- From the opening bank robbery:
- The badass bank manager goes after the clowns in the lobby with his trusty Sawed-Off Shotgun, killing Chuckles while sending Grumpy and Bozo diving for cover.
Bank Manager: You have any idea of who you're stealing from?! You and your friends are dead!
Grumpy: [to the Joker] He's out (of ammo), right?
[Bozo pauses, then nods assuredly)
[Grumpy pops his head up, and the banker shoots at him, nicking him in the shoulder, then runs out of ammo.
Grumpy: (muffled) What the fuck?!
[Bozo leaps out of hiding as the manager prepares to reload and takes him down with a burst from his machine pistol]
Grumpy: (pops up, pissed) Where did you learn to count?!
- Grumpy unloading the money bags:
Happy: They wired this [vault door] thing up, with like, 5,000 volts. What kind of bank does that?
Grumpy: A mob bank. I guess the Joker's as crazy as they say. Where's the alarm guy?
Happy: Boss told me when the guy was done, I should take him out. [spins the rotating handle] One less share, right? [The vault opens]
Grumpy: [draws a pistol] Funny. He told me something similar!
Happy: [turns around]
What, no-no-NO-! [Cuts to Bozo in the lobby with the sound of a gunshot]
- "Happy" is wearing his shoes on his hands while cracking the safe, to protect himself from the current. This is after he got a direct taste of those 5,000 volts.
- Grumpy and Bozo are placing the money bags by the door:
: That's a lot of money. If this Joker guy was so smart, he'd have had us bring a better car. [He draws his pistol and points it at Bozo] Grumpy:
I'm bettin' the Joker told you to kill me as soon as we loaded the cash. Bozo
: [sighs and checks his watch]
No. No, no, no. I kill the bus driver. [edges off to one side] Grumpy
Bus driver? [Bozo glares at him] What bus dri
-[The back end of a school bus bursts through the doors, and runs him over] Bus Driver: [jumps out the emergency exit door]
School's out! Time to go. That guy's not gettin' up, is he? [He and Bozo toss the money bags into the back of the bus]
That's a lot of money. [He looks around the lobby, noticing none of the other clowns] Bus Driver:
What happened to the rest of the guys? [Bozo shoots him with his machine pistol without looking back, then wraps up loading the money]
- What the Joker says when he crashes the mobsters' meeting. It says something about the quality of the movie's writing when such a sadistically violent joke can honestly be hilarious.
The Joker: (fake laughter done in deadpan voice) Ah ha ha ha ha, hahaha, ha, ha, ha, oh, a-hee-hee, ha ha, oh, hee ha, ahaha. (returns to normal voice) And I thought my jokes were bad!
Gambol: Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
The Joker: How 'bout a magic trick? [Everyone stares at him. The Joker promptly sticks a HB No. 2 pencil into the table, point first] I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
[Gambol's crony stands up and walks over to the Joker. In one swift motion the Joker slams the man's head onto the pencil, forcing the entire pencil through his eye socket; the crony's body collapses to the floor, taking the pencil with him]
The Joker: TA-DA! It's, ah, it's gone. Oh, and by the way, the suit? It wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it!
- The way the scene is written out in the screenplay is amusing on its own:
The PENCIL is gone. MAGIC.
- The Joker is full of edgy humor. Take the next part of this same scene:
Gambol: Enough from the clown!
Ah-ta-ta-ta! Let's not blow
... (opens his jacket, revealing five grenades, all with pins attached together by purple elastic bands and a string around his thumb)
Mobster: Holy shit!
The Joker: ...this out of proportion.
Gambol: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?!
The Joker: (Matter-of-factly) Yeah.
Gambol: I'm putting the word out: $500 grand for this clown dead, a million alive, so I can teach him some manners first!
The Joker: (looks as if he's about to say something to Gambol, then changes his mind) So - listen, why don't you all give me a call when you want to start taking things a little - more - seriously? Here's - my - card.
(leaves a Joker playing card on the table, and backs out of the room, toying threateningly with the grenade pins)
- The Joker criticizing Lau during that same scene:
...and as for the - television's so-called "plan"? Batman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him, and make him squeal! I know a squealer when I see one, and...
(He points at Lau. Lau covers the camera with his hand to signal his departure.)
- The Joker gets rid of Gambol. He tells Gambol's cronies, "So, which of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh. There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have... [breaks the pool cue in half] tryouts."
- The Joker dangles Rachel out the window in front of Batman: "Let her go!"
- "Very poor choice of words!"
- The Joker randomly grabbing the prawn sticks and champagne glass, spilling 75% of the champagne before half-assedly knocking it back, at the party.
- 75%? It looked like he drank the whole thing.
- And as for the prawn stick, he doesn't eat the prawn, just the little decorative flower on top of the stick.
- The Joker pushes the killed truck driver out of the driver's seat. "Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent! Oh, excuse me! I want to drive!"
- The Joker driving the truck, and just going "I like this job...I LIKE it!"
- When a mook tries to pull off Batman's mask only to be shocked by its built-in taser, Joker mockingly imitates the man's spasms.
- The Joker is about to unmask Batman when Gordon, disguised as the driver of the prison transport, suddenly jams a shotgun to his back:
The Joker: Could you please just give me a minute?!
- The Joker clapping after Gordon is promoted to commissioner. This was ad-libbed by Heath Ledger.
- The Joker to Harvey (who had half his face burned off and lost Rachel): "You were a schemer. You had plans. And uh, look where that got ya." (Harvey attacks The Joker)
- The Joker doing a Your Mom joke by insulting Gambol's grandma.
- During The Joker's interrogation:
Gordon: Harvey Dent never made it home.
The Joker: Of course not.
Gordon: What have you done with him?
The Joker: Me? I was right here. [holds up his arms in handcuffs] Who did you leave him with? Your people? Assuming, of course, they are still your people, and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, commissioner? To know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?
Gordon: Where is he?
The Joker: What's the time?
Gordon: What difference does that make?
The Joker: Well, depending on the time, he could be in one place...or several.
- The interrogation scene:
[Batman slams the Joker's head into the table]
Joker: Never start with the head! The victim gets all... fuzzy. He can't feel the next...
[Batman smashes the Joker's hand; Joker pauses for effect]
Joker: You see?
- The Joker enjoys Batman pulling no punches and beating him to a pulp.
Joker: Look at you go.
- "I just want my phone call".
- The Joker's reaction as he escapes jail in a police car. He sticks his head out the window like a dog, cackles, and right before the cut, throws his head back and motorboats.
- As the mobsters enter, the Joker, standing on a giant pile of money, jumps and slides down the side, sticking the landing with a "TA-DA" wave of his arms.
- The Joker literally throwing money in Lau's face.
- The card he stuck on the body of the fake Batman he killed reads, "WILL THE REAL BATMAN PLEASE STAND UP?"
- The sight of the Joker wearing a nurse's costume. Not a uniform, a costume. Not only is the thought of a terrorist keeping such a thing lying around just in case seem funny, but the fact that he managed to fool at least one person with it.
- When The Joker sits down next to Harvey's hospital bed, grins and says "Hiii."
- Especially how awkward the grin is. Like, "Yeah, uh, sorry about that whole 'dead girlfriend' thing, that was my bad...are we cool?"
- It could also be taken as "Yeah... I'm dressed like a nurse. I know it's weird. Long story."
- It's also funny because it sounds like he's channeling all of those stereotypically frumpy nurses with grating voices in one word. And he nails it.
- During his scene at the hospital, there is a moment where Joker can't remember Rachel's name. Dent SCREAMS it at him, and the Joker just jumps in his chair and looks as though Harvey's completely overreacting to this whole murdered-his-fiancée thing.
- Since this is the first time the Joker even uses Rachel's name, it's possible that he never knew her real name until Harvey said it.
- The Joker's failed attempt at an Unflinching Walk after blowing up the hospital. But the Joker dressed as a nurse, and skipping is already funny enough. It's even funnier when one of the bombs fails to go off, and he stands there hitting the button until it blows up.
- There's also the fact that he makes a "kaboom" sound when he presses the button, complete with sticking his tongue out.
- And right before setting off the bombs, the Joker takes the time to stop and apply disinfectant spray from one of those wall-mounted hand pumps ever-so-calmly!
- Two dealers are talking about some illegal act.
- Batman is trying to catch up to the Joker during the chase scene. The camera cuts to two kids sitting in a car in a parking lot, pretending to shoot dumpsters and scrapped cars in front of them. The cars and the dumpsters explode, and Batman zooms past, leaving the kids awestruck.
- The part during the chase scene, when the Bat-Cycle and the "(S)LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE" truck play chicken.
: He missed!
One second later: The steel line tightens, ripping out lampposts and flipping the truck
- For one of the blink-and-you'll-miss-it variety, the Gotham City Police Department's "Batman suspects" bulletin board at the start of the film. These suspects are Elvis Presley, Bigfoot and Abraham Lincoln. Naturally, this appears right after the mayor proclaims how seriously they're taking the hunt for Batman.
- The truck's motto: SLAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE
- When the Joker ambushes the convoy, he blocks the road with a fire engine... that is on fire. A fire truck.
- Two words: "panic room".
- One that didn't involve the Joker is when Dent is confronting Maroni in the car:
Two-Face: (flips his coin for Maroni) You're a lucky man. (flips the coin again) But he's not.
Sal Maroni: Who?
Two-Face: [buckles his seatbelt] Your driver. (shoots the driver in the back of the head, sending the car flying off the road into the Amtrak yard)
- Batman captures Lau in Hong Kong, and as he's being airlifted, we cut to Gordon and Ramirez finding him on the steps of their stationhouse, unconscious. Taped to Lau's chest is a shipping label that reads "Please Deliver to Lieutenant Gordon".
- Dent has almost the entire mob rounded up and:
Judge Surrilo: ...712 counts of extortion, 849 counts racketeering, 246 counts of fraud, 87 counts conspiracy of murder, [flips over a Joker playing card in the paperwork, which would be "one count of foreshadowing"], 527 counts of obstruction of justice... [looks up at a courtroom full of giant mob of indictees] ...how do the defendants plead?
—>[Cuts to the courtroom, packed wall-to-wall with mobsters and their attorneys, as all of the attorneys jostle above each other trying to be heard while the stenographer drops his hands with hopeless confusion]
- Cut to the mayor chewing Harvey Dent out for his risky move:
Mayor Anthony Garcia: 549 criminals at once. How did you convince Surillo to hear this farce?
Harvey Dent: She shares my enthusiasm for justice. After all, she is a judge.
Mayor Anthony Garcia: Well even if you're able to blow enough smoke to get convictions out of Surillo, you're going to set a new record at appeals for "quickest kick in the ass"!
Harvey Dent: It won't matter. The head guys make bail, sure... but the mid-level guys, they can't, and they can't afford to be off the streets long enough for trial and appeal. They'll cut deals that include some jail time. Think of all you could do with 18 months of clean streets. [awkward silence]
Commissioner Gillian Loeb: Mr. Mayor, you can't-
Mayor Anthony Garcia: You can get up. Both of you. [Gordon and Loeb depart] Sit down.
[Dent sits down]
Mayor Anthony Garcia: The public likes you. That's the only reason this might fly. But that means it's on you. They're all coming after you now. Not just the mob: politicians. Journalists. Cops. Anyone whose wallet's about to get lighter. Are you up to it?
- This exchange:
Maroni: From one professional to another: if you're going to scare somebody, pick a better spot; from this height, the fall wouldn't kill me.
Batman: I'm counting on it. (drops him)
- The scene in which Batman tries to get Maroni to rat out the Joker and Maroni, while refusing to spill the beans, lets slip how he really feels about the Joker (i.e. he doesn't like that clown).
Batman: Where is he?
Maroni: I don't know where he is, he found us.
Batman: He must have friends.
Maroni: Friends? Have you met this guy?
- Harvey mentioning that he'll be taking Rachel to a ballet.
Rachel: Harvey's taking me next week.
Bruce: Oh. (to Harvey) So, you like ballet."
- Causes a Brick Joke: later, Bruce and Alfred are going over plans for Bruce's trip to Hong Kong to capture Lau. Bruce asks if Alfred has an alibi in mind, and Alfred says, "Oh yes." The scene cuts to Harvey and Rachel showing up at the opera house, only to find the box office shuttered. Taped in the ticket window is a newspaper article with Bruce Wayne's photo, headlined "Love Boat: Billionaire Absconds With Entire Russian Ballet."
- Harvey stares at the headline in disbelief while Rachel shakes her head, amused, as if thinkin, "Oh, Bruce...."
- "Do you really think an ordinary citizen would attempt to kill this man?" (cue crowd of people gunning for Reese)
- When the booking officer is going over the arsenal of knives in the Joker's possession, he does a double-take upon finding a vegetable peeler.
- The start of the movie during the deal with the Scarecrow and the Mafia. The Mafia guys bring dogs to detect Batman and they spot one of the impostors dressing as him. That is, until the guy starts shooting.
Scarecrow: That's not him.
(The real Batman show up in his tumbler)
Scarecrow: That's more like it.
- Another at the start during the Mafia/Scarecrow scene when the Batmobile busts in. The thugs shoot at it and stop when they get no response. It shifts inside to show its on automatic with the setting on "Loiter" after a minute it switches to "Intimidate" and opens fire on the thugs. Just the way its set up along with the timing is hilarious.
- Murphy's Law kicking in during the convoy scene when the SWAT member tells Harvey Dent that the Joker will need something stronger than a machine pistol or a shotgun to stop the armored truck.
- Most of reactions the SWAT officer riding shotgun has to what's happening. It's like if you put a real person into the kind of crap that happens in Gotham on a routine basis. The awesome is how the driver (Gordon) stays calm and completely silent even when the Joker is raking the truck with a machine pistol and making a perfectly timed move to dodge the Tumbler.
- When Batman is chasing the Joker on the Batpod, he drives right past a man sitting in a parked car, examining himself in the drivers mirror. Batman zooms past, shattering the guy's mirror, surprising him, and then his face changes to an "um...okaaay" kind of expression.