- Matron's conversation with Dr Kilmore:Matron: This hospital's not big enough for the both of us, Dr Kilmore.
- The entire Hospital Gurney Scene in which Francis moans and groans in the ambulance van and then flies out of the back.
- The scenes when Francis meets the other patients.
Mr Barron: [weakly] Is this your first?Francis: First? First what?!Mr Barron: Baby?
- Mr Barron next door:
Francis: What's your trouble?Ken: I had my appendix out.Francis: [surprised] Your appendix? What about your leg? [signalling Ken's bandaged foot]Ken: Oh, that happened when I fell off the operating table! [giggles]
- Ken Biddle:
Charlie: What they got you in for?Francis: Oh, nothing. Just a pain in the back.Charlie: Last bloke in that bed had that same problem.Francis: [curiously] Oh, did he?Charlie: Yeah. Right up to the end.Francis: Oh, that's tearing. [snuggles into the sheets] Well, I'll give them this, it's a nice warm bed.Charlie: [flatly] Should be. They only took him out an hour ago.
- Seeing Mr Barron in prenatal classes with unfazed pregnant women doing exercises is a sight that should be seen to be believed.
- Francis getting electrocuted by the x-ray and the doctor taking the x-ray caring about the machine.Doctor in charge: [as Francis falls unconscious] Oh dear. There goes another tube.
- Mr Smith and Dr Tinkle discussing Smith's condition and surgical removal treatment:Mr Smith: But won't it hurt?Dr Tinkle: [crossly] Yes, Mr Smith, and I WANT it to hurt! The next time you consider having a LUMP, you'll think TWICE about it!
- Dr Tinkle after an operation:Dr Tinkle: Wait, where's my watch?Other surgeon: [while taking off his surgery clothing] You must've taken it off.Dr Tinkle: No, no — I distinctively remember having it on when I started to... sew that... [gasps] Oh, no!! It was ALARMED, TOO![Other surgeon wrestles his surgery clothing back on aggressively]
- Francis getting injected in the ass when Kilmore trips over a pillow he threw at him when he was being difficult with the staff. At least he'll know how much of a pain in the ass he's been with them.
- Charlie trying to smoke discreetly in bed, and the Matron finding smoke billowing out of the covers when she suspiciously raises the bedsheets.
- Seeing the 6'7 muscly Ken Biddle in a dainty nurse's outfit and tiny high heels, and not even getting spotted by the medicine staff.
- Charlie and Nurse Sandra's first meeting.Nurse Sandra: I'm Nurse May. I was told to report here, Sister.Sister Hoggett: [while taking Charlie's blood pressure] I'll be with you in a moment.Nurse Sandra: [smiles at Charlie] Hi!
Funny / Carry On Doctor