- Inside the volcano, a skit you can get shows everyone complaining about how hot it is in there, while Jade is busy smiling to himself while Tear is apparently looking the other way. Luke, Natalia, Guy, and Mieu start to ask why Jade never gets too warm, and they all theorize that he has clothes that cool him. So they all tell him to remove his clothes to see if that's what cools him off, and when he logically refuses, the others start trying to tear them off of him. Fortunately, Tear snaps them out of their heat-induced delusions.
- Jade's Blatant Lies before these happen also count. "Oh not at all! I'm so hot I could just die."
- In another skit, Tear starts shivering from the cold, and they suggest having Tokunaga wrap around her for warmth, but then shoot the idea down because they think she'd find it embarrassing. However Tear is actually secretly on board with the idea because deep down she actually likes cute stuff.
- Granted, Guy does have an understandable excuse for being afraid of women but sometimes his reactions in the skits to them are so over-the-top they're hilarious.
- In several skits, the girls tickle him to help him get over his fear of women and he winds up running in fear.
- In one skit, Anise complains about how long it takes to run up a huge set of stairs and says "Guuuuuuuy! Carry me!" while apparently leaning against him - Guy quickly starts shouting and runs away in fear.
- Jade joins in with Anise in tickling Guy. In the JP version, Jade pushes his glasses up...whereas the English version the skit ends with Jade saying "...nibble."
- Tear's Boobs become the focus a few skits.
- During the party attempt to enter Grand Chokmah for the first time. Luke says Anise is as sexy as Mieu. She then says that one day she would grow as big as Tear. He then calls her stupid and says there that's it's impossible for her to get melons like that. Much to Tear's dismay.
- Also in a skit about Natalia's new Star of Malkuth on how the character is a dashing thief, Luke immediately mentions how big the characters' boobs are and suggests that Tear should wear that outfit... cue Natalia pulling his ear off and made him apologize.
- There's a skit on Mt. Roneal where Tear and Natalia are having trouble keeping their footing on the ice, and cry out loudly as they fall. Jade berates them for making noise that might cause an avalanche, saying that they need to simply be more careful...but his speech is interrupted by a shout and his face sprite tilting as he slips, dragging Luke into the scene at a tilt as he apparently grabs Luke's coat as a handhold to keep from hitting the ground - Luke is less than pleased by this. Jade then calmly tells Luke that he can't approve of him shouting and falling down like that.
- It's funnier if you think how Jade probably slipped on purpose just to torment Luke, since the man grew up around those conditions. At least, it always seemed to be another of Jade's jokes, due to the timing of his "slip" in the middle of his dialogue.
- Pretty much most of Jade's Blatant Lies. Including "No, no. I've been frail since birth... *fake cough*" while walking a long set of stairs while looking as fit as ever, or "Not at all. I'm so hot, I could just die." while walking in a volcano, or "Oh no. I'm crying from the inside, wrecked with guilt..." after Natalia's tearful reunion with her father...
- Or his exchange with Dist the first time:Jade: Why if it isn't Dist the Runny!Dist: The Rose! R-O-S-E, Rose! Dist the Rose!....Dist: I, the genius Dist, once counted that duplicitous snake Jade amongst my friends...Jade: Which Jade is that? I don't know any Jades with such poor taste in friends...Dist: What did you say!?Jade: Ah-ah, careful now... You know how your nose runs when you get mad...
- And another one for Jade... Jade 'raping' Dist and comes up with a lie to cover it up. And in the anime version.
- When the party revisit the Tataroo Valley, Tear mentions it was night when she and Luke were last there. The party starts speculating that something happened in such a romantic place. Luke looks uncomfortable but Tear dismisses the idea as patently absurd, so coldly the whole party reacts.
- This end of battle exchange:Anise: "Colonel, what's your secret for being so strong?"Jade: "Simple. I drink people's blood."Anise: "Huh?"Jade: "It's so difficult when people take me seriously..."
- Jade Curtiss. Let's just list them up:
- "Why if it isn't Dist the Runny!"
- "Which Jade is that? I don't know any Jades with such poor taste in friends." ... "Ah-ah, careful now. You know how your nose runs when you're mad."
- "Oh, not at all. I'm actually crying on the inside, wracked with guilt..."
- "Oh, not at all. I'm so hot, I could just die."
- And then Luke, Guy, Natalia, and Mieu try to strip him.
- "No, no. I've been frail since birth... *cough cough*"
- "Coochie coochie coochie coochie coochie coochie coochie coochie.... nibble."
- "What's the matter? You look as if you've swallowed a bug. Oh wait, you always look like that."
- "Heaven smiles upon me because of my good deeds."
- "(That can't possibly be true...)"
- "I intend to make good use of my youth to develop a memorable character, much as these ruins have been remembered over the ages... To that end, I'm devoting myself to driving you youngsters crazy."
- ...and many more. To sum it up.Guy: "...you sound like you're having fun, Colonel."Jade: *grins* "More than you could ever imagine."
- Tear's "Me-me-melons, what do you mean melons!? Are you stupid!? Can't you be a little more quiet!?"
Luke: Stupid, there's no way you'll grow melons like that.
- And what triggered said comment:
- This game's version of the "Our weapons are..." end of battle skit is worth a mention:Luke: Our weapons are status!Jade: Scheming!Anise: Playing dirty~!Guy: That's awful. (And even if he's in the battle party, he won't always say it.)
- This one that sounds truly... wrong:
- Luke: "You're weak!"Guy: "You're a hack!"Jade: "You're whack."
- This quote shows up in Vesperia if you win a battle with Yuri, Karol, and Estelle in your party. The last part of the line is said by Estelle.
- During the war, the party has to get across the blocking border in Chesedonia. They try to get through the bar to pass it, only for a person to hold people off without knowing the password. With Tear as the overworld avatar, she'll try to guess it.Tear: "Mountain."Person: "Wrong."Tear: "River."Person: "Wrong. If you don't know..."Tear: "Jerk."Person: "Wh-What did you just say?!"Tear: "I was trying out a password."
Urushi: "There's six of you, so..."Mieu: "Don't forget me!"Urushi: "There's seven of you, so it'll be seven thousand Gald."Tear: "I don't believe this."Luke: *Strangles Mieu* "You idiot! Your big mouth just cost us another thousand Gald!"Mieu: "Mieuuuuuuuu!"
- The Dark Wings then show up to offer the password for a price.
- Even Ion of all people gets a great one.
- Ion: "The poor thing must have been terrified. She screamed "I'll kill you bastards!" as she fell."
- And in the anime, you even get to see it happen.
- ANISE-SAMAAA!! Have mercy on me...!
- "Luke, is getting some serious discipline."
- The swimsuits skits, oh so much. The leaning on the fourth wall combined with hilarious lampshading makes it all the more funny!
- Guy the Orange Abyss Ranger.LUKE: "Agent of justice, Abyss Red!"JADE: "Blue!"ANISE: "Pink!"GUY: "Orange?! Oh hell, we're done fighting anyway..."
- Bonus points for Guy being voiced by the same person who complained about a part of his costume in another story.
- Emperor Peony convincing the team to find his rappigs, simply by asking Jade if he minds that his namesake might fall down the stairs, or end up in the oven as tonight's dinner. Jade is quite disturbed and quickly agrees to search for them.Jade: ...My apologies. I was unable to take any further humiliation.Luke: Emperor Peony really has your number, huh, Jade?
- When the party is worried that the Tartarus might sink, we get this gem.Mieu: Master, I can't swim!Luke: (kicks Mieu off-screen) Shut up and drown.
- Luke's abuse of Mieu in general, such as stepping on him, punting him like a football, using him as an impromptu club and using him as a projectile.
- Some of the character titles you collect for your party:Abyss Orange: O-orange?! Weren't there any other colors?Evil Fonist?: I do not use my Fonic Artes for evil. That is only a bit of malicious mischief from His Majesty.Towel Boy: Wrap this towel around my head...does this look bad?
- Jade bowing before Luke and asking for his help in a way that just screams condescension. Not to mention calling him Master Luke/Luke-sama depending on your language of choice.Luke: "Don't you have any pride?"Jade: "None so cheap as to be shaken by something like this, sir."
- The party has to beg Emperor Peony for one of the Fonic Catalysts, besides Luke and Guy, it's hilarious.Luke: [deadpan] Please lend us the sword.Peony: [uninterested] Next.Guy: With all due respect, we would like to borrow the sword.Peony: [uninterested] Next.Anise: Emperor Peony, you're sooo handsome! Can we please borrow the sword? Pretty please with sugar on top?Peony: Ha, great, great! Just wait until you're six years older and I'll date you anytime.Luke: Woah, he sure changed fast.Natalia: [deadpan] Please lend us the sword.Peony: Oh that icy smile, yeah...[Everyone looks at Tear.]Tear: [nervously, then blushes] M-Me too? Um, your majesty, would you please allow us to borrow the sword?Peony: Oh that hint of naivete. Yes.Jade: Your Majesty—Peony: Shut up. Don't beg. I'll puke.Jade: Now now Your Majesty. Please allow me to offer my most sincere request.Peony: No. Leave.Jade: How unfortunate. We'll be taking the sword then.
Jade: Incidentally...would it be possible to borrow this sword?Peony: Hmmmm...I suppose that if those three cute girls begged a little...Natalia: That's a fine case of sexual harassment!
- Prior to that, we have this bit. The way Natalia delivers the line makes it go from uncomfortable to hilarious.
- Most of the conversations with Din, especially the ones with Jade.
- There's a skit in the Shurrey Hill dungeon where Anise says that Van's eyebrows can detect enemies and shoot hypno-rays, and that his power is derived entirely from his beard. Natalia takes her dead seriously.
- Similarly, there's a skit later where Anise theorizes that Dist is in fact a lizard, is attached to his chair, and when threatened can snap the chair off the way some lizards can lose their tails and regrow them. Natalia still takes her seriously.
- Dear Diary, an ongoing Tumblr two-panel comic of the events in the game, told in a very hilarious fashion.
- In a similar vein as the above, the PrinceBoo21 playthrough/video walkthrough of the game on Youtube has a Douche-a-Meter, a Pwn-a-Meter, and a That Was Awesome meter. Apart from the amusingness of this concept, no matter what he is saying, the Douche-a-Meter goes up gradually as Mohs talks. and after he dies, it goes up just once more for the hell of it. It also does this whenever jerkass!Luke is abusing Mieu by stepping on him. The Pwn-a-Meter also does this whenever Guy has a prolonged reaction to his phobia.
- When Mieu first flies after learning Mieu wings this immediately sets off Tear's cuteness proximity. The camera cuts to Luke and just as he insists on trying to catch a ride he stops and the camera cuts showing that Tear beat him to the punch and just grabbed onto Mieu. As Anise and Natalia insist on turns Jade snarks that Mieu might come out of it a few inches taller.
- There's a very easy to miss sidequest early in the game where a guy named Ayn in St. Binah asks the party to pay his late dues as part of Noir's fanclub in Chesedonia. It turns out that the debt was a lot larger than the money he handed over and the difference had to come out of the party's money. Seeing Luke getting worked up over the money he lost is amusing, but if the player grants his wish for retribution and talks with Ayn again, we get this gem:Ayn: What are you mad about? Did you take care of paying the dues?
Tear: The yearly dues were 1000 gald. You only gave us 200.
Ayn: Really? I'm pretty sure I gave you 1000. Anyway, where's that newsletter?
Luke: Hey! You've got some explaining to do!
Tear: First, you give us the remaining 800 gald.
Ayn: I-I told you, I gave you all the gald. D-do you even have any proof—
Tear: [threatening voice] Pay. Now.
Ayn: Y-yes, ma'am. I'm sorry. Here you are.
[Received 800 gald]
Tear: Thank you. Here you are. [hands over newsletter]
Ayn: R-right... thanks. But I don't need it. [returns newsletter]
Tear: ...What are you talking about?
Ayn: I've made up my mind. I've outgrown being a Black Dream fan. From now on, I'm going to be your fan instead! [heart icons pop out]
Tear: [backs away awkwardly] W-wait a minute. I-I'm not really...
Luke: Heh. It's fun to be popular, huh, Tear?
Ayn: So Tear's the your name! That's a nice name! How old are you? What's your height? Are those your personal cloths?
Tear: ...I'm sorry!
Ayn: I fell in love with her strength, but she's so cute when she blushes, too... okay! I'm founding the Friends of Tear fan club!
Luke: ...Huh. There's no accounting for taste.
- The following exchange:Mieu: Mieuuu... I'm scared of that big man.Tear: Don't worry, Mieu. We'll protect you.Jade: Besides, Mieu has a very important role to fill...Mieu: Mieu?Jade: ...Emergency rations, you know?Mieu: M-m-mieu?!(Mieu leaves.)Tear: D-don't worry, Mieu!Anise: Colonel, that's not funny.Jade: Hah hah, I was serious.Tear: ......Anise: ...You're the worst.
Funny / Tales of the Abyss