Quotes / Surrounded by Idiots

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    Anime and Manga 

"Why are evil geniuses always surrounded by fools?"
Digimon Emperor, Digimon Adventure 02

    Comic Books 

"Bah! How did Robotnik rule Mobius with you idiots working for him?"
Commander Brutus to his incompetent team of Troopers in Sonic the Comic


"Why don't I get any competent henchmen? I offer excellent health benefits, educational opportunities, even a direct share in the enterprise. I even have a catchphrase! How does he manage it with just inspirational speeches? Emotional logic is barely any logic at all..."

"You continue to use officers of proven stupidity in order to boost your already inflated ego."
Annika-709, Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space


"Why must I constantly be surrounded by frickin' idiots?"
Doctor Evil, Austin Powers

"Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why aren't more people interrigent, rike me?"

Sador: What's WRONG is that I have an army full of GENETIC MISTAKES! Why can't my minions be sophisticated or intelligent, like... well, like ME?
Yago: You can't expect all of us to measure up to you, Sir.
Sador: Oh, don't flatter me!

Hedley: Now Repeat After Me: "I..."
Thugs: I...
Hedley: ...your name...
Thugs: Your name...
Hedley: (under his breath) Schmucks...

"You are all INCOMPETENTS!"

Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it!
Cross-eyed gunner: Sorry, sir! I'm doing my best!
Dark Helmet: ...Who made that man a gunner?
Cross-eyed officer: I did, sir! He's my cousin!
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sanders: He's an Asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that! What's his name!?
Colonel Sanders: That is his name, sir: Asshole; Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: ...And his cousin?
Colonel Sanders: He's an asshole too sir. Gunner's mate First Class Philip Asshole!
Dark Helmet: How many Assholes have we got on this ship, anyhow?
(the entire bridge crew, except for one person, stands up and raises a hand)
Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes. (closes helmet) Keep firing, assholes!

"I am surrounded by cow turds!"

"You're part of a league of morons. You're one of the morons I have been fighting my whole life. My whole. Fucking. Life."
Osbourne Cox, Burn After Reading

"I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."

"How hard can it be to kill ten men?"
Conrad Stonebanks, The Expendables 3

"Lex, why do so many people have to die for the Crime of the Century?
"Why? You ask why? Why does the phone always ring when you're in the bathtub? Why is the most diabolical leader of our time surrounding himself with total nincompoops?"
Miss Tessmacher and Lex Luthor, Superman

(Explosions rock the control center. Everyone freezes.)
Director Orson Krennic: ...Are we BLIND? Deploy the garrison! MOVE!

Are you soft, Fitz? When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh... you dump him in the marsh, not where some guy from John Hancock goes every Thursday TO GET A FUCKIN' BLOWJOB! DON'T LAUGH! THIS AIN'T REALITY TV!
Frank Costello, The Departed


"It's a trap! A trap, you idiots! Don't fall for it!"
David of Animorphs, addressing his two henchmen (they fall for it)

"Like I said, I'll be famous one day, but for now, I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons."
Greg Heffley, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Yes, I know, I know, itís MY fault, I hired themÖ bargain basement villains, hired at the last minuteÖ SO, this is why some supervillains are always screaming about being surrounded by incompetents.
Jadis Diabolik, Whateley Universe, "Saks and Violence"

Capitaine Dronne was mounted in his jeep named Mort aux Cons! (Death to Idiots!) When he first noticed this, General Leclerc asked Dronne, "Why do you want to kill everyone?"
D-Day by Antony Beevor

Pope: My superior wants to see you.
Hemlock: Well, that doesn't limit the field much.
The Eiger Sanction (1975)

    Live Action TV 

Glory: I need a brain to eat.
Minion: Oh, take mine, oh groove-tastic one!
Glory: I said a brain, you worthless dirt!

"I am the meat in an idiot sandwich."
C.C. Backcock, The Nanny

Tobias Vaughn, The Invasion

"Must I be the meat in an imbecile sandwich?"
Bud Bundy, Married... with Children note 

"I'm surrounded by morons!
Moe Howard of The Three Stooges in many, many shorts

''"Now I know why Moe's always mad."
Christopher Titus, Titus

"If you seem slow to me, Sherlock, can you imagine what real people are like? I'm living in a world of goldfish."
Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock "The Empty Hearse"

"What can I say, man; good help is hard to find."
Stringer Bell, The Wire

"I look for the light in their eyes, I do, I do look for the light in their eyes! BULBS BURNED OUT!"
Harold, The Red Green Show

Dayna: Don't you ever get bored with being right?
Avon: Just with the rest of you being wrong.
Blake's 7, "Rescue"

"How can anyone conquer the world with these nitwits?!"


Colonel Ross Brimmicombe-Wood: Right, I want a full sweep of the area.
Captain Zerdin: What, again?
Colonel Ross Brimmicombe-Wood: Don't you "what, again" me! There is a man somewhere on this hillside and none of you idiots can find him! Now how difficult can it be?!
Captain Zerdin: Colonel, it was dark.
Colonel Ross Brimmicombe-Wood: Dark? DARK? Zerdin, what is that big shiny thing in the sky?
Captain Zerdin: Helicopter, Colonel.
Colonel Ross Brimmicombe-Wood: Not that, over there!
Captain Zerdin: The sun, Colonel?
Colonel Ross Brimmicombe-Wood: Thank you. And now the sun is up, it is not dark anymore, and you ought to be able to find your own arse with both hands! NOW FAN OUT AND BRING ME RED CANARY! DON'T MAKE ME GO THERE AND LOOK FOR HIM MYSELF, BECAUSE I WILL NOT BE HAPPY! NOW MOVE IT!

    Video Games 

"Note to self: need to order more henchmen. Good ones this time!"

"I am surrounded by traitors, and FOOLS!!"
Zoran Lazarevic, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

"How many times do I have to tell those idiots? If you're the last one in, LOCK THE GATE!"

"All I have now is dickheads! Dickheads everywhere, yo!"
Ricardo Diaz, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

"I'm babysitting a group of children."
Jade Curtiss, Tales of the Abyss

"See, THIS is why my evil plans always derail! Because you clods always goof off!"

Ork: Uh, boss? I think we threw a gear-y thing!
Mek Badzappa: What?! You gits can't do anything right! I'll 'ave t' fix it meself!
Dawn of War II

I have given you the facts. I canít give you the brains.
Almroth Wright

"Least I won't have to deal with you people anymore..."
— A Nomad to the Mooks under his command, as he is killed by the player, Borderlands 2

"What?! Ffffuck! Are you fucking kidding me?! What does it take to kill this son of a bitch?! I want him dead, right now! You kill him, right now! You hear me? You think you can do that? No, of course you can't do that. 'Cause you're a bunch of fuckin' pussies! I have to do fuckin' everything around here!"
Blake Dexter, Hitman: Absolution


Anakin: So, what are you up to?
Grievous: My armpits in incompetence!

Zeetha: She sounds like an idiot.
Gil: Well, yes, but never a malicious one.
Zeetha: Is that important?
Gil: Heavens, yes! If I let everyone I thought was an idiot die, there wouldn't be many people left.

"Henchmen. Evil, obedient, bright — pick any two."

Jean: What I mean is... the only reason you're not up to your armpits in reporters, and scientists, and... new age loonies... is that everybody in this town is really, really dumb.
Bob: Well you live here!

    Web Original 

"What's the point of having minions if they don't do your work for you! I should be watching the Home Shopping Network in my underwear but NO, I have to go out and commit a murder!"

Mello (after his minions have kidnapped an old grey-haired guy): I asked you to bring me Sayu Yagami. A 17 year old girl. Does this look like a 17 year old girl to you?
Minion 1: No...
Minion 2: Yes.

Nappa: The midget's next! (charges against Krillin)
Krillin: Wait! My turn, my turn, my turn!
(Nappa stops dead in his tracks)
Vegeta: ...Nappa, what are you doing?
Nappa: It's his turn, Vegeta. I have to wait for him.
(Vegeta groans and has a nose bleed)
Nappa: You ok, Vegeta?
Vegeta: Yes, just... just an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity.
Nappa: Wow. I didn't think you were that stupid, Vegeta.

Goku: Are you okay in there?
Vegeta: Yeah, I'm fan-f***ing-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here.
Goku: Oh, really? Can I come in too?
Vegeta: ...I'm surrounded by idiots.
Goku: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice cream!
— Also from Dragon Ball Z Abridged

"I know it's obvious I'm a genius, but is everyone else this stupid?"

"I'm up to my tits in morons."
Cpt. Morgan, None Piece

"He's as dumb as a bag of hammers, but he works cheap."
Dr. Insano about his new evil minion, Chester A. Bum.

Why am I always in such a bad goddamn mood? Um... maybe because everyone is such a pain in the fucking ass all the time, did you ever think about that? I'm the boss of all these fucking assholes, and look what I work with! I work with a fucking redneck who runs around with half a hard on all the time, telling women he's got a Swiss Army dick and wants to fuck them in the back of his raised Corolla! Then there's the black snow patrol guy, who somehow manages to be more racist than the white guys who give him a watermelon on skis every year for his birthday, and do Sanford and Son reenactments in the break room on Friday nights just to piss him off! He's going to stab one of these motherfuckers in the dick, and I'm not going to be able to stop him! And that's just what I deal with at work! When I go home and try to relax, my wife's bratty kids are running around screaming, then she drops the bombshell on me that she wants to have another one. I've already got three! Four fucking kids?! Now I avoid my wife's pussy like it was a bear trap! I jerk off in secret in the bathroom now more than I did when I was 16! Oh, and I have shot a man in the face with a Howitzer and killed him! This is not the life I was meant to live!

I'm surrounded by morons. Please help me.

You were worth every cent. Truly you were.
Roman Torchwick after his hired goons get their asses kicked by a teenage girl, RWBY

"I can't help but feel like I've sent five separate idiots to do various tasks."
Game Grumps, "Paper Mario TTYD: Computer Love - PART 21"

If it seems like I have contempt for the American voter, itís because I do. Frankly, most of you are fucking stupid. Most of you have no goddamn idea what it takes to run a country. [...] This is literally why we have a representative government. I know you donít want to read long, boring things. So I do it for you, and I ask a bunch of smart people, and we come up with shit that works.

Why can't villains ever hire competent henchmen?

Kayaba: Alright, now alright, now that I have your ears as well as your spines, allow me to indulge myself for a moment, and tell you all what every content creator has always wanted to say to their audience. [clears throat] FUCK. ALL. Y'ALL!
Kayaba: Do you have any idea what it's been like trying to lead you people?! You ignore all of my strategies, you adamantly refuse to work together, and then you blame me! FOR ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS!
Soldier: Well, to be fair, sir, you're responsible for at least a few of them.
Kayaba: Ah--yes, I see your point. Although, a—and hear me out here—counter-point. [opens menu]
(Soldier screams and dies)
Kayaba: You're dead! HA! [sighs] I tried, you know. Lord knows I tried. But there's just no helping you people. It's like you crave death! But not just any death, noooo! You fuckers seem to have some sort of pool going to see who can end their existence in the dumbest, most avoidable way possible. And you just keep ONE-UPPING EACH OTHER! Do you know how many of you died screaming "Leeroy Jenkins"? More than zero! Which, as far as I'm concerned, is grounds to exterminate the species!
Sword Art Online Abridged (Episode 11)

    Western Animation 

Spongebob: (impersonating Squidward) Everyone is an idiot except for me!
Squidward: Well, it's true.
SpongeBob SquarePants, "I Had an Accident"

"I'm surrounded by defective circuitry..."
Dr. Ivo Robotnik, Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

"Morons! I'm surrounded by morons!"
Carface, All Dogs Go to Heaven

"The people in this town are literally the dumbest people in the world. Literally"
Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls, Summerween

Edd: ...I'm surrounded by idiots.
Eddy: Who's complainin'?

Ed: Do not taunt the trike, Double-D.
Eddy: Yeah, what'd the trike ever do to you?
Edd: (deadpan) ...I'm conversing with puerile imps.

"MORONS! I have MORONS on my payroll!"
Cobra Commander, G.I. Joe

"Why are great men always surrounded by lesser beings?!"
Cobra Commander, G.I. Joe

"You four take care of the Avatar. Do not underestimate her."
(one escape sequence later)
"I thought I told you not to underestimate her?"

"I'm surrounded by idiots."
Scar, The Lion King

"FOOLS! I'm surrounded by FOOLS!"
Badrang from the third season of the animated series of Redwall

Moblin: I'm sorry, Lord Ganon.
Ganon: (sarcastically) You're sorry... YOU'RE SORRY! Blast these incompetent servants!
(teleports in front of Evil Jar)

"Attention New New Yorkers: STOP ACTING SO STUPID!"
Fry, Futurama

"Jeez, man, I'm surrounded by amateurs."
Sebastian, The Little Mermaid

"All the ponies in this town are crazy!"

AAAARGH!!! You Watchdogs are all USELESS! I have never encounter a more pathetic excuse for an evil army in ALL my life! Stupid! Idiots! Imbeciles! NO!! AAAGH! All I want is for you guys to something, anything right, for once! ITS NOT SO HARD!!
Lord Hater, Wander over Yonder

Klump: The best we can tell the apes are mounting a full force search-and-rescue operation in the mountain mines, sir!
K. Rool: What could they possibly be looking for in the mountain mines?
Krusha: Duh uh, rocks?
K. Rool: Rocks? Of course! LIKE THE KIND IN YOUR HEAD! What's their target, Klump?
Klump: Buried treasure, sir!
K. Rool: Any idea what sort of treasure?
Klump: Err... Rocks?
K. Rool: (to himself) Oh... Where have I failed?

It's at times like this I ask myself, do I really want the coconut this badly?
King K. Rool, Donkey Kong Country

Blackarachnia: Why do you always talk to yourself?
Megatron: Ah, I simply have a penchant for... intelligent conversation.

I have to be brilliant just to make up for them!


"If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again."