Funny / Batman: Arkham Origins

  • Enigma is, as usual, insufferable, but he's more sarcastic than outright mad in this game.
    "Oh, boy! You sure showed that grate who's in charge!"
    "Another day, another door. They're just no match for you."
  • The Extortion Tapes for The Joker.
    Mobster: Uh... boss?
    "Black Mask": Huh? ...Oh, right, that's me!
  • At the beginning of the game, Batman goes to Blackgate Prison to attempt to thwart a prison break. Once there, he finds a bunch of Black Mask's thugs who have Vicki Vale and her cameraman locked in a cell. Naturally, they're surprised to see Batman.
    Vicki: Are we safe in here?
    Cameraman: Relax. I heard on the news that he only hurts criminals.
  • The prison break itself also qualifies.
    Goon A: The way I see it, Black Mask let us out, so we owe him one. Let's clear this place of guards so he can make a clean escape.
    Batman: *drops in and begins to take them down*
    Goon B: I didn't sign on for getting my ass kicked!
    Goon C: Hey! Let us back in our cells!
    Goon D: Where's your Christmas spirit!?
  • Alfred, as usual, providing his usual brand of snark.
    • When hearing about the assassins:
      Batman: I just heard from a... human-sized... crocodile that Black Mask hired assassins to kill me.
      Alfred: Assassins? As in more than one? ...And you heard this from a crocodile man?
      Batman: His name is Killer Croc. And he's already behind bars.
      Alfred: I pity his cellmate.
      Batman: I don't.
      • There's also Batman's tone when explaining about Killer Croc. He's so exhausted of this.
    • Alfred gives his opinion on some of the assassins, too.
      Batman: Garfield Lynns, a.k.a Firefly. His obsession will be his end.
      Alfred: How unlike anyone I know.
      Batman: Street tough named Lester Buchinsky. Calls himself "Electrocutioner".
      Alfred: Shocking.
    • As Batman swoops off to prevent an arms deal from taking place:
      Alfred: I hope you'll try to keep a low profile tonight, sir.
      Batman: Trust me, I'll take out those assassins before they even know I'm there.
      Alfred: It's not just that... if some curious child looks out to see who's pattering across their rooftop, they'll expect Santa Claus, not a black-clad bat creature.
      Batman: I don't patter.
      Alfred: *Exasperated sigh*
  • Batman's attempt at saving hostages early on in the game causes not only the kidnappers to be afraid, but some of the hostages as well.
    Repairman: Screw this! I quit! *runs away*
  • When trying to ricochet an electrified remote batarang around a tiny room to fuse out an Enigma signal blocker.
    Enigma: I bet it takes a lot of concentration to steer that thing. (Starts breaking stuff loudly) WHOOPS! SORRY ABOUT THAAAAT!!!!
  • The fight against Electrocutioner. He got his own trailer and news articles about him being confirmed, then in-game he comes into the arena, taunting Batman about how easily he will kill him, never once attacks him... only to be knocked out by a single flying kick to the face in front of his shocked audience.note 
    • Especially if you remember that, in a similar instance, that the previous games practically beat that fact that you can't outright punch regular goons wielding electric batons into you, so you spent some time wondering how you're gonna get around his electric gloves.
  • Upon exiting the Final Offer, a group of Penguin's thugs can be heard discussing what exactly the deal is with Cobblepot's umbrella. Does it contain a hidden gun? A sword? A poisoned tip? A big spiral that hypnotizes people when you spin it around?
    • It's Penguin - it probably does all of the above things. And probably more.
  • Goons in general have a pretty humorous reaction to finding out that Batman is real.
    "Craaaaaap! The Bat's coming for us!"
    (whimpering) "I hate you!"
  • The Joker blowing up a construction site.
    Batman: How many lives did you just take!?
    Joker: None! ...I think.
    • Even funnier is the Joker's conversation before this:
      Joker: You see, it's a tradition in my house to open one present on Christmas Eve... let's see... how about... this one? [detonates said construction site, then laughs evilly and sings a bit of "The 12 Days of Christmas"] And a partridge in a pear treeee!
  • Although Mad Hatter is, as ever, surprisingly terrifying, one conversation as he tries to test out his Mind-Control Device is hilarious.
    Hatter: Everything needs to be perfect.
    Criminal: Of course.
    Hatter: Of course, sir. You must refer to me as sir at all times. Do you understand?
    Criminal: Yes.
    Hatter: Yes, what?!
    Criminal: Yes, I understand.
    Hatter: "Yes, I understand, sir."
    Criminal: Yes.
    Hatter: No, sir.
    Criminal: Of course.
    • Even before that, you're introduced to the Hatter when you emerge from the sewers and run into three thugs in rabbit masks, who sing an invitation to the tune of "London Bridge is Falling Down" while dancing the Robot.
      Criminals: You are very cordially - cordially - cordially - you are very cordially - invited to a party! And it will be a grand affair - grand affair - grand affair - and it will be a grand affair - hosted by the Hatter! We do hope that you can come - you can come - you can come - we do hope that you can come - to share in all the joy! (then all their heads get zapped by the Hatter and they pass out)
  • Barbara Gordon hacking into Batman's comms without him noticing until after he left. Regardless of the reason she wanted to talk to him being a rather good one, the fact that she apologizes for doing it and not telling him is priceless. Even better, Batman doesn't even respond. It's easy to get the impression that after Killer Croc, he is just done with this night in general.
    • Not only that, but he never once replies to her throughout the entire sidequest. At that point, it wouldn't be surprised if he was just being silent in case she was doing a voice recognition scan.
  • As awesome as it is, the sheer extent of the No-Holds-Barred Beatdown of Joker near the end is absolutely hilarious.
  • In the ending, Gordon has Batman at gunpoint in more or less broad daylight, and, while still aiming at him, answers his police radio. When he lets it go, Batman has done what he does best.
  • One possible line while Batman is facing off against the last remaining thug in a group:
  • A most wanted mission you can take after finishing the main story is hunting down escaped Blackgate Prisoners for Gordon. The exchange with one such prisoner before Batman punches his lights out is as follows.
    Prisoner: Jingle Bells... Haha... Batman smells... Hahaha...
    Batman: (in a very irritated tone of voice) No.
  • At one point, Batman has to break into police headquarters. As the number of unconscious cops piles up, announcements about an intruder are made, culminating in:
    Officers at high alert. Suspect is 6'4", dressed in black, and has...wings? *Beat* Is this for real?
    • One officer is on his walkie-talkie, admonishing the SWAT team on the roof for not taking the Bat down. Right after he gripes that they should've spent more time paying attention instead of yapping to each other, Batman bursts out of the grate behind him and punches him cold.
    • After Batman ends the prisoner riot started by Branden's men as a means of killing Gordon, you can talk to one of the cops who survived it, whom initially assumes Batman was responsible.
    Cop: I don't get it... You let 'em out just to beat 'em up.
    Batman: I didn't start the riot, it was Branden and his SWAT officers.
    Cop: Bull. A cop wouldn't do something like this.
    Batman: You must be new here.
  • During Batman's first fight against Bane, Joker ends up providing running commentary:
    Joker: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Not even a... well, a bat was stirring, but a few more blows to the head, and he won't be!
  • This exchange of Enemy Chatter and "What Are You in For?", overheard when you infiltrate Blackgate Prison the second time:
    Criminal A: Oh man, I can't wait. I'm going straight to O'Kane's, havin' a pint.
    Criminal B: What's it been for you man, eight years?
    Criminal A: Twelve.
    Criminal B: And what they put you in for?
    Criminal A: Drinkin' and drivin'.
    Criminal C: Ha, an' you're gonna go have a pint?
    Criminal A: What are you, the damn parole board? I ain't rehabilitated, and I'm really thirsty.
    Criminal C: Whatever, just don't drive. You could kill someone.
    Criminal A: Yeah yeah, don't worry. What are you in for, anyway?
    Criminal C (matter-of-fact): Manslaughter.
  • During the final encounter with the Joker, letting him speak leads to this gem.
    Joker: If you actually let me finish a sentence, you might learn something! You might learn we're Not So Different. You might even learn something about yourself.
    Batman: You need to learn to shut up.
  • Highly contextual, but this player got the "World's Greatest Detective" achievement (66% of the database complete) for getting the Joker trophy - meaning there was a prolonged, vicious beatdown on the clown, then... "You're the world's greatest detective!"
  • "What kinda man hides behind a mask?!" Not so bad if Penguin's boys are saying it. But when the goons are BLACK MASK'S... Well, that's a whole 'nother level.
  • If you take long enough when taking out Joker's thugs in the Gotham Merchant's Bank, Joker goes from irritated that Batman's still alive, to gleeful that Batman's deliberately dragging out his dispatching of the goons and making it a performance.
    Joker: Well, sounds like I can cross "hear a grown man cry" off my Christmas list. Thanks, fellas!
  • Post-game, you can find mooks who'd defected from Penguin's squad deciding to just act as if they'd never defected since no-one could prove it in the midst of all the craziness of the night.
  • There's a conversation between mooks discussing Batman's priorities when it comes to targeting the criminals of Gotham. After reaching the conclusion that Batman should prioritize and take out the likes of Penguin and Black Mask over the nameless thugs, one thug randomly yells out "Y'HEAR THAT, BAT? PRIORITIZE!" and is immediately admonished for doing so since the Bat might be listening. He then counters that it's unlikely that's the case.
  • During the Firefly battle, Batman can throw his glue grenade at him.
  • In an optional Easter Egg, Bruce can partake in a series of discussions with Alfred about an unusually large and abnormally clever green-eyed bat living in the caverns (hinted to possibly be a former test subject of Kirk Langstrom's). At first disgusted by and fearful of "King Bat", particularly after it makes off with an entire roast chicken, Alfred eventually develops a rapport with him, and forbids Bruce from trying to apprehend the creature.
  • When Branden and his SWAT team arrive to arrest the Joker after Batman saves him from imminent death:
    Branden: Don't move, freak!
    Joker: [to Batman] I think he's talking to you.
  • Scaring the hell out of mooks in the predator rooms is always fun but one of the best is when Bane's thugs are the victims. When Batman takes one down, the others are quick to berate him for his failure:
    Bane Henchman: This is an example of WHAT NOT TO DO!
    • When they get terrified, they resort to hysterical shouting and threatening Batman.
    Bane Henchman: How do I kill you?!
    Bane Henchman: I will DESTROY you, Bat!
    • They also get increasingly annoyed by the Joker's taunting to the point where they loudly yell for him to shut up... of course he ignores it.
    Joker: Any of you boys up for some Christmas Carols? ...anyone? Just me?
  • While going through the sewers to get access to GCPD servers, some Mooks are having trouble reuniting in the water treatment part of the underground. Can you say 'communication breakdown'?
    Thug #1: No! I said, you need to push the button to open the gate!
    Thug #2: I know I'm late! Just tell me how to get to ya!
    Thug #2: I already ate! Stop screwing around, and tell me how to get to you!
    Thug #1: ...Seriously?
  • Just look at the thug handing Shiva her envelope during the cutscene. After seeing her completely waste a group of guys without breaking a sweat, he edges toward her as carefully as possible, then scurries away when she has it.
  • In the Cold, Cold Heart DLC, some of Penguin's goons decide to raid Wayne Manor's wine cellar while they've got the opportunity.
    Thug #2: (Frustrated) It's not "bohr-dee-ucks"! It's "bohr-dukes".
    • This comment as Batman is trying to locate Freeze:
      Thug: Leave it to you two idiots to start a fire with an ice gun.
    • Later in Gothcorp several henchmen are trapped in a hallway, with the door frozen shut.
      Thug #1: Just remain calm. We'll think of a way out of this.
      Cryo-Thug: Does anyone have a flame thrower?
      Thug #2: ...I think I just got punched in the brain.
    • During the raid on Wayne Manor, Vicki Vale takes a hostage situation as an opportunity to get the scoop on Mister Freeze.
      Thug #1: Will you stop flirting with our hostage? She's using you to get information!
      Thug #2: Yeah, I know, but...It's Vicki Vale, man!
      • Continuing the theme of Gotham City's petty criminals having very poor taste, one of the thugs insists that the Waynes' collection of rare Imperial Chinese artifacts are worthless, due to the books being so old, they're almost falling apart. The jade statue, on the other hand? That's buying him some new rims.
    • The Burnley comms tower is infamous due to the glitched air vent (it's been patched). When you get close to Burnley, which has been closed off from the rest of the city by ice, you can see that the tower has been damaged by the ice so badly that it's fallen over.
    • After being frozen in a wall of ice by Mr. Freeze, Penguin sends you out to retrieve a cryodrill to release him. When you return, several of Penguin's men are already chipping away at the ice, and he is not happy about how long it's taking.
      Penguin: Do you know the first thing I'm going to do when I get out of here? I'm going to have Candy draw me a nice, hot bath... AND THEN I'M GOING TO DROWN YOU IN IT!!!
    • After Alfred suggests to Bruce that the Extreme Environment suit would be more beneficial, Bruce responds that it's not ready for deployment. This coming from the same man who requests experimental gadget after gadget while in the field, which are also supposedly not ready for deployment.
  • While infiltrating the hotel, Joker informs Batman that someone is about to be shot. The player naturally rushes around the corner and directly into range of a sentry gun.
    Joker: A sucker born every minute!
  • The Big Bad acting as CEO of Murder INC: "Friends, assassins. Welcome to our first quarterly performance review. As you can see here: Batman deaths are coming in far below projections. We are really going to have to turn this around."
  • A game over sequence is basically Black Mask (Joker in disguise) just having a Flat "What." over how easy you died. Made even more hilarious if it's your first game over sequence in the game.
    Black Mask: That's it? All this build-up and he falls over like he's made of sticks?! What an anti-climatic ending! (kicks Batman's corpse)
    • If you lose against Bane as Deathstroke, this can count:
      Bane: After all these years of claiming to be the best, you are beaten by my worst.