Funny / Bad Movie Beatdown 2009 Episodes

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The Adventures Of Pluto Nash

• His rebuttal to a scene in which a speaker is heard playing from an oncoming car:
  (leans directly into camera) THERE IS NO SOUND IN SPACE!
  • This echoes, zooming out progressively and progressively further, until we get a full picture of Earth, at which point the audio goes completely mute.
    See? No sound.
• At one point, he goes on an EPIC QUEST to try to understand a stupid joke about Salt Lake City.^note It had to do with the city's reputation of being ridiculously uptight, which probably wouldn't be familiar to almost anyone outside Eagleland and some Americans to boot. After his computer freezes up, he runs halfway across town, threatens someone into letting him use their computer, looks the city up on Wikipedia, laughs... then says the joke wasn't funny and it wasn't worth it. All accompanied by the Indiana Jones theme.
• The scene where he rummages through a briefcase:
  Let's see...Vincent Vega's soul...a copy of Coming to America...undies...hat...haha! And (something grabs his hand) AAH!! AAH!! AAH!!

Equilibrium

• The end of his review, where he summarizes the film in the style of Bum Reviews.
  • PUPPIES! ♥ ♥ ♥

Darkness Falls

• Film Brain as Creepy Child Michael Greene: "My director gives me a cookie whenever I say my lines creepily!" (puts a cookie in his mouth)
  • And later...
  Michael: (emotionless) We're all going to die.
  Film Brain: COOKIE! (puts another one in his mouth)

Transmorphers

• This is how the review opens:
  Film Brain: Today, I review a piece of shit!
  o_o: (high pitched scream)
• This gem:
  Film Brain: ...I mean it's not like there's a sequel to it or any-
  -*Boxart for Transmorphers: The Fall of Man is shown.
  Film Brain: F*ck...
• The bit when the opening Infodump says that humanity found alien life in 2009. It being 2009, Professor Celluloid appears and announces that he's done just that. Cue dramatic music and a shot of space as... the Channel Awesome logo comes into view. It then goes to telescope view and shows Linkara waving.
• At one point, one of the robots threatens him for insulting its laughably bad special effects.
• "Damn. I burnt the damn muffins."
• The "Err" counter.
  Film Brain: Err, I think, err, he might be, err, making up his lines as he, ehhh-fing goes along.
• This exchange:
  Character: It rains up there 24/7.
  Film Brain: Welcome to England! :D

On Deadly Ground

• "Not my manly balls! Heeeeeee...."
• After Forrest sets a bunch of traps in the woods for the mercenaries after him:

  Film Brain: And then we get to see what would happen if Steven Seagal played Pierce Brosnan's role in Seraphim Falls.

  *montage of all the bad guys falling into traps and dying in ridiculous ways*

  Film Brain: ...a much shorter movie.

• "Besides, do we really need to picture Seagal in a bikin- OH GOD! It hurts! It hurts!"
• The Stinger.

  Forrest: Are you a man?

  Linkara: I AM A MAN! *PUNCH*

• When the Eskimo dressed as a raven starts cawing, the look on Film Brain's face is priceless. And it gets even better when he asks if someone spiked his tea.

Hollywood Homicide

• "I think the sight of Harrison Ford chowing down on a donut mid-coitus has put me off sex for life."

Final Destination 3

• After fluid starts leaking from the mechanism keeping the safety restraints in place on a rollercoaster:
  Pssst! *leans in close* Rollercoasters don't work that way. They use air.''
• His reactions to the heavy-handed Foreshadowing at the end of the film:
  "We get it, James [Wong, director of the film, as well as the first Final Destination film]! ... We really, really get it this time! ... We really, really, really get it!"

Meteor

• He points out the Informed Wrongness of the film's Strawman.
  General Adlon: I consider allowing the Russians to come into this center to be a grave error.
  Film Brain: He has actually got a point there considering this is the Cold War, but hey, that might get in the way of the message, so he's actually an intolerant bigot for saying that. INTOLERANT! INTOLERANT!
• A meteor fragment causes a tsunami in Hong Kong and Film Brain provides alternate subtitles for the characters:
  "Wife": What's happening?
  "Husband": It's the stock footage! It's coming right at us!
  The wife panics and grabs the baby. Cut to the husband looking at the dog, who is whining with concern.
  Film Brain: No! Not the puppy!

The Jazz Singer

• His impression of Laurence Olivier's ridiculous overacting, wherein he runs around the house flailing his arms and moaning until Professor Celluloid slaps him.

Christmas With The Kranks

• When Christmas with the Kranks starts giving him flashbacks to Jingle All the Way, he narrates over the scene in an Ahnold voice.
• His rant at Luther for being resentful about not going on his cruise even though his daughter has come home for Christmas: "You know what, I think you should be left on an island, all by yourself! Enjoy the palm trees jackass!"

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