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Quotes / The Millstone

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Ace Ventura: War is hell. The last thing we want is a fight.
Ouda ("translating"): I want a fight, so go to hell!

When it comes to helping his own side, Stanley is somewhere between Gilligan and Starscream.
Parson, Erfworld

Stu (singing): Well we're living here in Alan Town
And he's driven our lives into the ground
When we woke up we were wasted and drunk
Phil got shot, we got beaten by a monk
I was happy and my life was good
Gettin' married like a dentist should
Roasting marshmallows on a stick
I got fucked in the ass by a girl with a dick
And we're living here in Alan Town
Alan: He totally butchered that song.
Stu: You totally butchered my life.
The Hangover Part 2

All in all, everything's going great, until Screech... that's probably enough actually – “until Screech.” It covers most eventualities. But for the sake of being complete... until Screech drops a container of water on Gary's foot, breaking it in two places. Now in a cast, they hide his foot from Leon, until Screech. Until Screech.
Stuart Millard on Saved by the Bell, So Excited, So Scared

Chris: Shredder ends up interrupting his own origin and doing his best Angus Scrimm impression at Danny (“boyyyyyyyy”), waving his various arm-knives around until he finds the drawing of Leonardo in Danny’s pocket. By Danny betrayed! Again!
Matt: Even when this kid wants to help, he f**ks everything up.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

It's not even as though the little dunce is going along with Monarch's ludicrous scheme to put himself in the position to affect their escape, he genuinely believes in this crusty frog and his web of lies. This is the middle adventure of three that sees Adric working for the enemy and you have to ask yourself why the Doctor bothers keeping him around...The final insult is that Adric has to be convinced to help the Doctor defeat Monarch.

Cat Grant. Aagh.

There's no excuse for this character at all. She's useless as a reporter, back talks her boss using Cold War era propaganda speak, rats out her co-workers and then completely about faces after a thirty second speech from Lois. Why? Because the plot demanded it. She's a screwdriver. People just don't work this way.
Julian Finn on Smallville, "Icarus"

Despite the fact that every other kid in America masters the art of sliding by the end of their first year in tee ball, this skill continues to eludes Mike Vick. Instead, he prefers to dive forward, slam his body to the ground and fumble directly into the hands of a linebacker, preferably at the most crucial moment of the game.

Jay: The first shot of Zooey Deschanel is her big, stupid, gormless face. Someone just hit her with a frying pan.
V1: I'll say this: Her character is one of the most frustrating people in the history of the world.
Jay: If she wasn't such an arsehole, I'd say that she is a 25-year-old playing a 6-year-old. Mark Wahlberg has two kids to take care of basically.

"I'm sorry, Stan, but when there's a crisis, you make bad decisions. They sound reasonable in the moment, but they always... end badly."
Francine Smith, American Dad!

Mike: You know what skives me out, Phoebe?
Phoebe: What?
Mike: That car down there has moved so much. Like, it was built in a factory, you know, on a production line. And then it was like, shipped here.
Phoebe: And then, like, this guy drove it all over the place.
Mike: Yeah, exactly. But all the time, like for years, or really for, like, decades really, this one tree has been sitting in this one place not doing anything until tonight when it, like, stopped the car.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Mike: Okay, so this car is always going. And that tree is always just, like, stopping. You know? Like, it's just been stopping there for years until tonight when it met something that it didn't want to keep going, and it was just like, "mmm-mmm! No! You're stopping, too." [crying] And then this tree that has never done anything is fucking, like, destroying this beautiful, really beautiful fast-moving thing.
Phoebe: Why are you crying?
Mike: Because, Phoebe, like... am I that tree?

"Normally, if given a choice between doing something and nothing, I chose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant nothing got done."
Ron Swanson on being an intentional example, Parks and Recreation

"If you need any confirmation of how cool the Samurai warriors of Japan were, look no further than the film The Last Samurai. These people managed to survive and kick ass even with Tom Cruise in their midst. It'd be like running a marathon while dragging a dead cow behind you."

"Why do you always have to WRECK EVERYTHING?!"
Eddy yelling at Ed, Ed, Edd n Eddy