Lovely Legilimens
I'm thinking of an AU of a certain 2015 indie RPG where the setting takes place in a tropical rainforest. It won't be called Jungletale, though. It'll be Understory.
edited 9th Sep '17 10:29:36 PM by TroperNo9001
"I just want what everyone else has, that's all."
Trans Siberian Anarchestra (it/they)
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
BOO
"In distress", my ass.
Seen on the sign for an animal hospital: "Cat puns freak meowt"
My first thought on seeing that was "that's scruff."
All your safe space are belong to Trump
Some flu symptoms are a real pain in the ass.
...
Two elevators walk into a bar and things escalated quickly.
...
I heard Taylor Swift is collaborating on a new side project with Lorde. Due to a threatened lawsuit by a major American department store, it's going to be called Swift & Lorde. You know, instead of Lorde & Taylor
edited 22nd Oct '17 8:19:27 PM by MikeK
Officially intimidated
You may not get this one if you're not into chemistry:
What's the favorite sport of the alkaline (sodium, potassium, cesium, etc.) elements?
Base-ball
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I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Q: What do you call two wrestlers fighting in a pumpkin patch?
A: A "squash" match!
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Miyamoto Musashi
What do you call a wave of BTS fans?
A tsunARMY.
Made that one up myself in a Skype convo with my bestie.
edited 16th Nov '17 7:05:24 AM by ReikoKazama
FC: SW-1445-0294-1719/PSN: TekkenGirl4Lyfe/Currently playing: Fate/Samurai Remnant
I was reading something about Malawi yesterday and my brain went to "How do you solve a problem like Malawi" which isn't even a proper pun but it made me laugh.
Avatar from here.
Officially intimidated
Here's one about physics. Why did the silk-dressed lady at the bridge get mad towards the electrician?
Because he rubbed her the wrong way.
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A ton of television writers seem afraid of strong female characters. I guess you could call them... Xena-phobic.
From the cherry, to the apple, to the peach, to the plum
Officially intimidated
An exponential function is asked by a cosine function why he doesn't integrate into the party, and he replies: "Every time I try to do that, the result is the same".
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I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
I just watched an episode of WordGirl where the Butcher stole a bunch of candy bars he mistook for actual money. It's too bad the candy bars in question weren't... 100 Grand.
...
What do you call three guys with shovels?
A Doug trio (Dugtrio).
Officially intimidated
And to complete the circle, a biology pun joke. Please forgive the length:
A team of five biologists (three male, two female) from the US make an expedition to Canada to investigate some wildlife. They return two months later, and one of the female biologists reveals that she got pregnant during the expedition, but wants to protect the identity of her secret boyfriend. The three male biologists look at each other, suspecting that one of them had too much fun when he was supposed to focus on the research. The female biologist who isn't pregnant asks them if she can join them in their detective game. She and one of the male biologists move elsewhere, and one of the two remaining men asks the other:
- Remaining man 1: What do you think they're going to do?
Remaining man 2: I think they're going to try to reproduce the scene.
So there's this brand of sake named after the Loch Ness Monster - Apparently the founder of the company was really interested in cryptozoology, though no one's sure why he named Japanese liquor after a Scottish lake monster when there's plenty of Japanese cryptids out there. Anyway, their current advertising campaign revolves around doing good deeds, then rewarding yourself with their product - the slogan is "be good for good Ness Sake".
Officially intimidated
- Ethan: I'm tired of hearing race-related jokes, you know.
- Conner: Do you find them offensive?
- Ethan: No, I'm never the first to tell them.
none.
Did you guys hear that one of the guys from The Army of Pharoahs released an eponymous album?
it was a self-titled Celph Titled title titled Celph Titled.
((this is technically a word avalanche))
it's either real or it's a dream there's nothing that is in between
plant
Does rule 34 of the Wendy's mascot count as Food Porn?
" I'm the princess! Everyone has to do what I say!"
Saw this one on a meme on IMGflip once.
So, what do you call a bad pun?
Punacceptable.
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
I went to the store to buy a portable radio one day, but the clerk said he was sold out. He blamed it on a sonic boom.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
"Did you hear about the sculptor who tried to specialize in making the head and torso of statues but had to declare bankruptcy?"
"Yeah, it's a shame his business went bust."
The next morning, he asks the innkeeper about what he heard. The other man nods sagely. “Ah yes, the wood is dark and mysterious. The village has many stories, but to find the truth, you’ll have to ask the trees themselves.”
So the curious traveler packs some bread from the inn with his belongings and starts off into the forest. The ground slopes down, down, and the underbrush thins out but the canopy gets denser. The darkness is soothing like deep water. Here, there is no rustling–just a heavy silence.
The traveler spends the first night nestled in the roots of an enormous oak tree, and when he awakes, an acorn has sprouted into a robust sapling where it fell on his coat. His second night he spends in a ring of mushrooms that weave his dreams with light and song. His third night he crawls into a hollow log that smells sweet with decay and smoky with the memory of a long-ago fire.
The forest is strange and unnatural, but it does not seem threatening. The traveler speaks to the trees every day as he walks but they do not answer. Still, he knows that they listen. His path is laden with sweet fruit and herbs, for he runs out of bread quicker than he would like.
Finally, on his fourth day of walking, the traveler comes to a stump in the center of a large clearing. The earth around the stump is obscured by layer upon layer of dry, dead leaves, and the boughs overhead form a continuous ceiling. A hatchet sits embedded in the stump. As he approaches, the traveler sees the letters of a hundred languages engraved in winding script around the handle of the hatchet.
“What is this place?” the traveler asks, half to himself.
A soft voice emanates from the hatchet. “You seek the secrets of the wood, and here they lie. Ask what you will.”
So the traveler asks his questions. The hatchet weaves a story of enchantment and legacy, of the people who once lived among the trees and the people who now live alongside them, of the slow, even breathing of the forest and everything within it.
At the end of the hatchet’s tale, the traveler speaks up once more. “I was told that the trees themselves would tell me their story. Who are you, and why are you the one who holds these secrets?”
The hatchet chirps a little laugh. “As for why, that is too long a story for even me to tell. But who am I? I am the lore axe, and I speak for the trees.”