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Funny / Full Metal Jacket

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  • Joker is asked in an interview why he enlisted:
    I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill.
  • "No boom-boom with soul brother, his Alabama blacksnake is too beaucoup."
    • Everything about the hookers.
  • Eightball commenting on Animal Mother.
    Eightball: Now you might not believe it, but under fire Animal Mother is one of the... finest human beings in the world. All he needs is somebody to throw hand grenades at him the rest of his life.
  • Marine cadences: "I don't know but I been told / Eskimo pussy is mighty cold"
    • "Ho Chi Minh is a son of a bitch / Got them blueballs, crabs and the seven-year itch!"
  • The Training Montage with Joker doing pull-ups:
    Hartman: One for the Commandant!
    (Joker struggles through)
    Hartman: One for the Corps! (Joker struggles) Get up there! Pull!
    (Joker fails to do the pull-up and drops from the bar)
    Hartman: (dejected) I guess the Corps don't get theirs.
  • "Reveille! Drop your cocks and grab your socks!"
  • Pick almost any sentence from Gunny Hartman and it will be full of pretty funny insults and "inspirational" lines. The sheer creativity alone of his non-stop vulgarity is something remarkable:
    • "Your days of fingerbanging ol' Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties ARE OVER!"
    • "You are so ugly you could be a Modern Art masterpiece!"
    • "Your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubble gum!"
    • One of R. Lee Ermey's best improvised lines: "I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give them a reach-around!". At one point, Kubrick actually stopped the filming and had Ermey explain what a reach-aroundnote  was. Amusingly, and perhaps understandably, Kubrick was disgusted. He then immediately demanded a second take of the scene afterward, telling Ermey to be sure to leave that line in.
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    • "You climb obstacles like old people fuck!"
    • "Holy dog shit, Texas! Only queers and steers come from Texas... and you don't look like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!"
    • "Oh, that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there, He would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't He?! I'll bet if there was some pussy up there, you would get up there, wouldn't you?"
    • "Private Pyle, whatever you do, don't fall down! That would break my fucking heart!"
    • "Are you quitting on me?! Then quit then, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY OBSTACLE! GET THE FUCK DOWN OFF OF MY OBSTACLE! NOW! MOVE IT! I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!"
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    • "How tall are you, private?" "Sir, five foot nine, sir!" "Five foot nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high!"
    • "I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump. " Then Joker cheerfully denies believing in her and Hartman is at his angriest.
    • "God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!"
    • Hartman's horrified reaction to Joker deciding to join the military journalists rather than becoming a standard Marine.
    • "WHAT IS THIS MICKEY MOUSE SHIT?!" What happens after that, though, isn't so funny.
    • Watch all of Hartman's classic "inspirations" here!
  • The scene with the gung-ho Colonel, especially his bewilderment when he's presented with the Jungian thing and the duality of man. And of course, his Insane Troll Logic:
  • During the "Me So Horny." When Rafterman was gonna take a picture of Joker and the Vietnamese Prostitute, a local man steals their camera and tries to intimidate Joker with lightning-fast mock Martial arts poses. Joker, living up to his name, responds in kind with his own poses. Still, it doesn't get their camera back.
  • The door gunner doing his "thing" is heinous, but his casual, unapologetic delivery is so good that it crosses into Comedic Sociopathy territory: "Ain't war hell?"
    • And right after his gleeful civilian kill count, he proceeds to mention that he's gunned down water buffaloes. Apparently this is important.
    • During the whole scene, we see Rafterman sitting uncomfortably next to Joker and retching, without any clue on whether he's being sickened by the senseless shooting or by the helicopter ride.
  • "Surfin' Bird" is played during a war scene of the film.
  • The lads have a ball when a film crew passes by them:
    Joker: Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
    Cowboy: Hey, start the cameras. This is Vietnam: The Movie.
    Yeah, Joker can be John Wayne, I'll be a horse.
    T. H. E. Rock can be a rock.
    I'll be Ann-Margret.
    Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo.
    I'll be General Custer.
    Rafterman: Who'll be the Indians?
    Animal Mother: Hey, we'll let the gooks play the Indians.
  • The motto of the military journalists: "First to Go — Last to Know: We Will Defend to the Death your Right to be Misinformed."
  • Joker's attempts at doing a war face.
  • Joker's reaction to Lockhart telling his fellow reporters that the Tet Offensive has led to some disastrous consequences is to ask "Does this mean Ann-Margaret's not coming?"


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