Release: June 2, 2009
Movie: North (1994)
This review contains examples of:
- Actor Allusion: Several involving the film's star, Elijah Wood.
- Big "WHAT?!": The Critic's reaction to the All Just a Dream ending.
- Bile Fascination: In-Universe Example. The Critic cites this as his entire reason for seeing the movie, as he was absolutely baffled when he saw how much Siskel and Ebert both detested the film.
- Critical Research Failure: The Critic rants about the film's gross misrepresentation of an ancient Inuit ritual, which in the film is depicted as being put on an ice floe by their families once they've grown too old and weak for society.Critic: First of all; when this was done, it was done in times of famine, not just because they were old. Second; it was incredibly rare and only done as a last resort. Third; this happened eons ago! Nobody does it anymore. I mean, did you do any research? Do you know anything about how the world works? Read a fucking book!
- Didn't See That Coming: The Critic is surprised by how short the Amish scene is.
- Don't Explain the Joke:Dad 2: Come on, Andy, his folks are gonna fight it!
Mom 2: Of course they are. They're not going to take this lying down.
(North's parents faint after reading the article in the paper)
Critic: Get it? They said lying down and now they're lying down. I just wanted to explain that because, you know, it's so subtle.
- Dude, Not Funny!: In-Universe example; Pretty much sums up the Critic's reaction to the entire film, not unlike Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert's ultimate verdict on the film.
- From Bad to Worse: Having seen Siskel and Ebert's damning review of the film, the Critic goes into the film excitedly to find what made it so terrible; he progressively gets angrier and angrier through each failed gag and racial stereotype dished out by the movie.
- "Jeopardy!" Thinking Music: When the Critic misses the "big loss" pun the first time around during the scene where the Tex family discusses their dead fat son Buck, he plays a game of "Spot the Joke", replaying the scene accompanied by the Jeopardy! Think! music (the Trope Namer) that was used until 1997.
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: The Critic really wishes that was the case when he mentions Bruce Willis appearing in a bunny suit.
- Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: Upon seeing the French being stereotyped as wearing berets, smoking, drinking wine and watching Jerry Lewis:Critic: YOU... ARE... SCUM!!!
- Reading the Stage Directions Out Loud: When the Critic makes fun of Bruce Willis's narration at the beginning of the movie:Critic: (mocking Willis's narration) North was in a jam. He really didn't relate to his parents. Next page.
- Rule of Three: The Critic reiterating that North has a point about the sign that features his butt crack.
- Running Gag: The Critic yet again says, "You know, for kids!" in response to a joke involving balls (i.e. testicles).
- Shout-Out: The Critic describes the movie's only musical number as "that missing Beauty and the Beast song, 'Be Our Hostage'."
- Tempting Fate: Lampshaded. The Critic predicts that North will go to France, where everyone will wear berets, smoke and drink wine and that every TV channel shows nothing but Jerry Lewis movies, at that point stopping himself by saying "It's the next scene, isn't it?".
Critic: I'll give the film credit though. At least they did get Native American Graham Greene to play an Eskimo here. I mean, it's not like they got Kathy Bates, spray-painted her face, and slapped on a black wig like a minstrel show. (He is inevitably proven wrong yet again.) No, no! You go back to your room, movie, until you learn something about being racially sensitive!
- In an earlier instance:
- Top Ten List: North's dad's line, "Quick, loosen his pants!", is given ten punchlines, in the style of The Late Show:Critic: Number 10 - Or take his shirt off. Either way, I'm getting a show.
Number 9 - I hate it when I have to direct the strippers.
Number 8 - (as Doctor McCoy) Damn it, man. I'm a doctor, not a pedophile.
Number 7 - Isn't that the slogan for NAMBLA?
Number 6 - But just skip over the turning your head and coughing.
Number 5 - I always forget if we circumcised him.
Number 4 - Now we're gonna see why his last name is Wood.
Number 3 - (as Groucho Marx) Elaine wants to see if he's truely sponge-worthy.
Number 2 - You know, when you said we were having the other white meat, this isn't what I had in mind.
And the number 1 joke to made about this scene is: If anyone asks, Art Vandelay did it.
- Vacation, Dear Boy: In-universe, the Critic thinks the film was just an excuse for Rob Reiner to go on vacation while somehow getting paid for it.
- This Is Gonna Suck: The Critic opens up by explaining that the film at first glance looked like any other comedy movie for children. Then he shows us Siskel and Ebert's review of the movie...
- Worst. Whatever. Ever!: The Critic says that the defense attorney saying "the defense rests" while North's parents are lying comatose is "the worst joke I have ever heard in my entire life."
Ebert: I hated this movie! Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie! Hated it! Hated every simpering, stupid, vacant, audience-insulting moment of it!Nostalgia Critic: YOU'RE TOO FUCKING NICE!!!!
- This is ultimately his reaction to the film as a family comedy, completely siding with Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel who both despised the movie.