Darth Wiki / Character Issues

This is a brainstorm page. So... expect changes.

Character Issues is the original spawn of a Mega Crossover fanfiction. The four started books currently border on six hundred pages together, and, God-willing, none will ever be published.

The entire thing starts out with two aspiring writers, Samantha Mercer and Eva Devon, who have recently graduated high school, blown off college, and purchased a rather run-down house. While going through the belongings of the previous owner, Eva discovers very detailed, beautiful stories with a wide array of characters, and quickly becomes obsessed with reading through them... Until, of course, the young writers wake up in a very strange world called The Landscape of Imagination. What they can only assume to be an elf tells them that they are "the Chosen Ones" when in actuality the prophecy he is referring to was actually intended for the house's previous owner, who died of old age before it could be carried out.

Unfortunately, Malachi announces that they cannot return to their world without fulfilling the ridiculously complicated/vague prophecy which they've been dropped in the middle of. They meet the characters Juin has been reading about... and discover that for a place with such a fluffy name, The Landscape of imagination is by no means a nice place. In fact, it's terrifying enough to make Mordor look like a beautiful park filled with unicorns and bunnies.

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This series provides examples of:

• Always Chaotic Evil: Parodied by the goblins, who tend to be generally okay until you assume that they're evil.

Unreliable scout: "He was shot, like, twenty times!"

Sam: "Twenty times? You do realize that one arrow can tear an entire muscle apart? Where was he shot, the foot?"

Unreliable scout: "Well... alright. Maybe twice... and the second time was overkill."

• Blood Knight: Kraite, although he does have a soft spot for children. Dwarves, on the other hand...
  Kraite: (after ripping a dwarf's head off with his teeth) "Bet ya can't eat just one."

• Cerebus Syndrome
  "It just seems like we were a lot safer when we did nothing but sit around and make snarky comments about this absurd fantasy world..."

• Cool Sword: Darius and Charon both have impossibly cool swords with meaningful inscriptions. Eva subverts this trope when she declines to use the sword offered to her by the Muses.
• The Corruption: The Phone, which was originally played for laughs as a "The One Ring" parallel, but later became an actual plot device.
• Creepy Doll: Eva finds several truly creepy dolls in the attic of her new house... and Bellorum apparently collects dolls of the same variety. He even lampshades it by saying that if they make people reluctant to go into his room, they've served their purpose.
• Critical Psychoanalysis Failure: Dr. Cross attempts to analyze Lucien. The effects were... not pleasant.

• Deadpan Snarker: Sam.
  Eva: "Can I ask I stupid question?"
  Sam: "Better than anyone I know."
  • At times, Jake.
  Jake: "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."
• Death World: Everywhere. Not only a "Death World", but more like a Cruel and Unusual Death World.
• Devil in Plain Sight: Darius. There's a thunderclap when you say his name, he wears nothing but black, and leads the group into increasingly dangerous scenarios throughout the entire second book. And yet everyone is somehow shocked to discover that he's a bad guy...

• Earth Is a Battlefield: Not only Earth, but every subsequent alternate dimension fathomable. The one place that's peaceful? The Forever Summer Wood. Oh, wait... never mind, they're fighting back an invasion from Orks, whose land is so overpopulated that they just really need the space, which the elves refuse to compromise in the slightest.

• Enchanted Forest: The Forever Summer Wood (an accurate, if not too imaginative name) is enchanted, as are all of the animals inhabitants, by the unicorn who lives there.

J.T. Money: "Well, looks like all the important characters are dead. Drinks on me!"

• Fangirl: Lucien is the rare male version. To everyone's horror, he seems completely obsessed with Edward Cullen... or maybe just the sparkles.
  • Unfortunately, Dante Norwood, originally created as a spoof of The Twilight Saga, does sparkle, resulting in Lucien stalking him.

• Fire-Forged Friends: Dante and Nathanial, who claim that they couldn't stand each other when they first met, but after fighting a war side by side, they got to this point.

• Freudian Slip: Lucien does this once.
  Lucien: "No, I don't. If you hadn't been such a jerk, I would have told you that on one of our many Ho Yay dates."
  Jake: "Well, you... wait... what?!"
  Lucien: "I said... dinners."

• Gambit Pileup: There are at least six schemes going on at once. It doesn't get incomprehensible, either, thank goodness.

• Headless Horseman: A few guard roadways, but there is also a very small division of them in Charon's army. Admittedly, they're not the brightest fighters in the world, and are there mostly for aesthetics...

• Hunter of Monsters: Dante and Nathaniel are trained and paid to hunt The Fair Folk... despite (perhaps because of) being supernatural beings themselves.
• I Love the Dead: It's mentioned that Lucien's past romances have only been with the corpses of his victims... but thankfully doesn't go into detail.

• Insult Backfire
  Lucien: "I trusted you! And you betrayed us!"
  Darius: "Thank you. It wouldn't have been much of a betrayal if you'd been suspicious of me from the beginning, would it?"

• It Was a Gift: Subverted with Sam's necklace, which is mentioned enough that it's expected to be plot significant somehow... but turns out to be just a necklace.
• Kill It with Fire: Charon's preferred, and possibly only, method... to the point that she only uses flaming arrows as well. Sometimes arrows that explode. And cause everything in a ten mile radius to catch fire.

• Monster Clown: Lucien tells a story about Gigglebag the clown, who lured him into the forest, then locked him in the basement for two years, where he survived on a diet of only chicken nuggets and jam. Lucien later goes on to claim that it was the best two years of his life.
• Moral Event Horizon: Charon probably crossed it sometime off-screen, but her absolute worst moment was in the beginning of the second book: killing Nicolas, ripping his heart out, and using the whole incident to taunt Eva. And yes, that was her only reason.
• My Friends... and Zoidberg
  Alec: "I guess it's time to save my friends from the gaping jaws of death again... and I could probably save Lucien while I'm there..."
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Haunt beats Eva to within an inch of her life... and, later, Sam as well.
• Obfuscating Stupidity: Lucien can be amazingly... naive at times, despite having a very high IQ.

• Our Vampires Are Different: There are three different species of vampires. Two are fairly normal, and generally okay guys. The third... not so much.
• Playing with Fire: Although Charon's idea of "playing" is burning down every building she finds. Just for kicks.

• Red Eyes, Take Warning: Averted with Lucien, who has crimson eyes... and is possibly wearing contacts.

• Ships That Pass in the Night: Eva and Alec talked exactly once before jumping each other. And it wasn't even a good conversation.
• Shout-Out: A great deal of them. "You have failed us, Ogrot!"

• Sociopathic Hero: Lucien. He loves dissecting people alive, but when it comes to his friends, he'd make a Heroic Sacrifice for them in an instant.
• Sorry, I Left the BGM On: Jake and Lucien seem to be the only ones who notice that ominous music following them around.

• Strangled by the Red String: Despite the complete lack of chemistry, Eva and Alec become the main couple.

• The Thing That Would Not Leave: According the the back story, Jake and Alec met Lucien after he'd been thrown out of his house (for killing about twenty FBI agents, a fact he neglected to mention), and decided he could stay the night at their place. He's now been there for three years.
• Throwing Your Sword Always Works: Subverted and lampshaded in when Alec throws his sword at Euryale. Not only does it not hit her, but she also picks it up and mocks him for having thrown away his only weapon. He then comments, "Huh, weird. I thought that always worked."

• Zombie Advocate: Charon is more of an "evil fantasy races" advocate, and claims that the entire war is being fought for "equal rights". "Claims" being the keyword there. She later confides that she doesn't really care one way or another.
• Zombie Apocalypse: Sark attempts to start one of these, only to be shouted down by Charon.
  Charon: "Your lack of foresight makes you a liability. Think, for a moment. The zombie virus is spread via a bite, is it not? Zombies are also lawless, unthinking creatures who do not distinguish between enemy and friend - the only concept they understand is food. Now, if one of your zombies were to bite... one of my trolls, for example... that would result in a lawless, unthinking troll. I have a an evil army to command, my co-Author to murder, and puppies to kick. I simply cannot deal with a zombie-troll right now, Mr. Sark."

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