- Subverted in this episode of Stark Raving Mad, in which Ian asks Henry to get three straws and two maraschino cherries, only to reveal upon the latter's return that he just wanted him out of the way. Then he asks for a four-slot toaster and a Belgian waffle maker. Fortunately, he figures it out before leaving.
- In the Sherlock episode "The Hounds of Baskerville," it starts with Sherlock bursting into 221B Baker Street soaked in blood and wielding a harpoon:
Sherlock: Well, that was tedious.
John: You went on the Tube like that?
Sherlock: None of the cabs would take me.
- This is how every episode of MacGyver works, hence the parodies. Though we do get to see how he puts it all together, he can make anything out of anything. So if you've got Noodle Implements, he can get it done. Duct tape usually helps, though. Word of God states that the reason for this was to prevent children watching the show from trying to duplicate the experiments themselves and possibly getting injured.
- Subversion: Most of the lists of things the MythBusters need to carry out their plans only SOUND like this—but then again, why WOULD you need a piano tuner on a bomb range? Or a microwave, for that matter? The cement truck... And then there's the pig viscera and the diving suit...The duct tape, the lard, the air tank, the Pykrete, the tongue stud, the Tesla coil and the playing cards..You know, MythBusters needs a folder all its own on here. We see on-screen how the stuff eventually gets used, but I DARE you to come in never having watched the show before and figure out how anybody can do science with a jar of salsa, rubber cement and eight raincoats. Or a duck, some bulls, old glassware, liquid nitrogen, 400 cigarette lighters, a cell phone, silicone breast implants, some tubes of biscuit dough, an octopus, buttered toast, a semi-automatic and an airline toilet. Also, Jamie's wall in the back of M5 has many, many totes with names of these taped on them, including one allegedly containing "Raw Meat".
- This happens at the end of each episode of Kenan & Kel. Kenan devises a Zany Scheme to make up for what happened in the episode and tells Kel to get some stuff for him and meet him somewhere.
- The most explicit example of this trope is an episode in which Kenan's Zany Scheme is described as:
Now, get something, something else, a third thing, and meet me over there. Now come on, Nickname.
- That works great as a subversion to the trope, as does the exchange which causes the normally aghast Kel to say:
- One of the last episodes features a montage of Kenan requesting Noodle Implements from Kel, and then Kel shows up with all of them.
- Now get some hair dye, a printout from a Mastermind website and a dead yak and meet us in Santa Barbara!
- But what about all this possum fat! "Do you have any idea how hard it was to find a fat possum"
- "Get me a roll of toothpaste, a shower curtain, 10 bottles of apple juice, and a Gameboy! And meet me at my house around seven."
- The Brit Com 'Allo 'Allo! has two German officers who are turned on by the waitresses with wet celery, egg whisks and flying helmets, among others. Word of God states that they actively tried to explain how these items got used and rejected any that they succeeded with.
Colonel: (in response to whether he wants the egg whisk) "No, not the egg whisk. The electric mixer!"
Yvette: (horrified gasp)
- In an episode of Wizards of Waverly Place, Justin asks Alex's advice of how to get rid of a clingy girlfriend. She tells him he's going to need a road flare, a barrel of maple syrup and a mini trampoline. He realizes after some time what she meant by that.
- To fix the lamp he broke, Max will need "A broom, a dustpan, double-stick tape, and small dog." The first three are all a Subverted Trope, as it's obvious enough what they'd be used for, but it's never explained what he intended to do with the last one.
- Red Dwarf tended to allude to sex like this, although at times, they've used it for torture: "Rasputin! Bring in the bucket of soapy frogs and remove his trousers!"
- Actually, if you think about it, it's pretty obvious what they do with those things.
- "Rasputin! Bring hither the skin-diving suit with the bottom cut out, and unleash the rampant wildebeest!"
- In the sixth series, a Running Gag involved Rimmer constantly try to cite Space Corps Directives that were pertinent to their current situation, only to completely mangle them have have Kryten inform them what they really were, usually in this fashion ("'Eight-eight-oh-nine-seven-stroke-c'? Doesn't that require a live chicken and a rabbi?")
- When Lister learns that he's God of the Cat People:
Lister: I'm supposed to have given them five sacred laws. Five sacred laws! I've broken four of them meself. I'd have broken the fifth, but there's no sheep on board.
- In the episode Legion, Kryten drops references to some literal Noodle Implements, as the crew attempt to use Mamosian anti-matter chopsticks:
Kryten: For my cooking duties, I'm programmed to be proficient in all known off-world eating techniques, including Jovian Boogle Hoops, and the often-lethal Mercurian Boomerang Spoon.
- Several instances of ice cubes and any pocket cavity...
- Driven insane by the Holovirus, Rimmer takes a whispered suggestion from his penguin pal Mr. Flibble on how to punish the others - "Oh, we couldn't do that. Who'd clean up all the mess?".
- In Blackadder III: "Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil."
- Maybe he was going to perform a magic trick?
- Subverted in Blackadder II. We start out only hearing what Blackadder needs for his plan to get out of debt - "Some feathers, a dress, some oil, an easel, some sleeping draught, lots of paper, a prostitute and the best portrait painter in England!". Later, though, we see exactly how they were used to execute his plan.
- In the first episode of Salute Your Shorts, a kid is threatened with an "awful waffle". It apparently involves maple syrup and a tennis racket.
- This is actually a real camp hazing ritual where you pour syrup on someone's stomach, then smack them repeated with the tennis racket so a sticky grid of marks is made. However, we never see it actually performed, and later episodes add more and more unrelated items to the mix.
- In one episode of Stargate Atlantis, Sheppard finds himself stuck with Lucius Lavin, trying to come up with a plan to rescue his teammates. Lavin throws out some truly ridiculous ideas which end with him suggesting they get "a magnifying glass and some tape. .....Some poisoned tape."
- In one early episode of Malcolm in the Middle, the boys were locked in their room until one of them confessed to some misdeed. When we see them next, they're wearing helmets with flashlights taped to them, have strapped pillows to themselves, and are trying to remove a light fixture from the ceiling. Malcolm comments "I swear, on paper this was a great idea." In the DVD commentary, the writers admit that they had no specific escape plan in mind and had just come up with something random.
- From Castle
Looks like a potato peeler.
Castle: And illegal in 12 states.
- Although J.D.'s fantasies in Scrubs usually don't fit this trope, as we see exactly how his wacky schemes play out in his head, we do get a straight example in the episode "Their Story", in which rather than hearing J.D.'s thoughts, we can hear the thoughts of Jordan, Ted and The Todd:
The Todd (thinking): Oh great, there he goes off into his fantasy world. Now I'm stuck here waiting until he snaps out of it with some weird comment.
J.D. (coming out of one of his fantasies): But we'd have to find a whole lot of gnomes!
The Todd (unimpressed): That's helpful.
- Janitor once volunteers to help with some endeavor in exchange for being put into full body cast and taken to the airport. He'll explain later.
- When Janitor calls to his brain trust to help him devise a plan to win over Elliot's heart, one of the plans involves setting her apartment on fire and another one requires a tug boat.
: Janitor: Tug-boats and arson, that's all I ever get from you guys!
- Friends: In preparation for a night out with an old friend who always gets him into weird adventures, Ross packs his passport, an extra pair of socks, and a snakebite kit. To which Chandler rolls his eyes: "It's not going to be exactly like last time!" Although Chandler prepared himself with some Canadian money, since at least one adventure involved a boat headed for Nova Scotia...
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer does this with sex scenes in the (fictional) movie Le Banquet D'Amelia:
Buffy: I've never actually seen... well, uh, from the title I thought it was about food.
Angel: Well... there was food.
Buffy: Right, the scene with the... food.
Buffy: We can't actually do any of those things. You'd lose your soul, and besides, I don't even own a kimono.
- In Black Books:
Bernard: I did do Belly Savalas.
Bernard: (In a flashback, drunk) "What? I can't hear you Belly Savalas!" (pulls lollipop out of belly button) "Who loves you, baby?"
Fran: You didn't do Cobumbo, did you?
Bernard: No. (pause) I didn't have any cigars.
- This one didn't really leave it to the imagination.
- Monty Python's Flying Circus:
- In the "Storytime" sketch, a children's TV presenter is reading a series of stories which invariably turn pornographic. "Discipline? Naked? (turns the book sideways) ...With a melon?"
- This one is a classic:
Presenter: ...to stop us from revealing your name, the name of the three other people involved, the youth organization to which they belong, and the shop where you bought the equipment.
- One audio version of Blackmail has Michael Palin narrating the blackmailed videotape (because there is no video to go along with it).
Narrator: Wait, what's she doing to his - is that a chicken up there - no, no, that's just the way she's holding the grapefruit. Oh, ho, ho! [buzzer sounds]
- There's Gavin Millar(rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)'s speech about Neville Shunt's railway drama, which is essentially one Noodle Implement after another in rapid succession.
Gavin Millar(rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr): Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world. The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our esophagus, the guard's van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? It's over there in a box. Shunt is saying the 8:15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8:13 from Gillingham. The train is the same only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew his sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.
- John Cleese introduces one audio segment with '...and several butcher's aprons.'
- "...with a large piece of wet paper. Turn the paper over - turn the paper over keeping your eye on the camel, and paste down the edge of the sailor's uniform, until the word 'Maudling' is almost totally obscured. Well, that's one way of doing it."
- In the "Expedition to Lake Pahoe" sketch, the BBC interviewer starts talking like a pirate, until he's shot with a tranquilizer dart. He's then replaced by another interviewer, who apologizes for his collegue's behavior:
Interviewer: Hello. I'm sorry about my colleague's rather unconventional behaviour just now, but things haven't been too easy for him recently, trouble at home, rather confidential so I can't give you all the details... interesting though they are... three bottles of rum with his Weetabix, and so on, anyway... apparently the girl wasn't even... anyway the activity you see behind me... it's the mother I feel sorry for. I'll start again. The activity you see behind me is part of the preparations for the new Naval Expedition to Lake Pahoe.
- Let's face it; the show is filled with this trope.
- Night Court. Judge Harry has left his job and begun collecting bizarre objects to organize the "ultimate prank." (He never plays it.) Averted in that, at the end, we see what he's built and can conclude what the prank must have been intended to be.
- For the record, It involved the Statue of Liberty and the world's largest pair of goofy glasses.
- From Itsa Living, we find the following description of a man one of the girls met in a bar. "He knows ten ways to kill a man with a drinking straw! Eleven if you let him keep the wrapper!"
- On an episode of Barney Miller, Harris has gone undercover to make a porno. (As director, boys and girls.) At one point while the squad is watching the finished product, Inspector Luger gets a look of queasy awe and says, "I used to eat that cereal."
- For the record, Harris apparently makes a cameo. "Thank you, Black Stallion," is the line heard, IIRC. At which point Barney says, "Harris!" and Harris responds, "Well, Hitchcock did it!"
- In 3rd Rock from the Sun, Tommy manages to divert the massive hotel bill they've racked up onto George Takei's account with a laptop, a modem, the keycard to their room...and a shower cap.
- Men Behaving Badly, Gary is trying to get out of his impending marriage by imposing ridiculous provisos on Dorothy: "And you have to consent to any sexual act, even if it involves..." (casts about wildly) "...enormous vegetables!"
- The Drew Carey Show: At the Tracy Bowl I, Drew tries to humiliate Lewis.
Drew: I've got a plan, but I'm going to need a dead monkey, some empty liquor bottles, and a vacuum cleaner.
- On Frasier, Sam Malone whispers Niles some advice on how "to really put a smile on Maris's face." Niles responds by asking where he's supposed to find whipped cream and a car battery at this hour. In another episode, Bulldog suggests a party game,
All right Doc, I'm going to need a blindfold, whipped cream and a glass coffee table. [everyone looks mystified] What? Nobody went to camp?
- Isn't it obvious? He intends to attach the car battery via alligator clips to her nipples, and the whipped cream, well that's pretty self explanatory.
- Its Maris. The alligator clips obviously would go on Niles's nipples.
- In the episode "Daphne Does Dinner", a visual version of this occurs, as the episode opens in medias res as infuriated guests storm out at the tail end of the Crane family's bizarre, unmitigated disaster of a dinner party. Something about Tourette's syndrome, live goats, flaming kababs, and Martin pretending to be a French count — and the kicker is that this could totally be part of a real episode of Frasier, so it doubles as an Offscreen Moment of Awesome.
- In Torchwood:
Ianto: If...you're interested, I've still got that stopwatch.
Jack: (confused) ...so?
Ianto: Well. Think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.
Jack: (grinning with understanding) Oh, yeah. I can think of a few.
Ianto: There's quite a list.
Jack: I'll send the others home early. See you in my office in ten.
Ianto: (pulls out the stopwatch) That's ten minutes and counting.
- Jack and Ianto seem to do this a lot. In Day Three, Gwen mentions that she took home the video contact lenses for "a bit of fun" with Rhys. Apparently Jack and Ianto have had the same idea.
Ianto: Yeah, well, been there, done that. It is fun.
- In Stephen Colbert's Christmas Special, after a long (and entirely bleeped out) explanation of what Jews use mistletoe for, Jon Stewart ends: "with a lambshank!"
- He got back into the act on his show. While speaking about the changing of 90-year-old Canadian magazine The Beaver's name to Canada's History because the magazine's title was getting blocked by on-line porn filters, Colbert mentioned that the Canadians must not know that in America, the term "Canada's History" is a euphemism for a sex act so depraved he couldn't describe it on television. He could only mention that it involved moose antlers, a jug of maple syrup, and the Stanley Cup.
- And again on The Daily Show. When Jon Stewart and John Oliver are discussing torture, at one point John Oliver pulls a turkey baster out of his pocket and suggests that Jon "use it on him." We never find out exactly what he means by that, although we can guess...
- In an episode of NCIS, the team needs to question a pair of teens, but Gibbs refuses to use actual interrogation techniques. Tony picks up the phone and tells the "person" on the other end that he needs to requisition a pair of "genital cuffs", pausing briefly to ask the teens if they have any family history of testicular cancer. When he leaves, the teens spend some time trying to figure out if genital cuffs really exist, and what their specific uses could be—and their fear leads them to reveal the information the team is looking for, right in the range of Tony's off-the-hook phone.
- The opening quotes of an episode of Andromeda described a variety of bizarre implements not the least of which was a nuclear device followed by an explanation 'Surprise party for the ambassador'
- Specifically: "Requested: One Mark V ECM unit, 1000 km of Fullerene cable, one low-yield nuclear warhead. Purpose: Surprise party for foreign dignitary. —Argosy Special Operations requisition form, CY 9512"
- In an episode of The Muppet Show, Gonzo the Great volunteers to perform his new act in front of a hostile audience. All he needs is a typewriter. When Kermit the Frog tells him they don't have a typewriter, Gonzo says, "Then I'll use a cow!" Unfortunately Gonzo is pelted with rotten vegetables and booed off the stage before the details of the act are revealed.
- Other implements shown on stage before the curtain fell included a trampoline and a flaming hoop.
- Textbook example in How I Met Your Mother, when Victoria tells her most embarrassing story which involves, "a game of truth or dare, a squeeze bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparents' retirement home." Ted then freezes the image telling his kids the story is too inappropriate to tell them, but it wasn't that great. Cut to Marshall saying, "That is the greatest story ever!"
- Another case is where Robin tells the others about a Canadian sex act called the Old King Clancy, which includes a bottle of maple syrup.
- The game Barney plays in Atlantic City might qualify. No one except Marshall can figure out how it's played, but it includes, Mah Jongg tiles, a wheel, bikini clad women, poker chips, cards, dice, and a jelly bean.
- Tom Bergeron, when he hosted America's Funniest Home Videos, he talked about how he wasn't able to swear on the show. He then launched into a bleeped-out rant that ended with him saying "and some SHEEP!"
- In an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Hilda and Zelda are preparing a surprise party for Salem and decide to cast a spell to see his "ideal party". The spell transports them to Ancient Rome right in front of Caligula...
Caligula: [to a servant] Get these women some fig leaves. [grinning sleazily at Hilda and Zelda] I'm going to show them the secret handshake.
Zelda: I've seen enough! [hastily teleports them back]
- In an episode of Skins:
Chris: Everything you could ever want from an evening. Songs, choir girls, colourful costumes, fellatio, rabbits...
Chris: Don't ask man.
- The reason behind the Food Network's "last man standing" show Chopped. What dish would you make in 30 minutes that incorporates bone-in pork loin, watercress, taro root, and a melon?
- Beakman's World: One mysterious experiment calls for a bowling ball, a chainsaw, a Macintosh apple, and a picture of Raymond Burr in short pants sitting on vinyl furniture.
- From the Bolivia Special episode for Top Gear (subverted, in that they used nearly everything):
Richard: [Voiceover] Finally, we were all off the ramp, and as a reward, the producers gave us a box of things to help us survive the perils that lay ahead.
Jeremy: [Going through box] ...Some rubber tubing... Durex...
Jeremy: Vaseline... Tampax... and er... Viagra.
James: I know we're going to be in the jungle a bit together but, that's a bit extreme.
Richard: What kind of party are they planning?
- The House episode "House Divided":
Wilson: Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.
- And "House Training" brings us the following gem (Cuddy and Wilson at a rather weird art exhibition):
Cuddy: That is such a bad idea... There is no way that won't cause damage to the large intestine.
Wilson: Are you keeping us here to torture me? (Leaning forward.) Is that a - bicycle pump?
- An episode focusing on Wilson gives only brief glimpses into the patient of the week; House's completely unexplained first theory revolved around the fact that his patient was a tennis pro.
- As announced on Argumental one of John Sessions sexual fantasies involves Liza Minnelli, a crossbow and an alsatian.
- Played with on Whose Line Is It Anyway? with the Party Quirks game. Collin Mochrie plays an overly dramatic private investigator finding ridiculous clues to a murder.
: What we have here is a pickle.. A piece of thread... And a Don Ho album. Chip
: You're MacGyver!
- Another game, Scenes From A Hat, had the topic "Unusual things for a neighbour to ask to borrow".
Colin: Hi, I need some monkey testicles and a cola.
- Burn Notice's Michael Westen is an expert at turning collections of ordinary items into implements of doom, including the old standby.
Michael: Guns make you stupid; better to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart.
- Averted in this case, because we see exactly what he uses the duct tape for.
- In a story presented on Weekend Update of the 30 January 2010 episode of Saturday Night Live, a Roman Catholic priest in Illinois was arrested for attempting to shoplift some butter and a sofa cover from a Wal-Mart. The joke was, "It's unfortunate that they didn't follow him home so they could at least find out what part 2 of that plan was."
- One of the more memorable editions of To Catch a Predator involved a man who requested his prey to have a cat and cool whip when he came. We never do find out what he was going to do with this.
- Titus: "Look in your medicine cabinet. If it can fit in your ear, my mom can kill you with it. Except a wet-nap, you know, with a wet-nap she can only maim you."
- On Channel 4's Alternative Election Night (on the night of the 2010 UK election) Jimmy Carr noted that he's not allowed to say what he really thinks of the election candidates until after the results are in. We then see a message of what he'd supposedly like to say to Nick Griffin, in which every word is censored except 'car park' and 'tethered to an alligator'.
- In episode 2.02 of White Collar, "Need to Know", in which FBI Special Agent Peter Burke and Mozzie, a criminal, have three hours to retrieve $10,000 hidden by their mutual friend Neal Caffrey:
Mozz: But first, some ground rules. I want full immunity about anything you may see or hear tonight.
Peter: Let's just say I'll owe you one.
Mozzie: I accept your counter-offer. I need your shoelace.
Peter: My shoelaces are going to get us the ten thousand dollars.
Mozzie: Rule number two: no further questions.
Peter: [as he unlaces one shoe and gives Mozz the shoelace] I'm doing this more out of a morbid curiosity than anything else.
Mozzie: I'll also need a magnet and a Sports Illustrated.
Peter: This is a scavenger hunt now?
Mozzie: I refer you to rule number two.
Peter: Magnet...No Sports Illustrated, I've got the New York Journal magazine supplement.
Mozzie: "That'll do, pig. That'll do." Oh, I also need a twenty-dollar bill. [Peter gives him a twenty] Great, thanks. [Mozzie uses the magnet and shoelace to retrieve a hidden key] Just a key, yes. Another piece of the puzzle. And don't forget, a hammer, a crowbar, and a radio.
Peter: Scavenger hunt!
Mozzie: "Life is more manageable when thought of as a scavenger hunt as opposed to a surprise party."
Peter: Jimmy Buffett.
- Partially subverted in that Mozzie eventually uses most of the items on camera; however, while we hear him wield the hammer and crowbar we can't see what he smashes, so we don't know exactly why he's in such a hurry to leave afterward.
"There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant."
- In Psych, Shawn Spencer's plan to deal with hostile reptilian aliens requires a Speak-N-Spell and seven pounds of mashed potatoes.
- In the second season of Chuck, Morgan is trying to get his girlfriend to not want to move in with him, enlisting the aid of Jeff and Lester to repulse her with weird hobbies and odd demands. It doesn't work, leaving them to wonder if perhaps Anna is Unrepulsable. Jeff insists that he can repulse ANY woman.
Jeff: No, sir, not on my watch.
Morgan: What are you suggesting?
Jeff: You're going to need a quart of peanut oil, some bubble wrap, and as much yarn as you can find.
- In A Bit of Fry and Laurie, this is combined with In My Language That Sounds Like: the interpreter says he could demonstrate what "after-sale service" meant in his language, "if I had a goat, and four pairs of marigold washing-up gloves, a very short billiard cue, and a local radio weatherman. —But that would only hint at what the word means."
- Doctor Who; in "The Impossible Astronaut" the Doctor asks for "A SWAT team ready to mobilize, street-level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammy Dodgers, and a fez." He's sitting in the Oval Office while saying this.
- In the following episode, "Day of the Moon", he states that his secret weapon is Neil Armstrong's foot.
- At the end of "Blink", as the Doctor is dashing out, he says that things are happening,
"Things Happening. Well... four things. Well... four things and a lizard."
- It should be pointed out that while he's saying this, he's carrying a long-bow, while Martha is carrying a quiver of arrows.
- One of the Fourth Doctor's stock quirks is that he'd have pockets full of seemingly useless items, often toys, that he would be taking around with him for some apparently unknown purpose. Whenever he went into his pockets to get something he'd end up dredging up various knicknacks as well.
- Royal Canadian Air Farce:
: Larry, I admit my greatest moral failure in high school was using marijuana, cocaine and alcohol. But there's no truth to the rumor I went to the sophomore toga party with a duck and a can of Crisco.
- The Addams Family: You're never entirely sure how Pugsley manages to get money out of a living piggy bank.
- Col. Flagg from Mash was infamous for this. In the midst of preparing for a manhunt, he gives Radar the following instructions:
Col. Flagg: And, uh, round up a box of scorpions. About a dozen.
Radar: You mean, uh, "scorpions" scorpions?
Col. Flagg: Big ones.
Hawkeye: What the hell are you gonna do with a box of scorpions?
Col. Flagg: It's personal. Gift for a friend.
Col. Flagg: If you can't find scorpions... get two snakes and a rat.
- In Game of Thrones, while "confessing" his "crimes", Tyrion Lannister starts confessing one incident, but is cut off before he can give more than the noodle implements.
Tyrion: I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel—
Lady Lyssa: SILENCE!
Robin: What happened next?
- In Pair Of Kings, Brady and Boomer are trying to prevent the dark side from reaching Zadoc (a stone statue) which will allow him to back to life. Leading to this exchange:
Brady: Since the dark side has moved 2 feet, we're gonna buy this island some time and move Zadoc back 4 feet.
Boomer: Impossible! We'll need like 20 yards, a thick rope, an intricate pully system, and at least several strong men.
Brady: I got 2 skateboards and a stick of butter.
Boomer: That'll work too.
- In The Young Ones episode "Bomb" three things Vyvyan needs to use to dispatch the bomb are "the drill, the hedge trimmers, and some ordinary household bleach."
- In iWant My Website Back, Mandy's plan involves three zebras. She doesn't get to the rest of her list, because Sam immediately cuts her off.
- Mock the Week has a game called "If This Is The Answer, What Is The Question?" (rather like Jeopardy). Sometimes the words given seem to make up a set of noodle implements, and the panelists have great fun with this trope by suggesting what the items might be used for, with varying degrees of detail and/or Squick.
- Wings: Roy finds the subject of one's parents having sex distasteful:
Roy: Look, my mother was a saint. My father was a pillar of the community. The last thing I want to do is imagine mom wrapped in cellophane and dad wearing tights and a miner's helmet. I didn't wake up and ask for a drink of water again for 25 years.
- A Seinfeld episode had Jerry upset because Puddy had started using his "move", which, being a sexual move, wasn't elaborated on, except for the substitution of a pinch for a (clockwise) swirl.
- On Suits, Harvey and Donna have a pre-trial ritual that involves a can opener and an exorbitant number of thumbtacks. Apparently three dozen is a record.
- Babylon 5: When Vir is making arrangements for the arrival of his employer's lover, The Long List of the ordered items includes some clothes for her as well as other... things. Vir is too embarrassed to say them aloud, but apparently they come with garters.
- There was also the episode in which Ivanova has to cement a treaty with an alien race by having sex. She cons him by performing a wacky dance. After the ambassador leaves, she receives a small package with the note "Next time, my way." Inside the package? A plastic cone with small lengths of chain hanging from the rim.
- Mamas Family: After getting an obscene phone call, Naomi tries to explain what the caller said, while leaving out the naughty bits. "My... your.. ice cubes... all night long."
- In the opening of one episode of Pardon The Interruption, Wilbon asks Kornheiser if he's ever had a big night in Wisconsin. Kornheiser replies that, yes, he has. It involved six badgers, a cheese wheel, and Jermichael Finley.
- In Elementary, Watson's apartment-sitter used her place to film a low-budget porno. Aside from mentions of her couch needing to be taken into a back alley and shot, in one scene the man inexplicably grabs a spatula and "violates" it shortly after.
- In L.A. Law, nebbish (but rich and very kind) attorney Stewart Markowitz is consulting with an equally nebbish client who has left a number of gorgeous women very satisfied. He tells Stewart his secret—the Venus Butterfly maneuver. We don't get the details, but later, Stewart uses it very successfully on his true love, tall, gorgeous Ann Kelsey. When Ann shyly asks about another round, Stewart says, "We'll need to order up more champagne."
- In an episode of Lois and Clark, Clark Kent, Lex Luthor, and several others are being held hostage by terrorists. Lex is bleeding to death from an earlier gunshot wound, so Clark begins shouting out ingredients for a medecine. While the others are distracted rounding up such ingredients as oranges and chewing gum, Clark is able to use his heat vision to cauterize Lex's wound without revealing his Secret Identity. Then when the "medicine" is applied, sure enough, the wound is healed.
- Parodied for laughs in the first episode of The IT Crowd.
Jen: What would you say if I told you I could raise your reputation upstairs 500%?
Moss: Impossible! It can't be done!
Jen: [dramatically] I'm going to need some felt tip markets... and some paper.
*cue frustrated montage sequence ending in a poster for a party*
- Elvira's Midnight Madness: After watching the Movie She Demons, Elvira gets into this "argument" with Irish Mc Calla on how Mc Calla got the lead role over her:
Elvira: What I'd like to know is, what did he get from you that he didn't get from me?
Elvira: Ooh, really?! With the Doberman and the Saran Wrap???
- In Warehouse13 Claudia is bothered that her bosses have a list of ways to kill her if she turns evil. She ends up giving Artie her preferred method of death and all we hear is that it involves David Bowie.