- Jack Nicholson's Joker has plenty of his own funny moments, but his reaction to the Batwing whisking away the Smilex gas-dispensing balloons is priceless: "HE STOLE MY BALLOONS! Why didn't somebody tell me he had one of those... things?" He promptly asks his right-hand man for a gun — and shoots him.
Joker: Bob. Gun. *bang!* I'm gonna need a moment alone, boys.
- Joker's commercial for "NEW AND IMPROVED JOKER PRODUCTS!" The whole thing is darkly hilarious.
- Followed by the newscasters forced on the air sans any hygiene or beauty products.
- Joker's feebly hilarious attempt to avoid getting smacked around by Batman by putting on fake glasses.
"Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, now, would you?" *punch*
Batman: Pardon me, have you ever danced with a devil in the pale moonlight? *punch* *bong*
- and, during Batman's fight with the goons, one of them tries to jump him, only to fall through the floor, perfectly in time with the music.
- This dialogue between Lt. Eckhart and Knox.
Knox: You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say—.
Eckhart: I say: you're full of shit, Knox. You can quote me on that. (flicks his cigar at him)
- "Are you deaf? You don't speak English?"
- "Mr. Knox, we have enough problems in the city without worrying about ghosts and goblins."
- "Check this out. He must have been King of the Wicker People."
- "Actually, he's Japanese." "How do you know that?" "...Because I bought it in Japan."
- Bonus points for Bruce being behind them the whole time they were looking.
- And for Robert Wuhl, who ad-libbed his musings on Bruce's collection.
- "Nice outfit."
- Batman's smile, as if saying "thanks".
- Joker's meeting with the crimelords.
Joker: [electrocuting Antoine Rotelli with his lethal handbuzzer] Oh, I got a live one here.
Antoine's got a little hot under the collar. Vinnie:
You're crazy. Joker:
Have you ever heard of the healing power of laughter? (laughs while wiping his "skin" off to reveal a pale, clownlike skin underneath the forehead.)
NOW GET OUTTA HERE!!
- "I'm only laughing on the outside. My smile is just skin deep. As you can see inside, I'm really crying. You might join me for a weep."
- The Joker's surprise present for Vicki.
- "Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things, some of which were true, under the fiend Boss Grissom. He was a thief and a terrorist. On the other hand, he had a tremendous singing voice."
- "Where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME! WASHING HIS TIGHTS!"
- Joker's dance with Vicki on top of the old church. And his "BANG!" gun.
- This line:
Joker: Here, let me lend you a hand. [Vicki grabs Joker's hand, which is a fake, causing Vicki to fall. But Batman saves her.] HA HA HA! "Lend you a hand"!
"They don't make em like they use to! Hey gang? Hey Batsy?"
- The museum scene.
- The way Joker tips over the little statue at the museum.
- At the start of Bruce's story to Joker:
Bruce: Lemme tell you about this guy I know, Jack... mean kid, bad seed. Hurt people.
Joker: I like him already.
Bruce: You know what the problem was? He got sloppy. You know, crazy. He's the kind of guy who couldn't hear a train until it was two feet from him.
- And this clever one:
Joker: Bruce... Wayne, n'est-ce pas? ("isn't it so?")
Bruce: Most of the time.
- Bruce Wayne acting crazy to make The Joker shoot him. "YOU WANNA GET NUTS? COME ON! Let's get nuts."
- While Vicki was arguing with Bruce:
Vicki: I trusted you! I even slept with you, I can't believe I did that!
Bruce: (rolls his eyes) Well...
- Alicia meets the Joker for the first time. "Honey, you'll never believe what happened to me today!"
- Joker dropping in on Grissom:
Grissom: That you, sugarbumps? (sees silhouette of a man) Who the hell are you?
Joker: It's me...sugarbumps.
- Any time Batman fights one of the Joker's thugs:
- The sword-swinging thug who seemingly had Batman on the ropes...until Batman decided he'd had enough of his crap and took him down with a single kick to the head.
- In the bell-tower, one thug tries pouncing on Batman, only to fall short and have the floorboards give out beneath him. Batman didn't even seem to notice him until he heard the crash.