Welp. This is it. The last Sonichu comic.
Wataru: Psyga, the eleventh issue is the last Sonichu comic.
Shut up, Wataru. Let me just say that it was one heck of a bumpy road. There was some good moments and some bad moments. All I can say is that it was one hell of a trip. To recap: Crystal was captured by Slaweel, and our heroes have to go get the Sonichu Crystals to bring her back. During the capturing of one of them, Chris-Chan got himself locked in time. Meanwhile Sonichu and his friends had to fight off an attack from the Legion of Doom. After that, Magi-Chan notices the Time Void opening up and so he goes in to rescue him. He then goes off to presumably save Crystal from her entrapment. And now, the Grand Finale is underway.
Wataru: Issue #11...
GRAND. FINALE. Is underway. So let’s dig right into...
So there’s some retreading on what happened previously, but this time with added scenes. Apparently, Chris-Chan saw the future him finally married to someone. Oh, and he also was trying to cure homosexuality. What? Uh, homosexuality is a choice, not a disease. How come whenever I come across these infamous fanfics, they always bash on homosexuals?
Anyways, Chris-Chan concocts Zero Requiem a master plan which somehow involves Guitar Hero... Why? Oh, and it also involves getting the crystals together and all that too. So Chris-Chan enters into his garage where he fights off some devil trolls and then does some stupid speech on the ESRB ratings or something. Why? It’s Sonichu, there’s no logic. I mean, his next action is blowing up his own place simply because it had bad security. There’s no logic to be had. In fact, the logic of this world is ending.
He talks with someone about setting up a new Sonichu site. Which is currently being read along with this comic so that I can make 100% sense out of this. Anyways, Jason sees Chris-Chan and decides “Hmm, I should actually take his Transformation Trinket. I mean, touching it is a step in the right direction, but I think I can do better.” And then Sackboy goes “Buy LittleBigPlanet or I will swallow your soul!”
Anyways, Chris-Chan gets trapped and his Medallion is taken from him. This is, once again, based off something in real life. Anyways, it turns out that the Medallion was just a Magic Feather and that the magic to become Chrischu was in him all along... That’s how it would have been if the writing was a little more clever. Instead, it’s in an ass pulled ring. And he sent the Medallion to his sweet heart Blanca... Wait, wasn’t he married to Lovely Weather? And then some random cutaway gag about this guy getting beamed in the face? Okay, make sense, comic. Or at least cut to something epic.
Ah, Chris-Chan’s final battle with his Evil Twin. Nice. Let me set up some appropriate music. Since I talked about how similar to Bleach this is
... Anyways, they have a fight, and Hollow Chris knocks Chris-Chan down for the count. Then, in a turn of events, Chris-Chan manages to stab Hollow Chris in the heart with the Vaccine (yeah... remember that cure for homosexuality I mentioned?) and turns him back into Silver. Oh, and Kel had the hots for him apparently.
Anyways, our heroes arrive at 4chan- I mean Encyclopedia Drama- I mean 4cent Garbage’s HQ, where Parappa The Rapper gets referenced and they decide to do a dance rhythm game. The only additional thing they can do is go “Up Down Up Down Chu Chu Chu!” Instead... Chris-Chan talks about how they should revive Zordon. Huh? Oh, it’s a They Changed It, Now It Sucks rant in song. Oh, and they crumble the building down with The Power of Rock. Jason, knowing that his lair had become a Collapsing Lair, escapes with his lady sidekick (and they are never seen again, BYEEEEEE!), and then the devil secretary ditches two random characters (and we’ll never see him again, BYEEEEEE!), who die holding hands and committing suicide.
Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen. They destroyed a building and killed innocent lives just because of a few peeping toms. And possibly some trolls.
Chris-Chan: What a waste... Every last one of those people could have done a lot more with their lives...
OH FUCK YOU! You can’t honestly say that everyone there wasted their lives being hackers and spies! In fact, why the fuck did you decide that destroying the building was a good idea? You could have just raided the tower! You’d think that’d be easy, given your “pets” did that a while ago, and easily kicked Jason’s ass in a way I can’t repeat without slapping my forehead in shame! You even fucking know this would work because you were in the time void and can see everything happen! AND EVEN BROKE THROUGH THE VOID TO PUNCH SOMEONE OUT! Oh, and I’m sure the friends and families of those that died are perfectly cool with you killing people in that building. At least with The Lost World: Jurassic Park, our heroes could at least be in the right about something with dooming everyone in the film to die.
Sonichu tells Chris-Chan not to worry, since all they seem to do is invade their privacy. So... Let me get this straight... If Microsoft actually goes through with their patent, does this mean they'll try and kill every member of Microsoft because they are invading their privacy? If so, I might actually take back what I said. If only because Chris-Chan has values despite his wanton destruction. Anyways, Magi-Chan comes by and says that the mission to bring the vaccine to the masses was a success and that all of homosexuality and asexuality would be gone. And then Magi-Chan spoils the very comic he’s in and says how he and Silvana are going to be in love. Which never. Fucking. Happens.
Did I mention we have sixty pages left of this dreck? Anyways, Meg Griffin from Family Guy comes up and instead of being the Butt-Monkey, she gets treated with some dignity. Mind you, it’s still odd how Chris-Chan calls her hot when the last time someone asked a guy if she was hot, they burned themselves and leaped out of a window upon seeing her. Chris-Chan even stands up for her... then proceeds to go “I AM A MAN!” and punch the guy who called him a woman. Huh, no wonder why Linkara didn’t want to read the comic. And then he and Meg kiss. Uh... what about Blanca? You know, the sweetheart that replaced Lovely Weather? For a guy who complains about how all the good girls are being taken by boys, he sure gets lucky a lot. Turns out that it is Silvana trolling. And then Chris-Chan does more soapbox drama. At least he apologizes for offending homosexuality and downright eliminating it from his world.
Back to the plot. Sonichu and his father use the Crystals and instead of granting a wish, they go into their super forms and go off to perform miracles. Chris-Chan rescues his sister from the Dark Mirror while Sonichu wakes up Zelina from her coma. I dunno, it’d probably be a little more epic if Darkbind betrayed the others to get the Crystals for himself, painting him as a tragic anti-hero, but that’s just me. Happy Ending for everyone.
Then they go and... delete someone’s accounts? What? Wait, you just killed a bunch of people who, according to you, are a bunch of hackers and spies, and yet you’re doing the same goddamn thing? It doesn't even help that Magi-Chan stated that he's practically pulling a Prism-level scandal and surveying everyone in town. Why? Why is he our hero? Why did Christian decide to make his self-insert a hero if all he’s going to do is perform revenge fantasies? Fuck it, let’s focus on the REAL hero. Sonichu enters Asperchu’s world and is hailed as a god... why? Soon, the Asperchu characters pick apart Aspergers, which instead of it just being a disorder that’s characterized by a difficulty in social interaction, it’s apparently this unholy curse that plagued these poor unfortunate souls for decades. Yeeeeaaaaah, no. Just no. Oh, and just like homosexuality, our heroes can just cure Aspergers now. I’ll let that slide a bit, since it isn’t by choice that someone can be autistic. Then Chris-Chan is done destroying property and he is hailed as a god. Wouldn’t it be cool if Near came to Chris-Chan and said, “you took the ring of your ancestors and mistook yourself for a god” or whatever he said to Light? Actually, to the comic’s credit, Chris-Chan isn’t as A God Am I as Light is and tells the Asperchu characters to stop revering him as a god.
Then some version of Mecha Sonic comes... Huh, wonder whatever happened to Metal Sonichu...
Wataru: Christian said that he’d have a bigger role but...
Shush. Anyways, they beat up the Mecha Sonic and then some other guy off screen, again, because they need to beat up everyone now. Then Chris-Chan gets on another soapbox and even his creation is telling him to shut the fuck up. Anyways, they all have a two-minute hate session on Asperchu and one of them considers having Obama shut down the Asperchu site... Uh, dude has bigger problems than just shutting down the Asperchu site. Maybe it’d be on his agenda if SOPA passed, but then again, the Sonichu site would be taken down too. Thirty more pages left, we can do this!
After Sonichu helps some broken cuties and arrests a druggie (then sending his drugs in a rocket where it will go to the moon, where it will be used for a massive stoner party between Metachu, Luna, Rita, and the Ten-Tailed Beast), he turns every Jerkop into normal people again. Because he became a god. Now he has to retcon himself. Chris-Chan enters Slaweel’s lair for the final battle between them. Wait, didn’t the prophecy say that Chris-Chan, Nicole, and Walter had to work together to fight the villains? Welp, that got kicked out long ago it seemed. However, Slaweel is pissed at Graduon for not helping her last issue and has Chris-Chan break the staff containing him. Congratulations, you just freed a powerful evil. Let that bite you in the ass. Slaweel tells Chris-Chan that she was an outcast like him, but turned to witchcraft to try and make people love her. When that failed, she decided to depend on Graduon to help her in seeking revenge on those in love. Huh. A foil to Chris-Chan? I mean, think about it: Slaweel, like Chris-Chan, was desperate for love, but turned to her dark powers to seek revenge. This is different because Chris-Chan was desperate for love, but turned to his powers to... seek... revenge... Huh. The only difference is that Chris-Chan is the protagonist, and thus, he isn’t in the wrong when he does morally questionable things. And then the final battle ensues. Erm... what other tracks do we have? Wait, this one? Aw come on! ... Fine. it fits what is going in my head.
I mean, I see Chris-Chan’s speech towards Slaweel before they fight and all I think is “I still pity you.” Yes, that was from SuperS and the song was from the first season, but still! Anyways, Slaweel cries for her dead son and the Megazord says that when a witch cries, her power is sealed... wait wrong show. Anyways, Slaweel is defeated and sent to prison. Chris-Chan makes a speech on how peace is now flourishing. He also says that homosexuals can do as they please... wait, I thought the homosexuality was a disease you cured, now it’s by choice? Oh, and yeah, despite the homosexuals doing as they please, it’s still illegal for same sex marriage.
Y’know, you’d think Chris-Chan would be a little more nicer to the homosexual community since Sonichu spoke for him in #9, saying that they respect the homosexuals as equals and that they’ll let them live peaceful lives. With this comic, it’s treated like a disease and that all the homosexuals are just infected, but now the cure will make them all straight, voiding them of any freedom to choose if they even want to be homosexuals or not. Even if they do manage to bypass the vaccine by any means and date a person of the same gender, marriage between homosexuals is illegal. And mind you guys, this is the same guy who is pissed that his quest for love is getting screwed over. He's basically screwing over other people's love quests. Fuck. You. In fact, why the fuck am I continuing this comic?
After this point, it’s a shameless “stuff ‘em in the fridge” moment for someone mixed with more revenge fantasies. This would have been a good place to end things off, but no. We have more of this shit to delve into. I’ll tell you why I’m continuing. I’ll tell you why I am not done. Because I wanted to see how shitty this could get. This is just one more hurdle. One final hurdle, and then I am done with this shitty as hell comic. Actually, before we continue, let me bring you some context before we dive in.
Remember how I said, “that’s not even pointing out that this is not really his creation” when I was talking about Simonla? Well, like what nomuru2d said in the comments, Simonla was a rip-off of a fan character named Simonchu. The reason why Christian created Simonla out of Simonchu was because he had enough male characters and needed a female to balance things out. Hence Simonla. Christian had permission from Simonchu’s original creator, Evan, to put him in, but when he realized that Christian was bastardizing Simonchu, the permission was withdrawn and Christian had to remove Simonla from the comic. So, you’d think that Christian would write her being Put on a Bus, right? Well, sadly no. There’s more to the story.
Sometime before this scene was drawn, Christian was demanded by a friend of Evan, named Alec, to do a number of acts that pretty much equate to Christian apologizing and admitting that he was in the wrong. Of those demands were something along the lines of: “Violently kill Simonla in the comic.” And so Christian was backed into a corner and was forced to agree to these demands. Half-assed, I might add. But the fact remains: Simonla is doomed to die. And there was no way Christian was gonna let this moment slip without giving a bite of his own right back at Evan and Alec. How? Well... let’s keep reading.
Welp, everyone’s going to live happily ever after. Magi-Chan is even stopping some of the people from killing Chris-Chan and Simonla. But then Simonla enters the bathroom and like how Sunrise or Key can’t seem to make it out of a show without having to Kill the Cutie for the sake of drama, someone had to die for some reason. Okay, it was due to Screwed by the Lawyers or some e-drama like that, but long story short: Simonla Rosechu dies of a toilet bombing. Wild wants revenge, but they actually have to wait for a trial for that to happen. Huh, you’d think for something like Sonichu, they’d just downright murder the guys that did this, all while delivering a twenty line monologue of how wrong it was to wrong Chris-Chan, yet it’s okay for Chris-Chan to wrong them.
And speaking of Key, Sandy, Wild and Simonla’s lovechild, is born. Wild raises her up and I kind of have to say, it’s pretty heartwarming. Oh, except for the “Where’s mommy?” “Herp derp, Evan killed mommy!” exchange. Fuck that moment. I mean, in CLANNAD, even though Tomoya left his daughter for about five years, you know he isn’t the kind of dick to tell his daughter that her mom’s dead and how she died at that early an age. Oh, and apparently the Core Drill is a shark tooth. Way to fail on your research. Anyways, Wild raises Sandy to be like Simonla, complete with her digging in the sand and being raised by her peers.
Speaking of peers, I wonder how the others are handling Simonla’s death. How are her parents handling it? How is Zapina, who seems to be like a sister to Simonla, handling it? No? We’re not going to see? Her death was just a means of having revenge and because it was demanded by someone? Wow. The least you could do is have your characters mourn for Simonla and try to have us give sympathy for her. But nope. You couldn’t even have Wild mourn for more than a panel before he began to think “revenge!”. In fact, you had a lot of characters mourn for exactly one panel and then ignore it. I didn’t know everyone was injected with fucking anti-depressants. You know, at least with Key and Sunrise, they can actually have their characters mourn the deaths of their friends, lovers, and rarely their enemies. At least with DC and Marvel, they had the deaths of characters become a major part of certain characters’ lives and motivations for future actions. This is what happens when I try to read Sonichu as something other than stupid soapbox drama. This is what happens when I try to read Sonichu as a comic.
The trial for Simonla’s killers then begins, and it goes in Chris-Chan’s favour. But, let me point out that the evidence was stacked against them... In universe, but I’ll get to that very soon. They had the intent to kill, so it is first degree, and they had evidence against them. Not to mention that there’s a psychic linking their minds with the jury. Reason #23 why psychics are game breakers. It doesn’t help that one of the defendants is stoned out of his mind. Throughout a couple of pages prior to said trial, Chris-Chan, or rather Christian, is apologizing to the accused for several insults he had caused, as well as using Simonla without permission. Then the criminals are sentenced to be all killed, each in their own style, betraying the moral of forgiveness mentioned back a few issues.
It’s sort of stupid how he spent a few pages apologizing to someone, then killing them off. “I’m sorry for insulting you, now die.” Do I also need to mention that these were the guys that Chris-Chan hacked earlier on in this issue? Yeah. Doesn’t really put him in the right in a meta sense. The ironic part? Sonichu practically stole the characters of Asperchu and had them be a part of his universe. This entire trial, the entire reason why these four are being killed off to begin with, was because one of them called out Christian for stealing one of their characters and asked him to take her out of the comic. Yeah, this doesn’t put him in the right in the slightest. Especially since he just pulled off the exact same stunt, but on a larger scale. With that in mind, it sort of makes the Kangaroo Court thing a little more stupid.
However, what’s more nightmarish is that Sandy gets to kill one of them too. Congratulations, you just had a child committing murder. I mean, you can say a lot of crimes about this comic, but this is pretty much the final crime that tells you, “Yes. This comic is morally in the wrong.” It’s not that scene in #8 where Rosechu strips naked and smothers a guy to death with her crotch. It’s not those scenes in #10 where homosexuality and Asperger’s Syndrome are diseases that can be cured. It’s not how many of the characters that are different from the author’s ethnicity are either token or stereotypes. It’s not even all the times Chris-Chan goes around wronging people in the exact same way they wronged him. It’s how it has a little kid committing murder in the name of someone’s ego. There. This is Sonichu’s Moral Event Horizon. Any sympathy I had for this comic went down the drain. Then one more Chris-Chan Says and we finally, finally end the issue, and therefore the comic, all while ripping off one final work: Independence Day.
KAMEN RIDE: DIEND!
There! I am done. I am done with this strange and stupid comic. I don’t get it, there was some good moments, but then there was some stupid moments that makes me wanna bash my head against the wall. But who fucking cares! I am done!
Wataru: No. You are not done.
Oh, right, I should put my thoughts on this issue and the previous issue since I skipped out on it before. Issue 9 was both heartwarming and epic at the same time and almost no stupidity happened in the issue... except for Sonichu’s rant on homosexuality and the killing of Ivy and Sarah for no reason other than Real Life Writes the Plot. There were also some cringe-worthy scenes in the issue thanks to the knowledge that Simonla was going to die, such as when she was talking with Zapina. It was almost to the point where I could probably admit to myself that Christian actually made me care for a one-dimensional character.
This, however, had massive stupid moments, especially at the end with the needlessly stupid death scene of Simonla that’s a result of Screwed by the Lawyers. Or the demands of Asperchu... OR WHATEVER! There was also some other stupid moments too, that I already went into detail. One of the good things I can say about this is how he managed to combine the Dragon Ball’s powers and the Chaos Emerald’s powers together. I mean, you have giving a Super Mode to The Hero, and have them perform miracles. That’s epic. This actually felt like Grand Finale material to me. Except for, you know, the moment where Chris-Chan becomes a Designated Hero, where Sandy murders people, and the “curable diseases”. Not to mention all the stupid as hell soap box drama.
And now I will talk about my final thoughts on Sonichu.
Wataru: No. You are not done.
Oh god damn it! What now!?
Wataru: Issue #11...
ARG! That Christmas Special? The thing’s twelve pages!
Wataru: Still, you must see it through to the end...
ARG! FINE! I WILL REVIEW THE STUPID SPECIAL!
Next time: WE END THIS! ONCE AND FOR ALL!
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