Funny / Batman Begins

Bruce Wayne

• During Bruce's time in prison, he gets into regular fights with prisoners. The guards arrive to break one such fight up before dragging Bruce into solitary confinement. The following exchange happens:
  Lead guard: Solitary!
  Bruce: (as he's being dragged away) Why?!
  Lead guard: For protection!
  Bruce: I don't need protection!
  Another guard: (motioning his head towards the group of prisoners that Bruce just beat up) Protection for them!
• When Bruce returns from his travels:
  Mr. Earle: Bruce! I thought you were dead.
  Bruce Wayne: Sorry to disappoint.
  • Bonus laughs come from the fact that Bruce managed to charm the secretary into Office Golf within less than a minute of entering his own office building.
• Alfred rouses Bruce after Bruce's first night out as Batman.
  Bruce Wayne: [as Alfred opens the curtains] Bats are nocturnal!
  Alfred Pennyworth: Bats may be, but even for billionaire playboys, three o'clock is pushing it. The price of leading a double life, I fear. Your theatrics made an impression. [shows the newspaper to Bruce]
  Bruce Wayne: Theatricality and deception are powerful weapons, Alfred. It's a good start.
  Alfred Pennyworth: If those are to be the first of many injuries to come, it would be wise to find a suitable excuse. Polo, for instance.
  Bruce Wayne: [disgusted] I'm not learning polo, Alfred.
  Alfred Pennyworth: Strange injuries, a non-existent social life. These things beg the question as to "What exactly does Bruce Wayne do with his time and his money?"
  Bruce Wayne: And what does someone like me do?
  Alfred Pennyworth: Drive sports cars, date movie stars, buy things that are not for sale… who knows, Master Wayne? You start pretending to have fun, you might even have a little by accident.
• On closer inspection of the scene where Bruce breaks into Gordon's office and holds him at gunpoint, he is not holding a gun to Gordon's neck at all. It's a stapler!
  • Right after that, Bruce makes his daring escape and jumps off a rooftop...only to crash into an apartment's fire escape, leaving him grimacing in pain. This moment becomes his impetus to add a cape to his arsenal.
• The newspaper headline after Ra's is defeated: "Drunken Billionaire Burns Down Home".
• When Batman says to Ra's al Ghul, regarding the soldiers he's threatened with, "I can't beat two of your pawns?" Ra's says, "As you wish." Two of Ra's men rappel down next to the first two, and Batman does this sidelong glance that just screams "I had to open my big mouth."
• Bruce buying the restaurant so the two women he's with can go into the fountain naked took this to the logical extreme.
  • Just his whole behavior during that scene, taking Millionaire Playboy up to eleven.
    Maitre'd: Sir, the pool is for decoration, and your friends do not have swimwear.
    Bruce Wayne: Well, they're European.
    Maitre'd: I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
    [Bruce starts to write a check]
    Maitre'd: It is not a question of money.
    Bruce Wayne: [gives him the check] Well, you see, I'm buying this hotel, and uh, setting some new rules about the pool area.
  • Chekhov's Gun with that restaurant - in The Dark Knight, it's the same one where he pushes two tables together with Harvey and Rachel, commenting how it's fine to do because he owns the place.
• One of Falcone's henchmen can hear but not see the masked guy taking out his associates:
  Henchman: WHERE ARE YOU?!?!
  Batman: [appears hanging upside down right behind the mook's back] Here.
• Bruce dismissing his own alter-ego as a means of establishing his Idle Rich persona:
  Bruce: Well, a guy who dresses up like a bat clearly has issues.
• Bruce getting everyone out of Wayne Manor to (what he believes to be) relative safety by acting drunk and belligerent:
  Bruce: Everyone. Everybody. I, uh...wanna thank you all for coming here tonight and drinking all of my booze. No, really. There's a thing about being a Wayne that, you're never short a few freeloaders, like yourselves, to fill up your mansion with so, here's to you people. Thank you.
  Partygoer: That's enough, Bruce.
  Bruce: Mm-mm. I'm not finished. To all of you, uh...all you phonies. All you… two-faced friends, you sycophantic suck-ups who smile through your teeth at me, please leave me in peace. Please. Go. Stop smiling, it's not a joke, please leave. The party's over, Get Out!.
• Just before that speech, Bruce attempts to get everybody’s attention by tapping the champagne flute he’s holding. It doesn’t produce the clear, ringing sound he was anticipating, and he performs the slightest double-take accompanied by an exasperated roll of his eyes.
• Right before the chase scene, Batman makes it out to the alleyway by breaking into one of the cells and breaking the window, before apologetically shuffling past and saying "Excuse me" in his growly Batman voice to two of the prisoners, who just look at each other.
  • It's the looks on the inmates' faces that sells it. It just screams two of Arkham Asylum's denizens looking at each other and thinking "Well, damn, we're in the right place."
• As Bruce is leaving and Alfred informs him guests will be arriving for his birthday party, Bruce asks Alfred to keep them busy until he gets back and with the utmost seriousness: "Tell them that joke you know."
• When Batman interrogates Flass, after having sent him down and back up to his face, he gives Flass some time to try to explain himself. As he listens, Bats has such an angered, pouting Death Glare that it basically screams "I am NOT in the mood for your bullshit".

Lucius Fox

• Fox's conversation with Bruce after saving his life following Bruce getting gassed by Crane:
  Lucius Fox: I analyzed your blood, isolating the receptor compounds and the protein-based catalyst.
  Bruce Wayne: Am I meant to understand any of that?
  Lucius Fox: Not at all. I just wanted you to know how hard it was. Bottom line, I synthesized an antidote.
  Bruce Wayne: Could you make more?
  Lucius Fox: You planning on gassing yourself again, Mr. Wayne?
  Bruce Wayne: Well, you know how it is, Mr. Fox. You're out at night, looking for kicks, someone passes around a weaponized hallucinogen…
  • Really, the whole conversation is quite humorous if you stop and think about what Alfred had to say to Lucius to get him to do what he did.
• Bruce noticing a vehicle in Fox's garage:
  Bruce Wayne: What's that?
  Lucius Fox: The Tumbler? Oh, you wouldn't be interested in that.
  [Cuts to Bruce driving it on the open floor of a big warehouse, with Fox in the passenger's seat describing the functions]
  Lucius Fox: She was built as a bridging vehicle. During combat, two of these would jump over a river, towing cables. Over here on the throttle, flip that open and throttle up. This will boost you into a rampless jump. [Bruce goes to flip the throttle. The Tumbler accelerates] Not now! Not... not now, sir!
  Tumbler AI: Afterburner disengaged.
  Lucius Fox: We never could get the damn bridge to work, but this baby works just fine.
  [Bruce brings the Tumbler to a stop. He's visibly impressed]
  Lucius Fox: So, what do you think?
  Bruce Wayne: …Does it come in black?

Alfred

• When Bruce — upon his return to Gotham — learns that Earle intends to sell out his company's assets, he expresses his relief that he left everything to Alfred...
  Alfred: Quite so, sir [leans comfortably in his chair and speaks in baronial manner] You may take Rolls if you want to. Just bring it back with full tank.
• "What's the point of all those push-ups if you can't even lift a bloody log?!" In response, Bruce gives Alfred a vaguely disgusted look.
• The onlookers watching Alfred put an unconscious Rachel in the car.
  Alfred: A little worse for wear, I'm afraid.
• When Alfred is surmising that Bruce's secret identity is to protect the people he knows from his eventual enemies, Bruce asks if he's referring to Rachel, while Alfred replies that he was actually thinking about himself.
• This scene while Bruce is trying out his gear:
  Alfred: [shatters a sample headpiece with a sledgehammer] It's a problem with the graphite, sir. The next 10,000 will be up to specifications.
  Bruce: At least they gave us a discount.
  Alfred: Quite. In the meantime sir, might I suggest that you try to avoid landing on your head?
• Alfred is just full of funny one-liners. When Bruce is first exploring the cave under the mansion:
  Bruce: [shouting across the cavern] Alfred! Come up here!
  Alfred: I can see very well right from down here, sir, thank you very much!

James Gordon

• Upon seeing the Batmobile in action the first time:
  Gordon: I've gonna get me one of those.
• Batman needs a favor of Gordon to stop the train from getting to Wayne Tower:
  Batman: I need your help.
  Gordon: What do you need?.
  Batman: [hands him the keys to the Tumbler] Can you drive stick?
  • Gordon's inexperience driving the Tumbler shows.
    Gordon: [after accidentally grazing another car] Sorry...
• On the new Bat Signal (after Falcone was mounted to a searchlight earlier in the film to mimic one):
  Gordon: I couldn't find any mob bosses.

Others

• Henri Ducard's incredulous/snarky reaction to seeing Bruce's batsuit for the first time.
  Well, well. You took my advice about theatricality a bit… literally.
• "Dr. Crane isn't here right now, but if you'd like to make an appointment…"
  • "You wanna know my opinion? You need to lighten up" [sets Batman on fire]. Before that, when he suddenly jumps out at Batman, he literally says "Boo!" Clearly he's having way too much fun with the Scarecrow thing.
  • There's also something incredibly funny, albeit in a rather creepy Black Comedy way, about the way Crane oh so earnestly asks Carmine Falcone "Would you like to see my mask?" He just seems so genuinely happy to have a chance to show it off.
  • "Well, he's not faking it. Not that one."
• Crane's deadpan "We are paying you for that..." when Falcone mentions Crane owing him favours for the help his organisation is giving him.
• The look on that bystander's face as he comes upon Gordon sitting in the Tumbler, and says, "nice ride," and then sees Gordon promptly blow up a support beam with surface-to-surface missiles.
• After Falcone's "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Bruce Wayne, he has him thrown out of the bar into the street. There's a homeless guy watching:
  Homeless Guy: Should've tipped better!
  • This is the same homeless guy who bears witness to Batman subduing Falcone. Bruce's reaction to seeing him? "Nice coat."
• Before he gives Bruce a withering "The Reason You Suck" Speech, he can't resist throwing some barbs at the (in his mind) whiny trust fund kid:
  Falcone: You're taller than you look in the tabloids, Mr. Wayne.
  Falcone: [after his men search Wayne] No gun? I'm insulted! You could have just sent a thank-you note.^note For context, Falcone had just had Joe Chill, the man who killed Bruce's parents, killed because the man was about to turn state's witness. As far as Falcone was concerned, he'd done both him AND Bruce a favor
  • There's also something humorous about the idea that Falcone is so used to people wanting him dead that someone like Bruce Wayne might even come at him with a gun and he isn't fazed.
• The entire car chase scene:
  • Leading into the chase:
    James Gordon: [carrying an unconscious Rachel] She's fading! We've gotta go! [Batman walks offscreen with Rachel] I'll get my car.
    Batman: I brought mine!
    James Gordon: Yours?
    [The Tumbler roars to life. It zooms past Gordon, and drives over the hood of a police car, crushing the roof]
    James Gordon: I've gotta get me one of those....
  • The Tumbler then roars across the river with other units in pursuit:
    Cop in Crushed Cruiser: He is in a vehicle!
    Dispatcher: Make and color?
    Cop in Cruiser: It's a black… [looks at his partner, who gives a shrug and face of "Don't look at me!"] …tank.
  • When Rachel finally starts to become aware of her surroundings, Batman tries to help talk her through the fear toxin:
    Batman: Stay calm.
    [Rachel looks around in a daze]
    Batman: You've been poisoned.
    [Rachel visibly starts panicking]
  • At one point, Batman makes a turn into a parking garage, crashing through the gate. As the police cars follow him in, the parking attendant resumes drinking his coffee.
    Rachel Dawes: What are you doing?!
    Batman: Shortcut.
  • Cornered on the roof, Batman needs to give himself enough room to get up to speed for the rampless jump, so he backs the Tumbler into a compact parking space, shoving aside the cars parked on either side of said space.
  • One of the cops gets on his megaphone to order Batman out of the vehicle, to which Batman uses the Tumbler's cannons to blow out part of the guardrail. The cop has an epic "WTF" face as Batman then roofhops to the next building.
  • The cops are clearly out of their depth now dealing with a vehicle that's driving over building roofs:
    Cop 1: What street is he taking?
    Cop 2: He's not on a street! He's flying on rooftops!
  • As the chase moves to Lower Wacker Drive, a cop in an idling cruiser is seen on his radio reaming out someone on the other end, for not being able to provide an accurate description of the Tumbler.
    Cop: At least tell me what it looks like.
    [The Tumbler zooms past his car]
    Cop: …never mind.
  • The Tumbler's stealth mode that makes the cops lose track of it, by just turning the exterior lights off. Especially when you remember this happening in an episode of the Simpsons and the cop in question being treated as an idiot for falling for it.
  • Rachel's reactions during the whole chase. It's like if you put a real person into a strange vehicle with a strange masked man.
  • Bruce sedates Rachel in the Batcave upon giving her the antidote. Then he heads upstairs to change into a tux for his party, only to get called out by Alfred for his reckless driving:
    Alfred Pennyworth: When you told me your grand plan for saving Gotham, the only thing that stopped me from calling the men in white coats was when you said that it wasn't about thrill-seeking.
    Bruce Wayne: It's not.
    Alfred Pennyworth: What would you call that?
    [points to a TV report showing a helicopter shot of the Tumbler being chased down the freeway by police cars]
    Bruce Wayne: [fixing his tie] Damn good television.
    Alfred Pennyworth: It's a miracle no one was killed.
    Bruce Wayne: I didn't have time to observe the rules of the road, Alfred.
• To reward Lucius for his work, Bruce designates him the new CEO of Wayne Enterprises, ousting Earle. But to make the changes and mess with Earle, there's the way they do it: they call an unscheduled board meeting, without contacting Earle. So Earle arrives late in the middle of the meeting, walks in, and finds Lucius handing out documents to the other members.
  William Earle: Fox? I seem to remember firing you.
  Lucius Fox: You did. I got another job: Yours.
  William Earle: On whose authority?
  [Cut to Bruce Wayne reading the newspaper just before an obviously irritated Earle rings his limo's number]
  Bruce Wayne: Bruce Wayne.
  William Earle: What makes you think you can decide who's running Wayne Enterprises?
  Bruce Wayne: Well, the fact that I'm the owner.
  William Earle: What are you talking about? The company went public a week ago.
  Bruce Wayne: And I bought most of the shares, through various charitable foundations, and trusts, and so forth. Look, it's all a bit technical, but the important thing is that MY company's future is secure. [speaks slightly louder] Right, Mr. Fox?
  Lucius Fox: Right you are, Mr. Wayne.
  [Lucius turns to Earle, and takes off his glasses]
  Lucius Fox: Didn't you get the memo?
  • In the background, you can see some of the board members smirking at Earle.
• Rachel's first encounter with Batman. She doesn't see him take down one of the men that Falcone sent after her because she's threatening the other guy with her taser, and when the other guy sees what just happened to his partner and runs for his life, she thinks that it worked. Then she turns and sees Batman, and reflexively tries to tase him - emphasis on tries.
• The scene where Scarecrow is chasing Rachel on his Hellish Horse, with flaming eyes and an intimidating Voice of the Legion. Now that's scary, at least until Rachel shoots him in the face with a taser, causing him to fall flat on his back on his horse, screaming goofily as it gallops away in the other direction! Also doubles as awesome.

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