open/close all folders
- It doesn't matter how good you are. If you're not an outright messiah, you're going to Hell anyway.
- Adhering to any one philosophy or Character Alignment makes you either evil, stupid, miserable or all of the above.
- Humans are the center of the universe and every other sentient being in the universe revolves their entire eternal lives around our happiness or unhappiness.
- Taste is objective. Liking or disliking certain media or food is a moral act and not liking the right things makes you a bad person.
- Whoever wrote the objective moral laws of the universe is a racist.
- All Crimes Are Equal in the eyes of higher beings.
"Most Improved Player"
- Don't be a Red Hot Chili Peppers fan or else you're a bad person.
- Don't take your shoes off while in an airplane or else you're a bad person.
- Don't have a custom license plate or else you're a bad person.
- Hosting charities and making the world a better place means absolutely nothing if you don't really mean it.
"The Trolley Problem"
- Don't be French or else you're a bad person. Even just being born in France is a moral failing on your part and you'll be tortured in Hell for it.
- Don't floss at your work-space or else you're a bad person.
- If you're caucasian, don't get dreadlocks or else you're a bad person.
- Don't have a Themed Wedding or else you're a bad person, especially if it's Lord of the Rings themed.
- Make sure to die before the Age of Colonization or else you're a bad person.
- Don't buy flowers in the 21st century or else you're a bad person.
- Don't eat chicken sandwiches or else you're a bad person.
- Capitalism is the source of all evil and suffering in the universe.
- Don't waste your life trying to get into heaven... because globalism is sending you to hell.
- Boy Band managers are equally as evil as serial killers and dictators.
- White musicians who ever did a "semi-ironic cover" of a rap song are just as bad as serial killers and dictators.
- Comic Book Critics are equally a bad as cult-leaders and animal poachers.
- Don't have a TikTok account or else you're a bad person.
"A Chip Driver Mystery"
- Humanity sucks baaad!
- Refusing to tolerate another person's intolerance makes you equally intolerant.
- Don't be a Baby-Boomer or else you're a bad person.
- Tech nerds changing the charger-shape on the newest cellphones are equally immoral to warmongers, Serial Killers, and Anti-Vaxxers.
- If you're an amoral jerk, don't worry about changing on Earth. Maybe when you die, you'll eventually be a major component in saving humanity in the afterlife.