Funny / Carry On Up the Khyber

• "I've seen better-equipped men guarding a harem!"
• The terrible disguises that Jheli gives the imprisoned British soldiers so that they can escape.
  • Her explanation:
    Princess Jheli: Don't worry. The guards aren't allowed to touch you.
    Brother Belcher: They'll get a nasty shock if they do.
  • Being caught out by the Khasi and Bungdit after Widdle's skirt falls during the dance, followed by an undercranked sequence of the five heroes fighting the guards and running out of the palace.
  • When the group look to the Fakir...
    CPT Keene: Hey, Fakir, we need your help.
    Fakir: Sorry, madam. Not working today.
    CPT Keene: [in haughty high-pitched tone] "Madam"?!
• "Fakir, off!"
• The dinner scene. Dear God, the dinner scene.
  • Also, the Khasi and Bungdit's Unstoppable Rage as the British governors ignore the carnage.
    Khasi of Khalabar: They think they're so powerful with their... st-starched uniforms and their... stiff upper-lips, and their dirty big flags hanging out! They think they OWN THE PLACE!!
    Bungdit Din: [flatly] They do.
  • And, from much later:
    Khasi of Khalabar: What on earth can I do to arouse these idiots?! They're like, "put the tea in before the milk" and they go berserk!
    Bungdit Din: They're like.... Sir Francis Drake and his bowls.
    Khasi of Khalabar: Oh, don't talk "bowels" to me!
  • The Fakir's head being served instead of the pork that the guests wanted.
    Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Well, that's not what we ordered, is it, Sidney?
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: No, it's not. [to butler] Chindy, what were you thinking?
  • A variety of Joan Sims' lines in this scene.
    • "I must say, the wind seems to be a little strong tonight."
      Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: [concerned look] Whose?
    • "Oh dear! I seem to have become a little plastered!"
  • The dinner party's "Ignoring by Singing" attitude, while Brother Belcher has a breakdown.
  • "Don't worry! We'll save you some strawberry mousse!" Followed by Lady Joan's concerned glare at Brother Belcher.
• After the embarrassing display from the hypocritcal Keene and MacNutt, Sid barks at them for disobeying the laws.
  • It's also funny that Sid's bellowing is over a group of men wearing underwear, when you think about it logically. Knowing the situation, it wouldn't be surprising if he wasn't wearing underwear under his trousers.
  • MacNutt's justification:
    S.MJR MacNutt: All I have to say, sir, is that I am only wearing them as a sense of duty.
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: [scoffs] "Sense of duty"?!
    S.MJR MacNutt: Yes. They were handmade by my mother.
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: I DON'T CARE IF THEY WERE HAND-EMBROIDERED BY YOUR FATHER!!
    S.MJR MacNutt: [quickly under his breath] Well, he did make the flowers.
• Brother Belcher's Foot Popping when he falls for Keene and MacNutt's plan. Then later, Widdle's violent foot popping in the harem, looking like he's having a seizure.
• The Khasi tells his daughter about the "Death of a Thousand Cuts" punishment for the British prisoners, which makes her recoil in disgust.
  Princess Jheli: Oh, that's so horrible.
  Khasi of Khalabar: Nonsense, dear. [in Cockney accent] The British are used to cuts!^note This was a gag on government spending cuts; the British Labour party, which was in power from 1964-70, imposed austerity measures in an attempt to ward off the devaluation of the pound.
• Joan tries to use euphemisms to get the Khasi interested in making love in return for what she's done for, but she fails, leading to this:
  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Look, can't you tell from the quickness of my breathing, the heaving on my bosom ... the hot flush on my cheeks?
  Khasi of Khalabar: My dear, are you requiring the Indian herbal laxative?
  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: No. I had that last week.
• Although you might feel a bit sorry for Widdle, some of MacNutt's verbal attacks can be seen as hilarious.
  S.MJR. MacNutt: [after watching Widdle remove his beard disguise] WIDDLE!! REPLACE YOUR BEARD AT ONCE!!
  PVT Widdle: (scratching his chin) But it itches. What is it?
  S.MJR. MacNutt: Goat's hair.
  PVT Widdle: (sniffs at the material) Pooh.
  S.MJR. MacNutt: Never mind the poo. PUT IT BACK!!
• When the heroes reach the Khyber Pass in the aftermath of a surprise ambush:
  PVT Widdle: (points to a body off-screen) Ginger!!
  Brother Belcher: (concerned look, slightly checking his hair) Who is?
• When Bungit asks why the Khasi doesn't take the photograph from Lady Joan by force, the Khasi points out that "in India, the cow is sacred!"
• Ginger's last words after Widdle covers him with a kilt.
  PVT Ginger Hale: Oh, that's right!! BLOOMIN' SUFFOCATE ME, WHY DON'CHA!! [collapses dead]
• MAJ Shorthouse has a couple of moments too.
  • Upon hearing Joan attack Sid with furniture:
    MAJ Shorthouse: Well, at least it's a break from tiffin.
  • Much later:
    MAJ Shorthouse: Lady Joan's aim seems to be improving.
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: (rubbing his face) You're telling me!
  • In threatening climate:
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: And who asked you?
    MAJ Shorthouse: Nobody, sir.
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Well, belt up! ...I don't like this... I don't like it at all. An armed revolt like this could set the whole of India aflame!
    CPT Keene: Exactly what Major Shorthouse just said, sir.
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: [angrily] And who asked him?
    MAJ Shorthouse: [under his breath] Oh, fudge.
  • And this:
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: [about sleeping with the Khasi's wives] One must keep up to their duties.
    MAJ Shorthouse: Yes. So do rabbits.
• Widdle suggests a thin red line that the Indians will think not to cross if they ever got past the gates.
  S.MJR. MacNutt: If you don't get out here now, Widdle, you'll have a thin red line across your THICK BACKSIDE!!!!
• One of the first jokes in the movie is literal Toilet Humor:
  Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Who's the two of them on the throne?
  Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: You mean the Khasi.
  • In the same scene:
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: That's Randy Lauw.
    Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: 'Oo?
    Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Randy Lauw. The Khasi of Khalabar.
    Joan Ruff-Diamond: Oh! How do you know he is, then?
    Sid Ruff-Diamond: [irritably] How do I know he's what?
    Joan Ruff-Diamond: Randy?
    Sid Ruff-Diamond: [grumpily] That's his NAME!
• This moment, for one:
  Princess Jelhi: I don't understand, my father. What is there to fear about a man wearing nothing underneath his skirt?
  Khasi of Khalabar: Oh, my child — you've not met war. And think how terrifying it'd be to see a man charging at you, with his skirt flying up in the air, and flashing his big, long... bayonet at you!
• "For the last time, stop calling it a dangler! IT'S A SPORRAN!!"
• When Sid is trying to shrug off the soldiers-wearing-underwear "rumor" to the Khasi, this takes place:

  Sir Sidney: Alright, Captain Keene, the Khasi wants to see — you know what to do.
  (Keene gives a sheepish nod and quickly rushes over to MacNutt)
  CPT Keene: Well, Sergeant-Major...
  S.MJR MacNutt: [obviously pretending he didn't hear him] Well, what?
  CPT Keene: You heard what the Khasi said.
  S.MJR MacNutt: I'm afraid I can't, sir.
  CPT Keene: [angrily under his breath] But... that's an order!
  [the S.MJR whispers in the CPT's ear, obvious to the audience that he's stating that he's wearing underwear]
  CPT Keene: [awkwardly] ...So am I.

• McNutt finding out that the magazine of the Maxim gun has been replaced by a wind-up gramophone.
  McNutt: Have a taste of this, you swine! [He cranks the handle; barrel organ music plays] What the devil.. {cranks it again; more barrel organ music. Opens up the magazine and takes out a 78.]