Per site policy, Spoilers Off applies to all Funny Moments pages, so all spoilers here are unmarked. You Have Been Warned!
- Seth and Richie bickering about Richie's methods with the quickie mart exploding behind them.
Seth: Low. Profile. Do you understand the meaning of the words "low profile"?!
- The poor sod who worked at the store gets no dignity in death. First of all, he was set on fire and collapses into a shelf full of popcorn, so his corpse does a horizontal jig as the kernels burst beneath him. Then the news piece uses a photo of him proudly holding a fish and sporting a snaggle-toothed smile, possibly the most hillbilly shot in existence.
- After Seth hallucinates Kate coming onto him, he tries casually chatting with her just to clarify if she really meant it. Since he tiptoes around the subject of eating her out, Kate has absolutely no clue what Richie's on about. Before Richie can spell it out for her, Seth tells him to pipe down. Riche then says they'll talk later.
- This exchange near the end.
Carlos: What, were they psychos, or—
Seth: They look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits 'em. I don't give a fuck how crazy they are.
- The full minute-long sales pitch from Chet Pussy at the Titty Twister:
Chet: Pussy! Pussy! Pussy! Come on in, pussy lovers! Here at the Titty Twister, we're slashing pussy in half! Give us an offer on our vast selection of pussy! This is a pussy blowout! Alright, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy! We got hot pussy, cold pussy! We got wet pussy, we got... smelly pussy! We got hairy pussy, bloody pussy! We got snapping pussy, we got silk pussy, velvet pussy, naugahyde pussy, even got horse pussy! Dog pussy! Chicken pussy! Come on, you want pussy? Come on in, pussy lovers! If we don't got it, you don't want it! Come on in, pussy lovers!
- And shortly after, the spiel continues:
- While on the road:
Kate: Where are we going?
Kate: What's in Mexico?
- After Kate's had an encounter with a vicious (and legless) vampire, one of the other survivors acts very gentlemanly towards her, most likely to keep her calm. Then we get this.
Kate: What's your name?
Sex Machine: Sex Machine, nice to meet you.
- Sex Machine trying to hide that he's turning into a vampire.
Sex Machine: (Listening to Frost's war story when the sound is suddenly drowned out and replaced by a raspy voice)
Voice: Kill them....KILL THEM!
(Sex Machine rubs his ear trying to figure out what's going on, then notes he suddenly has fangs in his mouth. He covers it with his hand... only for it to turn into a claw. When he looks it over his other hand turns into one as well. When Scott turns to look at him he quickly hides it behind his back and tries to act as if nothing's wrong.)
- Admit it, you found yourself laughing when every prostitute turned into vampires and started unleashing absolute hell on the bar patrons. Mostly because there was absolutely no buildup to this plot twist whatsoever.
- The bartending vampire is staked on a pool table. As he melts, his eyes roll out of their sockets and into the two corner pockets.
- When Chet Pussy vamps out. Possibly the least intimidating vampire outside of a Scooby Doo episode.
- Seth's parting retort when Satanica Pandemonium brags about how she's going to enslave him.
Satanica: WELCOME TO SLAVERY
Seth: No thanks. I had a wife.
- A deleted scene shows one guy with a stripper on his lap suddenly realising all the carnage around him. When he turns to the lapdancer, he sees she's transformend into a fat ugly goblin. He screams and she shoves her huge rotting tongue down his throat.
- When the band realises they're the only vampires left and this ragtag group of badasses have got their sights set on them, the lead singer gives them the finger and they disappear in a blast.
- After killing the last of the vampire strippers:
(Seth, Jacob, Frost, and Sex Machine standing ankle-deep in a sea of corpses)
Frost: Aren't they supposed to burn up or something?
(Vampire corpses all spontaneously combust at the same time)
- From the bloopers:
- George Clooney repeatedly flubs his lines but stays in character, leading to a montage that's loaded with fucks.
- Sex Machine flaunting his gun-dick, with one of the chambers falling off.
- "Cherry lime."
- Even better is the fact that it's a Brick Joke to an earlier scene where Carlos tells his recent victim the different flavors of a soul and that they're like a variety pack of popsicles.
- When Katie introduces Sex Machine she tells everyone he hit on her. Both Jacob and Seth point their guns at him simultaneously.
- The rescue of Kate from the altar early in the temple, just after Frost allowed a weapons-restock from the Shopping Spree wheel-of-forktune, everything from Sex Machine's dual flashlit katana lightsaber (all of the heavily improvised weapons they sling) to the response to a pack of culebras coming in from every doorway while Seth, Jacob and Sex Machine huddle around Kate.
Sex Machine: It's chingon-stop action!
- When Sex Machine's groin gun runs out of ammo:
Sex Machine: Agh! Shot my load!
- This little moment from the pilot:
Seth: *calling out to Freddie* Now, my brother and I have got what you might want to call a "well-coordinated evacuation" on the way, so I don't want anybody else to die -
Richie: *pops up behind Seth* Hey, he shot first.
- Really the whole Black Comedy Running Gag of Seth snapping "Shut up, Richard" counts too.
- After the two hostages break free (and kick the ever-loving shit out of Richie), one of them turns to face Seth and says "There is something really wrong with your brother" before they turn and stalk out of the store.
- In 3.02, when Richie and Seth run into Santanico again as the boss of an underground fight club with a female consort on her arm, Richie is quick to emphasize that he and Santanico are former... business partners. In conclusion: business partners. It's very awkward in-universe backpedaling, and very funny.
- The trio of Sex Machine, Burt and Scott is absolutely hilarious (and badass) at the same time, what with Scott having to play Straight Man to Burt and Sex Machine, who are constantly at each other's throats - sometimes literally.
- Any time Seth and Kisa end up in Snark-to-Snark Combat is great but especially some of their moments in the season two finale.
Kisa: It's all about stealing with you.
Seth: What can I say? I'm consistent.
- After Kisa brings him back from the dead, Carlos provides exposition on where Venganza is, including the fact that the prison she uses as a safe house is rather anarchic. Leading to the Incredibly Lame Pun:
Carlos: I guess you could say... she runs it like a snake pit.
- In "Rio Sangre", Kisa's injured pretty badly during a fight and Seth lets her feed off of him to heal herself, after two-plus seasons of not letting anyone feed from him. He walks into Venganza's office, still bleeding from the bite mark on his arm and Richie looks absolutely offended for a minute.
Seth: What? She needed to feed.
Richie: ...Smart. You know, I haven't healed yet.
Seth: Not a chance.