Mr. Earle: Bruce! I thought you were dead. Bruce Wayne: Sorry to disappoint.
Bonus laughs come from the fact that Bruce managed to charm the secretary into Office Golf within less than a minute of entering his own office building.
Alfred rouses Bruce after Bruce's first night out as Batman.
Bruce Wayne:[as Alfred opens the curtains] Bats are nocturnal!
Alfred Pennyworth: Bats may be, but even for billionaire playboys, three o'clock is pushing it. The price of leading a double life, I fear. Your theatrics made an impression. [shows the newspaper to Bruce]
Bruce Wayne: Theatricality and deception are powerful weapons, Alfred. It's a good start.
Alfred Pennyworth: If those are to be the first of many injuries to come, it would be wise to find a suitable excuse. Polo, for instance.
Bruce Wayne: I'm not learning polo, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Strange injuries, a non-existent social life. These things beg the question as to what exactly does Bruce Wayne do with his time and his money.
Bruce Wayne: And what does someone like me do?
Alfred Pennyworth: Drive sports cars, date movie stars, buy things that are not for sale... who knows, Master Wayne? You start pretending to have fun, you might even have a little by accident.
On closer inspection of the scene where Bruce breaks into Gordon's office and holds him at gunpoint, he is not holding a gun to Gordon's neck at all. It's a stapler!
Fox's conversation with Bruce after saving his life following Batman getting gassed by Crane:
The look on a bystander's face as he comes upon Gordon sitting in the Tumbler, and says, "nice ride," and then sees Gordon promptly blow up a support beam with surface-to-surface missiles.
The entire car chase scene is outright funny and awesome, especially with the cops participating in it:
Leading into the chase:
Gordon:[carrying an unconscious Rachel] She's fading. We've gotta go! (Batman walks offscreen with Rachel) I'll get my car. Batman: I brought mine! Sgt. James Gordon: Yours? [The Tumbler's lights come on. It zooms past Gordon, and drives over the hood of a police car, crushing the roof] Sgt. James Gordon:I've gotta get me one of those. [The Tumbler drives across the bridge with several cruisers in pursuit] Cop in Crushed Cruiser: He is in a vehicle! Dispatch: Make and color? Cop in Cruiser: It's a black... (looks at partner, who shrugs as sirens wail) ...tank!
A cop in a squad car is yelling through his radio at someone on the other end, for not being able to provide an accurate description of the Tumbler.
Alfred Pennyworth: It's a miracle no one was killed.
Bruce Wayne: Didn't have time to observe the rules of the road, Alfred.
"Dr. Crane isn't here right now, but if you'd like to make an appointment..."
Batman: I need your help. Gordon: What do you need?. Batman: Can you drive stick?
Newspaper headline after Ra's is defeated: "Drunken Billionaire Burns Down Home"
When Batman says to Ra's al Ghul, regarding the soldiers he's threatened with, "I can't beat two of your pawns?" Ra's says, "As you wish." Two of Ra's men rappel down next to the first two, and Batman does this sidelong glance that just screams "I had to open my big mouth."
'What's the point of all those push-ups if you can't even lift a bloody log?!"
Earle:[to Lucius Fox] I'm merging your department with Archives, and I am firing you. [beat] Didn't you get the memo?
Later at Bruce Wayne's birthday party:
Earle:[to Bruce] It's a bit technical, but the important thing is that our company's future is secure.
Bruce Wayne:[on the phone] Look, it's all a bit technical, but the important thing is that *my* company's future is secure. [speaks slightly louder] Right, Mr. Fox?
Lucius Fox: Right you are, Mr. Wayne.
[turns to Earle, and takes off his glasses]
Lucius Fox: Didn't you get the memo?
As Bruce is heading out just before his guests start arriving: "Tell them that joke you know."
The onlookers watching Alfred put an unconscious Rachel in the car.
Alfred: A little worse for wear, I'm afraid.
When Alfred is surmising that Bruce's secret identity is to protect the people he knows from his eventual enemies, Bruce responds that he's implying Rachel, while Alfred replies that he was actually thinking about himself.
Bruce noticing a vehicle in Fox's garage:
Bruce Wayne: What's that?
Lucius Fox: The Tumbler? Oh, you wouldn't be interested in that.
[Cuts to Bruce driving it on a test track, with Fox in the passenger's seat describing how it works]
Lucius Fox: She was built as a bridging vehicle. During combat, two of these would jump over a river, towing cables. Over here on the throttle, flip that open and throttle up. This will boost you into a rampless jump. [Bruce goes to flip the throttle. The Tumbler accelerates] Not now! Not... not now, Sir!
Tumbler AI: Afterburner disengaged.
Lucius Fox: We never could get the damn bridge to work, but this baby works just fine.
[Bruce brings the Tumbler to a stop. He's visibly impressed]
Lucius Fox: So, what do you think?
Bruce Wayne: Does it come in black?
This scene always gets me.
Alfred: (shatters a sample headpiece with a baseball bat) It's a problem with the graphite sir. The next 10,000 will be up to specifications.
Bruce: Everyone. Everybody. I, uh...wanna thank you all for coming here tonight and drinking all of my booze. No, really. There's a thing about being a Wayne that, you're never short a few freeloaders, like yourselves, to fill up your mansion with so, here's to you people. Thank you. Partygoer: That's enough, Bruce. Bruce: Mm-mm. I'm not finished. To all of you, uh...all you phonies. All you...two-faced friends, you sycophantic suck-ups who smile through your teeth at me, please leave me in peace. Please. Go. Stop smiling, it's not a joke, please leave. The party's over, Get Out.
Right before the chase scene, Batman makes it out to the alleyway by breaking into one of the cells and breaking the window, before saying, "Excuse me" to two of the prisoners, who just look at each other.
It's the looks on the inmates' faces that sells it. It's almost like they're silently asking each other, "...Did you see that too, or am I just still crazy?"
Ducard's incredulous/snarky reaction upon meeting Bruce dressed up as Batman.
Well, well. You took my advice about theatricality a bit... literally.