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Funny / Secret Six

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  • "Shut up and eat your Grundy." Vandal Savage's response to the other villains who are grossed out when it's revealed that they're eating Solomon Grundy. Cheshire throws up, but Dr. Psycho just asks for some Worcestershire sauce.
  • A discussion on Scandal's lesbianism:
    Deadshot: Typical. Only female-type on the team and she's bent for other chicks.
    Bane: Do not insult her. Love is complex.
    Deadshot: Hey, you don't gotta tell me nothin', New Guy. I got videos.
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  • Deadshot asking Catman to be his chaperone on his date with Jeanette because he's afraid she'll take advantage. Complete with the two of them and Ragdoll in Deadshot's room, deliberating over what Deadshot should wear. Eventually Catman drags Deadshot to his room to borrow a suit after the one Deadshot pulls from his own closet proves to be absolutely hideous.
  • Ragdoll pretending to be Robin, and the discussion of how everything he said came out sounding nasty. About three-quarters of Ragdoll's dialogue hovers between disturbing and hilarious.
    Catman: That sounds a bit unsavory when you say it. Of course, everything sounds a bit unsavory when you say it.
    Ragdoll: ... Cheese-stuffed manicotti. EWWW, IT DOES! I never realized! Creamed corn! Donut holes! Silverback gorillas! God help us all, gold-plated bedknobs! Pea pods! Velvety throw pillows! Tuna salad, hold the mayonnaise! EWWWW!
    • Also from his Robin cosplay: "I can take a crowbar to the head!" Possibly the series' best Mythology Gag ever. (If you're not familiar with it, Jason Todd "died" after the Joker beat him to death with a crowbar.)
    • "To my Batpole!"
  • The entire scene involving Deadshot and Catman shopping for ice cream at the beginning of the Unhinged arc. In particular, Deadshot's excuse for ripping off the entire cigarette stock.
    And these go with me, because of your... uh... shocking lack of security. That's it.
    • Later, we have Cheetah fighting Scandal over a get out of hell free card when Bolt bursts in:
      Bolt: Who, damn it! Who dies all lit up like Christmas! Who has the card!
      Simultaneously: Cheetah's got it.
      Bolt: Lying slut!
      Cheetah: What did you call me?!
      [They push each other through the window]
      Both: Traitor!!!
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    • In a one-panel sight gag, Bolt sets off some lightning while threatening Cheetah and Spider. In the background, you can see Cheetah's hair all puffed out from the heat, and she has a hilarious annoyed look on her face.
  • When meeting with Batman, Catman keeps getting distracted by the smell of Mexican food, and sarcastically asks if Batman pulled the Batmobile into a drive-thru before showing up. Then, about halfway through the fight, Batman ends his speech to Blake with:
    "And if you must know, I had a burrito."
  • Bane's hysterically inept attempt to calm a little girl after foiling her kidnappers.
  • Bane: "Scandal, you are allowed one ice cream of your choice."
  • Two within a page of each other. First, Deadshot opens a cell to rescue a prisoner.
    Deadshot: C'mon, been sent to... Crap. Shoulda guessed. Nice fake-out, Flag.
    Rick Flag: Waller wants you for a mission, Deadshot. Even staged this special event. You going to cooperate?
    (Deadshot shoots him)
    Deadshot: No, but thanks for asking.
    • Then Yasemin, who has spent the entire issue thinking about a showdown with Deadshot, finally meets him.
      Yasemin: We will decide this, you and I, on the count of three. One...
      (Deadshot shoots her)
      Yasemin: (Thinking) Oh. I should have taken my chances... with the explosive chip in my skull.
      Deadshot: Take the shot you got, lady.
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  • King Shark: "Enough talk! I'm a shark, not a... talking guy!"
  • After a bloody brawl between Cheshire and Catman, we get this exchange.
    Cheshire: Let's do it. Right here, with the battle raging around us. Make love to me, Thomas.
    Catman: Cheshire, your womb is the most godawful dangerous weapon I've ever faced. Worse than that—I can't believe I'm considering it.
  • In the first story arc involving Junior, Jeannette explains that her staff are well-equipped to handle hostile situations with metahumans. Deadshot mentions that bullets probably aren't strong enough to stop the type of people coming after them. Jeannette responds "yes, well, I suppose that's what the grenades are for". Deadshot can't argue with that kind of logic. Of course, the cleavage helps.
  • Black Alice's powers allow her to steal the abilities of any magic-user, and as side-effect that the series' artists really have fun with, take on aspects of their appearance as well (including men). So when she pinches Jason Blood's powers...
    • Estrogan then proceeds to get into a fight with Scandal, who she believes is trying to steal Ragdoll from her.
    Alice/Estrogan: "From Hell's black heart to desert haunt, This rage still crawls between us, And don't pretend that you don't want, My boyfriends bendy penis!"
    Deadshot: "Oh man, you haven't told her about that?"
    Ragdoll: "No pun intended, I assure you. But it hasn't come up, as need be."
  • King Shark's personal hell... turns out it's an eternity in a vegetarian restaurant. Poor dude.
  • In the arc where Ice "got better", the villain tries to use his mind-control powers on her again so Deadshot just shoots him. He hilariously claims self-defense because the guy "obviously had a gun"(hint: he didn't). When one of the Birds Of Prey points this out...
    Deadshot(shrug): Okay, so it was murder. Who cares?
    • From the same arc, when Ice shows up and angrily demands to know who killed her, Ragdoll ends that issue with this:
      Ragdoll: Oh, fine. Now, we're all going to die for a murder none of us committed. I hope you're happy!
  • When Black Alice is about to be sacrificed by a murderous cult, we get this hilarious inversion of Tactful Translation.
    Jeanette: Please tell the large gentleman that I am about to ignore his orders, most respectfully.
    Catman: Bane? Jeannette says you should go &^%$ yourself. We're going in.
  • When Bane begins expressing concern, in his own way, over Scandal's diet, she promptly responds that she has no idea what the hell he is talking about. To which Ragdoll bluntly states that he's worried about her colon, which he himself hadn't given much thought to because it never comes up much.
  • Deadshot's parting words to Catman and Cheshire's son.
    Deadshot: Word to the wise, kid. Soon as you can, get yourself some new parents. You don't want the other kids calling ya "Cheshire Cat."
    • It becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when Tommy's older sister Lian adopts that moniker in Catwoman, many years later.
  • Liana and Scandal setting Bane up on a date with one of Liana's coworkers, Spencer. After awkwardly attempting to "negotiate" with Spencer and then commenting on how much weight her hips can bear, Liana and Scandal try to hurry things along to keep things from getting any more painful then they already are.
  • Pretty much the entirety of "Predators", a guest writer cameo from John Ostrander, which features among other bits of black comedy Bane deciding to beat a man to death with his own limbs because he doesn't deserve to have his back broken like Batman did.
  • When the Doom Patrol reappears, we get this conversation between Ambush Bug and Robotman:
    Bug: Cliff. Robotman. Seriously, here. "Blue blazes?"
    Cliff: Stripper I knew outside Philly. Her gag was ice cubes.
    Bug: Well la de dah and thank you for destroying my innocence. By the way, got her number, maybe?
  • Strix very easily takes care of Riddler's goons in 4 panels in issue 6. The Riddler just stands there completely dumbfounded.
    Riddler: Wait. What? Steady on. What is happening? Wait.
    • Followed up by Catman's "riddle":
      "When is a raven like the Riddler?" Give up? "When it bleeds to death after having its throat torn out."
  • Volume 2 Issue 8 finds most of the team, alongside Jeannette and Etrigan, having to travel to the outskirts of Atlantis (using magic to hold the water back) to find and destroy a magical structure to save Black Alice's life, but Aquaman shows up and begins to fight Catman. Porcelain notices that Jeannette, Strix and Ventriloquist are just sitting around, and asks why they're not carrying out their mission, considering what's at stake. Jeannette points out that, simply put, Catman and Aquaman are fighting each other. Cue Porcelain joining the other women, all sitting there, swooning as they watch the fight.
  • In #35, King Shark is sent on a "special mission". What follows is pretty much King Shark in a nutshell:
    King Shark: [Singing] "IIIIIIIII'm a shark, I'm a shark, I'm a shark, I'm a shark! I'm a sharrrrrrrk! I'm a *&^%$#@ S sharrrrrrrrk!"
  • In issue #3 of the New 52 run, Big Shot assembles the group sans Black Alice in the living room and asks which one of them had sex on the couch last night. After a *Beat* panel of awkward faces, everybody raises their hand, Ferdie included.
    Big Shot: Oh, dear god. I gotta get those plastic covers.
    • Then, when Porcelain and Shauna go shopping, they get harassed by a pair of douchebag neighbors, and one of them recognizes them.
    Artie: These two, they're from the block party, Jared!
    Jared: Shut up, Artie.
    Artie: Yeah! Remember last night? We found your mom getting nasty with a puppet?
  • Despite not being part of the main cast of the New 52 run, Ragdoll has lost absolutely none of his form.
    Scandal: Darling dearest, I'm afraid I really must ask what you're doing back there...
    Ragdoll: I'm attaching a grenade launcher to a squirrel. Why? Is that bad?
    Scandal: I have told you before, you are not to attach high explosives to squirrels!
    Ragdoll: No, you said not to attach high explosives to gerbils. This is a squirrel.
    Scandal: Don't attach them to any small animals!
  • In the final issue of the New 52 series, Strix has been taken by Lady Shiva to join the League of Assassins, and has been given a tablet with text-to-speech software to better help her communicate. When Strix rejects Shiva's offer after being forced to run a gauntlet of enemies, Shiva beats her, and then this happens:
    Lady Shiva: You have more to say? Choose your words carefully, sister.
    Strix: <Shiva is a turd bird.>
    Strix: <Your breath smells like poop.>
    Lady Shiva: You... No one has ever dared...
    Strix: <Your hair looks stupid.>
    Lady Shiva: ...I see.

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