Self Demonstrating: Wolverine
(This page is best read in Steve Blum, Cal Dodd, or Hugh Jackman's voice.)
Hmmm. It looks like the Hulk
and that fourth-wall breakin' clown
already have their own pages, so in fine Wolverine tradition
, it's about time I got my own. But ya better not waste my time, or else you can go fuck yourself
You've probably heard of me, bub — I'm the Wolverine. Or you can call me Logan. And if ya know me, you'd know that I'm the best at what what I do. And what I do — *SNIKT*
— isn't very nice.
I first showed up in The Incredible Hulk
#180 (October, 1974), where the government sent me to track down and kill the big green bastard, until the two of us both teamed up to fight the Wendigo. After that, I joined the X-Men
, Alpha Flight
, The Avengers
, and pretty much every other team in the Marvel universe
, but went on solo missions as well. Yup, I'm pretty much the George Harrison
of supers. Though Fury
— sorry — Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D
says I'm more of a Paul
You probably know me best for my role as one of the X-Men (and now as the guy in charge of their school
), my razor-sharp claws
, my Healing Factor
, my berserker rages
, my glorious chest hair
, and bein' damn near everywhere in the Marvel U
. Heh. After all, not many heroes can claim to be as Badass
as me — who else would run into a fight with the Hulk
or even the Juggernaut without even breakin' a sweat?
Yer probably wonderin' about my origin story, but I don't remember much. Those assholes from that horrifying
Weapon X program messed with my brain, so I can't actually remember what happened before then. Ya better read up on Origin
, Weapon X
and the like.note
I've also appeared in a buncha cartoons fer kids
(and a few fer adults
), as well as an X-Men movie series
made by Fox where I was played by Hugh Jackman
. Though he would be too tall, pretty, and Australian
to play me in movies, his portrayal did
become one of the best-known and widely praised superhero portrayals to hit the big screen, so I don't blame him. But due to those razzafrazzin' rights issues, ya prolly won't see me duke it out with the Hulk or Thor
on the big screen any time soon. I know, but it's worth considerin' that ya don't have ta be Disney to put out a good movie starrin' me
. Plus, I got a beef with that Perlmutter guy in charge of Marvel, since he's breakin' tradition
and denyin' me all sorts of appearances just 'cuz he isn't gettin' along well with Fox. Bastard killed me off
And then there's the video games. Quite surprisingly
, I've been in every Marvel vs. Capcom
t' date, appearing in even more games in th' series than Spidey
. In vanilla Marvel vs. Capcom 3
, I'm the best at what I do, and what I do is win tourneys
and piss off everyone who wants ta play as Hsien-Ko or their other favorite. But ya prolly knew that, huh. (Though possessed-Jean
does a much
better job at pissin' off all the tourney players.) Oh, and ya may have noticed, but they made my newest theme song sound like a Power Rangers
Wolverine provides examples of the following tropes:
- Absurdly Sharp Blade: Those things stickin' out of my hands.
- Abusive Parents: Turned out I wasn't too far off the mark when I thought my Ma was a 'goat-headed, misshapen, walleyed witch', an' the less said about my biological father, the better.
- The Ace: Do I have to remind you that I'm the best there is at what I do?
- Broken Ace: Though I admit getting there has left me with some... issues.
- Adaptational Attractiveness: My anime counterpart. There wer' some fan-boys complaining about it, without seeing my show yet. Eh, screw' em. My looks didn't stop me from taking names and kickin' ass. Hugh Jackman too, if you think about it.
- The Alcoholic: I love beer. An' my healin' factor keeps me from gettin' drunk unless I drink a lot of it. And I usually do.
- Alternate Company Equivalent: They say that guy Lobo was supposed to be a parody of me, what with his name meanin' "wolf" and him bein' based off the idea of a Nineties Anti-Hero. There's a reason we fought in that one crossover...
- Ascended Extra / Breakout Character: I was originally intended to be some one-shot enemy for the Hulk before I joined the X-Men, and around the 80s, I became their most popular character and got featured all over the damn place to the point where a decent chunk of readers felt writers overused me.
- Animal-Themed Superbeing: For some time I even wore brown and tan to get closer to a wolverine.
- Antagonistic Offspring: My son, Daken, hates my guts. He's a Manipulative Bastard and sociopath who embraces what I'm tryin' to put behind me. I can't really blame him: His mother was killed when she was still pregnant an' I didn't even know he survived. Afterwards, he was raised by some real nasty people. I wish I could've done somethin' to make things right, but it doesn't look like there's a way to get through to him. 'specially not when he throws his lot in with Creed or Warren's kids.
- In Battle of the Atom, Raze is apparently my kid with Mystique from the future, and he wants to kill me, too. Damn.
- Annoying Arrows: Once, when I needed to protect a kid from a bunch of archers, I took the the hit from the arrows they fired. I lived, but damn did it hurt.
- Anti-Hero: Probably one of the premier examples in superhero comics, period — with the other X-Men, killing is a last resort, but with me, it's second nature. Though in current comics, I'm not quite as rough as I used t'be. I've actually bounced all over the place in this regard.
- Arch-Enemy: Victor Creed, who goes by the name Sabretooth. We were together in the Weapon X project, but neither of us could stand each other. We're more alike than I like to admit, but at least I got a sense of decency. Creed was a monster even before the project. He's a damn smart son of a bitch, too, and he makes a hobby of makin' my life a livin' hell. He especially loves killin' the women in my life. I've killed him a time or two, but the bastard keeps comin' back.
- Audible Sharpness
- Badass: Just look at the picture above. Or pick up any one of my stories. I'm pretty much the Badass of the Marvel Universe.
- Badass Biker: Yup. I'm probably the most famous biker in comics, barring ol' Skullhead.
- Badbutt: Whenever I appear in all-ages or kids' comics or cartoons, they make me rarely use my claws, at least not on living things, so as to not shed any bloodnote , don't let me smoke or drink, and even make me wear a helmet while ridin' my Cool Bike — y'know, even though I can heal off any damage. Apparently Frank has to deal with the same kinda crap. The whole "no claws against living beings" thing was surprisingly averted (somewhat) in this scene from The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, not that I'm complainin'.
- Bash Brothers: At first I was this with Colossus, but I become this with most anybody at any time.
- The Bear: While I'm a fairly straight example, apparently the version of me from X-Treme X-Men is some sorta flamin'...well, bear — and just as hairy, too.note
- Blessed with Suck: My powers all have have drawbacks:
- Those claws that I use all time and everybody thinks are so cool? Those things popping out of the inside of my hands HURTS, A LOT! I can endure the pain, but without my Healing Factor I'd have to bandage my hand every time I used them to avoid bleeding to death.
- My adamantium bones actually slow down my Healing Factor because it's constantly working to keep the metal from poisoning me.
- I have super senses, but the level they're out would drive any normal person insane if they had to put up with not being able to turn them off, ever.
- Body Horror: The adamantium being added to my skeleton was the stuff of nightmares. Also, when Magneto once tore it out of me.
- Catch Phrase: Just read my intro above. If ya don't know what it is by now, ya must've been livin' under a rock for the past 40 years.note
- Cigar Chomper: Kids, smokin' is bad, but not if you can just heal off the lung damage. This used to be a favorite hobby of mine, until the '90s when I just decided to give it up. Even so, I do occasionally light up in the X-Men movies.
- Dark and Troubled Past: You don't know the half of it. Even I probably don't know the half of it since some of the few memories I do have of it, which are horrid, sometimes turn out to not even be real.
- Determinator: I don't quit. Even it's against Hulk or Magneto.
- Flipping the Bird: Sometimes, I get the urge to give friend and foe alike the middle claw. Up yours, bub.
- Genius Bruiser: Well, if you've been around for over a hundred years havin' to deal with all sorts of threats, you'd better be.
- Gone Horribly Right: Here's a fun fact for ya, bub: I wasn't born with my adamantium skeleton. It was only after the Canadian government captured me and tried to turn me into a mindless living weapon. But instead, they ended up with the Wolverine you know and love, stronger than ever before, and I was royally pissed, so I went and slaughtered those soulless monsters one by one — they had it comin'. The rampage was actually All Just a Dream, but my hatred for them was as real as ever. So I went on the same rampage again — fer real this time.
- Good Is Not Nice: I may be on superhero teams tryin' to save the world, but that don't mean I gotta be nice about it.
- Heroes Want Redheads: If ya know me, you'd know I always go for red-haired women, especially Jean Grey. But why did she have to go for Scott instead...?
- Healing Factor: I'm widely seen as the Trope Codifier. I didn't have this when I first appeared; the writers added it in later they realized they needed to explain why having metal bones didn't kill me. The exact limits of it are are inconsistent, depending on what the different writers want, or even between the same writers. Some of the crazier fanboy writers have presented me as virtually immortal, even though I've died in the past and alternate timelines, Days of Future Past being one of the most famous. The usual limitation is that I can heal from injuries to my vital organs, but I can still be killed if somethin' strong enough tries to strangle me and cuts the air off from my lungs. Recently, I contracted an intelligent virus from the Microverse, which disabled my ability to heal. The virus offered to give it back if I helped it escape S.H.I.E.L.D.'s attempts to eradicate it, but no way was I lettin' it get away. Now the virus is gone, but unfortunately, looks like my healing factor's gone with it, and for good this time.
- Hell-Bent for Leather: What can I say, I look good in that jacket. And the bodysuits from the movies.
- Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: One of the most common ways I kill, though I've also been on the receivin' end a lot.
- Implacable Man: I've got a virtually unbreakable skeleton, a Healing Factor that makes me very hard to kill, a keen sense of smell, and I'm very stubborn. Just pray I'm never chasing you.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: I'll admit that I ain't the nicest guy around, but I try to do the right thing regardless.
- Killed Off for Real: Marvel did this to me in Fall 2014. God damn it, Marvel... There's always th' option of bringing me back though, since I do help rake in the cash.
- The Lancer: My most common role on a team.
- Multiple-Choice Past: I had this going for well over ten years before the writers could decide on my backstory.
- My Suit Is Also Super: Averted, I frequently suffer from Clothing Damage regardless of what I'm wearing. Although now that my healing factor's gone, in my latest solo series I've taken to wearing a suit of special armor to make up the difference, though it ain't on the same level as Stark's.
- Nineties Anti-Hero: While I was created durin' The Bronze Age of Comic Books, I fit right in durin' The Nineties since everyone went crazy for darker and grittier heroes. My best-known costume (in the image above) came from then.
- The Nose Knows: I can sniff anything overly suspicious. Fer example, this helped me sniff out when people were possessed by microscopic parasites from th' Nanoverse, includin' Fury.
- Odd Friendship: Quite a few, given how I'm not the friendly type.
- One my closest friends is Nightcrawler, even though we're almost exact opposites.
- My relationship with Storm.
- Slowly getting into on with Thor and Hercules, even though I really don't want to with the latter.
- I can, sometimes, be friendly with Wade.
- Opposite-Sex Clone: Turns out some civilian science project tried to follow up on Weapon X with samples of my DNA, but it was too badly damaged to make another me. So they made a girl instead. Laura Kinney was the result, and if you can believe it, the things done to the poor kid may be even worse than what was done to me. She's got the same healin' factor and claws as me, but fortunately for her, she didn't inherit my ugly mug. Her mother asked me to help, but by the time I got there, the base where she was bred had been destroyed (don't that sound familiar?), and the kid's scent had gone cold. Took a couple years before I could finally track her down and bring her in to get the help she needed. She's technically my sister, but our relationship is more like father and daughter. I ain't exactly the best at it (not like that's a surprise if you've met my son), but I try to do right by her because I'm all she's got, and even made it official by adoptin' her.
- Papa Wolf: Specially when it comes to Kitty and Jubilee, but young girls in general bring this out in me. Do anything to hurt them and you've got me to worry about, bub.
- Popularity Power: I won't deny that I've benefited from this. Aside from writers going crazy with my Healing Factor mentioned above, the most infamous case is with Marvel vs. DC in my fight with Lobo where the victory was determined by popular vote, and I got the majority, except really I shouldn't have won. I didn't have my adamantium claws at the time, and even if I did, I was up against somebody with a Healing Factor that puts mine to shame and is strong enough to go head to head with the Man of Steel himself. Even the writers couldn't figure out a way to pull this off and had the fight occur off-panel. Years later, we got a Hand Wave that he let me win.
- Really Gets Around: Bub, I've been around since the 19th century, and by "been around" I mean "been around". An entire plotline in the comics centered around a villain gathering up as many of my unknown illegitimate children as I could find and sending them to attack me so I would kill them all as part of a revenge plot to screw with my head. If there's anyone who can beat Murdock and Stark on this, I am.
- Required Secondary Powers: This is actually where my Healing Factor came from. I had the adamentium skeleton when I first appeared, but writers realized they needed to come up with a reason as to why having metal bonded to my bones didn't kill me.
- Verbal Tic: Take a wild guess, bub.
- Wolverine Claws: I'm the freakin' Trope Namer, for cryin' out loud! Though I ended up unbuilding the trope as well.
- Wolverine Publicity: The Trope Namer. I'm not the first example Marvel used, but I'm the most well-known, for better and for worse.