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When Batman has his first He's Back moment, a police officer shoots at his back and damages his gadget immediately after arrival. He gives him one of the most deadpan "You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!" looks ever.
Officer Simon Jansen: ... sorry!
Kelly: Put that thing away before you hurt yourself! Get in [the car]!
Those two officers' dynamic throughout the whole film is brilliant, especially when the lights go out, and Jansen looks frightened, and Kelly just says: "Boy, are you in for a show tonight son." And later, when Foley says "like a rat in a trap, gentlemen!" before the Bat flies out of the alley, and Kelly says "You might have the wrong animal there, sir!"
Bruce's visit to Selina's place. Even his entry is hilarious as we hear bits and pieces of him arguing with Selina's friend Jen (an expy of Holly Robinson) and Selina interrupts. Their conversation is then topped off with the following.
Selina: Mr. Wayne?
Bruce: (hovers in the doorway)
Selina: I'm sorry they took all your money.
Bruce: (Beat, then cheerfully) No you're not. (leaves)
Both Alfred and Lucius trying to set Bruce up with Miranda Tate, and his subsequent exasperation. They both point out that she's "quite lovely". Well, at the time.
A bit of a meta one, but it's hard not to think of a certain meme from Batman: The Movie during all the ado with the reactor in the third act.
Bruce learns the hard way that Selina stole his car by taking his valet ticket during that kiss she planted on him. What makes it funny is that it is styled in a Gilligan Cut:
Bruce: Must've lost my ticket.
Valet Attendant: Your wife said you were taking a cab home. [Bruce looks at him, surprised]
Bruce: My wife?!? [Cuts to Selina Kyle driving away in Bruce's car; he climbs into the backseat of Alfred's car]
Alfred: Just you, sir? [Bruce remains quiet] Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back in a swing of things.
In the Traditional Chinese subtitles, it's made even funnier by the valet attendant using formal language and saying, "Your honourable wife said you were taking a cab home."
The giddy smile on Selina's face as she's gunning the engine and Alfred's comment are what complete the scene. Alfred looks like he's about to burst out laughing at poor Bruce.
The headline of the newspaper breaking the news about Bruce Wayne's fortune going kerplewy in the aftermath of Bane's robbery of the Stock Exchange is summed up in four words: "From Billionaire to Bum".
Batman asking Bane where the trigger is this especially with Christian Bale's Batman Voice.
Batman: WHERE'S THE TRIGGER, YOU WOULDN'T TRUST IT TO AN ORDINARY CITIZEN!
Also a reference to the last film, when Batman is interrogating the Joker...
Selina Kyle, disguised as a maid, steals a necklace which belonged to Martha Wayne. Bruce shoots an arrow at the target she's standing in front of, comments on how similar "her" necklace looks to his mother's necklace, and opens the "uncrackable" safe to reveal the empty box.
Selina: Oops. Nobody told me it was uncrackable.
Bruce: I'm afraid I can't let you take those.
Selina: Look, you wouldn't beat up a woman, anymore than I would beat a cripple. [Selina walks towards Bruce and suddenly knocks his cane out from under him] Of course exceptions have to be made. [climbs onto a windowsill] Good night, Mr. Wayne. [backflips out the window]
It's even funnier when you realize that the fingerprints were on the outside of the safe. Selina cracked it just to see what was inside, and only then took the pearls!
Her Wounded Gazelle Gambit is quite hilarious, mostly because she just finished beating up a couple of people and then goes straight into Damsel in Distress mode. And then sobering up right as Blake departs.
The fighting continues. When Barsad opens fire on them, Batman and Selina run across to the edge of the roof. Batman jumps into the Bat, while Selina hesitates for a moment before she sees Bane approaching her. She makes the jump as well:
Selina: My mother warned me about getting into cars with strange men.
[As Bane walks towards the edge of the roof, the Bat rises, and flies away. Bane watches it with an utter look of disbelief in his eyes.]
After landing, Selina hops out of the plane without fanfare.
Selina: See you around.
Batman: (annoyed) You're welcome.
Selina is being led to a jail cell:
Guard: We're locking her up in here?
Warden: The Dent Act allows non-segregation based on extraordinary need. First time she broke out of women's correctional she was sixteen.
[one of the inmates calls out to Selina as she walks past his cell]
Inmate:[reaches to grope] A little closer, baby!
Selina: Why, baby? You wanna hold my hand? [grabs the inmate's outstretched hands from the bars and does a cartwheel. The inmate screams in pain as his arms are twisted. She does not break her stride during the entire scene]
Bruce: Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? [motions to the man Selina was dancing with]
Selina: His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they might get stolen.
Bruce: Mm. It's pronounced Ibeetha. You wouldn't want any of these folks realizing you're a crook, not a social climber.
Selina: You think I care what anyone in this room thinks of me?
Bruce: I doubt you care what anyone in any room thinks of you.
Selina: Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me.
Bruce: Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town, a modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means that either you're saving for retirement, or you're in deep with the wrong people.
Selina: You don't get to judge me just because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor.
Selina Kyle's kidnapping of the Congressman who was leeching over her at the party at the beginning. She does it so that she has leverage for her meeting with Stryver (giving her a justified reason to trick Stryver into calling a SWAT team), but when we notice that it's him: as he's unshaven, haggard, wearing a terrible Hawaiian shirt... and obviously madly in love with her.
Selina: Keep some pressure on that [gunshot wound in your leg], sweetheart. [abandons him without even looking back]
Congressman: Call me?
[Selina walks out the front door as gunfire echoes from the back alleyway. She runs into Blake, who is walking up the front steps]
Officer John Blake: Are you OK, miss?
Selina: He's bleeding! You've gotta help him!
The fact that the congressman is still smitten with Selina even after the above incident as implied when Blake nabs her at the airport:
Det. John Blake: I showed your picture to the Congressman. Guess what?
Selina: Don't tell me, still in love?
Det. John Blake: Oh, head over heels. Pressing charges, though. You've made some mistakes, Miss Kyle.
Selina: Girl's gotta eat.
Selina's eye roll as Blake then offers to put her in police protection to keep her safe from Bane.
When caught swiping the pearls, once Bruce mentions that the manufacturer said the safe was uncrackable, her reply is: "Oops. No one told me it was uncrackable."
Bruce uses Selina as part of his Trojan Prisoner move to get Fox out of jail. Two henchmen deliver Bruce to the holding tank where Fox and Miranda Tate are. Selina comes in and lies to the henchmen that Bane wants Fox and Bruce isolated. The unsuspecting henchmen take Fox and Bruce, and when in an isolated area, Selina knocks them out, then undoes their handcuffs:
Lucius: I like your girlfriend, Mr. Wayne.
Selina: He should be so lucky.
The Congressman hits on Selina posing as a waitress.
His way of talking in general, he sounds about as jovial and happy-go-lucky as you can get, which gets frightening when you consider the dissonance this causes in some of his scenes, like the robbery at the Stock Exchange or the football stadium bombing.
For some reason, this exchange between the CIA agent and Bane from the prologue:
While Bane is reading Gordon's speech about Harvey Dent to himself upon capturing the commissioner, Gordon uses this distraction to roll into the sewer outflow. Henchmen fire on him as he floats away, apparently getting a couple of hits.
Sewer Thug #2: He's dead.
Bane: So show me his body.
Sewer Thug #2: The water runs to any one of the outflows. We'll never find him.
[Barsad hands Bane a tracking device. Bane plants it on the thug]
Sewer Thug #2: Follow him? (Bane shoots the thug with Gordon's pistol. The thug's body falls into the same outflow that Gordon escaped in, and is carried away)
The bit just prior to this, when Bane expresses his displeasure at the two thugs for bringing Gordon in by casually breaking the first guy's neck and then gives the second one the following line in a perfectly calm, matter-of-fact tone.
"Search him (Gordon). Then I will kill you."
Bane's response when listening to the child singing the national anthem, not far out of character for him if you're reading between the lines concerning his relationship to young Talia.
Bane: That's a lovely, lovely voice.
Also terrible nightmare fuel if you think about how glib and cheerful Bane can be moments before detonating the explosives. Not to mention Foreshadowing if you notice that he says it right after "And the rocket's red glare / The bombs bursting in air".
A rather dark and morbid one when Bane is addressing the crowd at the football stadium:
Bane:[picks up a microphone] Gotham! Take control! Take control of your city. [His henchmen wheel out the nuclear device] This... this is the instrument of your liberation! [Men bring Dr. Pavel forward and make him kneel in front of Bane] Identify yourself to the world.
[Bane holds the microphone in front of Dr. Pavel, looking the whole time as if he is conducting a news interview - which in a way, he is since the game is being broadcast on network television]
Dr. Pavel: Dr. Leonid Pavel, nuclear physicist.
Bane: And what... what is this?
Dr. Pavel: It's a... fully primed neutron bomb, with a blast radius of six miles.
Bane: And who is capable of disarming such a device?
Dr. Pavel: Only me.
Bane: "Only you". Thank you, good doctor! [breaks Dr. Pavel's neck. The crowd screams in terror] Now, this bomb is armed! This bomb is mobile! And the identity of the triggerman is a mystery. For one of you holds the detonator! And we came here not as conquerors, but as liberators to return control of this city to the people. And at the first sign of interference from the outside world, or for those people attempting to flee, this anonymous Gothamite - this unsung hero - will trigger the bomb. For now, martial law is in effect. Return to your homes, hold your families close, and wait. Tomorrow you claim what is rightfully yours. [Bane drops the mike, turns, and leaves what remains of the playing field]
The Stock Exchange heist has a few humorous quips:
Trader: This is a stock exchange! There's no money you can steal!
Bane: Really? Then why are you people here? [grabs the trader by his neck, drags him over to another terminal, knocks him out, then uses his ID card to login to the system]
Bane gives an affable "Thank you" to the guy that was holding his motorcycle helmet. This happens a mere second after the janitor henchman was firing bursts of automatic gunfire into the ceiling to order everyone to their feet.
Dark example: Bane and his men ambush Captain Jones's relief team. Jones gets shot in the chest and goes down, and Bane appears:
Captain Jones: I'll die before I talk.
Bane: I'm on your schedule, Captain. [crushes Jones's windpipe]
The way in which the scene where Bane takes the Wayne board hostage is somewhat amusing in the form of how it is introduced:
Lucius Fox: I still don't see the need for a board meeting for the energy project.
Miranda Tate: Bruce got a lot of things right. Keeping the board in the dark wasn't one of them. [....and as they enter, they discover another thing Bruce didn't get right: Bane and his men holding the board of directors hostage]
Bane: How good of you to join us! Chair, President. All I need now is one more ordinary board member. Mr. Fox, would you like to nominate?
Douglas Fredericks:[stands up] No. I will volunteer.
Lucius Fox: Where are you taking us? [Bane does not answer]
Most of John Blake's lines tend to go in the hilarious department as he is a Deadpan Snarker.
A bit of dark humor where Hines Ward, the football player with the ball, is the only one who continues running forward, failing to notice the ground falling beneath him. Ward ends up making the touchdown, only to turn around and see all the other players have fallen into the hole and died, and drops the ball in shock.
Even moreso in that another player from the Rapid City team is running behind Ward, and attempts to grab hold of him as the field crumbles, only to be shrugged off by the first player which then causes him to fall into the hole.
A meta one for football fans: Ward was in the last stage of his Steelers career when he filmed his spot and had lost his separation speed as a receiver for quite some time. But in the Batman universe, you better believe Hines Ward can outrun a explosion!
This exchange setting up this film's requisite Q scene:
Lucius Fox: This conversation used to end with an unusual request.
Bruce Wayne: I'm retired.
Lucius Fox: (presses a button on his desk, bookcase slides aside) Well let me show you some stuff anyway. Just for old time's sake.
When the truck carrying the bomb crashes into an underpass and comes to a stop, poor Commissioner Gordon (who was in the container, with the bomb) all but stumbles out in a daze, like he was just put through the spin cycle.
Lucius's delightfully deadpan reaction when Talia opens the floodgates on the reactor chamber to stop Batman from stabilizing the bomb: "Oh dear!"
Bruce Wayne gets a physical before taking up the cowl again that doubles as a Lampshade Hanging over the abuse he took as Batman.
Doctor: I have seen worse cartilage in knees.
Bruce Wayne: That's good.
Doctor: No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee, and not much of any use in your elbows or your shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, the residual concussive damage to your brain tissue, and the general scarred-over quality of your body, I cannot recommend that you go heliskiing, Mr. Wayne.