Quotes / Phallic Weapon

Fan Works

The mere sight of her caused Baka's nose to bleed and his groin-mounted riot-cannon to blast white sticky-foam over half of Minato.

— Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space

"I'm coming!" Tom ejaculated, tugging at the powerful weapon tucked into his trousers.

— Giggles Bags the Borg

"It is a weapon more powerful than anything previously encountered," said Tuvok, reaching into his pants.

— No Ordinary Spoof

Bugthodder dies horribly as a well-hung Penis Bug blasts him with white-hot semen.

— Starship Hooters 3: Undresser

There was something..... powerful..... about standing on this tank, the big shaft sticking out from between my legs, the world's biggest cock just waiting to blast motherfuckers off they feet.

—Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - Grove Street 4 Life

Film

"Oh, my child — you've not met war. Think how terrifying it'd be to see a man charging at you, with his skirt flying up in the air, and flashing his big, long... bayonet at you!"

— Khasi of Kalabar, Carry On Up the Khyber

"Return fire! We'll see who has the longest cannon here!"

— Airlord Karak, Airlords of Airia

Literature

"We all know what a big, giant sword you have, I'm sure. No need to wave it in our faces yet again."

— Ser Justin Massey, A Song of Ice and Fire

[Ulver] was taken to the Forward Docks and a big, brightly lit hangar, where the Psychopath Class ex-Rapid Offensive Unit Frank Exchange of Views was waiting for her.
Ulver laughed. "It looks," she snorted, "like a dildo!"
"That's appropriate," Churt Lyne said. "Armed, it can fuck solar systems."

— Excession by Iain M. Banks.

She glanced at his sword.
"I'm a Warder now." He shrugged. "Might as well look like one, eh?"
He could cut a Trolloc in half with a gateway at three hundred paces, and summon fire from inside Dragonmount itself, and he still wanted to carry a sword. It was, she decided, a male thing.

— A Memory of Light, The Wheel of Time

Live-Action TV

"This isn't about the gun! This is about sex!"

— Tom Paris, Star Trek: Voyager, "Blood Fever"

Riddell: What you need is a brave, interesting man of action with an enormous weapon. [exit with Dramatic Gun Cock]
Amy: So, it's the human sleeping potion or the walking innuendo. Take your pick.

— Doctor Who, "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship"

Frasier: The less said about that Civil War ramrod, the better.
Niles: Oh, you Freudians! Sometimes a ramrod is just a... oh hell, even I can't make that one fly.

—Frasier

Music

"And you might think I'm weak without a sword
But if I had one it'd be bigger than yours"

— "Kings and Queens", Ava Max

Video Games

"I love to reload during a battle! There's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a well greased chamber."

— Revolver Ocelot, Metal Gear Solid

Web Original

Alucard: Sweet Black-fucking-Sabbath! If I wasn't holding out for that beast of a woman, Integra, I'd fuck the red right out of those eyes!
[Seras gets stabbed repeatedly by Anderson]
Alucard: Well, kinda like that, only with less symbolism and more my penis in your vagina.

— Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

"MAKE PENIS INTO ROBOT!"

— Anonymous Heretek, If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device

Putting it down your pants compensates not only for your own penis, but for every penis within a twenty five mile radius.

— Ben Thompson, talking about the S&W .500 Magnum.

Western Animation

"Steve, shooting a gun is just like being intimate with a woman. First you inspect it to make sure it is clean. Then you grab it by the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it."

— Stan, American Dad!, "For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls"

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