Fanfic / Charles Manson Vs The Teletubbies

The artwork of the Teletubbies included in the fic. Do you feel threatened yet?

Charles Manson Vs The Teletubbies is a Crack Fic published on Archive of Our Own about Charles Manson fighting the four Teletubbies, Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-laa and Po.

Charles Manson, inexplicably, is grabbed by a giant hand out of nowhere and taken to Teletubby land through a portal. After exploring his newfound home with the intent of finding more members to indoctrinate into his cult, he comes across four, colour-coded..things that he decides will make good little slaves for the Manson family.

After he steals their tubby custard, the Teletubbies turn violent, and Charles finds out that incurring their wrath was the wrong move...

The fic can be read here.

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Charles Manson Vs The Teletubbies has examples of:

• Adaptational Badass:
  • Tinky-Winky can wield dual katana blades. When fighting Charles Manson's slaves, he beheads them en masse.
  • Laa-laa can use dual nunchuks and bashes the skulls of Charles Manson slaves.
  • Dipsy uses an AK-47 and shoots endlessly at Charles Manson's slaves.
  • Po knows how to box professionally and fights Charles Manson's slaves at "hyper speeds".
• Adaptational Intelligence: The Teletubbies are capable of normal human speech, unlike in the original show where their dialogue was essentially The Unintelligible.
• Adaptational Personality Change: In the original show, none of the Teletubbies had a violent bone in their body. Here, they're willing to draw blood over losing the tubby custard to Charles Manson.
• Adaptational Superpower Change: The Teletubbies' superpowers aren't clear, but they can make explosions happen, and their frightening titles (such as "the eradicator of hope" and "the killer of dimensions") imply they have used them for heinous purposes in the past.
• Adaptational Villainy: Not only are the Teletubbies immoral jerkasses, they also enjoy ruining worlds and killing people.
• All Your Powers Combined: TELETUBBY LAZER STRIKE!
• Asshole Victim: Charles Manson was burned to death for stealing the tubby custard. Given the kind of person he is, it's hard to feel sorry for him.
• Bait-and-Switch: The fanfic starts with a Slash Fic involving Spiderman sucking off Scrooge McDuck before the fanfic begins proper.
• Berserk Button: The Teletubbies initially acted like their canon counterparts, and then Charles Manson stole their custard. That flipped a switch in them as they revealed their true forms.
• Breaking the Fourth Wall: Charles does this after making an incredibly lame Pun about the sun.
• Calling Your Attacks: Though the Teletubbies avert this for most of the fic, they do call out their final move, Teletubby Lazer Strike.
• Color-Coded for Your Convenience: The Teletubbies' power are coded to the colour of their fuzz - Tinky-Winky's explosions are purple, Dipsy's explosions are green, Laa-laa's are yellow and Po's are red. However, their ultimate attack, Teletubby Lazer Strike, is pink and blue.
• Crack Fic: The very premise of this fan-fic sounds like one, and that's before you actually read it in all it's bizarre glory.
• Dual Wielding: This is how Tinky-Winky wields katanas and La-La wields nunchuks.
• Eldritch Abomination:
  • The Teletubbies are this. At first glance, they look like fuzzed, humanoid beings, but each one holds unimaginable power.
  • After Charles Manson injects himself with a special serum, he becomes "Shin Charles Manson", a lizard-like creature with massive claws and teeth.
• Evil vs. Evil: The main parties are a serial murderer and four Eldritch Abominations with Red Baron titles as a testament to their powers.
• Gender Flip: The fic continuously uses he/him pronouns when referring to Po, who is female in the show.
• The Gunslinger: Dipsy, AK-47 edition!
• Incredibly Lame Pun: When Charles enters Teletubby Land for the first time, upon seeing the sun, he exclaims “Wow, that sun is pretty cool, I wish he was my son”, and a sitcom laugh track goes off as he honks a horn to show off how funny he is.
• Jerkass: Charles Manson. Even the fic joins in on calling him one.
  Charles walked over to them, and stole their tubby custard like a compete asshole.
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown:
  • Po fights Charles Manson's slaves this way, after putting on his boxing gloves.
  • In the third act, after Dipsy's AK-47 runs out of ammo, he uses hand-to-hand combat to punch Shin Charles Manson in the face.
• Not Quite Dead: The fic begins with Charles gloating about how he tricked the entire world into believing he was dead.
• One-Winged Angel: After the Teletubbies massacre all of Charles Manson's slaves, he injects himself with a serum that causes his human flesh to peel off and his body to turn into a giant, green, scaly reptilian beast. His fingers turn to claws and he grows a tail. This form is known as "Shin Charles Manson".
• Only the Leads Get a Downer Ending: The story opens with the main character, Charles Manson, bragging about how he tricked the entire world into thinking he was dead and planning on resuming his crusade of serial killing. However, he makes the mistake of messing with the Teletubbies and meets his end for it.
• Otherworldly Technicolour Hair: When landing in Teletubby Land for the first time, Charles observes this of the Teletubbies.
  He continued his search until he came across 4 color coded… things, he couldn’t actually tell what they were but he figured that they would make good little slaves if he prodded their minds the right way.
• Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: Attempted. After turning into his One-Winged Angel form, Charles Manson yells “it’s time for the Teletubbies to become the Teledeadies”. However, it ends with the Teletubbies beating him up, with Charles landing on his tootsie from Po and Lala kicking him in the face.
• Psycho Serum: The injection of unknown origin that Charles has in his possession (that mutates him into Shin Charles Manson).
• Real Men Wear Pink: Tinky-Winky is purple, and in canon, has a purse. In this fic, he is known as "the destroyer of worlds" and a skilled katana wielder.
• Red Baron: Each of the Teletubbies has their own title that goes in tandem with their powers.
  “The purple Teletubby, the destroyer of worlds, Tinky-Winky” exclaimed Tinky-Winky as a purple explosion went off behind him.

  “The green Teletubby, the conqueror of souls, Dipsy” shouted Dipsy as a green explosion went off behind him.

  “The yellow Teletubby, the eradicator of hope, Laa-laa” yelled Laa-laa as a yellow explosion went off behind her.

  “The red Teletubby, the killer of dimensions, Po” screamed Po as a red explosion went off behind him.

• Red Is Violent: Po is red, and is stated to have "cracked skulls, disintegrated organs, and broke bones, all with his fists" during the fight scene with Manson's slaves.
• Rejected Apology: In the end, Charles begs for the Teletubbies to spare him, but they refuse to forgive him for stealing the sacred tubby custard. They then kill him on the spot.
  Shin Charles Manson was breathing heavily now, the fight had clearly taken a lot out of him so the Teletubbies decided to end this now.
  “Wait, please don’t kill me” pleaded Shin Charles Manson.

  He then reached into his pocket and pulled out the tubby custard that he stole.

  “You can have this back, just please let me go”

  Tinky Winky then stepped forward and said “you forfeited your right to live the very second you disrespected the sacred tubby custard.” The other 3 Teletubbies nodded their heads in agreement.

  The Teletubbies then took their weapons and combined them into one mega weapon. They aimed it at Shin Charles Manson’s stupid face.

  “TELETUBBY LAZER STRIKE” yelled the Teletubbies before a pink and blue beam exited from their weapon and set its sights on Shin Charles Manson.

  The laser hit Charles in the chest and created a huge fiery explosion with him at the very center of it all. Charles screamed in terror as his body was burned to a crisp and he turned to ashes.

  The tubby custard was still fine because tubby custard is the purest substance in Teletubby land and cannot be destroyed, only consumed.

  The Teletubbies then walked over to Charles burnt corpse and picked up their tubby custard from the flames.

  They then resumed eating their tasty snack knowing that all was right in Teletubby land once again.
• Slavery Is a Special Kind of Evil: Charles Manson's goal is to gain more slaves. When fighting the Teletubbies, he summons his army of slaves to protect him against their wrath. It's stated that they range from young children to the elderly regardless of gender, and they all "look like shit".
• The Smurfette Principle: Thanks to Gender Flip above, Laa-laa is the only female amongst the Teletubbies.
• Stupid Evil: Charles Manson continued to antagonize the Teletubbies even after witnessing their transformations and hearing about their Red Baron statuses. By the time he begs for mercy, he's exhausted all possible goodwill from them (though, they would have likely killed him anyway for stealing their tubby custard).
• Troll Fic: Did the title not give it away?
• Villain Protagonist: Charles Manson is one, and is probably one of the most ineffectual Villain Protagonist in fanfic history.