Harry Crow is a Harry Potter fanfic by Robst. In this Alternate Universe story, when baby Harry is dropped off at the Dursleys, Vernon decides he wants nothing to do with him and elects to deposit him back in the wizarding world. For lack of any better or clearer options, he brings Harry to Gringotts, and the goblins decide to adopt and raise the lad. Ten years later, Harry Crow (named after the escrow agreement that allowed the goblins to take possession of him) heads for Hogwarts, ready to take the wizarding world by storm…
It is notable for being longer than the first five Harry Potter books combined, at 737,006 words.
Harry Crow contains examples of:
- Beauty Equals Goodness: Harry Crow is described as being more handsome than his canon counterpart, with no glasses, no scar, long hair and an impressive physique. Likewise, many of his closest female friends and associates - most notably Hermione - are described as stunningly beautiful at least once.
- Berserk Button: For Harry, threatening Hermione, as all too many people find out the hard way.
- Bribe Backfire: When Lucius Malfoy is banned from Gringotts and given twenty-four hours to remove the money and valuables from his Gringotts vaults, he's unable to withdraw anything before missing the deadline because he's under arrest. His wife isn't allowed to withdraw more than one hundred thousand Galleons per day and tries to use the money to bribe Cornelius Fudge so Lucius will be released and thus able to withdraw the rest on time. Fudge not only refuses the bribe but also seizes the hundred thousand Galleons as evidence of the attempted bribery.
- Curb-Stomp Battle: Harry gets into a lot of fights throughout the story – and almost all of them turn out this way, even against physically stronger or multiple opponents.
- Dastardly Whiplash: In Chapter 4, Hermione believes that Professor Snape would be the perfect archetypal villain if he had a twinrly moustache. She can even imagine him as Dick Dastardly.
- Diplomatic Impunity: Out of fear he'd be arrested as soon as he entered Wizarding Britain for the Triwizard Tournament, Durmstrang Headmaster Igor Karkaroff wouldn't agree to enter his school in the tournament until the Ministry agreed to grant diplomatic immunity to Durmstrang's representatives until the tournament is over. He ends up not going anyway because a new ward set at Hogwarts prevents people with the Dark Mark from entering the castle so he sends Durmstrang Deputy Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, who ends up using this immunity to avoid being arrested for past crimes.
- Eye Scream: When Hermione is threatened by a group of girls telling her to stay away from Harry, the boy in question pins one of the offenders against the wall and threatens to cut her eye out.
- Fantastic Racism: Pretty much all of the antagonists are anti-goblin, including Professor Binns of all people; his ancestor was executed by the goblins after launching an attack against them, and he has spent decades trying to indoctrinate Hogwarts students against goblins as a result.
- For Want Of A Nail: The story begins with Vernon taking baby Harry to Gringotts and the goblins subsequently adopting him, and goes from there.
- Groin Attack: Padma's threat to Neville while they're dancing.Padma: If your hand goes somewhere inappropriate, my knee will let your groin know.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Lucius Malfoy has 24 hours to withdraw the contents of his Gringotts vaults and anything left behind after then will be unreachable until his son becomes of age. Lucius is forced to miss the deadline because the Ministry has him under arrest and his wife can't do it for him because he never gave her permission to withdraw more than one hundred thousand Galleons per day.
- I Kiss Your Hand: Harry does this a few times, like when he first meets Hermione.
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: Dumbledore, who tries repeatedly to gain or exert influence over Harry and fails miserably every single time.
- Manipulative Bastard: Dumbledore tries to be one but with absolutely no success.
- Obligatory Swearing: Characters swear far more here than they do in the books, as in Robst’s other stories.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: Almost every antagonist is anti-goblin and usually pro-pureblood as well.
- Proud Warrior Race Guy: Harry, after an upbringing by goblins.
- Puppy Love: Harry and Hermione officially become a couple at the age of eleven and twelve respectively. Before their second year has even started, they become magically bonded, indicating that they will eventually marry and always be together.
- Upon imagining Snape with a twirly moustache, Hermione suddenly has an image of him as Dick Dastardly with Draco Malfoy as Muttley.
- When Hermione first sees Harry, he's "dressed as if he'd just stepped out of the pages of Pride and Prejudice". She even believes that, if Fitzwilliam Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet had a son, he'd be dressed the same way.
- Sssssnake Talk: Voldemort speaks this way.
- Unholy Matrimony: Augustus Rookwood and Bellatrix Lestrange. They even have a baby together!