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"Fifteen-Year-old Maya and her Fourteen-Year-old brother Joey noticed a gap in the fence of a 'Government Owned Property'"
The first line of the first book.
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The Maradonia Saga, written and self-published by Gloria Tesch, self-defined "One of the Worlds Youngest Novelist", starts as an everyday story. Then a girl called Maya and a boy called Joey find a World between the Worlds: Maradonia. Upon their arrival a prophecy is fulfilled, whereby they have to try and change the future of Maradonia.

The series consists of three books, though later reprints split each in two, creating six books. Tesch originally planned to write three more books, but they seem to have been scrapped (although never officially canceled).

  • Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (2008)
  • Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir (2009)
  • Maradonia and the Law of Blood (2010)


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This book has examples of:

  • Aerith and Bob: In the land of Maradonia, you have names like Astrodoulos, Apollyon, and Abbadon. There is also a military commander named Justin, and his father, Kerry.
  • Alpha Bitch: Alana Terence, since she is "part of the 'Gothic Movement'", which makes her automatically evil.
  • Blood Bath: There's a fabled "Pool of Blood," a lake of red water which renders anyone who bathes in it invulnerable to "the powers of darkness."
  • Brother–Sister Team: Maya and Joey.
  • Department of Redundancy Department: Tesch seems to be a fan of these. Among them we have "final end" and "irrationally confused".
  • Door Stopper: All three books are about 820 pages each.
  • The Empire: It is even called the Evil Empire.
  • God Save Us from the Queen!: In the second book, Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir (pre-split edition), Maya becomes Queen of Maradonia and develops a fondness for mass executions without trial.
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  • Ice-Cream Koan: Joey spews many, many of them.
  • Idiosyncratic Episode Naming: Character Name and the Noun Phrase-style: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges, Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir, Maradonia and the Law of Blood.
  • Orphaned Series: The last new book to be released was Maradonia and the Law of Blood, all the way back in 2010. The series presumably stalled due to Gloria preferring to focus on The Movie. It seems like the creators ran out of money and gave up on the series after the film's premiere, making the story end on an unresolved cliffhanger. Several other factors point towards the series being cancelled: as of January 2020, the Maradonia websites are down, none of the e-books are available for purchase, the only physical copies for sale are used, and Gloria Tesch's website focuses on her modelling. To make matters worse, Gerry Tesch, Gloria's father and the one person who helped promoting and publishing the series, died in 2018. In December 2019, Gloria Tesch released The Secret of Moon Lake (under the new name/pseudonym Sofia Nova) and called it her debut novel, effectively disowning Maradonia.
  • Punctuation Shaker: For 'some' reason, random 'words' have quotes 'around' them. Why? Nobody really knows.
  • Rule of Pool: Maya goes to a birthday party wearing a new outfit. There is a pool. Guess what happens.
  • Schizo Tech: Flying saucers that fire blindness-causing rays and ocean liners co-exist with pre-gunpowder weaponry, gunpowder weaponry, horse-drawn vehicles, and a general vaguely late-Medieval/Renaissance atmosphere. This juxtaposition has no in-work explanation.
  • Trilogy Creep: The Maradonia trilogy, as the author still calls it, will be made up of nine books. It was apparently always planned to be a trilogy, but then Tesch suddenly said that it was always planned to be nine books. The Maradonia Saga has nine books. The Maradonia Saga has always had nine books. It's really only six when you get down to it. She just split the first three books into halves, and now has to write three more.
  • Vanity Publishing: How it all came to be. Tesch thought there was going to be a Maradonia movie and themepark.
  • A Wizard Did It: The actual land of Maradonia is tacked on somewhere to the rest of the USA. Apparently both nations failed to notice each other because of magic.


 
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Maradonia: The Shadow Empire

Amidst poor camera work, simplistic costumes, and laughable special effects, the fairies of King Apollyon declare their intentions to the heroes and audience with exaggerated hand gestures and emphasis on every syllable.

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Main / HamAndCheese

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