As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.
- The opening cinematic of the first game doesn't waste any time setting up the tone.
- Crypto's very first words in the series:Crypto: What's shakin', Pox? You look a little... what's the word... Constipated.
- Later on, we get this exchange:Crypto: Lemme tell ya something, Pox. You're a smart cookie, but there's a time for thought, and there's a time for action! And this is one of those times!
Pox: ... Which?
Crypto: THE SECOND ONE!
- Crypto's very first words in the series:
- During the first mission, Crypto is tasked with finding out Earth's dominant lifeform. He's not exactly fond of analyzing the cows.Pox: If we want this invasion to run smoothly, we must identify the dominant lifeforms on this world. Those "Lactating Bovoids" are likely candidates.
Crypto: Surely you don't mean those foul-smelling gasbags beyond the fence?
Pox: Yes, I'm afraid I do.
Crypto: But they're covered in nipples!
Pox: NOW, Cryptosporidium!- And immediately afterward...Crypto: They eat through their mouths?!? UGH! I think I'm going to be violently ill!
- Which is then followed up by Crypto's attempt to communicate with the cow:Crypto: Attention, Earth creature: this planet is now a part of the Furon Empire. Your benevolent masters welcome you.
Cow: Moo.
Crypto: At this time, we wish to abduct you for the purpose of scientific research. The procedure will be protracted and invasive. Do you have any objections?
Cow: MOOOOO.
Crypto: Earth creature, I am addressing you! Respond or be vaporized!
(The cow turns around and poops in Crypto's direction. He recoils in disgust.)
Crypto: I don't care how many stomachs you have — I don't have time for this! - In the remake, upon stepping foot outside the saucer, Crypto sets foot on manure, thus adding humor to this exchange:Crypto: How's the view, from the safety of the mothership?Pox: Very funny. Let's just say I'm glad I'm up here and you're down there. Loathsome little planet...
- And immediately afterward...
- Some of the thoughts given by citizens are just plain hilarious:Suburban Female: If my kitchen isn't the cleanest and shiniest in town, I'll crush anyone who disagrees with me... with my dainty manicured fist!
Cop: To serve and protect. To serve and protect. To serve and protect. To swerve and defect. Uh... To curve and perfect? Dammit, I lost it!
Cop: Who the hell needs a "Bill of Rights"? I'm Bill and I'm right! - There's no penalty for staying a long time on the main menu rather than playing missions (whether you're logging in the DNA cheat or the Unlock Pox's Lab cheat, etc.), but Pox is not very patient, and he'll try to shame you into going back to playing main missions such as by stating your electricity bill is going to look steep this month or by reminding you of the threat of Global Warming.Pox: Didn't anyone tell you? The name of the game is "DESTROY ALL HUMANS!" Not "Screw Around on the Mothership"!
- In the third mission, you must Holobob as the mayor of Rockwell to tell the townsfolk that there's nothing bad going on. The voice, akin to John F. Kennedy or Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons, is just hilarious when the player purposefully picks the wrong choices to say. Like, say, "Insult Audience":Mayor: I gotta tell ya, I've seen some pretty disgusting creatures in my day, but you monkeys take the cake! In fact, all you monkeys is an insult to monkeys! How you became the dominant species of the earth is a total freakin' mystery!
- Or "Enslave Populace":Er, um... BOW DOWN BEFORE CRYPTO! (beat) What, do I have to draw you a picture?
- And once one of the people asks you what the radioactive cows has to do with the destruction of the fairgrounds from the previous mission, you can pick "Tell The Truth":It doesn't! HAHAHAHA!
- If you choose "Tell The Truth" about the cows, not only does the farmer go on a tangent, but this gets the audience approval:Crypto: Why the hell do you THINK they're glowing? THEY'VE BEEN PROBED!
Farmer: (while the audience claps) That's a stinkin' lie! I didn't touch them cows- 'specially not like THAT! That's SICK! And anyway, Dr. Kinsey says it's normal! So get your judgmental, bourgeois attitudes outta my bedroom! I mean, my barn. What? - When a woman asks why no one in Santa Modesta has experienced anything like this, pick "Feign Ignorance":How the Hell should I know?!
- If you pick "Reassure Audience" instead:Santa Modesta is experiencing the same problems we are; the difference is, we have that award-winning city desk over at the Rockwell Gazette, and nothing gets past those guys! They keep ME honest!
- Or, you could blame it on the cows:Look, cows fart methane, and methane is flammable. We have more cows than Santa Modesta; you do the math.
- And if you fail, it has the Mayor being run out and apparently this was the second time it happened according to the Remake.
- Or "Enslave Populace":
- The first mission in Santa Modesta involves attacking a pool party the mayor is at in order to attract (and weaken) the police force. If you scan the mayor (who, just like in the last mission, sounds like Mayor Quimby), you can see he isn't particularly fond of the idea of hosting the pool party.Mayor: You'd think as much power I've got in this town, I could ban these stupid pool parties. At least we outlawed the chicken dance.
- One of the attendees points out the irony of the fact that no one in the party is actually in the pool.
- The song playing at the pool party is Summer Sammba. It becomes Soundtrack Dissonance if you decide to kill everyone at the party without a disguise, which the remake makes you do.
- In the mission "Furon Down", Crypto is captured and awaiting autopsy when the Mad Scientist assigned to the job bursts out with this hilarious rant (which, regrettably, didn't make it into the remake):
- Cortex scanning the joint chiefs
will reveal two thing, one; that they all concede that their branch is 'for pussies', and two, some of them are not wearing any underwear! Scanning Armquist as well will reveal neither is he.Armquist: "I'm the leader of the greatest democratic superpower on this planet - and I'm goin' commando! I'm comfortable and I'm angry! Look out!" - Before the boss fight against General Armquist, we get this in a cutscene:Armquist: Come and get me, ya commie piece of crap! (punches Crypto in the face and runs)
Crypto: Okay, we'll do it your way.
(Armquist stomps up in a giant robot suit)
Crypto: Your way's not very sportsmanlike... - During the intro to "The Lone Gunman", Pox and Crypto talk about finding President Huffman, when Pox spots a convoy heading out of Capitol City.Crypto: Right on. Just tell me where he is and what he looks like.
Pox: I... err... the mothership's tracking system is broken. I think he uses those convoys of long black vehicles for transit.
Crypto: You think?
Pox: I can't exactly pinpoint the president from orbit, Crypto; It's not like he walks around with a big red arrow over his head.- Pox's reaction to the presidential motorcade being a decoy full of heavily armed Majestic Agents.Look out! It's an ambush! Circle the wagons! Throw me a shotgun! Get the womenfolk inside! Oh... I really must stop watching human television. Oh screw it... DESTROY THEM ALL!
- Pox's reaction to the presidential motorcade being a decoy full of heavily armed Majestic Agents.
- And later:Pox: Now that the president is dead, the human senators are voting for a new leader. The vote is agonizingly close!
Crypto: Doesn't the Vice President become President?
Pox: JUST SHUT UP AND KILL THOSE SENATORS BEFORE THEY GET INSIDE THE CAPITAL! - During the fight with Roboprez, he takes off for the Lincoln Memorial after losing enough health. Pox sums up his destination thusly:Pox: He's heading for that white building! No, the other white building! You know, the one with the statue of the tall, ugly guy with the beard, he's like, Amish or something!
- Should you fail one of the side missions, Pox comes out with this gem:Pox: NO, NO, NO! Crypto, you incompetent boob!!
- In the remake's version of "The Mutant Menace", Crypto goes down an elevator. He's seemingly annoyed by the music playing (which is a rendition of Summer Sammba (as in the first game)) and proceeds to electrocute the elevator before leaving.
