Darth Wiki / Character Issues
This is a brainstorm page. So... expect changes.Character Issues
is the original spawn of a Mega Crossover
fanfiction. The four started books currently border on six hundred pages together, and, God-willing, none will ever be published.
The entire thing starts out with two aspiring writers
, Samantha Mercer and Eva Devon, who have recently graduated high school, blown off college, and purchased a rather run-down house. While going through the belongings of the previous owner, Eva discovers very detailed, beautiful stories with a wide array of characters, and quickly becomes obsessed with reading through them... Until, of course, the young writers wake up in a very strange
world called The Landscape of Imagination. What they can only assume to be an elf tells them that they are "the Chosen Ones" when in actuality the prophecy he is referring to was actually intended for the house's previous owner, who died of old age before it could be carried out.
Unfortunately, Malachi announces that they cannot return to their world without fulfilling the ridiculously complicated/vague prophecy which they've been dropped in the middle of. They meet the characters Juin has been reading about... and discover that for a place with such a fluffy name, The Landscape of imagination is by no means a nice place. In fact, it's terrifying enough to make Mordor
look like a beautiful park filled with unicorns and bunnies.
This series provides examples of:
- Action Girl
- A.I. Is a Crapshoot: Sark's laptop is a Devil in Plain Sight, making its hatred for humanity known at every possibility.
- Almost Kiss
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: Eva's attraction to Alec.
- Always Chaotic Evil: Parodied by the goblins, who tend to be generally okay until you assume that they're evil.
- And I Must Scream: Any of Charon's actions. Ever.
- Annoying Arrows: Averted and lampshaded by Sam.
Unreliable scout: "He was shot, like, twenty times!"
Sam: "Twenty times? You do realize that one arrow can tear an entire muscle apart? Where was he shot, the foot?"
Unreliable scout: "Well... alright. Maybe twice... and the second time was overkill."
- Anti-Hero: Alec.
- Anything That Moves: Lucien. He thinks he dated Eva for a while, actually stalked Dante Norwood, had bundles of Ho Yay with Jake, dated the Hippie Elf Chick... It was rather creepy, actually.
- Asexuality: Sam openly expresses her asexuality at the beginning of the book, and sticks to it throughout the series... even if her alternate personality does not.
- Aww, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Any family members or friendships get at least one of these.
- Ax-Crazy: Anyone and everyone.
- Badass Boast: Too many to count.
- Battle Couple
- Bears Are Bad News: The bear priests.
- Belligerent Sexual Tension
- Beta Couple: Jake and Euryale.
- Bi the Way: Depending on what you take "confused" to mean, Emo Kid.
- Blood Knight: Kraite, although he does have a soft spot for children. Dwarves, on the other hand...
Kraite: (after ripping a dwarf's head off with his teeth) "Bet ya can't eat just one."
- Burn the Witch!: Some areas are so paranoid of psychic powers that this is standard government police for dealing with anyone who displays them.
- Calling the Old Man Out: Remus does this to Emo Kid's High-Stress-Dad.
- The Casanova: Alec, for some reason.
- Character Development
- Cerebus Syndrome
"It just seems like we were a lot safer when we did nothing but sit around and make snarky comments about this absurd fantasy world..."
- The Chosen One: Averted, lampshaded, and parodied with Eva, Sam, and Charon.
- Color-Coded for Your Convenience: Charon and her army are usually cloaked in red.
- The Black Soldiers, too. Guess what color they wear.
- Cool Sword: Darius and Charon both have impossibly cool swords with meaningful inscriptions. Eva subverts this trope when she declines to use the sword offered to her by the Muses.
- The Corruption: The Phone, which was originally played for laughs as a "The One Ring" parallel, but later became an actual plot device.
- It was still pretty laughable, though.
- Until the third book.
- Creepy Doll: Eva finds several truly creepy dolls in the attic of her new house... and Bellorum apparently collects dolls of the same variety. He even lampshades it by saying that if they make people reluctant to go into his room, they've served their purpose.
- Unfortunately for Nathaniel, Bellorum's dolls are a bit... ah... too realistic.
- Critical Psychoanalysis Failure: Dr. Cross attempts to analyze Lucien. The effects were... not pleasant.
- Cruel and Unusual Death
- Cultured Warrior: Dante Norwood, Darius, and anyone from Vigil's family.
- Cute and Psycho: Lucien, taken Up to Eleven.
- Dark Is Edgy: Used by various races, as well as by Charon.
- Dark Messiah
- Dark World: More places than not.
- Deadpan Snarker: Sam.
Eva: "Can I ask I stupid question?"
Sam: "Better than anyone I know."
Jake: "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."
- Death World: Everywhere. Not only a "Death World", but more like a Cruel and Unusual Death World.
- Devil in Plain Sight: Darius. There's a thunderclap when you say his name, he wears nothing but black, and leads the group into increasingly dangerous scenarios throughout the entire second book. And yet everyone is somehow shocked to discover that he's a bad guy...
- Draco in Leather Pants: Sark and Lucien.
- Driven to Suicide: How Remus dies. Though he really is forced into it by Charon.
- Dropped a Bridge on Him: Poor Emo Kid. And Onde. And Rael. You will not be forgotten.
- The Dulcinea Effect
- Earth Is a Battlefield: Not only Earth, but every subsequent alternate dimension fathomable. The one place that's peaceful? The Forever Summer Wood. Oh, wait... never mind, they're fighting back an invasion from Orks, whose land is so overpopulated that they just really need the space, which the elves refuse to compromise in the slightest.
- Emo Teen: Named, suitably enough, Emo Kid. Yes, that's her name.
- Ensemble Dark Horse: Lucien. Oh, Lucien.
- Epic Flail: Charon's second Weapon of Choice.
- Even the Guys Want Him: Even the narrator wants Dante Norwood.
- Everybody's Dead, Dave
J.T. Money: "Well, looks like all the important characters are dead. Drinks on me!"
- The Evil Prince: Virgil, Julian, Kalten, and Sain, though the degree of actual "evil" varies.
- Evil Tower of Ominousness: Charon seems to live here... lampshaded by Nathanial.
- Fangirl: Lucien is the rare male version. To everyone's horror, he seems completely obsessed with Edward Cullen... or maybe just the sparkles.
- Unfortunately, Dante Norwood, originally created as a spoof of Twilight, does sparkle, resulting in Lucien stalking him.
- Fantasy Kitchen Sink: And how.
- Fire-Forged Friends: Dante and Nathanial, who claim that they couldn't stand each other when they first met, but after fighting a war side by side, they got to this point.
- Five-Man Band: In the third book.
- Forever War
- The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect You: The consequences if Charon wins.
- Freudian Slip: Lucien does this once.
"No, I don't. If you hadn't been such a jerk, I would have told you that on one of our many Ho Yay
Jake: "Well, you... wait... what?!"
Lucien: "I said... dinners."
- Fur Against Fang: Invoked and lampshaded by Dante and Nathanial, who are actually great friends.
- Gambit Pileup: There are at least six schemes going on at once. It doesn't get incomprehensible, either, thank goodness.
- Garden of Evil
- Genre Blind: Surprisingly enough, Eva.
- Good Bad Girl: Eva.
- Grim Up North: The Northern Wastes. Aptly named.
- Growing the Beard: Happens at the moment when Sam "leaves" the story. Sorry, Sam. It's not your fault, really.
- Haunted Headquarters: Subverted with Sam and Eva's new house, which is set up with a completely over the top back story, but turns out to be quite normal.
- Headless Horseman: A few guard roadways, but there is also a very small division of them in Charon's army. Admittedly, they're not the brightest fighters in the world, and are there mostly for aesthetics...
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: Sam and Eva, as well as Jake and Lucien.
- Hopeless War: The forces of good and evil are a stalemate with no end in sight.
- The Hunter: Dante and Nathaniel are trained and paid to hunt The Fair Folk... despite (perhaps because of) being supernatural beings themselves.
- I Love the Dead: It's mentioned that Lucien's past romances have only been with the corpses of his victims... but thankfully doesn't go into detail.
- Improbable Aiming Skills: Both Charon and Sam, who shoots a gorgon with her eyes closed.
- Insult Backfire
Lucien: "I trusted you! And you betrayed us!"
Darius: "Thank you. It wouldn't have been much of a betrayal if you'd been suspicious of me from the beginning, would it?"
- Interactive Narrator
- Ironic Nursery Tune: Charon has a tendency for reciting these.
- Irritation Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery: Lucien's attitude toward Darius and Dante is this... taken Up to Eleven.
- I Take Offense to That Last One
- It Was a Gift: Subverted with Sam's necklace, which is mentioned enough that it's expected to be plot significant somehow... but turns out to be just a necklace.
- Kill It with Fire: Charon's preferred, and possibly only, method... to the point that she only uses flaming arrows as well. Sometimes arrows that explode. And cause everything in a ten mile radius to catch fire.
- Kiss-Kiss-Slap: Alec and Eva.
- Kissing Under the Influence: Eva and Alec.
- Knight of Cerebus: Hauntshock the Neurotic. Complete with ridiculous name.
- Knight Templar: Heaven forbid you do something even remotely questionable near Charon...
- Knife Nut: Lucien, who seems to have a knife with him at the most improbable times. Eva also prefer to use fighting knives, but is not nearly as obsessed with them.
- Ladykiller in Love
- Law of Disproportionate Response
- Lemony Narrator: The narrator develops a personality after being introduced to the Landscape of Imagination.
- Let Me Get This Straight: J.T. Money's catchphrase.
- Licking the Blade: Lucien does this with great frequency. Lampshaded, like everything else.
- The Lost Woods: The Forever Summer Wood (an accurate, if not too imaginative name) is enchanted, as are all of the animals inhabitants, by the unicorn who lives there.
- Love Hurts
- Love Triangle: There's... a lot.
- Magic Knight: Remus uses both magic and a sword... sometimes at the same time.
- Magnificent Bastard and Manipulative Bastard: Charon, and she seems to love every minute of it.
- Master of the Mixed Message
- Meadow Run
- Medium Awareness: Everyone, except Onde.
- Monster Clown: Lucien tells a story about Gigglebag the clown, who lured him into the forest, then locked him in the basement for two years, where he survived on a diet of only chicken nuggets and jam. Lucien later goes on to claim that it was the best two years of his life.
- Moral Event Horizon: Charon probably crossed it sometime off-screen, but her absolute worst moment was in the beginning of the second book: killing Nicolas, ripping his heart out, and using the whole incident to taunt Eva. And yes, that was her only reason.
- My Friends... and Zoidberg
Alec: "I guess it's time to save my friends from the gaping jaws of death again... and I could probably save Lucien while I'm there..."
- No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Haunt beats Eva to within an inch of her life... and, later, Sam as well.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: Lucien can be amazingly... naive at times, despite having a very high IQ.
- Odd Friendship: Most notably Jake and Lucien, though there's also Remus and Emo Kid.
- The Omniscient Council of Vagueness: The twelve Writing Muses.
- "C'mon, seriously, what do those guys do, anyway?"
- Only Sane Man: Sam and Darius.
- Our Dragons Are Different
- Our Ghosts Are Different: Lucien's dad enjoys pulling pranks in the afterlife.
- Our Vampires Are Different: There are three different species of vampires. Two are fairly normal, and generally okay guys. The third... not so much.
- Playing with Fire: Although Charon's idea of "playing" is burning down every building she finds. Just for kicks.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Lucien gives one to Eva in the second book.
- Red Eyes, Take Warning: Averted with Lucien, who has crimson eyes... and is possibly wearing contacts.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: With Eva and Sam, respectively.
- Romantic Plot Tumor Alec and Eva.
- Screw You, Elves!
- Serial Killer: Lucien's profession of choice.
- Ships That Pass in the Night: Eva and Alec talked exactly once before jumping each other. And it wasn't even a good conversation.
- Shout-Out: A great deal of them. "You have failed us, Ogrot!"
- Slasher Smile: Lucien and, occasionally, Sark.
- Sliding Scale of Idealism vs. Cynicism: It's definitely on the cynicism side for the most part.
- Sociopathic Hero: Lucien. He loves dissecting people alive, but when it comes to his friends, he'd make a Heroic Sacrifice for them in an instant.
- Left the Background Music On: Jake and Lucien seem to be the only ones who notice that ominous music following them around.
- Split Personality Takeover: With Sam and Charon.
- Star-Crossed Lovers
- Strangled by the Red String: Despite the complete lack of chemistry, Eva and Alec become the main couple.
- Terms of Endangerment: Charon uses these on her previous best friend, Eva.
- That Didn't Happen: Eva panicks and tries to forget about her one night stand with Alec.
- Things That Go Bump in the Night: Night Wraiths.
- The Thing That Would Not Leave: According the the back story, Jake and Alec met Lucien after he'd been thrown out of his house (for killing about twenty FBI agents, a fact he neglected to mention), and decided he could stay the night at their place. He's now been there for three years.
- Throwing Your Sword Always Works: Subverted and lampshaded in when Alec throws his sword at Euryale. Not only does it not hit her, but she also picks it up and mocks him for having thrown away his only weapon. He then comments, "Huh, weird. I thought that always worked."
- Twilight: Lucien's favorite book.
- Unresolved Sexual Tension: Everywhere. There was once a chart that kept track of who has tension with who, but it got too confusing to read the chart.
- The Voiceless: Luke, although he does speak once... and in an over-the-top English accent.
- Vitriolic Best Buds
- Well-Intentioned Extremist: Charon.
- You Can't Go Home Again
- You Have Failed Me: See Shout-Out.
- Zombie Advocate: Charon is more of an "evil fantasy races" advocate, and claims that the entire war is being fought for "equal rights". "Claims" being the keyword there. She later confides that she doesn't really care one way or another.
- Zombie Apocalypse: Sark attempts to start one of these, only to be shouted down by Charon.
Charon: "Your lack of foresight makes you a liability. Think, for a moment. The zombie virus is spread via a bite, is it not? Zombies are also lawless, unthinking creatures who do not distinguish between enemy and friend - the only concept they understand is food. Now, if one of your zombies were to bite... one of my trolls, for example... that would result in a lawless, unthinking troll. I have a an evil army to command, my co-Author to murder, and puppies to kick. I simply cannot deal with a zombie-troll right now, Mr. Sark."