's airship flies in in the cutscene: "Oh, speaking of a giant flying dildo, there's one right there!"
  • One of his instructions in the Don't Shit Your Pants commentary is "gather energy for spirit bomb."
  • His frigging terrible gameplay of Touhou: Mountain of Faith is absolutely hilarious. Taken into the fact he's never played Touhou yet decided to pick the Lunatic difficulty for his first time.
    • Also doubles as a Moment of Awesome as he got pretty far without once pressing the shift key.
  • In his Orion commentary, when a group of dinosaurs are attacking him, he says, "Oh, damn it, Team Rocket's taking it to me!"
    • He runs into a dinosaur with a vehicle and sends it sailing up into the sky. It's pretty clear he wasn't expecting that to happen.
    "Oh. Wow. Welcome to the cosmos, dinosaur."
    • "You're going to sit there with socks on your feet and tell me I ran all this way to not even be able to stand on a simple appliance?"
  • His commentary on the Dark Souls series. In the first one, he tells his story of how Nintendo Hard buying the actual game was.
  • From his Mr. President commentary, his "playing street hockey" with the murdered President's body.
    • "Oh...I guess I'm his new briefcase."
    • "Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement: That was not the President. I'm the President. TALLY HO!" (leaps into the crowd)
    • Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You playing whenever the Secret Service character attempts a Diving Save.
  • In his Burger Making commentary, he makes every single order he's given absolutely wrong, and then gets offended when the customer is angry. "Tell me how delicious that burger is, Wally! ...You're an asshole, Wally."
    • "Miss Penny will be a little scared at first, but then she'll realize the burger just wants a hug, she'll give it a hug, and then the burger fingers her. It's the perfect plan."
    • His complete irrational hatred of Chuck. All of it.
    • How he attempts to seduce Miss Prudence with a burger. At first, he puts all of the right ingredients on her burger, and you think it'll be the first one he's done right in the whole video. But before he puts the bun on, he piles on an absolute mountain of "his semen" (mayo).
  • In his IWBTG commentary, his reaction when an apple flies up off a tree and kills him: "Why the fuck are the apples not bound by gravity? No apple falls from a tree going up! I'm sitting here abiding by the laws of gravity like an asshole, but these apples can defy it whenever they want to?"
    • When he gets to the third screen (which is full of spikes and clouds), he wonders if it's the future of pornography.
    • "You know something has gone awry when you're being hunted by apples."
    • "My arch-nemesis...We meet again and this time I have an erection! Whole different ball game. And I still got...eviscerated."
    • (makes it to the end of the fourth screen) Yes! Harvard professors deemed it impossible, but I did it! (gets crushed by spike plate) ...The day I beat this game is the day the Earth stands still."
  • He calls the nameless Pumpkin Ra's al Ghul, Donald Trumpkin, and a sentient basketball.
  • In the Spiderman 2 video, he interprets Aunt May's reaction to being kidnapped by Doc Ock's gang as a sign of her actually being part of the gang.
    • When he reaches Mysterio and sees that his costume has eyes on its chest: "I wasn't looking at your titties, Mysterio, your titties were looking at me!"
  • Goat Simulator, in its entirety.
    • "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your tongue, so that I may climb up it and supply you with this dope dick."
    • Goat!Critikal runs for reelection as mayor and does a stage dive.
    • After falling off a tower: "Fuck me, shove a candy cane down my dickhole, damn it!"
    • "The second I reenter reality, I'm coming back to that fighting ring and I'm taking you to lunch!"
    • His reactions to being constantly flung up into the air. "No. No, no. Honey Nut Cheeri-No's!"
    • He predicts that our world will devolve into a dystopia in the future if we don't allow goats to participate in our sporting events.
  • Cr1tikal plays Purin to Ofuro and, slight creepiness of the game aside, has a blast slapping a girl named Purin about while she slaps back.
    • "Holy shit, she is just delivering my pizza right now, fuck!"
    • *camera moves down to show the player character's headless shadow* "This is exactly what I thought I was when I entered the bathtub. A floating headless torso. Who else would you wanna be in the bathtub with you at the same time? I mean just look at this, this is clearly Washington Irving's first draft of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow I mean that's what this game is based on obviously."
    • "It seems you forgot to add soap to your bath experience! Allow me to...slap your titties until they produce milk and thus artificial bubbles! Why are you not lactating yet, I just gave your titties the one-two-slapperoo!"
  • His rant while playing Pokémon Vietnamese Crystal
    • "You have the audacity to tell me that this is "EASY TO UNDERSTAND" when I'm over here decoding hieroglyphics trying to figure out what the FUCK these characters are saying to me in thier cryptic, disruptive language. They're missing W's, they're missing G's, they're missing grammer; and you're going to tell me it's fucking "EASY TO UNDERSTAND"? You sit there on your high horse and tell me it's "EASY TO UNDERSTAND" you can go right the fuck ahead and shit in my rectum, if that's what you're trying to do."
  • From Octodad - "That's a nice position, looks like I'm about to get a blowjob from a stegosaurus."
  • He spends much of the Silent Hills playable teaser getting angry at cockroaches.
    "I think they're the most disgusting, awful, revolting, repulsive, putrid, rancid, hopeless, meaningless, careless, pointless, useless, nippleless, wiener-fondling, fart-inducing, shit-producing sacks of filth this world can offer."
  • Five Nights at Freddy's is apparently the most-requested game Critikal has ever played, and for good reason.
    • His increasing anger at the previous guard's verbosity.
    • The entire story he tells, about a time when he was receiving a blowjob while really needing to take a piss.
    • (while opening and closing the door repeatedly on Bonnie) "I can do this all day, bear. All day. Peekaboo."
    • "Well this is really stirring my pasta."
    • His non-chalant, almost bored reaction when Bonnie attacks him.
    Cr1tikal: (puts camera down) "Oh, okay then."
  • Hybrid Heaven. oh dear god...
    • The absolute crowning moment is when the main character answers the door while jacking off and critikals commentary just makes it even better.
  • The Captain Pronin quadrilogy.
    • "I milk myself when I run."
    • Critikal!Pronin arguing with the sex hotline operator.
    • "Anytime, Mr. President. Look, feel free to contact me whenever about whatever. You want me to do magic at a birthday party? Alakazam, I'm right there fucking your wife."
    • Critikal!Pronin's accordion performance.
    (tears accordion in half) Fuckin' nailed it.
    • "Why are the New York Yankees stealing statues?"
    • "You answer Pronin when Pronin speaks to you!" (walks off in a tutu) "You don't answer my questions, I steal your clothes. I'm a gorgeous ballerina." (walks onstage during the ballet) "Rub your nipples on my cock, you fucking amateurs! Get out of the way, I'm Captain Pronin!"
    • "Don't blow your load yet, Chef Boyardee, I got more for you."
    • "Sorry, honey, the President wants to do Jello shots off my nipples."
    • He wasn't the best father but I always looked up to him because he was 8 feet tall.
  • The Worst Cutscene Ever Created. Critikal's anger and confusion over the cutscene's crappiness and plot is priceless.
  • Critikal finds himself a copy of Foodfight with blind idiot translation subtitles. It's so absurd that even he can't do the entire thing deadpan and starts cracks up a few times.
  • And now, he's found the worst game he's ever played. Bonus points for raging over the fact that he can't even understand the dialogue.
    "I can't understand what these characters are saying half the time. What's his name? Benjamin Spoon-Carrots or something?"
    "If a man lit my car on fire, took a shit in my shoes, milked my dogs without their consent, and stepped on my thumb, I would still hope he lives a life where he never has to play this game."
  • Now, Critikal has found out that wrestling is real after all.
    "Just as my father told me when I was a wee lad, wrestling will evolve and take place above the ring."
  • When reading Layers of Fear's opening line, he decides to add an extra letter.
    "Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the shitter."
  • Critikal shows the highlights of Deadmau5's performance at TI5
  • The fact that, after so long being known among fans for not showing his face, he finally does so... playing two recorders.
  • Cr1tikal shows up in an episode of Planet Dolan. He has his introduction interrupted by a cough.
  • In his Emily Wants To Play video, Cr1tikal gets bored of the game and decides to play his ukelele. Then the lights go out and Cr1t drops his ukelele trying to reach for the mouse.
    "You bent me over, and handled me like a man, but you didn't come inside me, you came in my haaaaaaaaaand, yeah, you- [giggling] oh shit, oh fuck, fuck [ukelele falls], okay, well, yes, yep- just dropped the ukelele lunging for the mouse- [doll kills the player character] Perfect, yep. That was ten minutes well spent and I probably just busted this fucking ukelele. That's... now we're feeling it.
  • Cr1TiKaL and a friend decide to watch some wrestling. Throughout the video, especially when New Jack gets the upper hand against Gypsy Joe, Cr1TiKaL, who is known for being The Stoic and a Deadpan Snarker, absolutely breaks down laughing multiple times.
  • Two words: Sad Fish. It features Cr1TiKaL making fun of depressed-looking fish, especially the frogfish.
  • Cracking up while reading the MONA Manifesto
  • The Huggbees Baste Just... The Huggbees Baste.
Fanworks
  • Tumblr user poolnareff's AMV's, which reveal that cr1tikal's voice works really well for Jotaro Kujo.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/Critikal