Funny: The Dark Knight Rises
- When Batman has his first He's Back moment, a police officer shoots at his back and damages his gadget immediately after arrival. He gives him one of the most deadpan "You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!" looks ever.
Officer Simon Jansen: ... sorry!Kelly: Put that thing away before you hurt yourself! Get in [the car]!
- Those two officers' dynamic throughout the entire chase scene is brilliant, especially when the lights go out, and Jansen looks frightened, and Kelly just says: "Boy, are you in for a show tonight son." And later, when Foley says "like a rat in a trap, gentlemen!" before the Bat flies out of the alley, and Kelly says "You might have the wrong animal there, sir!"
- Bruce's visit to Selina's place. Even his entry is hilarious as we hear bits and pieces of him arguing with Selina's friend Jen (an expy of Holly Robinson) and Selina interrupts. Their conversation is then topped off with the following.
Selina: Mr. Wayne?Bruce: (hovers in the doorway)Selina: I'm sorry they took all your money.Bruce: (Beat, then cheerfully) No you're not. (leaves)
- Both Alfred and Lucius trying to set Bruce up with Miranda Tate, and his subsequent exasperation. They both point out that she's "quite lovely". Well, at the time.
- A bit of a meta one, but it's hard not to think of a certain meme from Batman: The Movie during all the ado with the reactor in the third act.
- If only they could have had Bale say it in the Bat-Voice....
- A quick, but good one is when Bruce arrives at Miranda Tate's Masquerade Ball and the paparazzi tries to take his pictures only for him to whip out a little device that instantly disables all the cameras. It's a mini version of the EMP gun that Batman makes use of during the stock exchange heist getaway.
- As Selina is leading Batman to Bane's lair:
Selina: He's right behind you.Henchman: Who? (he turns and sees...)Batman: ME! [takes him out]
- Bruce learns the hard way that Selina stole his car by taking his valet ticket during that kiss she planted on him. What makes it funny is that it is styled in a Gilligan Cut:
Bruce: Must've lost my ticket.Valet Attendant: Your wife said you were taking a cab home. [Bruce looks at him, surprised]Bruce: My wife?[Cuts to Selina Kyle driving away in Bruce's car; he climbs into the backseat of Alfred's car]Alfred: Just you, sir? [Bruce remains quiet] Don't worry, Master Wayne. Takes a little time to get back in a swing of things.
- In the Traditional Chinese subtitles, it's made even funnier by the valet attendant using formal language and saying, "Your honourable wife said you were taking a cab home." Well, as honourable as cat thieves go.....
- The grin on Selina's face as she's gunning the engine and Alfred's comment are what complete the scene. Alfred looks like he's about to burst out laughing at poor Bruce.
- The headline of the newspaper breaking the news about Bruce Wayne's fortune going kerplewy in the aftermath of Bane's robbery of the Stock Exchange is summed up in four words: "From Billionaire to Bum".
- Batman asking Bane where the trigger is this especially with Christian Bale's Batman Voice.
Batman: WHERE'S THE TRIGGER, YOU WOULDN'T TRUST IT TO AN ORDINARY CITIZEN!
Batman: WHERE ARE THEY!
- Also a reference to the last film, when Batman is interrogating the Joker...
- When Bruce chastises Alfred for letting a cat-burglar disguised as a maid into his chamber:
Bruce: Perhaps you should stop letting the maids into this side of the house.Alfred: Perhaps you should start learning to make your own bed.
- The next morning, Alfred sees that Bruce has taken him up on that advice. Alfred's dull reaction sells it.
- Selina Kyle, disguised as a maid, steals a necklace which belonged to Martha Wayne. Bruce shoots an arrow at the target she's standing in front of, comments on how similar "her" necklace looks to his mother's necklace, and opens the "uncrackable" safe to reveal the empty box.
Selina Kyle: Oops. Nobody told me it was uncrackable.Bruce Wayne: I'm afraid I can't let you take those.Selina Kyle: Look, you wouldn't beat up a woman, anymore than I would beat a cripple.
[Selina walks towards Bruce and suddenly knocks his cane out from under him]
Selina Kyle: ....Of course exceptions have to be made. [climbs onto a windowsill] Good night, Mr. Wayne! [backflips out the window]
- It's even funnier when you realize that the fingerprints were on the outside of the safe. Selina just cracked it so she could see what was inside, and only then did she get the idea of pinching the pearls!
- Her Wounded Gazelle Gambit is quite hilarious, mostly because she just finished beating up a couple of people and then goes straight into Damsel in Distress mode. And then sobering up right as Blake departs.
- Batman stating that she can't use guns when working with him when he wrenches her pistol as she's preparing to shoot a henchman.
Selina: You've got to be kidding me!Selina: Where's the fun in that?!
Selina: My mother warned me about getting into cars with strange men.[As Bane walks towards the edge of the roof, the Bat rises, and flies away. Bane watches it, apparently thinking, "What's that supposed to be?"]
- The fighting continues. When Barsad and some of his men open fire on them, Batman and Selina run across to the edge of the roof. Batman jumps into the Bat, while Selina hesitates for a moment before she sees Bane approaching her. She makes the jump as well:
Selina: See you around.Batman: (annoyed) You're welcome.
- After landing, Selina hops out of the plane without fanfare.
- Selina is being led to a jail cell:
Guard: We're locking her up in here?Warden: The Dent Act allows non-segregation based on extraordinary need. First time she broke out of women's correctional she was sixteen.[one of the inmates calls out to Selina as she walks past his cell]Inmate: [reaches to grope] A little closer, baby!Selina: Why, baby? You wanna hold my hand? [grabs the inmate's outstretched hands from the bars and does a cartwheel. The inmate screams in pain as his arms are twisted. She does not break her stride during the entire scene]Warden: She's gonna be fine.
- Selina's quick turn of phrase regarding a certain Lampshade Hanging:
Stryver: Nice outfit. Those heels make it hard to walk?Selina: I don't know. [stomps on his foot, stabbing him on his instep] Do they? [Grabs Stryver's pistol and trains it on Daggett]
- Selina's date's response to her kissing Bruce and promptly making a swift exit.
Selina's date: You.... scared her off!Bruce: Not likely.
- And then he finds out the hard way that she has stolen his car.
- The entire dance sequence between Bruce and Selina is nothing but Snark-to-Snark Combat and also Crowning Moment of Awesome, such as:
Bruce: That's a brazen costume for a cat burglar.Selina: Yeah? Who are you pretending to be?Bruce: Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? [motions to the man Selina was dancing with]Selina: His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they might get stolen.Bruce: Mm. It's pronounced Ibeetha. You wouldn't want any of these folks realizing you're a crook, not a social climber.Selina: You think I care what anyone in this room thinks of me?Bruce: I doubt you care what anyone in any room thinks of you.Selina: Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me.Bruce: Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town, a modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means that either you're saving for retirement, or you're in deep with the wrong people.Selina: You don't get to judge me just because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor.Bruce: Actually, I was born in the Regency Room.
- Selina pulls a Stealth Hi/Bye on the Stealth Hi/Bye Master, Batman.
Batman: So that's what that feels like.
- Selina Kyle's kidnapping of the Congressman who was leeching over her at the party at the beginning. She does it so that she has leverage for her meeting with Stryver (giving her a justified reason to trick Stryver into calling a SWAT team), but when we notice that it's him: as he's unshaven, haggard, wearing a terrible Hawaiian shirt... and obviously madly in love with her.
Selina: Keep some pressure on that [gunshot wound in your leg], sweetheart. [abandons him without even looking back]Congressman: Call me?[Selina walks out the front door as gunfire echoes from the back alleyway. She runs into Blake, who is walking up the front steps]Officer John Blake: Are you OK, miss?Selina: He's bleeding! You've gotta help him!
Det. John Blake: I showed your picture to the Congressman. Guess what?Selina: Don't tell me, still in love?Det. John Blake: Oh, head over heels. Pressing charges, though. You've made some mistakes, Miss Kyle.Selina: Girl's gotta eat.
- And he's still smitten with Selina even after the above incident as implied when Blake nabs her at the airport:
- Selina's eye roll as Blake then offers to put her in police protection to keep her safe from Bane, as if to say, "You really think that the GCPD can protect me from a muscular terrorist who I just saw break Bruce Wayne's back?"
- Bruce uses Selina as part of his Trojan Prisoner move to get Fox out of jail. Two henchmen deliver Bruce to the holding tank where Fox and Miranda Tate are. Selina comes in and lies to the henchmen that Bane wants Fox and Bruce isolated. The unsuspecting henchmen take Fox and Bruce, and when in an isolated area, Selina suddenly knocks them out, then undoes their handcuffs:
Lucius: I like your girlfriend, Mr. Wayne.Selina: He should be so lucky.
- The Congressman hits on Selina posing as a waitress.
Selina: Shrimp balls?
- His way of talking in general, he sounds about as jovial and happy-go-lucky as you can get, which gets frightening when you consider the dissonance this causes in some of his scenes, like the robbery at the Stock Exchange or the football stadium bombing.
- Bane's part in the entire opening sequence with the plane hijacking:
CIA Interrogator: [holding his pistol to the back of a hooded prisoner's head] Tell me about Bane! Why does he wear a mask?! [cocks his gun] A lot of loyalty for a hired gun!Bane: Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man, before throwing him out of a plane!
- The interrogator has pretended to shoot one of the bagged prisoners in hopes that he can scare the other two guys into telling him everything they know;
CIA Agent: So, was getting caught part of your plan?Bane: (in an almost jovial tone) Of course!
- Bane has been unmasked as one of the prisoners sent along with Dr. Pavel:
CIA Agent: If I pull that off, will you die?Bane: It would be extremely painful —CIA Agent: You're a big guy.Bane: — for you.
- Another one from the same sequence:
- While Bane is reading Gordon's speech about Harvey Dent to himself upon capturing the commissioner, Gordon uses this distraction to roll into the sewer outflow. Henchmen fire on him as he floats away, apparently getting a couple of hits.
Sewer Thug #2: He's dead.Bane: So show me his body.Sewer Thug #2: The water runs to any one of the outflows. We'll never find him.[Barsad hands Bane a tracking device. Bane plants it on the thug]Bane: Follow him!Sewer Thug #2: Follow him? (Bane shoots the thug with Gordon's pistol. The thug's body falls into the same outflow that Gordon escaped in, and is carried away)
Bane: Search him (Gordon). Then I will kill you.
- The bit just prior to this, when Bane expresses his displeasure at the two thugs for bringing Gordon in by casually breaking the first guy's neck and then gives the second one the following line in a perfectly calm, matter-of-fact tone.
- Bane's response when listening to the child singing the national anthem, not far out of character for him if you're reading between the lines concerning his paternal relationship to young Talia.
Bane: That's a lovely, lovely voice.
- A rather dark and morbid one when Bane is addressing the crowd at the football stadium:
Bane: [picks up a microphone] Gotham! Take control! Take control of your city. [His henchmen wheel out the nuclear device] This... this is the instrument of your liberation! [Men bring Dr. Pavel forward and make him kneel in front of Bane] Identify yourself to the world.[Bane holds the microphone in front of Dr. Pavel, looking the whole time as if he is conducting a news interview - which in a way, he is since the game is being broadcast on network television]Dr. Pavel: Dr. Leonid Pavel, nuclear physicist.Bane: And what... what is this?Dr. Pavel: It's a... fully primed neutron bomb, with a blast radius of six miles.Bane: And who is capable of disarming such a device?Dr. Pavel: Only me.Bane: "Only you". Thank you, good doctor! [Bane breaks Dr. Pavel's neck. The crowd screams in terror] Now, this bomb is armed! This bomb is mobile! And the identity of the triggerman is a mystery. For one of you holds the detonator! And we came here not as conquerors, but as liberators to return control of this city to the people. And at the first sign of interference from the outside world, or for those people attempting to flee, this anonymous Gothamite - this unsung hero - will trigger the bomb. For now, martial law is in effect. Return to your homes, hold your families close, and wait. Tomorrow you claim what is rightfully yours. [Bane drops the mike, turns, and leaves what remains of the playing field]
- The Stock Exchange heist has a few humorous quips:
Trader: This is a stock exchange! There's no money you can steal!Bane: Really? Then why are you people here? [grabs the trader by his neck, drags him over to another terminal, knocks him out, then uses his ID card to login to the system]
- Bane gives an affable "Thank you" to the guy that was holding his motorcycle helmet for him for the duration of the robbery.
- Dark example: Bane and his men ambush Captain Jones's relief team. Jones gets shot in the chest and goes down, and Bane appears:
Captain Jones: I'll die before I talk.Bane: I'm on your schedule, Captain. [crushes Jones's windpipe]
- The way in which the scene where Bane takes the Wayne board hostage is somewhat amusing in the form of how it is introduced:
Lucius Fox: I still don't see the need for a board meeting for the energy project.Miranda Tate: Bruce got a lot of things right. Keeping the board in the dark wasn't one of them. [They enter the boardroom to find Bane and some of his henchmen are holding the board of directors hostage]Bane: [cheerfully] How good of you to join us, Chair and President! All I need now is one more ordinary board member. Mr. Fox, would you like to nominate?Douglas Fredericks: [stands up] No. I will volunteer.Lucius Fox: Where are you taking us? [Bane does not answer]
- This exchange setting up this film's requisite Q scene:
Lucius Fox: This conversation used to end with an unusual request.Bruce Wayne: I'm retired.Lucius Fox: (presses a button on his desk, bookcase slides aside to reveal the secret elevator) Well let me show you some stuff anyway. Just for old time's sake.
- Fox informing Bruce that yes, the Bat does come in black.
- Lucius's delightfully deadpan reaction when Talia opens the floodgates on the reactor chamber to stop Batman from stabilizing the bomb: "Oh dear!"
- Dr. Jonathan Crane as a Hanging Judge.
Jonathan Crane: Death....by exile!Jonathan Crane: (after Stryver chooses exile) Sold... to the man in the cold sweat!
- Most of John Blake's lines tend to go in the hilarious department as he is a Deadpan Snarker.
- A bit of dark humor where Hines Ward, the football player with the ball, is the only one who continues running forward, failing to notice the ground falling beneath him. Ward ends up making the touchdown, only to turn around and see all the other players have fallen into the hole and died, and drops the ball in shock.
- Even moreso in that another player from the Rapid City team is running behind Ward, and attempts to grab hold of him as the field crumbles, only to be shrugged off by the first player which then causes him to fall into the hole.
- A meta one for football fans: Ward was in the last stage of his Steelers career when he filmed his spot and had lost his separation speed as a receiver for quite some time. But apparently in the Nolanverse, you better believe Hines Ward can outrun a explosion!
- When the truck carrying the bomb crashes into an underpass and comes to a stop, poor Commissioner Gordon (who was in the container, with the bomb) all but stumbles out in a daze, like he was just put through the spin cycle.
- Bruce Wayne gets a physical before taking up the cowl again that doubles as a Lampshade Hanging over the abuse he took as Batman.
Doctor: I have seen worse cartilage in knees.Bruce Wayne: That's good.Doctor: No, that's because there is no cartilage in your knee, and not much of any use in your elbows or your shoulders. Between that and the scar tissue on your kidneys, the residual concussive damage to your brain tissue, and the general scarred-over quality of your body, I cannot recommend that you go heliskiing, Mr. Wayne.Bruce Wayne: Right.
- The dialogue is longer in the script, where the doctor goes onto suggest that Bruce take up drinking as the only organ in his body that seems to be healthy is his liver.
- This behind the scenes footage of Tom Hardy in-character as Bane giving away an iPad as a promotion during production of the stadium scenes at Heinz Field.
- Talia's smug look of triumph as she has Batman backed into a corner and holds the detonator in hand... only to press it and find out that the detonator no longer works, all because she was wasting time savouring the moment.