Original air date: March 12, 2023
Written by: Matt Lawton
Directed by: Michael Baylis
Directed by: Michael Baylis
When Beef learns that Alyson is planning to marry someone named Jobiathan, who she met on the internet, and she's going to meet him at Ballistic Missile Island, Beef offers to take her there, hoping to get her to change her mind before they arrive. Meanwhile, when Wolf reunites with a former classmate from high school who doesn't like him, Wolf tries to spend time with him hoping to get him to finally like him.
Tropes:
- Accidental Misnaming: Beef can't pronounce the name of Alyson's internet date — Jobiathan — properly.
- Bad People Abuse Animals: This is one of the first indicators that Wolf was better off not being friends with Cody.
- Catfishing: When Alyson finally meets Jobiathan in person, he admits to leaving off a lot of details about himself, such as looking different than he does online, having multiple children, and being already married with his wife in jail and they're willing to have a Polyamory marriage with her.
- Couch Gag:
- The boat in the opening says "Sweet Dreams Are Made Of Fish"
- Wolf's T-Shirt says "Highway to Smell".
- Dating Service Disaster: Alyson met Jobiathan online and they hit it off and she states he reminds her of Beef (at least in his messages). When she and Beef arrives at Ballistic Missile Island, Alyson starts to have second thoughts about marrying Jobiathan after her final date with Beef, but when she finally meets him, he's a nerdy man who wears a jester hat, a wizard cape, has a lizard on his shoulder, and is pushing a strolling with two of his children in it. He admits he looks different than he does online, he has several more children at home, and he's married to one other woman who was recently jailed (which according to him was "due to a misunderstanding"), and his wife is aware of Alyson and they're fine to have a "marriage Neapolitan" (Alyson will be the strawberry). Not wanting to get involved with Jobiathan, Alyson pretends to be a robot and Beef plays along and they immediately leave Ballistic Missile Island.
- Deus ex Machina: Discussed. As Beef calls from the ferry, Judy tells him that in romantic comedies, there is always a deus ex machina that leads to the romantic leads getting together. At that moment, the ferry stops due to engine trouble, and Beef realizes that this is the deus ex machina that lets him get closer to Alyson.
- Falling-in-Love Montage: After the ferry breaks down, Beef asks Alyson if she can go on one last date with him before she meets Jobiathan and she agrees. During the montage, they eat a lobster dinner, Beef wins a stuffed whale for Alyson at a carnival game, they ride a Ferris wheel, and then they slow dance on the dance floor.
- Freeze-Frame Bonus: When Beef is driving Alyson to the ferry and is about to have a thoughtful conversation with her before she fell asleep, the yeti can be spotted peeking from behind a tree from Beef's window.
- Gasshole: Alyson admits she's pretty free with her farts during road trips, and when she fell asleep during the ride to the ferry, Beef told her she farted a lot and she said she was having a dream where she could fart so strongly that her anսs worked like a jetpack, and then she would hit her head on the bottom of a helicopter.
- Mask of Sanity: Cody seems like a pretty normal and unassuming guy while at work, but in reality is a reprehensible hoodlum who can't conceive of any way to have fun that doesn't cause harm to others.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Lampshaded. It doesn't go unnoticed when Alyson doesn't make any suggestive remarks when Beef gave her an abundance of ample material to do so.Honeybee: You said "hammering", you said "nail", you said "old hole" and she didn't even say something like (imitating Alyson) "Don't threaten me with a good time".Ham: Yeah, that's not the sexually-tense Dad and Alyson vibe we're all regrettably used to.
- Pop-Culture Pun Episode Title: The title is a reference to Can't Hardly Wait.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here:
- After meeting Jobiathan in person and sees the kind of person he is, Alyson pretends to be a robot that belongs to Beef, who plays along, and Jobiathan completely buys it. They both immediately head back to the ferry while Jobiathan continues to wait to meet Alyson, not realizing that was her.
- After seeing the kind of person Cody is like (he hates music and animals and likes shooting stop signs with his shotgun, strip clubs, harassing nerds online, setting sheds on fire, and stomping on plants), Wolf realizes he's not the type of person who deserves to be liked by him and abandons him after dropping him off at the curling rink.
- Shout-Out: Beef uses Joey Tribbiani from Friends as inspiration for wooing Alyson and quotes Joey's "How you doing?" catchphrase to psych himself up to make a move.
- Show Within a Show: Swipe North, a Rom Com apparently starring Mark Ruffalo as Santa Claus and Anne Hathaway as a woman who matches with Santa on a dating app, is a fictional movie the Shaw-Tobins all watched and reference several times in the episode.
- Somebody Doesn't Love Raymond: Wolf becomes obsessed with making Cody like him. Honeybee reminds him that he has a tendency to go overboard getting people to like him. Eventually, Wolf gets Cody to at least be less ambivalent about him, only to find out that he's a real jerk and abandons him.
- Too Dumb to Live: Wolf admits to Honeybee that he's pen pals with a serial killer, Charlie the Choker, in prison and he gave him their address, but he assures Honeybee there's no way he's getting paroled.
Santa: ♫ Do you really think I can find love once more? ♫
Elf: ♫ I just uploaded your profile so say hello to l'amour. ♫
Santa:
♫ I'm gonna swipe north on finding love again
I'm saying yes to Tabitha, Brandy, Anne, and Jen. ♫
Elf:
♫ Congrats, you've got a match, her name is Maddison
She likes peppermint, snow and large abdomens
You got to write her back, ask her more about herself ♫
Santa: ♫ And tell her that I live with 600 elves ♫
Both:
♫ Gonna swipe north, hope she's a fan of dairy
And eating only cookies, feeling super merry
Gonna swipe north, gonna really believe
There'll be a new girlfriend
For me under the Christmas tree. ♫
Elf: ♫ I just uploaded your profile so say hello to l'amour. ♫
Santa:
♫ I'm gonna swipe north on finding love again
I'm saying yes to Tabitha, Brandy, Anne, and Jen. ♫
Elf:
♫ Congrats, you've got a match, her name is Maddison
She likes peppermint, snow and large abdomens
You got to write her back, ask her more about herself ♫
Santa: ♫ And tell her that I live with 600 elves ♫
Both:
♫ Gonna swipe north, hope she's a fan of dairy
And eating only cookies, feeling super merry
Gonna swipe north, gonna really believe
There'll be a new girlfriend
For me under the Christmas tree. ♫
—Swipe North 2: Still Swiping
