Rate the above poster's character

This is a simple exercise in writing a character profile that I saw one another site. I'd like to see how well it would work here on Writer's Block.

The bare basic premise is simple: Rate the above poster's character on a 1 to 10 scale. This can be a RP character, a fan character or an original character, doesn't matter. However, I have taken the liberty to add a few rules to increase the objectiveness and possibly usefulness of this game.

Rules

1) One poster will post a complete, detailed profile of the character you wish to be examined. The profile sheet is provided at the end of this post.

2) The next poster will rate that character on a 1 to 10 scale based on the following criteria:

• Character personality: Does the character's personality make sense with circumstance?
• Character backstory: Does the character's backstory make sense given the setting?
• Setting appropriateness: How well does the premise of character fit the setting of the story?
• Role appropriateness: How well does the character fit the role the previous poster intended for him to play?
• Trivia appropriateness: (Optional) Does the trivial details of the character fit the rest of his personality and character development?

Furthermore, if you have any suggestion as to how the character being rated can be improved to better fit his/her role in the story, to become more endearing/likeable/detestable, or to make more sense in the setting in question, by all means post it. This is because this thread should not be and is not merely a thread for "rating" in my opinion - it should ideally be as helpful to helping one another with fleshing out and improving their characters as possible. Hence, if you have any suggestion, then by all means, out with it!

3) A few clarification:

• What this test is:
  • An exercise in terms of both character creation and fleshing out and criticism. This takes the form of logically building up a character sheet and logically dissect one in a manner as constructive and helpful as possible.
  • A fun community project to promote mutual understanding, sharing and support. Sure, you might have the best character out there. Sure, you might be the best critic here or otherwise. Then, by all means, let us share and help one another to the best that we can. And most of all, have fun in the meantime.
• What this test is not:
  • A criticism of the settings of the story. The setting might make no sense at all, or it could be the best, most well-thought setting of them all with careful worldbuilding and creation, does not matter. As long as the character fits, he scores.
  • A Mary Sue witch hunt. A few thread had gone over how regular Mary Sue traits does not really apply in writing reality for a variety of reason. That is the stance we should be taking: A character should be rated for what he/she is, rather than whether he/she seems to have a few common Sue traits.
  • A trope dump. Being Troperiffic is not a bad thing, I do realize that, but over-reliance on trope to describe your story and character for you is, in my opinion, the easy way out and does not help your characterization a whole lot in the long run. For that reason, I would very much prefer that you describe your characters with your own words without using tropes - this includes blue links.
  • A drama fest. Let us face it - criticism can hurt badly. In the end, though, the experience will help you grow and develop as an author and a person. Therefore, being melodramatic about being badly criticized is, frankly speaking, not the good way to go. Similarly, being overly nasty or rude is not going to be productive when the same point can be made across with polite words. Keep in mind that the general forum rules apply at all time.

Character sheet

a) Overall background:

• Genre: The genre of the story.
• Setting: The setting of the story where this character appears goes here.

b) Personal detail:

• Name:
• Race: (Optional, unless an integral part of the character's personality/plot)
• Age:
• Appearance: (Optional)
• Desired role in story:

c) Relationship:

• Identity of and relationship with father: (Optional)
• Identity of and relationship with mother: (Optional)
• Identity of and relationship with siblings: (Optional)
• Other relatives: (Optional)
• Friends and acquaintance: (Optional)
• Love interest: (Optional)
• Enemies both major and minor: (Optional)

d) Character details:

• Character history:
• Skills and abilities:
• Personality: (If a character's personality differs majorly between story arcs, describe all of them.)
• Goal, dream and motivation:
• First appearance: (If you have written his first appearance, post the relevant excerpt from your work. If you haven't, describing it is fine.)
• Last appearance: (Same as above)

e) Character trivia: (Here you can write a few more lines about the character's personal likes, dislikes and preference - favorite or hated food or color, birthday, pet, etc. Keep it concise, though.)

With that in mind, let us get this started!

P.S. If you have any suggestions to improve this model, please PM me. I'd be sure to update this basic character sheet with your suggestion, and give you credit for it.

edited 16th Sep '11 5:41:27 AM by ArgeusthePaladin

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I hate to rain on any parades, but character sheets are pretty useless except for keeping notes. A character only comes out in context of the narrative work in which they appear.

Swordsman Troper — Reclaiming The Blade — Watch

This is true. Hence, this is not a critique thread for stories in so much as a critique thread for the character concepts, how well they mix with the story and whether they (seems to) serve the role the author wants them to play well enough.

Also, because I am well aware of the role of context, I've stated quite explicitly that the poster should give a quick rundown of their setting.

The bottom line is, I think this will serve as a quick critique circle of our characters as gauged against the relevant background of that character and the fictional universe they star in. It is not any worse than the various idea threads over the last pages in this purpose, I think.

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Context goes deeper than that, though. It's not even so much about the setting. The strongest context is specific context, so we could tell someone that their character is "bland" or "too Sueish" or something else when that character might've supported their required role extremely well.

The only true gauge of context is the written work itself.

Swordsman Troper — Reclaiming The Blade — Watch

But it is just as pointless to critique any other aspect of the story without reading the context, Which is just what we do everyday on the forum - what I call "blind critiquing" of ideas and concepts and sometimes even characters with only a baseline idea from the author-to-be with nary a bit of context at all.

In that sense, I wish for this thread to serve to organize every "blind" character critique, in the same sense that the forum facilitate blind critique of bare-bone ideas.

IMO, I do not seek to create a thread that would perfectly facilitate character critique, which, as you said, is impossible without reading the story itself. What I do seek is to do that as best as is possible in a forum setting.

Support Taleworlds!

-shrugs-

That's fair.

I always cringe when I see character sheet layouts, though.

Swordsman Troper — Reclaiming The Blade — Watch

It's not like this is mandating power lists, or any kind of attribute. It's a description of character traits and personality, in a format designed to help easy reading.

I'll throw out one of my favorite RPG characters I ever designed.

a) Overall background: Genre: Real-life superheroes Setting: Central California, 2008 (specifically Selma, in the Aberrant RPG universe)

b) Personal detail: Name: Michal Wesson*

Race: (Optional, unless an integral part of the character's personality/plot) Average white-bread geek

Age: 19

Appearance: Tall and scrawny. Michal stands 6'1" but only weighs about 150lbs. He has rather boring brown hair, usually trimmed neatly, green eyes, and dresses like an average college student

Desired role in story: Super-Genius. Eventual founder of a company (SuperGeek Enterprises), and developer and builder of humanity's first space elevator and designer of the first in-system ships capable of visiting other planets.

c) Relationship: Identity of and relationship with father: Marcus Wesson, owner of Springfield, Illinois' largest construction company and barely functional alcoholic. Marcus is highly disappointed in his only son, who is far more comfortable with a book or a computer than a football. Though not physically abusive, Marcus has quite a temper, and is used to bullying anyone around him through physical presence and scenery-damaging violent outbursts. Michal's super-powers are, at age 19, still a secret from his father, who secret supports the terrorist/cult Church of Michael Archangel, a group that believes the super-powered are possessed by demons and the heralds of the Apocalypse.

Identity of and relationship with mother: Maria Richardson Wesson (deceased). Maria died when Michal was 5, driving her and her husband home from a party after the completion of a large housing tract when they were struck by another drunk driver. Her death pushed Marcus from a regular social drinker into full-blown alcoholism.

Identity of and relationship with siblings: No siblings. Michal is an only child. Other relatives: Michal's grandparents are all dead by the time he graduated high school. Though he has a few cousins, he's not especially close to any of them.

Friends and acquaintance: Now finishing his freshman year at UC Berkeley, Michal has a few minor friends at UCB. His mentor and guidance counselor, Dr. Richard Johnson, has helped introduce him to several other supers, and procured him a free-lance job using his powers for the DEA and ATF. His fellow supers eventually become his friends.

Love interest: Clio Darby, a British student attending UCLA and fellow super also free-lancing.

Enemies both major and minor: The Church (aka COMA) is his major enemy, as soon as his father finds out his son has "become a demon". For a while, until his group of supers succeeds at bringing them down, they will also draw the ire of the Medellin cartel. Eventually, their success will draw the attention of Teragen*

agents, and an ambitious one will find himself as Michal's enemy.

d) Character details:

Character history: Michal has always been a genius. Though he could have skipped a grade (or two) his father refused to sign the paperwork for the school district. By the time college selection came around, Michal had already applied for dozens of scholarships, eventually accepting UC Berkeley as the furthest he could get from his father. His super-powers manifested during spring midterms, when his roommate *

ruined his papers by spilling a bottle of whiskey on them. Having finished spring term with better-than-perfect grades, he's now turning his powers to something that actually challenges him.

Skills and abilities: Michal was a genius before erupting, and now he's a super-genius. At 19, he's in the top 0.1% of the smartest people on earth*

, with virtual mastery over anything electronic or mechanical. His other powers include telekinesis, the ability to produce auditory and visual holograms, and some minor heightened abilities*

^{in Aberrant terms, Mega-Int 3, Mega-Dex 1, Mega-Manip 1, Mega-Percep 1; Telekinesis 2, Holo 2}

.

Personality: Normally, Michal is content to stay in the background. Not because he's shy, but because he knows from experience that most people don't handle mind-blowing genius very well.*

So in their group, he's the planner and organizer, leaving it to the better looking members to handle public interaction. One-on-one, though, he's well spoken, carefully choosing his words and body language for maximum effect.

Goal, dream and motivation: He has a vision, a dream of carrying humanity, super-powered or not, out to the stars. While he's putting powers to use for the government right now, that's mostly to gain money, and contacts, to make his vision a reality. He knows that just being a super already gives him a leg up, but he's also painfully aware of how much hard work will go into pushing us out into the solar system and beyond.

First appearance: Michal's first appearance in the game was his moment of eruption. At 2am, on a Thursday night, Michal has finally finished the last of his three mid-term papers that are due the next morning. His noise-cancelling headphones, and hard-learned ability to block out alcoholics, have let him finish despite the party being thrown by his linebacker roommate, and as he rises from his chair to retrieve his papers and put them safely away, his roommate stumbles over, upending a bottle of Jack Daniels into the printer. Reaching his emotional limit, Michal snaps, and the room comes to life - books, papers, chairs, bottles, and cups start flying around the room, sending everyone fleeing for their lives. Horror-film villains and monstrous creatures spring forth from the walls, floor, or thin air, and as his roommate flees across campus, Michal follows him, the tornado of objects varying in size. Eventually, it stops, as his roommate goes crashing down a hill through some underbrush, and with him out of sight, the telekinetic storm slows, then fades, and with it goes Michal's consciousness.

Last appearance: His last appearance in the game was shortly after a Teragen agent had finished mind-raping Clio (by then his girlfriend) into stealing several of Michal's plans and designs. After fleeing in shame from what happened to her, Michal vows revenge on the man who just destroyed his love.*

e) Character trivia: Michal is a fairly hard-core geek - in between designing a space elevator and helping his companions hunt down drug supply lines and bust up Medellin operations, he took the time to program an AI, build a Mega Man looking energy blaster, and learn Klingon*

. He also did a couple of side missions doing fun stuff like tracking down a hacker for Wall Street, and running a fully-hologram LARP session at Gen Con. Since he had developed a psychic link with Clio, the two of them were slowly starting to develop other psychic abilities*

^{fitting, since her powers included teleportation, ESP, and mastery of a dozen languages}

, and (before the GM put that particular storyline on a bus) studying several alien artifacts and starting to reverse-engineer them *

^{like a real-time distance viewer with galactic range, artificial gravity, and Star Trek style teleporters that baselines could use}

. He was also helping to tutor one of the other supers, who had been homeless and a teenage runaway before gaining Superman-expy powers.

[edit] readability [/edit]

edited 14th Sep '11 9:09:12 AM by BlueNinja0

That’s the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw

All right, I'll bite.

Blue Ninja 0:

I give you...a 6.8-7

Pluses:

• You've obviously thought good and long about your character. There is depth.
• There is nothing offensive. By this, I mean, there was nothing that made me want to strangle him. He has his talents, he has his faults. Whether he's good or bad will come through the writing.

Minuses:

• To be honest? He sounds a bit...boring. His parents are pretty cliched, and the rest of his relationships seem to be dreadfully swept under the rug. All family dead? I get that it's for an rp setting, where family just becomes an annoying hindrance, but it just seems a bit too clean cut.
• His entire life seems to revolve around how his dad drank. I get it was a big deal, but the thing is, a life is rarely defined by one event, no matter how traumatic it is. I mean, even Batman isn't all about "my parents are DEAD!"
• ...most of the time.
• The geek thing seems a tad tacked on. Like, he is a geek, doing stereotypically geek things, but there is no subtlety to it. It seems more like a checklist of basic interests that basic geeks have, and that's it.
• That appearance! Dude, seriously! This is just a pet peeve of mine, but a look is more than eye color, hair, and eyes! Does he have a jew nose? A unibrow? Full of acne? Does he have freckles? WELL?

—

All in all, you clearly have the mechanics worked out. But you need to add that pzazz to make your character pop. Which is why I gave you my rating.

I'll post my character later. Yo.

edited 14th Sep '11 10:39:23 AM by MrAHR

Read my stories!

Blue Ninja 0: I give him a 6 - he seems like the kind of guy I'd expect to get super powers. I didn't see anything specific, but he doesn't strike me as more than a 6 at this point.

Character sheet

a) Overall background:

•Genre: A romantic/horror faerie tale

•Setting: An urban/suburban area, modern day

b) Personal detail:

•Niko Lucien (Anyiko Silfea)

•Race: Dark Elf

•Age: 16 (looks about 13)

•Appearance: "...blue-haired boy with pointed ears..."

•A kind of antihero

c) Relationship:

•His biological father is Andrei "Boss" Silfea, lord of the spider fey of the dark court. He was adopted by a community of gay "hippies"

•His biological mother is Lilli Markos, a drug-addled hooker who got pregnant after a fun night with Andrei (this was not a business lay, but she didn't want a kid in ehr way)

•No known siblings

•Three "dads" and one "mom"

•Diego Rivera (Kotiago Lyfela), Luka Baron (Koruga Palon), and Kira Goldan (Arkila Kortan) are his best and only friends. Well...more like "frenemies"

•Diego is his main love interest, but he ends up doing every decent-looking person he meets with few exceptions

•Diego's girlfriend, Alia Kormik (Aliagua Golmiga), is his nemesis - she is not a jerk, she's like the nicest person ever, so there's no excusing Diego's cheating ways

d) Character details:

•His mother abandoned him in a dumpster and he was "adopted" by his family; he found out the first time he spoke to a plant and got an answer

•He can communicate with plants while touching them (all faeries can); he can change into a spider for six hours by swallowing one alive; he can enter and control a sleeping person's dreams while touching their head

•He is a fun-loving troublemaker with a sadistic streak; a selfish hedonist with a cruel sense of humor; he only cares about his friends and family

•He is a dancer devoted to the spider god of music and poetry; he dreams of becoming the god's high priest

•First appearance: Spiders, Chapter One: "A blue-haired boy slept on a couch. An infomercial on the television watched him. A digital alarm clock wailed, waking him with a start."

•I'm thinking about killing him off at some point

edited 14th Sep '11 11:01:02 AM by nekomoon14

Level 3 Social Justice Necromancer. Chaotic Good.

Pluses:

• You seem to incorporate a few interesting elements, like the gay hippies.
• Interesting powers that you usually don't see.
• The religion seems interesting as well.

Minuses:

• Very cookie cutter. While you occasionally give a few points that shine through, a lot of it is very color-by-number. Angsty elvish anti-hero with an odd name, and lots of sex appeal. It honestly seems like there is a bit too much of random eclectic traits piled on him, for no real understandable reason.
• No personality! I don't know anything about him! Does he talk like a stoner dude? Is he nerdy? You never say!
• The looks are barely there either. Hair is not a description. Does he have a prominent jaw line? What about his mouth? Does he have straight teeth?

—

Overall, I'm gonna say 4. Mostly because of the information you DIDN'T give, so it's hard to get a better reading, when an entire facet of the character is not even included.

Read my stories!

I'll try to keep this fairly condensed; few want to pick through walls of text. Also, -eats foot-

a) Overall background:

• Genre: Heroic Fantasy, Dark Fantasy, Gothic Horror
• Setting: Medieval European Fantasy that, as of yet, has no overall name.

b) Personal detail:

• Name: Reginald of Heimdorf
• Age: 27
• Appearance: Darkish blond hair with dark, almost black, brown eyes. He's got a beard slightly brighter than his hair. His eyes are small and rectangular. Of about six feet high, lean and somewhat broad-shouldered, but definitely not the biggest guy around. His skin is pale. If you could see his jaw under the beard, you'd find it to be softer than one would expect of a knight.
• Desired role in story: The Aragorn, touching base with the role of The Hero.

c) Relationship:

• Friends and acquaintance: As as knight of the Ordo Sancti Gladiorum, the closest he has to a family is his Chapter. While he's reasonably well-liked, they don't come into the story as of yet.
• Enemies both major and minor: Bacchus, an Ordo Sancti Gladiorum knight gone rogue, using his skills and talents to train an army. Reginald, in mercy, failed to kill him when he had the opportunity. Bacchus, instead of being cowed, continued to rape, kill, pillage and earn a reputation for it. Reginald sees the downfall of this man as his personal responsibility, but has no particular leadership qualifications within his Ordo. As such, Reginald's a little haunted by his own values. While he seeks always to be honourable and merciful, it's those traits that allowed Bacchus to continue his barbarism.

d) Character details:

• Character history: A knight of the Ordo Sancti Gladiorum since 21, Reginald has years of combat experience under his belt. Apart from that, he was sent to the Chapter house at age seven to learn the skills, and otherwise lived a pedestrian childhood and adolescence for a knight-in-training.
• Skills and abilities: Reginald's defining skill is his skill with the sword. He's a fantastic swordsman all-up, but merely average in skill for his Ordo. Otherwise, he's an accomplished horse-rider and a decent diplomat. While it's more of an interest than a skill, he's also a petty scholar, reading when time allows and inking his own notes in contribution to those works.
• Personality: Reginald is someone who prefers to solve a problem hands-on, after consulting a book or expert. Helpful and positive, he can nevertheless be prone to fits of melancholy and self-doubt if left unchecked. He's good at solving small conflicts before they become violent, and has a small tolerance for weapons drawn before an appropriate time.
• Goal, dream and motivation: He hopes one day to write his own fighting manual, and have it validated by the Ordo Sancti Gladiorum and added to curriculum. This would qualify him for the rank of Sword Saint, earning a permanent place in their history. Otherwise, his goal is constant: be the best a knight can be. His immediate motivation is to discover the fate of the citizens of Valtenheim, a ghost town.
• First appearance: Receiving a summons for an investigative and defensive assignment, along with members of other Ordos.

e) Character trivia: Reginald's Order — Ordo Sancti Gladiorum — is dedicated to producing the finest swordsmen of the known world. It is highly successful at this, to the extent where its members have a complete monopoly on such martial arts within official boundaries. They're so dominant in this regard that when they get commissioned to teach, say, a monarch, they can afford to give that monarch training a few steps behind contemporary practice. On the other hand, this doesn't make them dominant in war; early firearms and cavalry will still undo a swordsman in combat, so the Ordo Sancti Gladiorum are often called in to solve problems that require a less heavy hand than wartime deployment. Most often, they're employed as fightmasters for armies or as personal guard to important individuals.

edited 14th Sep '11 11:32:17 AM by MadassAlex

Swordsman Troper — Reclaiming The Blade — Watch

Pluses:

• Good description
• Seems to fit well in the setting
• Seems to fit archetype well

Minuses:

• A bit bleh, but it makes sense, given the role.

Other:

• GEE. HE CERTAINLY LIKES SWORDS, HUH LITTLE ALEX BOY?

—

All in all, I'd say anything from an 8.5-9.5

Read my stories!

• Overall background:
  • Setting:
    • A mishmash fantasy setting of various modern things and various archaic things. Denim exists, but horses do not. Also, there is magic. Which is mostly why the setting has an odd level of tech.
  • Genre:
    • Fantasy-Adventure-Action. Most people tend to know it as "shonen" but that's a demographic.

• Personal Details:
  • Name:
    • Nicholas "Nicky" Cuantine
    • The 13th Sage
    • Kyklopes
  • Age:
    • Recently 14.
  • Race:
    • Ambiguous, but Greekish.
  • Appearance:
    • Nicky is, at age 14, on the short side. Around 5' 1". He's thickly built as well, and slightly stocky. This is slightly exaggerated, due to the fact that he is slightly late on his puberty development, and has yet to hit his full height. By age 16-17, he'll be about 5' 6", and by the time he has reached his full height, he will be almost 6 feet. His nose is prominently featured on his face, large, and hooked upwards, but not necessarily a "pig" nose. He also has a rather large mouth, which means, naturally, he tends to grin widely, and he does it frequently. His hair is naturally a straight dirty blond. His hair at the beginning of the story reaches his ears, and completely obscures his eyes (Which are blue, and he has some rather impressive eyelashes as well). The roots however, have started to turn gray — all of them, due to the magic that was inflicted onto him in the plot. His hair is also messy, which means it tends to stick up slightly, before falling around his face. On his left wrist, he has a lotus symbol scarred onto it.
  • Desired Role in the Story:
    • A Deconstruction of the Shonen Hero Protagonist'

• Relationships:
  • Grandmother:
    • Elizabeth Cuantine, an elderly proper sort of lady who takes care of Nicky and his sister. She loves them deeply, but is also rather strict and fancy. She used to be way more harsh, but has mellowed down in her later years. One of the few, if not only, people that Nicky will consistently listen to.
  • Father:
    • Named Jack Cuantine, he died when he was incredibly young, and thus he has no memory of him. However, there is a portrait of Jack in the living room, so there is some degree of awareness of that he existed, but it never really affects them.
  • Mother:
    • Never mentioned. Elizabeth doesn't like to talk about her.
  • Sibling:
    • Jennifer "Jamie" Cuantine, is Nicky's fraternal twin sister. There is no special reason they are twins, they just are. Not that they look it entirely. They have quite a few similarities, as siblings do, (they both have that same nose, for example) but their personalities are quite contrasting. Jamie largely serves to be a foil to Nicky. She is an example of growing up, awkwardly but surely, while Nicky refuses to do such a thing.
  • Friends:
    • Only one. "Kiwi" Le Soto has a real name. But you'll never hear it with Nicky's insistence to use the nickname they've had for him since childhood. While Kiwi seems largely resentful of being in Nicky's acquaintance, he still goes along with whatever Nicky wants to do.
  • Love Interest:
    • None. Nicky represses his sexuality, and while he has had several crushes, he refuses to acknowledge them.

• Character Details:
  • Character History:
    • Nicky was hyperactive for most of his life. For a long time, him and his sister were thick as thieves, and played together frequently. But slowly, people around him grew up, and Nicky did not like this idea one bit. So, he simply decided one day that he will just have to STOP growing up, because growing up is EVIL.
    • Around him, Nicky has been fairly "sheltered". His town is a very passively accepting place. So, unknowingly, Nicky grew up around culturally colorful people, without ever realizing there was something odd about it. Even the knowledge that an adult-friend of his was lynched and hanged when he was about six, is not so much a horrific incident, so much as it is something that, well happened*
      ^{This may seem like a contradiction, but it is not. The town's accepting attitude came from this incident, when they realized, shit, maybe murdering people for crimes isn't always the best idea, in the long run.}
  • Skills and Abilities:
    • Nicky is naturally good at endurance. As a result, he thinks it's the stupidest thing to work on in the world. After all, EVERYONE can run for twenty minutes straight, why do you need to keep PRACTICING at a stupid slow STEADY PACE?
    • He is also naturally sturdy. Which means that no matter how many times you tell him, he will stand in the worst balanced pose ever, because it's not like he's falling down THAT easily!
    • Nicky can use a sword in a back-hand style. While a very weak and problematic style to use, it's the only way Nicky wants to practice, and as a result, has gotten really good at it. He's still bad with swords, but for his handicaps, he's not that bad...
    • The catalyst to the entire plot is the giving of sage powers to Nicky. In this case, he gets lightning powers. While he thinks they are the shit, it's apparently not that easy to use. Who knew that "stretch out hand and BEAM OF LIGHTNING!" didn't work?
  • Personality:
    • Nicky most likely has a light form of undiagnosed Aspergers. Not that that excuses anything. He has some problems with social ettiquette, and he likes what he likes, and nothing else, but a lot of his destructive problems come from other things.
    • Nicky has a fear of change. It is partially based in said Aspergers, but Nicky takes it to extreme levels. This is in fact a trait that is also seen in his grandmother, however lightly, a woman who did indeed see tradition to be superior over innovation. Nicky's mother also had certain similar problems, but she is not part of the story, and thus you would have no way of knowing that.
    • As a result, Nicky is severely repressed. He is 14, yet continues to act as if he is 8. He insults his sister for growing up and dating. He latches onto the concept of being "fair" with life, even though life is not always that clean cut. He doesn't like it when anyone but his grandmother cuts his hair, or makes his food, because she is the one who is supposed to make it.
    • Nicky has only a handful of interests. He could have many others, but he refuses to try anything new, and thus, he mostly focuses on sparring, and running around and yelling.
    • Despite being rather coarse, some of his grandmother's habits have rubbed off on him. For example, he does have naturally good table manners, even if he still does prop his elbow on the table. He is also rather disgusted by dirty rooms, even though he himself is a bit of a slob.
    • Nicky is rather clingy, and easily jealous. He does not like to share. His friends are HIS friends. Unless you are ALSO his friend, you may not share when he is spending time with friends. They are HIS. This recently consisted of Kiwi and Jamie, but now that Jamie has started to date, Jamie has been demoted to "enemy"
  • Goal/Dream/Motivation:
    • Never grow up. Live in a world where everyone realized he was right, and they stopped growing up too. Being super awesome. Being the most powerful person ever. Inner Peace.
    • Well, that last one is more of a subconscious goal. He doesn't know he wants it, but he knows he's miserable with the lot he has right now.
  • First and Last Appearance:
    • He's the main character. He never dies. You do the math.

• Trivia!
  • ...um...
  • I drew him a few times if it helps.

Read my stories!

I'm sorry, but I have some issues with this thread. Specifically, the questions that characters are being "graded" on:

First, people are more complicated then a few basic personality traits, so the last question rubs me very wrongly. Yes, a person's little quirks should be related to their personality, but in the examples I've seen from the thread, the emphasis seems to be on having all of a character's traits tied together - there's no room for minor quirks that don't have any connection to the character's most significant personality traits.

Secondly, and much more importantly to my mind, there seems to be far too much emphasis on Genre Consistency over anything else. All the emphasis on how important it is that a character "fit" into their setting seems to leave no room for any kind of genre-blending or variants on a trope - it sounds as if you're saying that if your High Fantasy character's personality does not fit with the ISO Standard High Fantasy Setting, then s/he is a bad character. Likewise, there seems to be a bit too much emphasis on having characters fit certain archetypes, rather then looking at them as individuals on their own.

Mr. AHR: 9

Pluses:

- You've clearly done a lot of development, and he reads well - I like the little things like his hyperactivity (I can just see him fidgeting...) - You went into good detail, not too little, nor too much

a) Overall background:

•Genre: Drama/Fantasy/Tragedy

•Setting: The Inuyasha universe - expanded. In short, Feudal Japan with lots and lots of demons, ghouls, and monstrosities (humans included).

b) Personal detail:

•Name: Mikami Fujiwara

•Race: Human; Japanese

•Age: 19 or 20

•Appearance: Think Yamato Nadeshiko.

•Desired role in story: Partly to deconstruct Yamato Nadeshiko, partly to balance out other characters or act as an indirect foil.

c) Relationship:

•Identity of and relationship with father: Yamato. Very distant, did not communicate often; now communicates even less with his daughter.

•Identity of and relationship with mother: Jun. Early on, their relationship was somewhat warm. After Mikami's self-disgrace, it deteriorated rapidly.

•Identity of and relationship with siblings: Has a number of siblings, many of whom she likely doesn't know. She has an older sister, Yuu, with whom her relationship used to be very close, but they have also grown apart, for a number of reasons, the two foremost being the self-disgrace and Mikami's lesbianism.

•Friends and acquaintance: Doesn't really have very many friends, as many people don't like her much. She's cold, or at least imperious, with many, and is easily bored by many of the activities of the other noblewomen; they, as such, find her strange.

•Love interest: Akiko, a prostitute.

•Enemies both major and minor: Her husband, who is suspicious of everything when it comes to her; Kouga, her Love Interest's husband, who strongly detests her because his wife is in love with her; her servants, who hate her, and threaten blackmail of her visits to Kyoto's red light district (hiring an entertainer would be very expensive and difficult to cover in the account books, and her servants have made it clear that advances on her part will have very serious consequences).

d) Character details:

•Character history: She grew up in her father's home, cared for and taught all the things a young (noble)woman should know. She eventually realized, after several male suitors, that men didn't attract her, bringing to her mind a memory she'd tried to block: falling in love with a female childhood friend and being completely rebuffed. Her branch of the family is still attempting to influence the court in Kyoto, and she realizes what she has essentially been raised for (to be a political bargaining chip via marriage, to up her branch's standing, like most noblewomen). She refuses to participate, despite veiled threats of social reprecussions. She continues to refuse, and is married to a much lower nobleman (which also greatly reduces her social status).

•Skills and abilities: She's clever, good at making business deals, and finding and exploiting loopholes. She enjoys writing poetry (a common pasttime). She's also very good at manipulating others, though, clearly, not always. Usually underlings.

•Personality: She is somewhat selfish, and expects obedience and deference from those around her. She can be kind when she wants to be, but she has found that being cold and demanding, or even cruel, makes people jump faster. She treats her servants poorly, but is very generous with her love intrest. She only shows her considerable warmth and generosity in selective company, and even that has a tint of coldness about it. She often looks to satisfy herself first, and others second. However, when needed, she can be very caring.

•Goal, dream and motivation: She's not sure what her goal is, since she's been a member of the noble class ever since she was born, and she doesn't want that to change. Her long-term dream is unknown, but one of her fantasies is finding a woman that she can actually have a long-lasting, genuine relationship with (versus one or two nights of sex with a prostitute, and then moving on.) Her motivation is mainly self-interest, and occasionally making others happy (mostly her Love Interest, since she only feels happy around her.)

•First appearance: Showing up in a particular brothel as Akiko's customer. Coitus Ensues after intial awkwardness and clarification to Akiko of what she's there for, in no uncertain terms.

e) Character trivia: There's not much trivia other than:

• She's actually insecure, with threats from many sides
• She's a sadist
• She's afraid of attachment (and liability), which is another reason for her switching brothels and prostitutes so constantly
• She can't hold her alcohol well
• She's got a Dominant personality, which she can't let show around other nobles
• She likes Akiko primarily because Akiko is honest and up-front with her, and excites her
• She enjoys role-reversal sometimes during sex
• Her favorite color is blue
• Her favorite food is carp

edited 14th Sep '11 3:06:37 PM by punkreader

Since I don't really have anything better to do at the moment...

Overall background:

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Setting: Modern-day north-east England

Personal detail:

Name: Alex Francis Nash ('Alex' is technically short for 'Alexandra' but no one calls her that).

Race: No one's entirely sure, including Alex.

Age: Twenty-ish

Appearance: Tall,Ambiguously Gendered/Bifauxnen redhead with green eyes, a facial scar and dubious dress sense.

Desired role in story:Red Oni and Badass. There's more to it, but I don't know how to accurately sum it up.

Character details:

Character history: Grew up in a working class family. Got into trouble for various reasons a lot growing up. Didn't do well enough at college to go to uni and left home in favor of 'long term camping' in her late teens because she kept 'causing ructions' at home and didn't like that she was making everyone miserable. Still keeps in touch though.

Skills and abilities: Good at fighting. Abnormally strong, fast and agile.

Personality: Odd and probably a bit nuts but generally friendly. Has a strange sense of humour, questionable impulse control and equally questionable social skills. Is prone to strange behaviour and Large Ham moments.

Goal, dream and motivation: Protecting those she cares about and her 'territory', dealing with any scumbags she finds, terrorizing chavs, avoiding getting arrested, and having fun.

First appearance: Currently, it’s her sitting in a café messing around with the sugar cubes and getting dirty looks off the waitress.

Last appearance: N/A

Character trivia: Likes sweet things, dogs and going fast. Dislikes chavs, inactivity and big cities. Has a Suzuki GB 125 which she bought as a ‘learner bike’ before she got her license and would like something faster but can’t afford it. Wears a brown oilskin coat whenever the weather allows and/or when on her bike.

edited 14th Sep '11 3:23:47 PM by Weaver

nrjxll: Methinks you are overreacting. I think that the first one is just to beware of inconsistent quirks, or quirks that come off a certain way, when they aren't meant to.

For example, if I write a character who is a woobie, but also give her traits that make her a jerk ass, that might be something that needs addressing.

And the genre thing isn't so nitpicky as "high fantasy as compared to urban fantasy" more of, if you're writing historical fiction, you can't really have a character with modern day values, unless that is a purposeful oddity.

Read my stories!

Don't know how to evaluate Punkreader's character, so I'll take a look at Weaver's.

If I can't use the phrase "possible Mary Sue," I'll use the phrase "potentially setting-warping." There are three questions to ask yourself:

• Do characters react to this character the way they'd be expected to react to her, or is she immediately liked by every "good" character and disliked by every "evil" character? She sounds a bit abrasive, so she'll seem a lot more realistic if many characters who meet her take a while to warm up to her.

• How much of this character's success and survival is attributable to luck or authorial intervention? She might be tough, but she's not a One-Man Army, and if she goes too out of control, it will become improbable that neither cops nor criminals ever got her.

• Was this character written primarily for wish fulfillment?

That said, she's got potential if you realistically portray the effects of her lifestyle on her psyche. I'll start her off with a 4, but I'd rate her higher with a bit of work.

Edit: I'll put my character in another post.

edited 14th Sep '11 5:38:54 PM by feotakahari

That's Feo . . . He's a disgusting, mysoginistic, paedophilic asshat who moonlights as a shitty writer—Something Awful

@Weaver: I don't really know what to think of your character. Like said, if done wrong it can come off badly. But there is potential. I see a lot of people (as in other characters) taking the character's personality the wrong way.

Overall background:

Genre: Heroic Fantasy, Walking the Earth

Setting: umm, how to describe this…Politically it’s a lot like the city-states of ancient Greece; culturally it takes after East Asia. There’s also magic in two forms: demon animals, which can choose to contract with humans (though it’s rare and only appears once in story), and rune crafting/wielding, which focuses on the creation of device magic known as rune relics and their use (note: the two do not equate, basically anyone can use rune relics with enough practice but few can make them; also, guess who holds a lot of political power).

Personal detail:

Name: Fox

Age: ~15-16

Appearance: Red hair about shoulder length, often pulled back. Height is 5’8”; haven’t thought of actual weight, but he’s lean. He should actually be a little taller, but due to the whole malnutritioned orphan thing he’s, well, not.

Desired role in story: The Hero. Though he’s more of an Anti-Hero.

Relationship:

Identity of and relationship with father/mother/sibs: I mentioned orphan above.

Other relatives: He was adopted when he was roughly twelve by a kind but strict old lady named Marigold. By the time the story starts, Fox considers her the parent he never had. Marigold is a tailor with a mysterious past that comes back with a vengeance. She ends up passing her rune relic to him; Fox’s motivation for the rest of the story is a) carrying out the rune relic’s original purpose as was Marigold’s wish b) find the person responsible for Marigold’s death and getting revenge.

Friends and acquaintance: Fox has many acquaintances – especially after he starts traveling – but few friends. Fox is almost always willing to help people out, but doesn’t get really close to many. He can also make poker buddies real easily, as long as they don’t figure out he cheats. His friends include a demon cat that he helps out early on in the story and his love interest/secondary hero (covered below). He is as just devoted to them as he is to his post-mortem guardian.

Love interest: Action Girl Rime and Fox become Fire-Forged Friends and team up due to similar goals. While Rime is a disciplined swordsman and rune crafter, Fox considers her a little naïve since she’s never had to worry about her next meal or clothes or what to do if she gets sick. Oddly enough, she considers Fox a little naïve because he’s never had to worry about political manipulations that hold the livelihoods of thousands at stake. This is mostly overcome by their growing respect and trust in each other.

Enemies both major and minor: Makes enemies out of random thugs/bandits a lot, typically said bad guys don’t survive the encounter. The main long term enemy is the mysterious person after the rune relic he carries; Fox would very much like to kill this guy since he’s ultimately behind Marigold’s death.

Character details:

Character history: He was a street urchin turned petty thief to survive. However, after a messed up burglary he got caught red headed. He was going to get marked (that is given a specific scar) as a thief and sent off to jail, which would basically be death for a scrawny preteen. Then Marigold stepped in, paid off his debt, and adopted him. He spent the next three years helping her with her tailor business, until the plot kicked off.

Skills and abilities: He’s good at sneaking around (likewise it’s hard to sneak up on him), and decent in a fist fight. He also carries a dagger but isn’t as good as he thinks he is (until more skilled opponents prove otherwise). He knows how to bluff and generally mess with people’s heads; he can also cheat in various card games. His main weapon becomes the rune relic Marigold gave him, known as the Spindle: it takes a person’s will and energy turning it into a thread. This can be used in a number of ways; the most common being to tie people up, set traps, and as Razor Wire.

Personality: He actively tries to come off as enigmatic. He’s a little rogue-ish and loves to basically troll people. However, due to the hardships of his life and the example Marigold set he is quick to help others. Still he can be suspicious of others because he has seen people getting killed over little things. Fox also has a habit of gambling and is dishonest enough to cheat.

Goal, dream and motivation: Living up to Marigold’s expectations is Fox’s main unspoken motive. Also finding who caused her death, which he’s a little more vocal about. Later he realizes he wants to be with Rime, social/political pressures be damned (luckily for him, it’s less of an issue than he thinks it would be).

First Appearance: Playing poker…and cheating at it. But only after another guy says something out of line about Marigold; the cheating is done to specifically humiliate him.

Last Appearance: N/A

Character trivia: His birthday is unknown but it’s guessed to be in mid-spring. He got his name when he was living on the streets; it’s because of his red hair and reputation as being clever. Marigold taught him to read, write, basic math, and the basic geography of the country; this makes him surprisingly well educated for an orphan from a relatively small town. She taught him to sew too.

edited 14th Sep '11 4:52:05 PM by MurkyMuse

People are mirrors. If you smile, a smile will be reflected.

a) Overall background:

• Genre: Urban Fantasy, with heavy inspiration from Anime / Manga
• Setting: Sanfield, California

b) Personal detail:

• Name: Matthew Streika
• Race: American of German descent
• Age: 16
• Appearance: A handsome looking blond haired young man with dark blue eyes, Matthew is tall and quite muscular. He ties his long hair back into a ponytail. He usually wears a medium sized black short sleeved shirt, a crimson red jacket, black jeans, boots and fingerless gloves. He has a chess piece sized scar on his shoulder.
• Desired role in story: The Hero

c) Relationship:

• Identity of and relationship with father: Kyrio Streika. The specifics are: kyrio used his Spell Core of Perfect Illusions to create a previous father in Matthew's memories who abused him, when in fact much earlier than Matthew remembers, Kyrio implanted the Spell Core Matthew has within him, and disguised it as "his original father's abuse". Matthew idolizes his father, does not know of the above, and due to his Borderline Personality Disorder, bases his personality exclusively off of his father's personality...that he could readily see.
• Identity of and relationship with mother: His mother is a scientist who studied his ability to handle both a Spell Core and a Holy Artifact. Matthew remembers that she died giving birth to him. This is another Perfect Illusion. She's alive, and working for Phantom Claw.
• Identity of and relationship with siblings: He remembers a sister. There isn't one.
• Other relatives: Kyrio has an adoptive brother, Ayadine Streika.
• Friends and acquaintance: Shuuji Muzoku, Shane Allister, Dex Anthem, Zane Calston,
• Love interest: Sorata Eisenbern, Alina Creed, Angie Sephion, Samantha Jacobin, Aqua Rozencross, Barbara Ryan, Dianne Lang, Claudia Bartlett / Mrs. Claude
• Enemies both major and minor: The Seer, Queen Anathema, Sangou and Kasuga, Shouji Muzoku, Nebiros, Garth, Ayadine Streika, Ocreus, Hector Gibbs, Attarias, Gerard, Lyssa and Jackson White. On and off Zachaia and Ein Woe.

d) Character details:

• Character history: Matthew starts out as one of the children that Kyrio and Sarah adopted and brainwashed into being the person they wanted. Matthew grew up with the twisted, untrue memories of his "first father" and "abuse", and the stress of his past basically resulted in a Borderline Personality wherein he constantly changed his personality to whatever was the safest personality available. However, at the age of ten, his father was thought dead after The Seer attacked on the orders of Queen Anathema. Matthew changed fundamentally from that day on. While the fake personality was always fluid, it became more unstable and he became conflicted. It was about then that Xi Jiao and Kouji virtually adopted him until he became sixteen and so would be able to collect the inheritance from his father. This was all within Kyrio's plan, as he had predicted Matthew would become unstable. By thirteen, Matthew was still unstable, but it became more difficult to see where the fakeness ended and where the real personality began. Matthew decided after that day to rescue Shuuji, who he thought was "strangled by darkness". Matthew at sixteen began his adventure in full, having been trained for five years by his masters before they let him go, due to problems in their own homes. At sixteen, Matthew met his first Haremette...oh, I mean ally. Sorata literally flew out of the sky and he, keeping with his altruistic personality, went to her aid even though it could very well cost him his life. It was this time that his Spell Core and Holy Artifact activated, allowing him to defeat Adrian the Black Blade.
• Skills and abilities: Matthew is one of very few people who can have a Holy Artifact and a Spell Core, both being powers which should not be able to coexist. His Holy Artifact is The Lance of Longinus, which not only gives him a Healing Factor, but its true power also removes his biological limiters, meaning he can do things other humans cannot do. This ability lets his spell core call on Mythical Weapons, which would normally tax his Mana so heavily it would kill him. However, the Lance lets him use Environmental Mana to supplement his own when using a certain powerful weapon.
• Personality: Matthew's personality is a very unstable thing, due to his disorder, but this has been slowly becoming less of an issue, though it is still one of the foremost things wrong with him. Matthew lost a great deal of his identity when he saw his father die, and when he remembered his sister also dying. However, the training which tempered his personality and braved him, made him face what had almost destroyed him, made him stronger on the inside. It was because of his five years of training that Matthew has no fear of death, no fear of powerful opponents. He will no matter what help others, he will even sacrifice of himself in order to ensure the safety of someone he has promised to himself to help. He has a very altruistic personality that gives no care to social status or repute, he will no matter what help people. He shows no favoritism. He could be trying to kill you one minute, and then be trying to save you if you've shown remorse or a good motive.
• Goal, dream and motivation: He wishes to give his all to help everyone close to him. He wants to make the "memory" of his father proud of him, to wash away the "shame" of what happened so long ago. To that end, he tries in vain to try to reach a Marty Stu level of perfection, but that's another big flaw: He just doesn't have the capability to be that good, he cannot be everywhere at once, he cannot defend everyone.
• First appearance: His first appearance is in Chapter 4, being fantasized about by Mrs. Claude.
• Last appearance: ——

e) Character trivia: Matthew's favorite food is...well, pretty much anything if it is in large enough quantities.

edited 1st Oct '11 6:00:12 PM by NickTheSwing

Dudes. What the fuck.

I think a lot of you are missing the part of the thread where you have to RATE the above poster's character. The only ones who had any excuses were the dudes that posted before me.

Now, the unreviewed are:

• Punkreader
• Murky Muse
• Nick the Swing

Read my stories!

I'm not sure if they react 'normally' since the other characters are a bit odd themselves but they don't like her straight away, in fact it takes a while before one of the other two main characters stops thinking of them as 'the weirdo' (the other one never really stops doing so) and at first Alex seems somewhat creepy and almost unhinged.

I have thought about this. Her sucess mostly relies on the facts that a) most of the crooks in her area are small time, b) the police are rather useless (something which is alas based on reality), c) that she doesn't actually break the law all that often, and d)she can run really, really fast. However, she is aware that she'll be in trouble if she loses control and does her best to avoid doing so, in fact it's a major part of her relationship with the other characters; ie she has trouble controlling herself, so she outsources her impulse control in that thinking of what her friend would think of her for doing something keeps her in check.

Nope. She started out as a character I created for my Creative Writing course at uni and was originally a walking homage to anime but has developed since then.

I...cannot rate other people very well. I'm a bit afraid I might say something to make them angry at me, or that I might be wrong.

Knowing a bit more of the context and setting makes her more believible. I'd say she's 6-7 if you want a scaled number.

edited 14th Sep '11 5:29:44 PM by MurkyMuse

People are mirrors. If you smile, a smile will be reflected.

Punkreader: 8

Pros:

• Well thought out
• Realistic flaws and relationships (as far as I can tell)
• Some interesting little details (that I would quote but my iPod hates tvtropes for some reason)

The only thing keeping me from rating you higher is a lack of familiarity with the source material.

Character sheet

a) Overall background:

• Genre: Urban Fantasy
• Setting: Starts in a totalitarian dictatorship outside The Masquerade, then transitions into the more fantastic elements as the story progresses.

b) Personal detail:

• Name: Yuki Hara
• Age: 17
• Appearance: Somewhat short, with short, straight black hair. Not exactly what one would call a "looker," but she has a fairly athletic build.
• Desired role in story: The Hero

c) Relationship:

• Other relatives: Raised by her grandfather after being orphaned as an infant. He taught her how to fight, and secretly began training her in ki usage before he died.
• Friends and acquaintance:
  • Amaya, her closest friend. They grew up together, learned to fight together, an eventually escape their situation together.
  • Leo, her rival. Met after Amaya gets kidnapped, he helps her with her training but insists he's a better swordfighter.
• Love interest: Definitely not Amaya.
• Enemies both major and minor: Keaira, The High-Daylight Walker. Previously vanquished by Amaya's mother, she breaks free of her enchantment and ultimately kidnaps Amaya to finish undoing the curse.

d) Character details:

• Character history: Born in poverty, she was raised by her grandfather in a labor camp. As she and her friend Amaya grew up, he trained them in martial arts; a way to defend themselves if the guards decided to abuse their power. He dies, just before her 17th birthday, and she and Amaya decide to escape from the camp and head for the border. When they get caught, a mysterious man helps them complete their escape into the magical world.
• Skills and abilities: Ki usage. Can boost her speed and strength, and can channel her ki as electricity.
• Personality: At the start of the story, she's cold, calculating, and cynical. It's kill or be killed in the labor camps, and trust is very hard to come by. She'll do anything to protect her closest friends, doing some reckless or downright dangerous things for them. As the story progresses, and she meets more people willing to be genuinely kind to her, she starts to open up and be more cheerful.
• Goal, dream and motivation: Freedom, in it's simplest form. She's spent her entire life so far being forced to obey someone else's whims, now she just wants to live her own life, helping her friends.
• First appearance: Have not decided whether to start with her and Amaya escaping, or doing a "Day in the Life of a Labor Camp Girl" to start the story.

e) Character trivia:

• Loves adrenaline

edited 14th Sep '11 6:10:29 PM by animemetalhead

No one believes me when I say angels can turn their panties into guns.