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Funny / Final Fantasy XIII

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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

  • At the beginning, whenever Vanille asks a question that anyone who lives in Cocoon should know - like saying "who's this guy?" when the Primarch shows up on the television - nobody gets suspicious. They just assume she's a major ditz.
    Sazh: I mean... what are they teaching kids these days?
  • The opening cinematic to Chapter 12 contains one for Snow. He waves to a cheering crowd...conveniently forgetting about his l'Cie brand. Once the guards start mobilizing, he realizes what just happened.
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  • When Sazh jumps after Lightning and land on his face... then the chocobo chick sticks a landing that would make an Olympic gymnast proud, complete with its wings stuck up in the air.
  • The chocobo chick's datalog entry.
    The chick has no name, as voicing the true identity of the animal might trigger ripples of destiny across Cocoon and cause a hurricane in Eden. Either that, or Sazh hasn't thought of one yet.
  • Just before Fang gets her Eidolon, she talks about how she's made up her mind. The Eidolon appears and she says it's for l'Cie who are indecisive. Just after Snow protects her, you can hear him say, "So, you haven't made up your mind yet?"
  • Early on when Snow and Hope are attempting to get to Hope's house, there's a pair of civilians whose plight the player can hear of if he or she decides to get close to them. It's a father and son that were separated in the commotion. Only it's the father that starts to whine about how he should have listened to his son when he was told to stay where he was when they were separated. When you clear out the enemies and they can get together, the son will scold his much older father.
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  • All of the guys looking away in embarrassment when Fang checks Vanille's brand. Hope covering his eyes and coughing is just sort of hilariously adorable.
  • Hope and Vanille free falling in the opening cinematic for chapter 11, made funnier by virtue of being a split second piece of dialogue in the middle of a CMOA.:
    Vanille: Are you okay?
  • Sazh and the chocobo chick during the "Save the Chocobos" mission:
    Sazh: Hurry the what up?
  • This one is repeatable, since it happens in gameplay, but requires some timing: do a Paradigm shift and watch your party strike their Angels Pose... followed immediately by a mob knocking one of them flat on their ass. Whilst the other two just stand there looking cool (or attempting to).
    • Even better when the enemy uses an attack that launches the character into the air. The ring that appears around the character when Paradigm shift occurs is there, and the camera will focus on it, but your character will be flying through the air.
    • If a party member is launched just before another member heals or buffs them, they have a chance of spouting their character-specific "Thanks!" line... while being juggled Smash Bros. style by a Behemoth. And, of course, the simple sight of your medic desperately chucking cure spells at someone who is soaring through the air is completely hilarious by itself.
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  • In chapter 12, the party casually jumps off a ledge, leaving Vanille to wonder what they're doing before following. The group falls through the air as Vanille waves her limbs and screams, and Lightning activates the Grav-Con Unit for them to land in safely.
    Vanille: You could have warned me!
    Fang: That's how they get around on Cocoon.
    Hope: That's how Light gets around!
  • Sazh's finisher when Brynhildr is in Gesthalt Mode. The way that he and the Frocobo land splat on the ground next to Brynhildr is great.
  • Mark 34. Here comes Zenobia the Butcher, and you're expecting her to be a tougher fight than most of the Undying marks preceding her... until a fucking tonberry shows up and steals your kill. With a knife. In one hit. What. Of course, Final Fantasy veterans already know what to expect of those critters.
  • While wandering Pulse, you can come across some of the sheep. Vanille walks up to a larger one, grabs it, then yanks a tuft of its wool off so hard it sends the thing crashing to its side when it comes off.
    • But there is more to that scene! When she tries to yank, the sheep gives a "What the heck are you doing?" glance to her and Vanille gets a little nervous. The moment she succeeds in yanking the wool off, the tearing sound is so loud that the first thing you might think is "Well, staggered this sheep good."
    • For extra laughs pay attention to Snow's commentary during the scene...
    Snow: uh..Vanille?
    Vanille: Shhh!
    Snow: (exasperated) What's she doing this time?
    Vanille: *starts yanking on the sheep's wool*
    Snow: Wha-What are you doing? Stop that!
  • Early on when Vanille is left with Sazh, she's climbing up a piece of rubble/machinery. While it isn't intentional, Sazh looks up and is about to get a full view of Vanille. The chocobo chick blocks his view and chirps indignantly.
  • Doubling as a Moment of Awesome, the time Sazh's chocobo took down a mook. By itself. Killer Rabbit indeed.
  • When Vanille passes a group of sheep in Nautilus, she says the following:
    Vanille: Look at these wooly little things! I just wanna squeeze 'em till they pop!
  • Sazh gets one if he's your party leader in the final battle against Orphan.
    "...I definitely don't wanna meet your parents!"
    • Made funnier by the fact that he kind of already did, in the previous phase of the battle.
  • When Fang and Lightning are talking in Palumpolum, Light delivers an angry, frustrated backhand across Fang's face. After comparing the ensuing dialogue to Snow's, Fang asks if she feels any better for the blow.
    Lightning: ...It didn't change anything.
    Fang: Tell that to my jaw.
  • "All this dampness is damp!"
  • Sazh gets one when he and Vanille go together after the plane crash. A piece of debris is blocking their path and you have to operate a machine to get rid of it. Said piece of debris comes towards them, increasing at speed causing Sazh to go:
    Sazh: Whoa... whoa whoa whoa WHOA! *the debris is caught by the machine* [beat] I knew that'd happen.
  • After Anima has been fought and the party are now l'Cie:
    Snow: (to Vanille) You too?
    Vanille: Mm-hmm. (lifts her skirt, revealing her brand) Right here.
    Snow: (awkwardly, while turning away) Okay...
  • Using Sazh against one of Bartandelus' forms and using a paradigm shift net you this gem:
  • During the cutscene for the opening of chapter 11, when the party gets attacked by an enormous flying monster, we get this:
    Fang: He thinks we're lunch.
    Sazh: Yeah, like a l'Cie food buffet.
    Lightning: "Cie food." Cute.
  • After Lightning, Hope, Fang, and Snow have a fight against a Kalavinka Striker on the Palamecia (and another one flies up to take its place), a portion of the hull blows open and Sazh and Vanille step out. Fang and Vanille start to have a joyful reunion, and Snow seemingly turns to Sazh.
    Snow: There you are.
    Sazh: Did you miss me?
    (fight music resumes as the second Kalavinka Striker flies in)
    Snow: Not you, the monster!
    Sazh: What? Where?
  • The Running Gag of Snow taking a swing at Barthandelus whenever he appears and Barthandelus casually blasts him back before continuing to speak to the party.
  • On Gran Pulse, the party splits into three groups: Lightning with Snow and Sazh, Fang and Vanille, and Hope with Frocobo. Nobody is even a little bit concerned about the squishiest wizard in the party being accompanied by only an ungrown chocobo chick on Gran frickin' Pulse until after Frocobo comes back panicking. Fang even says "He's off with the chocobo" as though she were a whole proper member of the party instead of a lodger in Sazh's afro.
  • Near the start of the game, during the battle between NORA and the Sanctum, Vanille discards her cloak, revealing a colorful outfit that seems completely out of place among the destruction around her, heads over to Hope, and hands him an assault rifle with a cheery "Here you go!", like it's a packet of sweets.
  • One line, uttered by our favorite funny man when he first lays eyes on the Gigantuar.
    Sazh: SWEET MERCY!!
    • Sazh in general is great at pre-battle quotes. Meet an adamantoise?
    Sazh: That thing is gonna Gran the Pulse right out of us!
  • The skit with Lightning and Snow's voice actors for the game's launch party.
    Snow: This'll be a piece of cake! Let's do this!
    Lightning: Follow my lead!
    Lightning: Hang in there, Hope. Snow. ... SNOW! Don't just stand there!
    Snow Ha! STEELGUARD!
    Lightning: *groans*
    Snow: C'mon; show me what you got!
    Lightning: Wanna lend a hand here?
    Snow Eh, don't worry, Light; I can take him! Watch this! STEELGUARD!
    Lightning *sighs* ...never mind.
  • When Snow's a prisoner, he's looking at Serah's crystal tear, and:
    *Fang hits Snow on the back of the head*
    Fang: (while shaking her hand) Ahh! I knew you were hard-headed, but-
    Snow: (turning around; indignant) Okay, that was- Oww!
  • Sazh noticing and trying to catch a Cactuar that's taunting him. It runs off the moment he springs for it. Later on they meet back up in the same place... but the Cactuar is now a Gigantuar, and still just as fast as it was originally... But far more confident in its ability to defend itself.
  • Fang rejects Snow's Rousing Speech at the end of the Fifth Ark and draws her weapon on the party, declaring that she'll have no part in their self-sacrifice and all of Cocoon can go hang if it means she can save Vanille from turning Cie'th. When this calls Bahamut to her, she screams Don't You Dare Pity Me! and says that Eidolons only appear to l'Cie who can't decide what to do in order to put them out of their misery. Snow cuts through the drama with a logical observation: "So, you haven't made up your mind yet?"
  • Chapter 9 escalates the panic in its alarms. Code Red is fairly normal. Code Green isn't an all-clear, it's bigger than red. Code Purple has the comm officer practically panicking as he yells it over the intercom. It's all capped off by Jihl being unable to decide whether Orange, Blue, or Yellow is next - and Dysley calls Code White. It's even funnier because this is really the first time in the game that the l'Cie are winning, and Nabaat doesn't know how to deal with that.


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