Quotes / The Tyson Zone

Clara: Since when do you care about the Doctor?
Missy: Since always. Since the Cloister Wars. Since the night he stole the moon and the President's wife. Since he was a little girl. One of those was a lie — can you guess which one?

— Doctor Who, "The Magician's Apprentice"

"The Kardashian family did not become as successful as they are today because everyone was ignoring them. But because we don't really think they deserve their fame, we are willing to believe almost any terrible thing about them. For example, when Lamar Odom was rushed to the hospital a few weeks ago, members of his estranged wife's family hurried to be by his side. And if you believe this Radar Online headline, they did so with cameras in tow, all ready to film that human tragedy for their TV show. It didn't matter that E! completely denied this; Radar still kept the article up and people continued to believe it because it seemed like something those fame-whores would do."

— Kathy Benjamin (writing for Cracked), "5 Destructive Sides Of Celebrity Culture No One Talks About"

"You could knock me over, with whatever you use to knock over someone who isn't the least bit surprised. Everything with this family you think is... turns out to be."

— Stephen Colbert, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

"When you black out drinking and you do crazy things, you kinda become like Michael Jackson. Like, any story anyone says about you might be true, and even you don't know by the end. I saw an interview with Michael Jackson before he died, and they were like, 'Is it true you bought The Elephant Man's bones?' and he was like, 'I don't know', you know, 'cause how could he keep track of that?"

— John Mulaney, New In Town

the weird thing is that there was such an established body of Wacko Jacko humour by that point that the molestation jokes could just slot right in as just another crazy character trait, like "plastic nose", "bleached skin", "fucks kids", "hyperbaric chamber", "chimpanzee", without anyone going wait what

— Tumblr user argumate on Michael Jackson

I wouldn't put it past 'that' Kinzo.
...As long as you stuck to that phrase, a considerable amount of credibility can dwell in any absurd story.

— Umineko: When They Cry's Narration, on the Ushiromiya Family Head.

Every Kel meme is canon.

— Multiple members of the OMORI fandom on Kel

We have become so accustomed to reading startling tales about the Nazis that we are ready to accept almost any statements, however bizarre and far-fetched, as gospel truth.

— Charles Hamilton, The Hitler Diaries.

It’s not like this would even be in the top ten worst things Cameron has done; it’s sort of like hearing that Ted Bundy once wanked off a hamster. Indeed, it says a great deal about our PM that my first question when I heard the allegation that he’d penetrated a dead pig was “Was it alive when he started?”

—Frankie Boyle, "Frankie Boyle on #PigGate - Not even in the top ten worst things Cameron has done"

John Oliver: A lot of eye-catching Western reporting about North Korea can be shakily sourced, like this one.

Joy Ann Reid: (from news clip) The BBC reports all of the men in the Hermit Kingdom must now sport the same haircut as the dear leader, Kim Jong-un. His look was known as "the Chinese smuggler haircut" not too long ago in the region, but now it will be known as the haircut every man in North Korea must have. Lucky them.

John: Here's the thing: there is no solid evidence that that story is true. But it is seductive, because it sounds like it could be. It's like if you saw the headline: "Trump to NATO: I invented squirrels." You'd believe it, because it sounds like something he would have claimed, even though, as of this taping, he has not.

— Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

I was originally told about it by a college professor of mine, who had worked at CNN for over 20 years. It sounded mostly like a mythic joke, the kind of thing that Ted Turner, the all-around "eccentric billionaire" archetype, would mention offhand. Bison ranches, the America's Cup, four girlfriends at once, the last word on the last day on earth—why not?

— Jalopnik, “This Is The Video CNN Will Play When The World Ends”

Paul: I wanna go home, we're leaving!
Carl: In that case, I should probably mention that I've filled our luggage with orphan meat.
Paul: W-What?!
Carl: Well, I'm building a meat dragon, and not just any meat will do.
Paul: You know what? Forget it. I'm not even shocked anymore.
Carl: Aww, that's no fun!
Paul: This has become the norm for you, Carl!
Carl: I'll have to try harder next time!
Paul: Please don't.
Carl: I feel like I've been issued a challenge!

— Llamas with Hats 3

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