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Funny / Carry On Doctor

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  • Matron's conversation with Dr Kilmore:
    Matron: This hospital's not big enough for the both of us, Dr Kilmore.
    Dr Kilmore: Oh, c'mon, Matron — you're not that... Oh, I see!
  • The entire Hospital Gurney Scene in which Francis moans and groans in the ambulance van and then flies out of the back.
  • The scenes when Francis meets the other patients.
    • Mr Barron next door:
    Mr Barron: [weakly] Is this your first?
    Francis: First? First what?!
    Mr Barron: Baby?
    • Ken Biddle:
    Francis: What's your trouble?
    Ken: I had my appendix out.
    Francis: [surprised] Your appendix? What about your leg? [signalling Ken's bandaged foot]
    Ken: Oh, that happened when I fell off the operating table! [giggles]
    • Charlie:
    Charlie: What they got you in for?
    Francis: Oh, nothing. Just a pain in the back.
    Charlie: Last bloke in that bed had that same problem.
    Francis: [curiously] Oh, did he?
    Charlie: Yeah. Right up to the end.
    Francis: Oh, that's tearing. [snuggles into the sheets] Well, I'll give them this, it's a nice warm bed.
    Charlie: [flatly] Should be. They only took him out an hour ago.
  • Seeing Mr Barron in prenatal classes with unfazed pregnant women doing exercises is a sight that should be seen to be believed.
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  • Francis getting electrocuted by the x-ray and the doctor taking the x-ray caring about the machine.
    Doctor in charge: [as Francis falls unconscious] Oh dear. There goes another tube.
  • Mr Smith and Dr Tinkle discussing Smith's condition and surgical removal treatment:
    Mr Smith: But won't it hurt?
    Dr Tinkle: [crossly] Yes, Mr Smith, and I WANT it to hurt! The next time you consider having a LUMP, you'll think TWICE about it!
  • Dr Tinkle after an operation:
    Dr Tinkle: Wait, where's my watch?
    Other surgeon: [while taking off his surgery clothing] You must've taken it off.
    Dr Tinkle: No, no — I distinctively remember having it on when I started to... sew that... [gasps] Oh, no!! It was ALARMED, TOO!
    [Other surgeon wrestles his surgery clothing back on aggressively]
  • Francis getting injected in the ass when Kilmore trips over a pillow he threw at him when he was being difficult with the staff. At least he'll know how much of a pain in the ass he's been with them.
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  • Charlie trying to smoke discreetly in bed, and the Matron finding smoke billowing out of the covers when she suspiciously raises the bedsheets.
  • Seeing the 6'7 muscly Ken Biddle in a dainty nurse's outfit and tiny high heels, and not even getting spotted by the medicine staff.
  • Charlie and Nurse Sandra's first meeting.
    Nurse Sandra: I'm Nurse May. I was told to report here, Sister.
    Sister Hoggett: [while taking Charlie's blood pressure] I'll be with you in a moment.
    Nurse Sandra: [smiles at Charlie] Hi!
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